i dont want to be seen with him around his ex

[orangechicken]

im currently dating a guy for almost a year now. on the 2nd date he told me he broke up with his on and off ex gf of about 3 years only 1.5 months before he met me! he told me a few months into the relationship that he loved me from the moment he saw me and that it was love at first sight (which he said he never believed in until he met me). this made me feel like the rebound and ever since i've got this creeping feeling of something being wrong. it was early in the relationship so i decided to ignore it. i have never been the jealous type and have always been the more cold and distant, less clingy one in the relationship. but i get this desire to snoop around finding dirt on him ever since he told me he just broke up with his ex.

 

he assured me he was over her the minute he saw me but i think otherwise. after we started dating/me sleeping at his place, i saw that his ex was still on the top of his favorites in his phone (which he has now deleted after i made a big deal of "the ex"). he also stays in contact with his ex with regular texts and the occasional phone call. she still asks favors from him like money or to take care of her child or pets. i dont know if he does but he has never brought this up to me. i dont know if he found out i was looking at his texts but he deletes all her texts the minute he finishes the conversation with her. he still stays in contact with a lot of her friends who he claims are "his friends" as well. i had to use the restroom in a restaurant where i had to search for the restroom, which his ex frequented and he told me he would wait outside because "his ex might be in there". so that clearly shows that he was not wanting her to see him with me, or make her think he moved on.

 

after 6 months and this feeling of something wrong growing inside me, i decide to bring up the fact his ex bothered me. after bringing it up and having several fights, he now decides to bring me to events that her friends (that are also friends with him but only through his ex) throw and goes out of his way to introduce me to girl friends of his ex that he and his ex had threesomes with. he takes me to bars that his ex's best friends work at then proceeds to ask me why i look so uncomfortable or why i start a fight after we "go out". i recently found two photos of her he had kept hidden, but fell out when he grabbed something and he reluctantly threw them away. i decided not to ask as to not start a fight.

 

last weekend we went out after he convinced me to when i didnt want to and we run into his ex for the first time. he tells me he sees her and i get so nervous i stop talking to him and show no signs of affection towards him. i told him i did not want to meet her and eventually that night she comes up to him with her new boyfriend and introduces them two, while i walked away. he says i ruined the night and wants me to show all the affection i can towards him next time shes there. sometimes i feel like a trophy he parades around.

 

all this has led to make me feel uncomfortable going out with him in public and dating him in general. im afraid everywhere we go some of his ex's friends or she is there and i get nervous and take it out on him unconsciously. that small uncomfortable feeling i felt early in the relationship has now exploded into something i can barely contain. so i decided to bring this feeling up to him. he says he feels hurt that i am treating him this way because i act unloving when we are in public due to the chance of someone seeing us together. i am not embarrassed by him, and i love being seen with him by anyone except his ex or his ex's friends. this situation has created an environment where the two of us only hang out at home or in cities where we know nobody.

 

i get anxiety going out with him now, and it has turned me into an insecure girlfriend who constantly brings up his ex to him. ive never been the jealous insecure type until i met him. and it all started with him telling me he dated me so shortly after breaking up with a 3 year relationship with his ex. it makes me feel like the current relationship i have with him means nothing and that if we ever broke up it would only take days for him to get over me. im scared to introduce him to my circle in fear that he will befriend my friends the way he befriended hers and when we eventually break up i will be stuck seeing him on occasion the way he does her. i dont really know why i am feeling this way and havent been able to find any posts similar in nature. i wouldnt say im jealous of the ex, but rather uncomfortable with the fact that her life is so closely intermixed with his and that he got over her so quickly onto me.

[preraph]

He could just be trying to make her jealous. Hopefully not, but you know, we're all human and most of us don't mind being seen with the new gf or bf after a breakup. Any reason to think he knew she'd be there? If so, it's a possibility. But if you eliminate the possibility that he's using you to make her jealous, at that point, you need to put on your big girl panties and act polite if such a situation arises again. You do NOT need to hang all over him, just be polite.