Friend zone vs objectification

[carhill]

OP, we're nearly the same age and IMO, since you're fresh after a long partnership or marriage, vet a few ladies your own age as verifiably single, socialize with them and if you like them, show it. Women our age know mating mode. They know how to respond to a male they want to mate with, even if not tonight. It's automatic. Just do it. Don't worry about figuring it out or expecting results. Think less, feel more.

[road]

I appreciate your input. However, I know plenty of men who have female friends. Large, mixed gender groups who all socialise together. My husband and his mates have always been this way. I'm seeing the same again in my daughter and her mixed gender group of friends. So perhaps you shouldn't be speaking for men as a whole? It's more like some men like socialising with women and some men don't.

 

As your group is only men, I'm now wondering if you like women. I'm not referring to wanting a specific woman as a partner, but more about genuinely liking female company.

 

I love female company when there is house keeping, cleaning,

cooking, laundry, shopping to be done.

 

The problem is most young men have been made and

brainwashed into being: metrosexualizedwussedintohalffeamle.

 

Most women do not want to talk hunting, fishing, guns, knives,

how to make knives, cars, trucks, engines, carpentry and other

traditional men activities.

 

I do not want to spend my recreational time talking about glass

ceilings and the such. Nor do I want to discuss recipes,

shopping and other such stuff.

 

Though when working with the "weaker sex" I have had no

problem talking with the "enemy" when it's coffee break,

waiting for my turn at the copier, or any other slack time

to help pass the time. Though just because we were able

to have pleasant chats did not make them friend material

for me.

 

It is one thing to be friendly. Though people tend to confuse

wanting to be friendly with the "enemy" and wanting them

for a friend.

 

However I will close with that the husband and wife should

be each other's best friend.

[SevenCity]

This is a common misnomer. I say that because when you are friend zoned you are in no way the person’s friend. It’s just a way of saying that the person has no romantic interest in you.

 

This can happen to men and women, from people you just met, from an ex - especially from an ex.

 

When someone says they like you as a friend it’s a way of letting you down easy rather than telling you they are not sexually attracted (to you).

 

When people say “I only see you as a friend” after a date, relationship, or offer for a date, they have no intention of showing up late at night because you need someone to talk to during a tough time. They are not going to call you to go to this great event they have an extra ticket for, and they aren’t going to set you up with other singles.

 

Being friends with the opposite sex is completely different. There it is an equal playing field because there is an absence of sexual desire (usually).

 

FriendZone isn’t only for bitter men who’s sexual advances were thwarted (sorry ladies). It is a rejection to either gender.

 

That said, women use it A LOT more than men. And even if a man puts you in FriendZone it doesn’t preclude him having sex with you (men are good at decoupling sex from feelings).

 

To your original question, don’t act like a friend if you are romantically interested. If you are a “maybe” it could land you in the FriendZone.

 

But, your best bet is to find women who put you in the “Yes” category. You’ll work less and have more fun.

[basil67]

I love female company when there is house keeping, cleaning,

cooking, laundry, shopping to be done.

 

The problem is most young men have been made and

brainwashed into being: metrosexualizedwussedintohalffeamle.

 

Most women do not want to talk hunting, fishing, guns, knives,

how to make knives, cars, trucks, engines, carpentry and other

traditional men activities.

 

I do not want to spend my recreational time talking about glass

ceilings and the such. Nor do I want to discuss recipes,

shopping and other such stuff.

 

Though when working with the "weaker sex" I have had no

problem talking with the "enemy" when it's coffee break,

waiting for my turn at the copier, or any other slack time

to help pass the time. Though just because we were able

to have pleasant chats did not make them friend material

for me.

 

It is one thing to be friendly. Though people tend to confuse

wanting to be friendly with the "enemy" and wanting them

for a friend.

 

However I will close with that the husband and wife should

be each other's best friend.

 

Why do you use the term "enemy"?

[basil67]

This is a common misnomer. I say that because when you are friend zoned you are in no way the person’s friend. It’s just a way of saying that the person has no romantic interest in you.

 

This can happen to men and women, from people you just met, from an ex - especially from an ex.

 

When someone says they like you as a friend it’s a way of letting you down easy rather than telling you they are not sexually attracted (to you).

.

 

I've never heard it described this way. Makes perfect sense.

 

What do you call it when one party has interest in a friend but the friend only sees them as a mate. A real mate....not a "I just want to be friends" mate?

[SevenCity]

I've never heard it described this way. Makes perfect sense.

 

What do you call it when one party has interest in a friend but the friend only sees them as a mate. A real mate....not a "I just want to be friends" mate?

 

A farce. It’s not a real friendship. If you can’t truly be happy for your friend when they meet someone else and get involved romantically you are not a real friend. If you really are interested in them romantically, it’s difficult to be happy when they pick someone other than you. Also, can you be completely impartial when giving relationship advice? Or are you secretly (or subconsciously) sabotaging?

 

That often happens in male/female friendships. Usually one side or the other has feelings (usually the guy) but not both.

 

I think in order to consider someone a friend, you should not be picturing having sex with them.

[Timshel]

Not once, ever, have I had a male friend that did not express more interest.

 

I am not sure about women who tout otherwise.

 

If a man is 'friend zoned,' then he is not going to be thought of in a sexual/romantic way. Period.

 

As a mom, I know that any 16 yr. old boy hanging around my girl is not doing so for being 'friends.'

 

Being realistic is good for every one.

[SevenCity]

Not once, ever, have I had a male friend that did not express more interest.

 

I am not sure about women who tout otherwise.

 

If a man is 'friend zoned,' then he is not going to be thought of in a sexual/romantic way. Period.

 

As a mom, I know that any 16 yr. old boy hanging around my girl is not doing so for being 'friends.'

 

Being realistic is good for every one.

 

Tough being a woman

[road]

Why do you use the term "enemy"?

 

Men are from Mars

 

Women are from Venus

 

And they always accuse men of thinking with our penis

(or is it peni)

 

Have you not heard of the battle of the sexes

 

You need to relax your reflexes

 

And not jump to conclusions for hidden meanings

in words that are used but learn to read between the lines

[Timshel]

Men are from Mars

 

Women are from Venus

 

And they always accuse men of thinking with our penis

(or is it peni)

 

Have you not heard of the battle of the sexes

 

You need to relax your reflexes

 

And not jump to conclusions for hidden meanings

in words that are used but learn to read between the lines

 

I know you weren't talking to me road but I can't not type something.

 

Men, women, kids and animals, we're all on earth...together...God help us.

 

I agree that men think with their penis as often as women think with their vagina.

 

The difference between friend zone (which is a nonsensical, made up fantasy word) and true friendship is overlooking the obvious for the common good.

 

A man or woman who struggles with that will adopt the term 'friend zone,' begrudgingly .