Should I tell her husband?

[loverboy199]

My girlfriend (ex-girlfriend, rather) for 8 years got married without me knowing. She cheated and betrayed me. She planned her wedding behind my back. She got married with her co-worker. She was still sleeping with me 3 days before the wedding. So basically, she cheated with that guy too. Now my life is miserable and all my plans for her are gone. Now I am lost, can’t sleep, eat and not in the mood to do anything. I feel like committing suicide 1 week after the wedding but I know that’s very stupid. She cheated multiple times before and forgive her. I don’t know if I should seek revenge or just keep quiet. I’m confused. They got married 7 weeks ago. Should I tell her husband?

[LilySun]

Sorry to hear you went through this. You are much better off without a person like that, which you may not realize now but you will in the future.

 

I would want to tell the husband. However, that would also drag on this whole thing when healing is what you need to take steps for now. It probably seems telling him would make you feel better but it would also still drag out your pain. Please call 911 if you have suicide thoughts. This woman is not worth hurting yourself. She is a liar and cheater. You are a better person than she is. Only bad people do what she did.

 

This is probably a traumatizing experience for you so start thinking of ways to move forward and heal. Talk to friends who cherish you and look into therapy. Surround yourself with friends and family. Feeling better won't happen overnight but even baby steps can help a lot. This will probably effect your life in some way forever but that is normal and you can still be happy again, it may just take a long time.

 

I think it's up to you to decide if telling him is a good idea, for your own sake. Maybe he would be mad and leave her, but that wouldn't make her come back to you, and if he doesn't leave her, you won't feel the revenge you were going for. So I don't know if those possibilities would make it worth your time and effort to tell him,when you can be using that time to try and heal. Best of luck to you.

[Sparta]

Yes expose to everyone. especially him he needs to know what kind of person he just married (your exwh*re) for you to even think about not telling him is participating enabling the affair and in their dishonesty. At a minimum he needs to know.!

[SammySammy]

Nah.

 

I don’t believe men snitching. Doesn’t seem masculine to me.

 

I’d just focus on getting myself together. Getting my life moving in a positive and constructive direction. Wouldn’t have much time for negativity like vengeance and gossiping about an ex. No matter how much I felt she had wronged me.

 

I’m moving forward.

 

Life has a way of working things out. Karma. I wouldn’t worry about it.

[Darren Steez]

Nah.

 

I don’t believe men snitching. Doesn’t seem masculine to me.

 

I’d just focus on getting myself together. Getting my life moving in a positive and constructive direction. Wouldn’t have much time for negativity like vengeance and gossiping about an ex. No matter how much I felt she had wronged me.

 

I’m moving forward.

 

Life has a way of working things out. Karma. I wouldn’t worry about it.

 

Since when is telling the truth snitching? By the same token so it's ok for women to "snitch"

 

The husband may not know he's married to a seeming total sociopath, perhaps in this instance "snitching" might save his well being?

 

To the OP, they say the truth shall set you free. Abide and live that honest life. Tell the husband then move on with your life.

[Begoz]

Yes. It might be revenge for you. But its a protection for her husband. Its not a crime to stop someone from hurting other people. Sorry it hurts. You will find someone who will be only for you. Obviously, she's unworthy.

 

Please answer mine

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/647142-weird-love-triangle

[S2B]

She cheated many times before yet you say you forgave her. You dodged a bullet.

 

Ask yourself why you would/should be sad about not ending up with a serial cheater? Please seek professional help so you have higher standards for your next serious relationship. Hopefully you won't see cheating as something you should overlook.

 

She showed you who she is - be grateful you aren't with her anymore.

 

Yes, tell her new husband. He deserves to know what a huge cheater she is.

[elaine567]

Should I tell her husband?

 

He probably knows.

You are effectively the BS, you are usually the last to know.

[Popsicle]

No, don't tell. Move on.

[road]

Tell. As long as you have proof that she cannot deny.

 

Never get back with her.

[elaine567]

No, don't tell. Move on.

 

I agree.

Men can get very jealous and that jealousy can spill over to violence or even murder.

YOU think you are in the right, her husband may not see it that way.

You think you are exacting revenge, but it may all seriously backfire on you.

You may get yourself embroiled in all sorts of trouble here.

 

Best for your own sake and mental health if you lay this to bed.

Grieve, heal and move on.

She showed you who she was as did he, do not sink to their level.

Dignity.

[loverboy199]

Thank you all for your replies. I all get your point. Part of me wants to tell him but I know this would all be a mess if I did. I never imagined ruining a marriage. I won’t just ruin both of them but their families as well.

 

As for the proof, we have sweet and intimate pictures together few days/weeks/months before her wedding, pictures of our recent holiday trips. And some pics with my family too (that’s how close she was with my family). I also have proof of our text messages. Some are sweet and some are “naughty” texts (you know what I mean). I really don’t think that the guy knows something about our relationship. If he knew, he wouldn’t marry my girlfriend for sure.

 

And yes, it feels uncomfortable for me telling the guy. I don’t even know how to begin with. I agree that it doesn’t seem masculine. But I’m really having a difficult time now.

 

My ego was badly hurt. It really is hard for a man like us to be betrayed by someone we really love. 8 years is no joke. I was already planning on proposing to her soon because she keeps giving me hints - asking me about my plans for her / for both of us. I just can’t believe she was telling me all this when the wedding was already planned. How stupid is that?

 

Also, part of me wants to just keep quiet and DGAF at all. I have been no contact with her since the wedding. This is really hard for me because it all happened in a snap. I didn’t even see that we were in a rough situation and didn’t forsee a break up coming.

[Popsicle]

Funny. I have a single friend who is having an affair with a married guy and she keeps calling him “my boyfriend” and is dead serious. I cringe every time.

[Space Ritual]

My girlfriend (ex-girlfriend, rather) for 8 years got married without me knowing. She cheated and betrayed me. She planned her wedding behind my back. She got married with her co-worker. She was still sleeping with me 3 days before the wedding. So basically, she cheated with that guy too. Now my life is miserable and all my plans for her are gone. Now I am lost, can’t sleep, eat and not in the mood to do anything. I feel like committing suicide 1 week after the wedding but I know that’s very stupid. She cheated multiple times before and forgive her. I don’t know if I should seek revenge or just keep quiet. I’m confused. They got married 7 weeks ago. Should I tell her husband?

 

Sorry it happened....

 

BUT Let me ask you.

 

If it was you that was about to be married , would you not want to know what type of person you were marrying?

 

You would.

 

Of course you inform this guy. You don't do it because it's vengeful. you do it because it's THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

 

Had I known my Fiance was banging my best friend before I walked in on them, I'd have been armed with knowledge that would have allowed me to make a better decision than I did by beating them both and leaving them for dead.

[d0nnivain]

Do not commit suicide. She's not worth it. The pain you feel will pass.

 

Tell the new husband if you want. He probably won't believe you She won't come back to you.

 

Get into therapy. Find out why such an unworthy cheating, lying [insert bad word that begins with W here] has you this twisted up inside. Work on your own self esteem. It has to be missing for you to have put up with her nonsense time & time again.

[S2B]

Thank you all for your replies. I all get your point. Part of me wants to tell him but I know this would all be a mess if I did. I never imagined ruining a marriage. I won’t just ruin both of them but their families as well.

 

As for the proof, we have sweet and intimate pictures together few days/weeks/months before her wedding, pictures of our recent holiday trips. And some pics with my family too (that’s how close she was with my family). I also have proof of our text messages. Some are sweet and some are “naughty” texts (you know what I mean). I really don’t think that the guy knows something about our relationship. If he knew, he wouldn’t marry my girlfriend for sure.

 

And yes, it feels uncomfortable for me telling the guy. I don’t even know how to begin with. I agree that it doesn’t seem masculine. But I’m really having a difficult time now.

 

My ego was badly hurt. It really is hard for a man like us to be betrayed by someone we really love. 8 years is no joke. I was already planning on proposing to her soon because she keeps giving me hints - asking me about my plans for her / for both of us. I just can’t believe she was telling me all this when the wedding was already planned. How stupid is that?

 

Also, part of me wants to just keep quiet and DGAF at all. I have been no contact with her since the wedding. This is really hard for me because it all happened in a snap. I didn’t even see that we were in a rough situation and didn’t forsee a break up coming.

 

You didn't ruin things. She is responsible for that.

 

Deceit will do that every time.

[sandylee1]

Why did you keep forgiving her cheating on you?

 

I must say planning the wedding while seeing you was awful ...but you wete together for 8 years...no marriage for you two...she cheated... you knew her character.

 

Having said all that...is want to know if I was him. Give me the chance to find someone who truly loves me .. not someone cheating 3 days before marrying me.

[GuitarGuy7]

If I were you, I would jam to this song to help drown out your sorrows.

 

[Space Ritual]

If I were you, I would jam to this song to help drown out your sorrows.

 

 

You should learn to play an instrument as it's obvious no one associated with that garbage has any understanding of music at all.

[bluecastle]

There is no point in telling him. He is not your friend and neither is she—they're on their own path now, and it's a path you need to part of. The only thing that comes from telling him is a load of drama that serves nothing and no one, least of all you. It will not make you feel better for more than two seconds, after which it will only extend the pain you're in.

 

As others have said: therapy, therapy, therapy.

 

You've already noted that your ego is severely crippled. Well, our egos are generally our enemy. When we react to ego the results are never positive. And when our egos get bruised, for all the pain, that's where the lessons are. It's a hard, needed jolt that, if explored, can lead you to a better place.

 

The path is right there for you—take it. The moment you do is the moment you'll start feeling a lot better.

[road]

There is no point in telling him. He is not your friend and neither is she—they're on their own path now, and it's a path you need to part of. The only thing that comes from telling him is a load of drama that serves nothing and no one, least of all you. It will not make you feel better for more than two seconds, after which it will only extend the pain you're in.

 

As others have said: therapy, therapy, therapy.

 

You've already noted that your ego is severely crippled. Well, our egos are generally our enemy. When we react to ego the results are never positive. And when our egos get bruised, for all the pain, that's where the lessons are. It's a hard, needed jolt that, if explored, can lead you to a better place.

 

The path is right there for you—take it. The moment you do is the moment you'll start feeling a lot better.

 

 

There is no justification for this poor BH not being given the

whole truth. This WW has shown her true colors. This BH will

be cheated on again, maybe a STD or two and not to mention

a good shot at being given the gift of an OC as well.