MM LEFT wife

[cherrie498]

Oh yes I will be ready by October. I plan on doing a lot of changing between now & then.....clear my mind & set goals, plans....MOVE ON!!!!

I have to get over this I have sat in this one spot for 3 years.

I cant say 4!!!!

I am sad, hurt, pissed & your right that is just part of it.

I didnt get here over night & I know it will take time (baby steps) to get out of it.

I just dont know how I could have been so wrong!

[lynnered]

I really think the most important thing is patience.

be patient with yourself,U are a loving and caring smart person and thats a beautiful quality.

U did not create what he has turned his life into, he did.

he is responsible for his actions/consequences,it is not your fault& U cannot you save him.

I completely understand U know, feeling like he swept me aside with no regard, especially after giving so much to someone its devastating!!!

i have 100% faith that better things will come when one door closes, another door opens.

a year from now we will look back at our posts at all the pain we suffered &wonder what the hell I was thinking.

U need to KNOW that its all COMPLETELY beyond your control and not waste anymore time on this A$$,he chooses not to have Ur love in his life,i know he loves U ,but hes not taking the steps to treat U as U deserve.

U have suffered so long for him,

maybe like my MM said he thought he could leave,but it was harder then he thoughtit would be, im not making excuses for him,but thats his choice,make Ur choice &walk away.

i sometimes think im love with the idea of MM more then what he really was dreaming of the future instead of focusing where were what was going on.

U werent wrong it happens U love him ok,i have those feelings of why ,why did i stick around,i love the communication we had ,above all i fell in love with him as a friend ,so many other reasons .

i thought love would conquer all,it didnt if i knew then what i know now:o

but i do now going forward i will be so much more careful with me .

i put him above me ,i did myself really wrong that hurts more then anything.

[lynnered]

MM just showed up here ,

no call or IMS,just banging on my door,

he left 2 CDs here monday,

he was only here like 5 minutes ,he had to pick up C .

i asked him about something ,it wasnt like were have U been type of thing,i was more like stating a fact in a questioning way & he got rude with me how hes tired of explaining himself to everyone,

i have never asked for explanions ,i told him thats W,as always U take that stuff out on me,he agreed.

anyway restated what i told him monday,cause he acted like nothing was differnt .

also told him he needed to work on himself ,with the constant anger,i loved him ,if he ever leaves is out & for good i would consider a relationship with him&goodbye.

[foolinlove]

Lynnered.....that is awesome how you handled him...stated your position on the relationship to reinforce your stand....played it cool, stated your true feelings (you love him, but can't love him like this). I'm so proud of you....

 

I know come Sat...it is going to take a couple reenforcements of my own to get the point across that I mean business. When I had done this in the past...he called, left notes in my car, knocked on my bedroom window...basically totally disrespected my wishes....and made a BAD thing worse for me. Finally he know i meant business and moved out of W house. Even though dealine isn't til Sat...I find myself sad at things he does/says to avoid the situation at hand..its like he'll do anything to occupy himself so he don't have to think about things. Work like hell...currently..on a corvette he just bought...NICE..don't take care of "all the **** I have to do", yet buy a car that needs work (year '77). Pisses me right off....and here I am stressing the deadline..and he is stroking his vette?? a**h***! His birthday is friday...so I'll try to keep it together..make love to him..for what could be the last time and say goodbye....and HOPEFULLY...be as strong as you just were. I would like control over my life again....I NEED control over my life again!!

[lynnered]

foolinlove

it was surprized by him just coming over ,without calling,he only comes over if its planned ,except that night he contacted me that he left her 8/22,he said he was going to work then i was sleeping &he just showed up.

it shook me up inside ,afterwards i was glad i didnt cry!!

On most days do U feel happy?

"Now get a piece of paper write My New Life Story at the top, and start writing. Write the next chapter of your life. Describe the star of your story in great detail. The star is you. How do you feel? What do you do? Who are you with? Does this new story excite you? Does it feel more like the real you? Don’t answer these questions with your head; your heart will tell you the truth. You’ll know deep inside if what you’ve written is the right path for you. It may be scary to think about, but if it feels right then it is right"{therapist told me to do this)

set boundaries in Ur life&take excellent care of U:love:

[cherrie498]

Lynne: I want your therapist!!! : )

Really am VERY PROUD of you. You did the right thing, telling him how you feel about him & the situation!

& your October idea....GREAT!!! LS has helped me soooo much! Thank God for this site, I feel like I can just say what I need to.

You have been very helpful.

We have talked for a couple weeks & cried the poor me....2 days ago

the MM step in & I for one went stupid & didnt know what to do, almost like a burst of air that sent me into a daze. I guess closure was needed.

Today I still feel like I have more questions & he does too, he e-mailed me earlier saying that he hates to disappoint me time & time again & that he just cant be the man that I deserve right now. I think closure comes from time, there will always be one more thing to say, one more question, ect.

 

I feel better this afternoon & starting to figure out ME!!!

[lynnered]

yes she is the best:)

thats my homework ,havent even started it yet,she wants me to get a composition book started.

U have been very helpful as well:love:

yes the closure is good ,i feel better ,yesturday i was upset at least i had my say .

found this quote on a website:

"In order to be in love, a person has to have their love returned somewhat, but not altogether, while having reason to hope that their love will be returned totally at some time in the future."

so many defintions of love !

everything will be fine

[cherrie498]

Right now I am so pissed. I feel like I am the one left in the dark, like I am the one that needs & deserves answers.

I want something, not him just something. How did what we have turn into nothing over night.

Tuesday you guys know I met him, he made me feel like a fool!

So why today do I feel like I need something more. I need ANSWERS!!!!!!

I need to know why.

Why he stays

why he KEEPS coming back (to ME)

Why he spemds so much time convincing me "this is sooooo right"

Why he is so FU&*in WEAK

Why not just say that HE cant leave instead of making me feel like I am at fault??

I KNOW I am not!!!!!

I am "in love" & ADDICTED!!!!!

Addicted to the feeling, the talking, the connection.

I hate the way I feel.

We (me & MM) have had something we have considered VERY SPECIAL

since the day we met & NOW he is just mean!!!! MEAN!!!!

I KNOW he will be back with his PLAN to solve it all.....it NEVER works...."its too hard" ....."the kids" BLAH BLAH BLAH

This time WHY WHY am I suppose to just say OK....

My only answer isnt US (me & MM being together) I just need to KNOW.....HEART & MIND that I will NEVER be back in such a horrible place agian .

Last thing he sent me was that we share something unreal I know that, he knows that & W knows that....SO WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why would he invite me to lunch, intro me to co-workers & then tell me he cant do it??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

i I cant let go of something that I FEEL so DEEPLY about....

So HOW DO I GET OVER IT?!?!??!!

HELP!!!!

[lynnered]

Cherrie ,

STOP!!

I know this is a set back trust me i know exactlu how U feel,it will pass.

accept these feelings ,cry,vent here,but there will always be questions about 10 run through my head most days & even the ones i got from MM were "I dont know",so maybe he cant answer Ur questions.

1 of the best things U can do is talk (which U are doing here)

during some of these dark times that a light begins to shine at the end of the tunnel.

Soon U will no longer look to MM for Ur closure,U will be able to decide which moments of the relationship to hold on to and which to forgive and forget, soon U will listen more than talk U will listen not only to others who love &support U,but also listen to Ur inner voice,

then

Forgiveness not forgiveness towards MM,but forgiveness of Cherrie as long U beat yourself up for getting into or staying in that relationship, then U will be stuck ,forgive U cherrie ,we are human & by being human we do make mistakes:eek: take this as part of Ur healing,mistakes of the past will be learned from &not repeated.

lets focus on mvoing forward ,its hard im right here with U

i am forcing myself to let go ,i get those same thoughts ,why ,why ,i push them away thinking ,No More Drama,when i feel better im going to do this that & the other:D

i am hurried wanted to type more but believe me cherrie i have alot of the same going on,dont be like me 4 years or like the 30year Ow that posted we are so much better then what we have been getting i dont care if they will die without Us they love us so much i cant deal with all the pain of waiting,waiting,if he said hes not going to leave hes not hey My MM said not this week but no longer then a month WTF

DO NOT GO BACKWARDS!!i will be like so mad at U:D

be strong keep posting:love:

[lynnered]

i posted a little about this in the "october "thread but had therapy today,

told her of everything with MM she says its an abusive relationship ,i didnt post everything that was said but he was rude ,disrespectful and has never been like that.

Its like he think he ownes me no matter what he does he thinks i will be here because i always have ,and he uses my love against me,by making me feel guilty ,that he feels sad & lonley without me"in his life "how the F*** soes he think i feel living like this ?

He had it good his C,his girlfriend on the side nice comfortable life ,he hasnt felt half of what ive felt o but he will 0 yes o yes:p

im not doing anything spiteful guys dont worry:D but im not going to be his "comfort "or "counceller""the best" etc-anymore .

i am not going to be miserable,depressed ,crying every other day,waiting for that phone call ,IM,or continue to engage in a lifestyle that i dont morally feel comfortable with .

this is not a healthy love,i have issues & more & more i see he has them i cant save him,but i can save me ,and its a process baby steps .

hes out of my life now ,im still mourning ,i do feel it was a little setback monday by seeing ,him ok ,as long as i learned & dont do it again im not mad at me,i needed that for closure& a slap in the face.

[cherrie498]

Lynn

Thanks. I know that this is just a situation that I have to be strong & get through...I WILL!!!

I just want to know that I am not going to be here again. I know I am the only person that can make that decision, but how can I feel so bad now & ignore my feelings, isnt it healthier to let them out? Reguardless of how I make him feel? I want to get it all out & posting helps but it isnt the same as

saying it to him- the person that I have the feelings toward. My feelings are so mixed they are of course of love, hate, pain, embarassment, ect. I just want to say them all & sort them out loud to him.

I have e-mailed him, I explained that the e-mails are for ME, that I need to say what I feel & pretty much that his response isnt nessary that a reply only adds more into my train of thought..

I feel like if I get it all out, then there cant possibly be anything left.

Silly I know...thats just how I feel why should I sit on my problems? I have listened to him tell his side for years....isnt it my turn?

[lynnered]

then YES do it!!

If it will give U what U need ,but please be careful dont go backwards.

Make it all about U,dont let him get any satifaction:love:

[cherrie498]

Qucik update....right now I am feeling good about ME!!!

I have sent him a couple e-mails the past days-since we met on Tuesday & explained my feelings in GREAT DETAIL!!!

& his response has been very brief.

In the last e-mail (I guess comined with the others) made me feel better.

I feel like I have openly expressed my feelings, rather than how I have been in the past, a "listener", & only expressing my feeling of "love"

So I am good right now.....great timing the 1st is tomorrow!!!

I am in!!!

So plan on the emotional rollercoaster post:(

I will be here to offer what I can

Makes it easier to have others go through this with me!!!!

THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lust4life]

This whole thread is why you never get involved with a MM. NEVER. I wish you could post this thread on every paper in our nation!

[lynnered]

Yes ,its not really worth it !

Had i known what i know now !

I would have been honest told him look me up when Ur out & stood firm !

[Sami_D]

Hey... Lynne, newbby, cherrie... I've been watching this whole forum a while, and this is the thread that got me registering and posting. I really need to be here talking to you all. I have felt for you all, wanted to voice those feelings, and felt sad and like I didn't know what to say so many times... well, I'm here now and just wanted to say that I'm supporting you... and especially supporting on the other (October, NC) thread.

 

In time (hopefully really soon) I'll give my story, and hope what we can all learn something, and gain something, from knowing eachother and posting here.

 

Lots of Love.

[cherrie498]

Sami D WELCOME!!!!!

 

This web site is amazing. Everyone here has their own story but as you see we all feel the same.

we have been hurt & we WILL overcome these unhealthy relationships!!!!

 

Lynne,newbby, everybody that has started NC....we are doing it!!! YEAH !

[Sami_D]

Thanks Cherrie! So good to be finally posting!

 

I've been with my MM for almost 2 years, and I can see that I have to break it off now unless things change really radically. I'd just like to thank you and Lynne and everyone else here for being here, posting your stories and updates... The knowledge that I'm not alone, that others have been through exactly this and come out the other side is so important. Just being able to see the same patterns repeated over and over... enables others to get some perspective on their own situations.

 

Thank you all... and best of luck to those presently embarking on NC.