The Nice Guy Zone....

[tegteg]

^^^^*Warning* A bit long ~ Picked it up off the web.......

 

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

 

why do i relate to this so much, it sucks so bad, this is what is known as the proverbial friend zone. I hate it so bad when you ask a girl out and she acts like she had never thought it was possible that you would even consider that.

 

***Now if you read this, guys/ladys, what do you think?? Any opinons or thoughts? Discuss i would like to hear what ya'll have to say....

[sburtug03]

I think you need to go round with a 'nice guy' tag on because I thought your species were extinct!

 

However, occassionally, I have come into contact with your kind (once every blue moon) and they always seem to be with complete monsters who walk all over them. I feel like walking up to them and telling them to grow some balls! x

[lindya]

Isn't it funny how "nice" unrequited love makes a person? Likewise, isn't it interesting how much of a s*** a "nice" person (of either sex) can suddenly become when they find themselves on the winning end of a little unrequited love?

[loony]

Originally posted by lindya

Isn't it funny how "nice" unrequited love makes a person? Likewise, isn't it interesting how much of a s*** a "nice" person (of either sex) can suddenly become when they find themselves on the winning end of a little unrequited love?

So true!!!

[Burgertron]

I say to you bro who is looking for the tag of nice guy to be given some credit for love, that the nice guy is not nice. As the nice guy is for me just that someone who does not have the ability or the self confidence to get out there and approach people for what they want.

 

I say this as I used to carry that nice guy tag. Be that person that you referred to. I was very effective at it to. As I was a twenty five year old Nice Guy "Virgin".

 

However when I found somebody who thought I was alright. I am no longer a nice guy. I want sex just like all those ass holes that manipulate and do the wrong thing to woman for the purposes of getting sex.

 

I have married this lady now that became interested in me. But I can now become a bastard as well as the rest of them.

 

I say Life is hard. To get what you want without hurting someone else is almost impossible. Or at least I have had this experience. An example.

 

You want sex, your wife is tired which happens a lot. You try to make her feel better do you tell her that she is beutiful and all that it is true but are you saying it because it is what you feel or because you know it may grease the wheels a little. Maybe you say for both reasons.

 

Either way people have the power to control their own destinies and everybody wants somnething different. Even when we both want the same the other will want that thing in just a little different way.

 

I think that it can be said in this way the best. I recently went to a play at the Sydney Opera House called Blue.

And the overriding theme of the play was that in any relationship whether it be good bad or indifferent. Love is a battle field of different and conflicting emotions where people wish to try and attain what they want from each other.

 

Lets face it we all try to get what we want from someone else or if we had this already from ourselves then why would you need to hook up with them.

 

Cheers friends

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by tegteg

***Now if you read this, guys/ladys, what do you think?? Any opinons or thoughts? Discuss i would like to hear what ya'll have to say....

 

I've read this before, and found it amusing. Its a shame that genuinely nice guys get mixed up with the 'doormat' types. Its hard to strike a balance, really - but I guess the best advice to give is "don't be or settle for friends with a girl you want to date." If a guy chooses to go out of his way to treat his "friend" like a queen because he wants to date her, then he WILL get taken advantage of. Guys need to understand that once you are in the 'friend zone' you pretty much aren't EVER going to date her. Period.

 

If you present yourself to a girl as the type of guy who will settle for less, then you will be treated that way. Its not that girls don't like to be treated well. Its that girls do not want guys who easily settle for less when less is all the girl has to offer, and grovel just so they can continue to enjoy the privilege of accepting less. They'll keep them around because 'friend guys' are useful to keep around - but they won't date them.

 

There is a funny line in the movie "Are We There Yet" where Ice Cube is standing at the airport getting ready to carry his girl's bags and he remembers her saying the 'f' word at the grocery store a few nights earlier. He 'hears' this over the intercom at the airport as he is unloading her bags:

 

"The friend zone is for losers only. Please unload your friend, and move on with your life."

 

I had a chuckle at that.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

They'll keep them around because 'friend guys' are useful to keep around - but they won't date them.

women like to f*** men that they can respect...thats what it boils down to.

[JS17]

I found that article pretty funny. I think we've beaten the nice guy thing to death here but I still have a comment. Be careful when you try to transition from the friend zone to the boyfriend zone. As women, we believe that our male friends are truly our friends. When you try to make that transition you are betraying the relationship that you already have with each other. If the woman is not interested romantically then she is likely to get angry and feel betrayed. You have just destroyed her image of your current relationship. This is probably why you get that "she acts like she had never thought it was possible that you would even consider that" romantic relationship.

 

When you first meet someone you may think that you want a friendship and after a short period of getting to know you time you realize that you have feelings for her. That's ok. When you have a long term friendship where she's sharing the intimate details of her life and all of a sudden you decide to make a move you're going to have a problem. You need to decide what you want and whether you can handle being just friends if she's not interested. It's highly likely that you will end up losing a friend, and she knows that, and that's why she's mad, she's losing one of her best friends.

[elijahBailey]

Interesting article.

 

Nice guys are nice guys by choice. These fellas feel if they are mean or cocky with women, the women will find it a turn off. So they start the mating dance with the nice-guy approach..... initially. Eventually, some wised up and bail out of the nice-guy zone, but many still remain clueless... still dancing away....

 

Originally posted by JS17

Be careful when you try to transition from the friend zone to the boyfriend zone.

 

This is hypothetical.... In real life it never happens

[alphamale]

Originally posted by JS17

I found that article pretty funny. I think we've beaten the nice guy thing to death here but I still have a comment. Be careful when you try to transition from the friend zone to the boyfriend zone. As women, we believe that our male friends are truly our friends. When you try to make that transition you are betraying the relationship that you already have with each other. If the woman is not interested romantically then she is likely to get angry and feel betrayed. You have just destroyed her image of your current relationship. This is probably why you get that "she acts like she had never thought it was possible that you would even consider that" romantic relationship.

 

When you first meet someone you may think that you want a friendship and after a short period of getting to know you time you realize that you have feelings for her. That's ok. When you have a long term friendship where she's sharing the intimate details of her life and all of a sudden you decide to make a move you're going to have a problem. You need to decide what you want and whether you can handle being just friends if she's not interested. It's highly likely that you will end up losing a friend, and she knows that, and that's why she's mad, she's losing one of her best friends.

this is some of the most insightful stuff i've seen you post JS17....

[JS17]

Originally posted by alphamale

this is some of the most insightful stuff i've seen you post JS17....

 

thanks. usually i just like to b1tch and complain about my own sorry problems

[tegteg]

WOW didnt really quite expect that big of repsonce! Thank You!! I just found this an interesting article when i read it...

 

Thanks for all the input! And yes im sure the nice guy thing has been beatin to death, but eh another wont hurt...

 

I am a NICE GUY but not any more or any less...

 

I belive it is unforcenent(sp?) for guys that are (truely)nice and do not get any thanks for there willingness to help, be there ETC.... But in most cases that ive known most just let themselfs be takin adavatage of...

 

But then again i know 3 girls right now, that do all this intentionaly to nice guys and take adantadge of em on purpose! Which IMO is Fed up! Been there done that, not doin it again... haha *hits head*

 

I belive its a Live & Learn situation.....

[Curt]

Originally posted by JS17

{Snip}

 

When you try to make that transition you are betraying the relationship that you already have with each other. If the woman is not interested romantically then she is likely to get angry and feel betrayed.

 

{Snip}

 

You need to decide what you want and whether you can handle being just friends if she's not interested. It's highly likely that you will end up losing a friend, and she knows that, and that's why she's mad, she's losing one of her best friends.

 

AND....

 

MOST IMPORTANTLY: IF you feel that you DO want MORE than friends with her, and she suggests the friends thing as an option, it is CRITICAL that you have the strength as a man to WALK AWAY.

 

When I look back at what happened to me with a girl that I had a huge attraction for a couple of years back, I feel so stupid.

 

She asked me if we could be friends instead...

 

At that point, I should have gotten up, picked my heart off my sleeve, and said, "Sorry, but I would never be able to talk with and be around you, realizing that I would never be more to you than a friend. It was great getting to know you, bye bye."

 

Ahhh well .... there ya go! Hindsight is 20-20 isn't it.

[LoveShyGirl]

I didn't think they existed. I wish I would have found a nice guy...better yet I wish my H was the nice guy instead of the "bad boy" maybe we wouldn't have so many problems now lol

[Curt]

Originally posted by LoveShyGirl

H was the nice guy instead of the "bad boy" maybe we wouldn't have so many problems now lol

 

Which, ladies and gentlemen, is more proof that it's not the nice guys, but the bad boys that get and marry the women.

 

[JS17]

Originally posted by Curt

Which, ladies and gentlemen, is more proof that it's not the nice guys, but the bad boys that get and marry the women.

 

 

This statement, said over and over and over again on LS, makes flames come out of my ears. Maybe you "nice guys" should get some balls and start asking women out instead of weaseling your way in through friendships.

[Curt]

Originally posted by JS17

This statement, said over and over and over again on LS, makes flames come out of my ears. Maybe you "nice guys" should get some balls and start asking women out instead of weaseling your way in through friendships.

 

Interesting perspective, actually JS17.

 

Plus,

 

I'd venture to say that there are a number of women who can plainly see when a guy wants her as more than a friend, but then attempts to "trap" him in the friend's zone (from whence he shall never escape, anyways).

 

That way, she can still enjoy the ego boost of having him kiss up to her, compliment her, buy her stuff, etc., and generally keep him around. All this, even though she knows he's not just smitten with her in a friendly way.

 

But hey, he's only a friend ... so she'll never owe him anything.

 

Honestly, is that any more fair? IMHO, one is no better than the other in this type of thing.

[Woggle]

Nother matters more than respect when it comes to women and women don't respect a doormat. I treat the women in my life like crap and they keep coming back for more. Women have to be trained like animals to respect a man and being a nice guy doesn't properly train them. I have my concubines and they know their role. They are happy to play it and they just wait for the day when i will upgrade them to girlfriend but none of the current ones make the grade. As for now though they are good for a quick lay when I get horny.

[JS17]

Originally posted by Curt

Honestly, is that any more fair? IMHO, one is no better than the other in this type of thing.

 

No it's not BUT you don't see thread after thread after thread about it to the point where you just don't want to hear the whining anymore. There's no bigger turn off to me than to hear the bitter whine of, "see, nice guys always finish last".

[runner]

Originally posted by JS17

This statement, said over and over and over again on LS, makes flames come out of my ears. Maybe you "nice guys" should get some balls and start asking women out instead of weaseling your way in through friendships.

 

LOL ! ...exactly

[amerikajin]

Sometimes the whole romance game is just flat out f*cked.

 

I've read this before, and found it amusing. Its a shame that genuinely nice guys get mixed up with the 'doormat' types. Its hard to strike a balance, really - but I guess the best advice to give is "don't be or settle for friends with a girl you want to date." If a guy chooses to go out of his way to treat his "friend" like a queen because he wants to date her, then he WILL get taken advantage of. Guys need to understand that once you are in the 'friend zone' you pretty much aren't EVER going to date her. Period.

 

I'd say that a lot of guys get really confused about how love starts from the perspective of a woman. A guy looks at a woman and says "Man, she's hot, I gotta let my magical meatwhistle go to town on that!" A woman can look at a guy and find him hot, and for the moment want to f*ck his brains out as well - and if she's drunk and horny, she probably will. But if her faculties are otherwise intact, she judges a man differently than the guy she's talking to judges her. She'll look right back at him and start trying to figure out whether he fits what she considers to be the 'essence of a man', whether he falls into that profile. And it has a lot to do with how he behaves, just as much as how he looks. That's why guys f*ck up...because women can't. If they've got the goods, they're gonna feel the jackhammer - it's just a matter of with whom and when.

 

If you present yourself to a girl as the type of guy who will settle for less, then you will be treated that way. Its not that girls don't like to be treated well. Its that girls do not want guys who easily settle for less when less is all the girl has to offer, and grovel just so they can continue to enjoy the privilege of accepting less. They'll keep them around because 'friend guys' are useful to keep around - but they won't date them

 

That's definitely been my experience.

 

In the early stages, I think the woman is feeling a man out. Women will often test a guy, just to see how he reacts sometimes - which I think is stupid...but it's the reality of dating.

 

Relationships are ultimately about leverage. If I am clearly more interested in you than you are in me, then you're going to be forced to decide early on whether or not I'm worth keeping. I'm no longer a prospect at this point, I'm someone who's clearly interested in you; I've obviously even invested some emotion into it. So that leaves you with a decision - get to know me, or tell me to get lost. Usually, it's the latter, because if the other person isn't there yet, then they feel like they're being confronted with some kind of moral obligation not to hurt the other person. In truth, it is possible that something could develop in time, provided that things progress naturally. But that's why some relationship 'experts' advise men to play it cool at first. You put women in a tough position otherwise. All of that said, I still forget sometimes and c_ck it up myself, clearly indicating that I've got pudding on my radar.

 

The whole 'nice guy thing' is a crock. You can't be "nice", you just have to be yourself. Nice is never enough - in any facet of life. "Nice" doesn't win that baseball game. It doesn't get you a job. It doesn't pay your bills. So why should some idiot expect 'nice' to work when it comes to attracting the opposite sex??? A guy who bitterly complains that he's 'nice' and doesnt' get nookie is a guy who makes getting a hot babe his top priority in life, putting that ahead of other more important goals in his life. That's guaranteed to make a woman feel uncomfortable, because a) she doesn't really feel good about being that important to someone - especially someone she doesn't know, and b) if a guy is putting getting laid at the top of his priority list, what does it say about the individual? It says that he probably doesn't have worthy ambitions - a definite red flag for a chick. It also says that there's something really missing on a personal level, that he feels that he's not complete enough without a good woman by his side, that he needs other people to lift him up. Again, not very attractive to a woman. The converse is true for women who want men.