MM LEFT wife

[cherrie498]

WOW thats so hard. I know how bad you want to see him & how much you feel like you need answered, but you have came so far.

I logged on here to tell you that my MM replied to my e-mail that I sent last week....Do we have the same MM????!!!! lol

Seems like everything is crazy!

I cant tell you to see him or not. You need to take a second & think about it.

You can even tell him that you did recieve his messages & you are thinking it through. Isnt that why we get so mad, b/c they arent honest?!?!?

As much as we both wish &hope that our MM feel pain & hurt for us, its hard when you feel the way you do! Makes me hurt when I know that I am hurting him. I know only fair considering the pain they give, but I am not in this for the games.

So think it through & follow your heart, if you decide to meet him dont put too much hope into it. Make sure that you say & do EVERYTHING you need to to ensure closure!!!

 

Here is the e-mail I sent, I was very confused & sent it the day after him saying that he had to go home 9/15 & he just responded today, VERY BRIEF!

A bit confused!!!!

I WROTE:

Hey I am sitting here my thoughts overwhelmed of course.

 

I cant just stop.

 

I cant.

 

I feel like I am giving up, but then I know deep in my heart that I gave what I could.

 

I know that I havent always been the most supportive, at least not with my words but yet in my heart I have.

 

I think daily about calling or e-mail you, I havent (maybe I will today)

 

I have deleted all that I can, waiting for my memory to fail me.

 

But by holding it all back is helping or hindering who?

 

I have talked to people, some strangers....& sober told them the story, whole story explaining my hesitations b/c I feel like I am giving up they explain to me that I am not the one that gave up &/or passed the chance by...You are.

 

But how do I explain the feelings, the sincere feelings, the thoughts, the pain, joy & just the plain understanding of each other? How do I explain all of those things?

 

A bit unexplainable. Yet it is those unexplainable details that leave me justifying my/your/our every move.

 

I sat across from you as you told me Carrie was pregnant the hurt & shock that brought.

 

as I said no, you said yes explaining how things didnt change.

 

Now your telling me all has changed.

 

I am in complete AWE.

 

You have started to treat me as if my feeling dont matter. Are you waiting for me to break?

 

Am I as Carrie said carrying around your regrets?

 

I have felt something with you Aaron that is undeniably hard for me to let go of. I did not walk into your life with the intentions of tearing it apart, we both know that. We get to the point of where we have tried to let go & are back, you tell me (on several different occasions) to not let you give up, to help you through it.....& now I am suppose to just stop?!

 

I talked to Melissa this morning telling her the latest, she said the 2 of you are the quickest to give up.

 

Well something has to give. I agree that is the easiest, in so many ways for it to be us that needs to end. Everything there (Spartanburg) is just that as it is, never changing....oh the simplicity of that, really even in my eyes desirable!

 

So what is it about the complexity of this? We are hard, we are chaotic, we are everything but predictable, yet still desirable. Really how do I move on, how do I wait?

 

I dont want to turn around & wish I woulda _____?!

 

Much of that I already feel.

 

 

 

Really dont know what I am asking for, except reassurance.

 

 

HIS RESPONSE:

 

IT'S ALL UP TO YOU

 

 

WHAT THE HELL??? it took 2 weeks to come up with that & what the hell does that mean!?!??!?

 

Ok so what have you done???

Whewwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cherrie498]

& I cant set up PM....?!?!?? Not sure why!

[lynnered]

i hope not same MM

I am thinking about seeing him ,confuses me his messages dont give any hint as to him going back ,

My thoughts are if he went back i can get my key& clousure,if not i am telling him i dont want to be a part of this situation any longer if i cant even have his cell #(if hes still at moms which i doubt)

hes still sending messages havent responded

(3:39:45 PM): You don t like me any more do you

(3:50:21 PM):Guess you don t like me that much any more

(4:23:25 PM): You gonna ignore me lynne?

(4:57:11 PM): You seem like you are too busy for me did you find some one else?

5:43:59 PM): You need to type me some messages i miss that can you do that for me or no

(5:59:04 PM): I need some attention and you not giving it to me! Why not? Well talk to you later baby!

his messages sound insecure makes me laugh a little

HIS RESPONSE:

 

IT'S ALL UP TO YOU,

i think hes not going to change his mind but about dealing with him again maybe thats his hope ?U like me should get closure and be done ,

i may type him i would like to sit down &talk & be really brief if he asks ablout anything i will say talk to U when i see U?does that sound good?

dont want to question him because he will get mad & i wont get this over with hate these feelings i have!!

[cherrie498]

Your right, yesterday I knew that nothing was going to change, so why today after a couple MEANINGLESS words do I wonder.

I know he is sad....but I also know that I have been sad & hurt for too many days!!!

This sounds crazy but I thought of just calling W, we talk alot/some when we (me & MM) are a go. He tells her about us, nothing bad that I know of & I am sure she would share it with me if she could. I have never known him to share anything private either until this past time he gave her his personal e-mail account & password, the one that we write back & forth on.

He told me the next am.....AFTER she had the chance to go through & read EVERYTHING!!! So I figure if he feels like she should know when HE is "ending" it then she should know when he is begining it. At least that way I will know before anymore time invested his intentions & promises on both sides...

me & W have an odd relationship.

 

So your going to meet him. He is obviously hurting right now.

It is going to be very hard for you to look at him & not fall for it.

You are doing very good... IMPRESSED!!!

prob best if you go now while you still are pissed. (if you have to go)

[lynnered]

cherrie,

go under control panel ,click edit opitions go down & check box that says enable private messages then save ,really need to PM U!!!URGENT,

typed him want to show U conversation need Ur opinion but dont want to post it,

if he doesnt work a double he will come over around 10-11 asked can stay night if does told him depends on what transpires:cool:

if not another day ?

im scared but i will not be intimate with him unless all is settled if hes gone for good from W.

so ill keep my legs crossed U keep Ur fingers crossed:lmao:

ill giddy scared

if hes still not sure i will tell him get in touch when he does ,i dont need all this drama,

its been a month .

o & U see he said hes been working overtime ?im going to remind him he needs to give me some money:D

[cherrie498]

Hey I dont have that option...

So he is coming tonight?

Make sure that get what ever YOU want out of this.

If he hasnt left or isnt gone now then you need to stay strong in the decision to move on. Get every question you have answered.

Dont agree to his intentions!!!

He needs to know that you are there, that is why he is coming there now. You need to make your feelings clear. Dont let him convince you to settle for a different plan. He has to be at least seperated to BEGIN giving you what YOU need. You have been the sole provider in this relationship so far. YOU need the support from him & YOU need him to understand that you also have needs.

KEEP ME POSTED!! !

email is the same as my SN, yahoo

I dont have the option to enable PM?!?!?!?

[newbby]

To both cherrie and lynnered,

Cherrie, when he says its all up to you, he means, you know what is on offer from him, it is up to you if you take it or not. What is on offer from him, is more of the same. You can continue to be his mistress or not. It is all up to you.

This is what he means, I hope it helps.

Lynnered,

As for your mm, he is not respecting your requirements from him. YOU made it very clear to him, that you want to see him and continue with him, WHEN and only when he has successfully split from his wife. HE agreed with this, saying he was leaving and moving in with you. He is offering you nothing but more of the same. I love you's and I miss you's, but there is not one thing evident in his messages to you that says, "I am now ready to give you what you want and need from me". He is not stupid, he knows the deal, you do not need to outline it again for him. HE KNOWS what he has to do in order to continue a relationship with you, yet he has given you absolutely no reassurance on the matter. He is putting the responsibility back with you, when it should be with him now. He is trying to manipulate you into feeling that you are the one who made this decision and into feeling guilty for not contacting him, despite the fact that he did not contact you. LEAVE it alone. HE knows the deal.

[foolinlove]

Cherrie and Lynnered....be strong...I totally agree with what newby is saying in what their intentions are. Go back to the day you decided that enough was enough....remember those feelings of uncertaintly, disappointment, and heartache. Forget the feelings of missing him and certain moments/memories with him....because you will always have those. What you will not have is what YOU WANT if you forget about YOU. Yes he is hurt, yes he wants attention...where is your attention? Where is his consideration for your feelings and for what you want.

 

The MM can say they understand our hurt, understand our wanting more....well if they can put themselves into our shoes...and they love us so much...then they will understand WHY we are doing this for ourselves. Its not to hurt them (well a little), its to make our lives less complicated and more fullfilled....be it with him or with someone else. Truely...if they "understood", they wouldn't go against our wishes and they would fullfill their promises. I only HOPE I can be where the two of you are after Oct 1st....I hope i can say its been a month of NC and i'm doing okay...still hurting but that much closer to doing this for ME.....you both are stronger than you know....newby you are so inspirational .....Lets help each other.....and if they are around after all is said in done....then that much better.

[lynnered]

well he came over last night,dont even know where to start .

his talking about "his problems "only lasted about 10minutes,

i asked if he is still at his moms ,he said he mostly stays at W house.

how come he hasnt contacted me in almost 3weeks?

he dont know & he was mad at something i did(yeah ok)

so i said basiclly U went back ,yes but i didnt do it right next time i need to get separtion papers 1st,he said he needs to try harder next time he didnt try hard enough.

i asked are U going to do this in next week?no he says ,is it going to be longer then a month?no hesays .

well what do U want me to do?comfort me &so on , i told him i cant do that U went back do U understand this ?WTF

then i was crying after we talked awhile because he started acting like a a$$ because he wasnt getting his way saying things like i knew he was married,and i said yes but when i told U (several times) to leave me alone until U are out of that situation U kept coming back ,well U kept taking me back,U said U would leave & begged me to stay.WTF

and since i was crying alot he said he doesnt see why im crying so much because i am very independant &take care of myself & that i am strong so much stronger then him.WTF

basically got nowhere with him ,

i mean he says he loves me & wants to be with me very much nobody has ever been so good to him etc.

another one i loved was 1(amoung many others last night )stupied questions he asked ,why with women if U treat them bad they do whatever U want ?

that if he moved in with me i would start treating him bad?

i told him i never did"what he wanted cause of him acting up,i did it because of that person i knew was inside ,cause i loved him.

more things were said,ill type more later about that .

but basically i did the same old same old call or get in touch when U are totally out i do not want to go through this with U again .

and im not ,i do partially wish i didnt see him

i should have done it on IM maybe

he was kind of not like himself said a few hurtful things & he says hes been like this lately & dont know why lots of anger inside .

so its ok guys sad crying now but i got my answers for the most part ,itll take time but im going to move on,so back to NC for me,im sure he will try to get me to keep waiting,but i wont especially since the attitude he seemed to have with me about some stuff nothing like him at all:(

so ill keep posting time will pass & ill think of him less & less,and ill be me again ,and find happiness within myself then ,ill start looking for someone else.

and next time he contacts i will reread my posts!!!forgot to do this in all excitement but if i just dont sign into IM i wont see his messages if he leaves any,

and the cell # issue ?i asked him if U are really leaving then why cant i have that #?because im not totally out yet.WTF

again guys i will be ok got a great support system here

have therapy ,work in off for awhile right now but when i go back i will throw myself back in ,and maybe rent out rooms he said i should no because someone may rape & killl me .

and my house key?he says he cant find .

and he asked again if things didnt work out with us would i be his friend,i told him (as before no), so was like U just want to be my friend he says no .

I asked him if i told him i was totally dont with him would he still eventully leave her he said Yes ,before he had said no he would stay if didnt have me in his life.

again guys i know ill be ok just mourning still ,so dont mind me on here whining about him for a couple of months:sick:

maybe its good he acted like a A$$ part of the time ,that will keep me away from him face to face ,kind of my fault ,i always have given him his way so when i dont hes like a child throwing a tantrum!really !he almost left last night ,and i had to calm him & get him to stay .

he did tell me he hasnt treated me as i deserve ,i said well then do it like the leaving he says i want to, i told him ok U want to?great what are U going to do?i want to win the lottery but wanting ,and doing not 1 damn thing or not buying a ticket will never get me in the running .

he is right i am strong stronger then him ,ive taken the hard way out of love ,low self esteem ,not putting myself 1st ,i put mysef here ,he helped yes ,but he is not able to help me out .

i need to hurt ,be mad ,cry ,vent but i will be fine not now ,but things will get better but im the only one tat can do this cause he is weak ,and he does admit this.

so i got my closure ,im not holding on to what he said about leaving thats the same old same not falling for that again .

[newbby]

Lynnered, sorry that you are upset.

He sounds like a big baby.

You were really strong, thats good. You did good.

[lynnered]

and like "my cherrie" i worry about my MM or XMM ,

hes been on steriods since feb ,i think that has alot to do with him having anger & not being himself,he knows i dont approve but i do respect thats his choice ive talked to him about stopping but he wont ,i looked up lots of info when he started side effects ETC,told him dont agree but hey Ur life .

 

Foolinlove ,

thank U for relpying i meant to PM U something from 1 of Ur posts before, but i dont think U had PM at the time & it was on of those i dont want everyone to see replys:o

U are right i am sick of not having what i want !and when im involved with him ,that misery seeps into other things ,i did NC in april started school was doing great ,then a couple of weeks ,no more then a month ,we start up again ,i start losing focus ,grades dropping ,stressed sad,too much ,i ended up dropping:mad:

i have alot going for me in some ways ,my own home ,a great job if i dont end up ruining over this i may have already but dont want to get into that,no kids ,im 27 im free even with him i was so free but didnt feel like it?always waiting for my life to start when he left W,yes he goes on & on how i deserve better ,hes been a a**h*** to me,he understands if i never want to talk to him again,he wants me in his life more then hes ever wanted a woman ,but what does he do to make this happen ?nothing

he says i dont understand what hes going through ,i do i would have left if i felt the way he does about me &his marriage,i have been understand put myself in his shoes why does he think i waited cause i liked this?

he is the one without understanding &weak.

im glad Ur making it through NC a month is awsome

[lynnered]

Newbby ,

i guess i cried so much cause ,U know i had a 5% hope he didnt go back & there i was ,its ok the tears just kept flowing U would not believe it!!he got mad at me over this ,stop crying U are going to make me mad!WTF

i dont feel good ,but like therapist says with therapy ,

its going to get worst before it gets better.

and the him seeing me we know it was about him he missed me he needed attention ,it wasnt for my benefit but i got what i needed i guess .

i keep thinking itll get better he says im strong stronger then him .

i am very angry & sad .

[lynnered]

and we talked but mostly i talked ,

he usually works 11-7,but he went in at 3-10 (he was going to work a double)

so we feel asleep ,he said goodbye ,he puts C on school bus in AM& over slept ,i was half asleep he said he loved me & would talk to me more on IM, i am not going to do that ,

but for all the back & forth last night ,at one point we were laying there in the dark i was just looking at him quite but tears just flowing wetting his clothes i kept saying im sorry ,i feel like im never going to see U again,all the plans we made ,gone & i kept thinking hes going to leave soon this moment laying here with him just gone ,kept saying sorry ,he said dont be its his fault everything is going to be ok,

then we feel asleep & he had to rush out

im sorry guys really emotiall today,

crying again ,

just keep thinking its over its over for good ,

i do love him so much ,and honestly thought it would work ,thats the worst thing about seeing him it helps but also sets me back if i dont physically see him for awhile i know ill be ok ,

i just keep replaying last night in my head ,

then thinking what if s ,

but i cant be with him !!now anywaythen im thinking he said hed be leaving soon,i cant go backwards ,i cant !!

if he was truly going to "try to leave again" or "try harder when he does" dont U guys think he would just leave the moment he realized that?

he says he hates W more then before since hes been back ,most likely because he has not had" my comfort"?

thats what i think with him we began A not long after M,

does anyone else feel like that ? if & when OW is not around M is worst because hes just dealing with W ?

and truly sees situation for what it is?

i know for a while i will carry that little hope he will leave ,but i will not go backwards .

i miss him more after i see him i know itll fade i just need some time to pass.

ive been doing good i went a little backwards to get my closure

im sorry guys again having a really bad day crying on& off

[foolinlove]

OMG....lynnered....reading through the conversation and the reactions your MM has to the way you act/react....is the same SH** my MM does to me. I noticed this when I first joined LS, as i was reading people's posts.....I saw alot of the same "excuses, reasons" that he used to explain to me why he does what he does. He too gets upset or mad when I cry hard when I am around him. Says I deserve better, says he can't live without me....blah blah...and NOW...I'm beginning to feel like a fool. A fool for thinking I was so much different than anyone else on this forum....a fool for thinking HE WOULD be one of the few to leave?

 

I too am young 25, no kids, own my own home, independent, college degree, good job which I might lose if i don't get a grip on my feelings. I sympathize with you WORD for WORD what you are saying...I read your post and cry for you....as I do for myself...because i know the grief you are going through. Question? How to I turn on PM? I looked in my options and it said that i did not have the privlege? I would love to talk to you more....we seem to be in the same situation.....there is no shame in your grief....NONE....and in a few days..I'll be able to go through them with you.

[lynnered]

FOOLINLOVE,

and the funny thing i dont know about Ur MM ,but i make more $$ then him ,have my own home (house he lives in with W is her parents home),hes never had higher education then GED ,has a C,is selfish at time ,steriods ( just started feb 05)and of course MARRIED.

when i met him as a friend he was in police acadamy ,i had just started job im at now,lived at home,i did drop out of school had ged by 18(like him)i guess ,i felt we had so much in common came from same background.

i know i have serious esteem issues therapy is helping ,she says i somehow feel i am undeserving of being treated right,i have not been treated right in any relationship,did realise this until talking about all of them with her.

And with him i was kind of not noticed by guys during time i met him i have improved looks wise ,got braces (that my parents told me i didnt deserve)was working 2 jobs ,then at time A began guys were noticing me , i was dating a nice sexy guy i gave up for him,i was saving money living at moms ,just bought a car,sometimes with me i think its an issue of with him even though we were friends i was in love & other guys werent into & he noticed me then when i didnt feel great about me?misplaced loyalty ?

i just dont know where to go from here ?

shell shocked again realazation slapping me over & over again,comes & goes .

sometimes i think thoughts like im free !!just me i can do anything no one else to worry about(i was thinking life would begain to be happy once he left & built my hopes & dreams on that)i want to get breast implants 1 day ,go back to school,have renters,just work alot& if he was in picture couldnt have renters he a cop doesnt like that,school & work was hard to balance with him having to make time to see him 1x a week,he would bring drama with W,would have to deal with C,& so on.

so sometimes i feel a sense of releif comes and goes today its GONE.

in therapy also weve talked about it & U know i hardly know me??ive done so much to please him ,put him 1st,soewhat ive thought was expected of me so much in life i have no idea of what i am interested in??

how did i get here ??

how do i get out ?

i know im taking steps to heal & the only thing i know is i will not continue relationship with MM,i gave him way to much time .

so sometimes i see the light.

job i have been suspended for attendance issues 2xs over stuff with him ,i am out on stress right now(that is covered thank god )

and his reactions he really wasnt as bad before as he was last night !

once in awhile back U jan he got really sweet ,but like U he cant stand the crying,says in just senitive, yeah & hes /they are weak .

i keep having evil thought:confused:

well not evil but maybe itll help me i keep thinking ok he freaked out yesturday (when i wasnt responding for what a few hours after he NC for 3weeks no nothing?then got an attitude when i wouldnt "give him some sexxy talk he missed that"said that when i acted right he would talk to me)

so if i really dont contact him he will hurt just takes him longer ,by responding he doesnt hurt i give in ,hes not used to that,so by doing NC totally,he will hurt & i want him to hurt ,evil?

and then last night also told him how would U feel no call no nothing 3 weeks ?i said U would not put up with all that i have ?we went back & forth a bit & he says maybe he needs someone to do that to him and teach him a lesson.

hope to talk to U more soon:love:

[foolinlove]

You are absolutely on track about finding out about you....you said its been 4 years you have put this man over yourself....so you were what...23? At 23, I was just figuring out me...(still at 25..i think its a never ending process)...you never had time to focus on you. I think going back to school would be great for you...let you focus on yourself and a goal for yourself. I know i feel great accomplishment from going to school (not so much with the loans) Truely...it sounds like the man loves you and wants to be with you..he is just so lost...lost in how to end it...lost in how to hurt someone he vowed to love. But you know what...its HIS loss....not yours. Because you KNOW you gave everything you had for the relationship...can he say the same? NO!!!! Your feelings are true, sincere, and honest...does anyone truely know who he is? But I also know how you love him...miss being with him, talking to him. That is what keeps us going back....because we LOVE them.

 

My MM is very insecure with "us". He is older than me, makes less money, tells me I'm way too good looking for him... He has an adopted child with W, she is about 14, no children of his own. He feels bad for her (child, didn't have much of an up bringing, how he deserts her?). Me and my MM have been on and off for about 7 years years....4 1/2 which I was away at college, home for the summers. I've dated other people, but always loved him. The promise to leave W for me has been going on for about 2 1/2 years. At first the affair worked for me...I came home saw him in summers....then...emotions were way too much...I realized...i love this man..and he is the one I want to be with. I tell him..he feels insecure about us...the age, the life experiences, me knowing HE IS THE ONE. Finally...says...okay...if you are sure its me..i'll do this...took one year to convince him it was him. I did NC for 2 weeks when he finally seperated from W in another home for 10 months.... Ended up back at W when renters (that always visit for summer) showed to rent their other cabin (where he was staying)....said it was so hard to up and leave again. He wants her to leave for good "for piece of mind"..she has no family in area...only here for him.

 

A month has went by and she nor he hasn't went anywhere. He tells me its me...yet...still there. So i give him NC option starting oct 1st...but..this time..i say i want FILED papers showed to me (he says they are already signed). He said he is taking care of things....he has alot of assets (equipment, tools etc) at house...afraid she will sell from under him?? Sounds like excuses to me..

 

I truely think he will come through for me...but it is going to take a push on my part...showing that I'm not messing around any longer...and to PROVE it to me..don't just say it to me. Within last couple days..i've been bringing up ...only a few more days...to see each other, talk etc...he gets really upset..and doesn't want to talk....he knows its TIME. I've let him ride the fence for 2 1/2 years....10 months of which he was seperated. I can't sit on that fence any longer with him...

 

Word of advice for OW...don't settle for just a seperation...they can always go back..and break your heart once more. Request papers to be filed....then talk!

 

I know its going to take longer then a couple weeks this time around..to file, sell equipment, possibly sell home. So i've considered getting medication to help me through this situation. I am in constant anxiety over this....I fear he will think I'm bailing on him....or this is best for me to let me go....so many ifs....bottom line...is I won't be happy with the way it is..and things need to change...no matter what he does. So I guess when Saturday comes...it will be the beginning of something new...with or without him.

 

Any suggestions on turning on PM? I'll be sure to login often...to see how you are doing.....I know how much a ear means..even if it is a strangers. No more tears for today lynnered...tomorrow is a new day.

[lynnered]

i does hurt so much !even though he was being an A$$ last night on & off hes in a bad place,that makes me feel even worst,he is not himself ,he said it is worst with W since he went back,&he feel really angry inside,he said he will leave again ,but then why is he back ?he said next time he leaves he will try harder ,then i asked what do U want from me ?to comfort him i cant !why would I?when he left in Aug he hardly talked to me ,thats when he started to be a little mean to me! hardly came to see me it was like he was still there,.

i told him if he ever leaves & has himself together emotially& ready to treat me right look me up ,but i cant wait no more ,its like he thought i would continue to wait?

dont U think if he was "so sure "about making a mistake ,he would have walked back out that door?

i dont get it!!

he said hes talked to guys at work who say its hard& gets easier with time (i told him this &even looked up stuff on internet to help C & him get through this but he did nothing with my advise &help) it is his problem& u are right his loss.

in clueless when the girl says"if im too good for him then why is he not with me":lmao: that how i feel

wow ur situation is like mine we were friends for 2years before A so ive known him 6 years,& when he was staying at his moms ,he could "move in with me right away because she was following him"&he didnt want to bring me drama i believe true but when he was gone for 2 then 3 weeks no ,its hard U are really intelligent i hope he does leave & for good .

In the state i live U need to be legally separtated for 1year,so thats why i wanted separtion,because D takes a long time already waited long time.

Wanted to PM U this but who cares who knows(still get on PM)

im on mediaction for depression& anxiety ,i started end of AUG a week after he told me he moved out,sept was our deadline we had a 3week NC before he contacted me to let me know he left,so i did plan on medication for situation with him as well as work& childhood issues .

before med i couldnt fall asleep at night then i couldnt wake up in morning cried everyday(it was its time he did NC , was only 2nd time he did NC &1st time was in our first year he got mad at me ignored me for 3 days then sent me a TEXT message i dont want to deal with U until i am out of my situation,i dont want us to keep fighting & not have a chance when i leave W)

had trouble at work ,school couldnt focus was failing,i was always on verge of tears ,no motivation to do much.

now on meds 1st week was really tired slept odd hours wasnt hungry to much& took naps ,felt real hot sometimes in a daze out of it no interest in anything,but was not overthinking like before ,

2nd week a little better no urge to cry except therapy or when i see him .im at 3-almost 4 weeks now still sleep issues now i cant sleep til 4 or 7 am not napping anymore,thoughts of him alot but not in such a daze,today is only day ive cryed outside of DRS & him being here,i guess im calm ,i still think of him but i am not as bad as ive felt in past ,my head is clearer but he is still mostly what i think about ,but when i think of life without him(except for today agian:confused: )my thought are more positive then before ,& when i think of him its not as long,i dont go out alot ,didnt really before,dont have too many friends ,but right now thats ok i just want to work on me:D

i think im so upset today because he was not too nice sometimes last night,and im not used to that from him&he went back i knew but to hear it from him etc so sorry im venting alot today:p

but i feel the medicine hepled me

 

but i feel the medicine hepled me & therapy sometimes i cant wait for that 1x a week 50 minutes & LS helps alot

in the back of my head that bad little voice says ok leave live Ur life bust Ur a$$ to make what U want happen ,leave him alone and maybe a really small maybe he will get himself together &come back to U separted or D in the right place .

sad

[lynnered]

go to my profile ,then on left under control panel it says settinges & options,then edit options

under Messaging & Notification ,then in the middle it says Private Messaging check the box that says enable

if that dont work i would notify a modiater ,i think cherrie couldnt get PM.

[cherrie498]

Lynn:

you seen him, that is what you wanted & I know you had that little bit of hope that he had not went back. NEVER goes the way we have it planned out in our minds!

Why do they go back? As far as him saying that he is leaving again, what is he waiting for? He didnt have to wait to run back to his W house.

I met my MM yesterday, he invited me to his office, I met all of his co-workers & boss, remember he said "its all up to me" ?!?!?!

Calls yesterday morn & invites me to lunch, I of course accept on my way there he insist I come to his office, my mind he wants people to meet me for a reason-isnt that what anybody would think?!?

We have lunch & talk about nothing.

He calls me when we leave & ask if I can just stay & spend the day with him. After he text me saying how wonderful it was to see me & that me coming back after moving 3 states away means so much & that I am just the "best"

So of course hopeful I stay.

We me, MM & co-workers grab some beer & sit in their shop area to have a couple beers...all fun. Well shortly into it he ask me for my keys (we all think he is going to the store) Oh no he HIDES my car! hides my car WTF!!!!

Do you have any idea how I felt? Sitting there with these men all just as surprised as I was, the looks they gave me made me feel 2 inches tall. I laughed & made jokes along with them & asked him to get my car, he did & I left. Shortly after he calls me.

I of course go back. Everyone gone by this point. he proceeds to give me all the i love yous (almost like a script) he "LOVES" me, "needs" me, "wants" me, I am everything he has ever wanted, BUT those kids & he just cant leave.

Well then WTF!!!!! Why call me& why e-mail me why bother me?

I love him, if thats what you call it.

I am addicted to the high stung BS of it all....stupid I know

I cried all the way home, not as much out of hurt but embarrassment.

I am disappointed in me, my actions, ME.

I am not stupid. Why do I just keep on letting someone else USE me?

B/c he loves me...he SAYS he loves me so I just fold & give in to HIS every need?!!!

All very pathetic!!!

I am in OCTOBER lets get over this.

We cry it all out between now & then. Say do what ever....get ready to never look back.

[lynnered]

thats what i dont get if hes going to leave ,why hes still there? ,all i get is i dont know he is weak but im not waiting ,or continueing relationship with him .

cherrie my MM says im "the best"all the time ,ive only met his dad & 1friend of his when he left W,he got really drunk i had to pick them up .& when he introduced me "this is lynne she is so cool shes the best woman ETC".

i do think its a good thing he introduced U at work,but the way he treated U was not good at all.

at least U have Ur answer hes not going to leave ,he is weak ,U are strong .

they bother us i feel cause they need us,

like mine i feel like a loser for letting him talk to me & say things he did when i saw him,

u are not stupied, pathetic or any other negative thing U said,

U are everything he wanted ,i get that alot too,but right now ,the way things are ,is he what U want?my answer is no

with me i know its attachment,im used to him,love him,but why ?

i talked to therapist about MM how i love him he says he loves me she knows all,know what she said,

if he says he loves U & treats U like this i would hate to see how he treats someone he doesnt likeSO TRUE

i dont know all my whys yet ,why i love him ,why i have accepted this,

but i do know im not going to accept this anymore,

like Urs mine acted like a A$$ last time i saw him ,keep thinking of that .

he thinks he has U whenever,however long he wants,U have feelings,& hes not respecting them at all.

[foolinlove]

Cherrrie....you ARE NOT PATHETIC....you are in love...you had all the hope and confidence that something would change...he would change...he would see he can't be without you...and really...he can't. That is why he is acting so irrational.....he is desperate to keep you at bay....he went as far as letting others know he has feelings for you..that is why he brought you to the shop. To prove to you that he is true with his feelings..you arn't just a piece of a$$. This could backfire on him...people at work might not like the fact he is doing to this to his wife....does W know? Will she put up with his infidelities?

 

As much as you want him to leave his W and C and start a new life with you....would you respect him for leaving his C? Deep down would you worry/wonder if he could do the same to you and any children you have? I think if my MM had children of his own...(has 1 adopted)....I would wonder what kind of man he is? not just in his current situation...but also involved with me? I know the feeling of having those encouraging words...need,want,love...and then have no actions to inforce them....it gives you HOPE....

 

I say to myself...I'm wasting my time with him...i could have anyone....and yet i choose him?? Why him? Because we love them....and love can hurt...boy can it hurt....

 

but time heals....and together....we can heal.

[cherrie498]

Your both right. I know I am not stupid, pathetic.....My action however have been.

I have allowed him to fill me up with such hope, love, promises to be let down time & time again.

Why do I do that? All in the name of love, that is the easiest response.

I feel in love with him & still believe that we share something but love isnt going to make you hurt so bad.

He makes me feel so bad for him. I sat there last night & listened to him, telling me all of his worries,ect. Then when he was done & HE felt satisfied we left. leaving me just as unfullfilled as I was before I got there.

I am tired of being a fool to him. I believe that he does have feelings for me & that he does want all that he says but why if he cant leave does he keep doing this?

He has tried SEVERAL times & ALWAYS runs back home.

He says that W cant do it alone. That she is lost w/out him & she is very pathetic.....its sad! '

 

Yes she knows about me, we havebeen involved for 3 years & she has known for 2. We have talked & met in the past. She told me that she knows that me & MM share this connection but he made a promise to her & C. She thinks everything is off right now we have been in NC for 2 weeks or so untill Monday he e-mailed me & I accepted his invite to lunch yesterday.

 

As far as meeting his friends & fam. I have met them all, this is a new job for him he has only been there about 4-6 months,

I have met family, had dinner at there house, been to his house W not home of course.....helping him move his stuff, all of his friends, ect. We have had a normal relationship, holidays, fam reunions EVERYTHING.....Normal except the fact that he is MARRIED!!!

***** Wanna know the F-ed up part havent shared this yet & most know NOT his W but others do.

During a time they where seperated (not legally) we went on vacation, vegas

& got married. LEGAL?!?!? We have the cert & license?

WHO DOES THAT?????

That for some reason does not click in my head. Him being married to her & have children & another life.

I am not the type of person, a "homewrecker"

before I was in this situation I would have damned anyone that was.

I am just in awe at this point, pissed at me, him & just waiting for who know what!!!!

[foolinlove]

So legally.....he is married to both of you?....I'm confused...did you have it annulled? Sounds like he doesn't know WHAT he wants.....wants both...too bad he can't have both!

[cherrie498]

Yeah I guess legally he is. Oddly we NEVER discuss it.

NEVER. It was vegas, it was fun, all in the moment....BUT at the same time real. When he moved out from my house that time (a month or two later) it was never mentioned.

I assume that it cant be legal considering he was already MARRIED.

I know I need to find out & take care of it.

Right now I am worried about me now! of whats next, how to overcome this, ect.

I wasnt & havent said that we got married b/c how f-ed does that make this situation.

Our marriage isnt 'real"

in my eyes or his, a marrige isnt on & off again. We where stupid to do it, but that is one thing about us we go with our feeling 99% of the time ......99....hints that 1% leaving me sitting here ALONE & him at home w/W&C

[lynnered]

he is a stupid, pathetic loser that is not worthy of you,

the best way to deal with him is to not deal with him,

We cant alway get what we want, or so the Rolling Stones say he needs to learn this he can not have his W & family,and U on the side.

He needs to choose and right now he is choosing W &will probably always choose the W.

How does loving someone and giving them your world make you a stupied?

MM is the loser.

the idiot who is missing out, its his loss! what Ur feeling is normal, its all part of the grieving process feeling angry, used, sad, stupid and never wanting to love someone again.

closure takes long time. i read somewhere it takes 1/2 the length of time in the relationship to get over the relationship(o no 2 years for me:mad: )

change the things you have the control to change&walk away from the things you have no control over.

dont stand for a man who takes advantage &disrespects U.

i told U what mine said monday"why do U get Ur way when U treat woman bad"?

hes prob mistook ,me sticking by him out of love for woman like to be walked on WTF

that is not love what is there to love in a person who mistreats you?

MM does not deserve your love

Ur heart will not begin to heal until he is out of Ur life,everytime U have contact UR starting right back over from square one,thats kind of what i did with my closure but not totally:confused:

U need to figure out what makes you happy. U are miserable with him &miserable without him, Ur better off without!

in time the pain will heal.

i think U know the answers Ujust arent ready to take that step.

dont be so hard on yourself, when U have had enough you will tell him to get lost,hopefully by october??

and the vegas thing ?wow

let me know when U find out whats up with that.