Bumblehumble Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 (edited) Hello all, I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 years. in his first girlfriend. when we first got together he told me that he has been with only 5 girls and they were all paid for. 3 years into the relationship I find out that he is obsessed with masturbating (that's not the problem) he goes on these websites and spends a pretty penny on these girls. He has accepted that he has a problem and is willing to change but years have passed by and I wake up in the middle of the night to him watching these cam girls. Makes me feel like I'm not enough for him and not what he is looking for. I've asked him many times if he wants to just start fresh and enjoy himself which I completely understand because I gave myself the opportunity to go out meet people. He says that he doesn't. But he doesn't stop looking or being on these websites. I can't even have sexual intercourse with him without thinking that I'm not what he wants or what even turns him on. So now he's been injured for almost a year and says that masturbating is the only type of sex he can have but doesn't ask me to help just does it when I leave or when I'm sleeping. I just want to know if I'm being selfish. I just don't understand how girls put up with men! they are all the same! Edited December 29, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add paragraphs and remove commercial site names Link to post Share on other sites
ZayKayWill Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Yeah I would definitely leave. I would feel hella insulted if some guy chose to masturbate over some camgirls he doesn't even know instead of his own partner. That is just so weird. How do people get more pleasure out of porn than their own partner? *smh* 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Not all men are like this they are not all the same. You got involved with a man who appeared to have social issues when it came to dating, and has a cam girl addiction. Most men do not pay for sex.... Again not all men are the same. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 You BF is addicted to online porn. Plain and simple. It will get worse as he ages of he doesn't stop it and go cold turkey. It will affect his sexual performance and ability. It will affect his sleep. In some people it affects their ability to differentiate between porn sex and real sex. It might also get more intense as he seeks out more types.of porn. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Welcome to LS. 1. Men vary widely. You've been with one for seven years apparently. There are billions more of us out there. 2. Porn cams exist because there's a market for them. Heh, as an old timer I often joke that porn built the internet. All the other porn-related stuff exists for the same reason, and always has. Men, some men, at some time, at some place, desire it enough to pay for it. 3. You stated all five of his previous partners were 'paid for'. Do you mean he frequented prostitutes? Perhaps expand on that. 4. We've had a thread running on how men can learn to treat women with respect. I think your story is a great example. Try reading the thread and see what you think. It's easy to say 'leave' but if you really wanted to do that you'd be gone and this thread wouldn't exist, right? So, are there any other options? What do you think? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZayKayWill Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 I've always found it so weird yet interesting how it can be so hard to not let your own subjective experience of reality cloud what really is reality. Heh. Believe me. NOT all guys are the same. You would be so surprised how different people in this world can be. The world is truly a beautiful place with many walks of different people. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Your bf is not husband and father material, he would take money out of your kids mouths to pay for sex and his addiction will no doubt only get worse. You either put up and shut up, or you get out is my advice. Men are not all the same. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TheOnlyOne73 Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 I've had similar issues with an ex. Did I leave? Yes. Was it heartbreaking? Yes. Do I feel better for it? Yes. It's very hard to prise addicts away from their addictions. The addictions will always be their first and foremost priority above anything (or anyone) else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bumblehumble Posted December 30, 2017 Author Share Posted December 30, 2017 (edited) Thank you for that insight. just for some more clarification. So the 5 girls were actually prostitutes. (Says he will never do it again because he was young and naive) My boyfriend has been the geeky type, introvert not to mention shy guy. I was the one that actually asked him to dance that night. I'm completely the opposite. He says he's not really into watching porn such as PornHub. His thing is watching girls and this is girls with lingerie and such. I've actual seen him in action. sometimes he doesn't even masturbate he just is scrolling (like facebook) maybe looking for the perfect one. God knows... He does mention that he hasn't been paying for these girls. I don't even believe him at this point. I feel like the minute I leave the house he he runs to that. Questions is: Not paying for masterbating content make it better? I'd think is the same thing. He says that even if he was with a different girl he'd be doing it as well. but idk if i can believe that. Ways i'd tried helping him include making videos for him as well as accepting money for hand-jobs lol but i mean what ever floats his boat and to essentially help him with what ever it is he is struggling with. None of this seems to work, and it might be because he is not ready to stop. although he says he wants to. Edited December 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator commercial links Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 You don't have to put up with him. A boyfriend should desire you not anonymous cam girls. You are completely normal to feel hurt by his rejecting behaviour. Don't ask him whether he wants to give up on the relationship. He'll probably carry on as long as you are not interfering with his preferences. Quite frankly though, why would you want to stay with him? Make your own decision and get out of this unsatisfactory relationship. He is not going to change anything; he has already shown you that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 Thank you for that insight. just for some more clarification. So the 5 girls were actually prostitutes. (Says he will never do it again because he was young and naive) My boyfriend has been the geeky type, introvert not to mention shy guy. I was the one that actually asked him to dance that night. I'm completely the opposite. He says he's not really into watching porn such as PornHub. His thing is watching girls and this is girls with lingerie and such. I've actual seen him in action. sometimes he doesn't even masturbate he just is scrolling (like facebook) maybe looking for the perfect one. God knows... He does mention that he hasn't been paying for these girls. I don't even believe him at this point. I feel like the minute I leave the house he he runs to that. Questions is: Not paying for masterbating content make it better? I'd think is the same thing. He says that even if he was with a different girl he'd be doing it as well. but idk if i can believe that. Ways i'd tried helping him include making videos for him as well as accepting money for hand-jobs lol but i mean what ever floats his boat and to essentially help him with what ever it is he is struggling with. None of this seems to work, and it might be because he is not ready to stop. although he says he wants to. It's really no different than you scoring online and looking at hot nake men in front of him all the time. Sooner or later he is going (or should wonder) why is his GF looking at other mens butts and 6 packs all day long. As I mentioned said, online porn addiction is an addiction like any other. Some people deal with it better than others. If he is finding that he is wasting hours of the day every day on porn then thats an addiction. An addiction is either controllable by the person or i gets out of hand.Just like cigaretts. Some people are social smokers and smoke one or two on a night out. Others smoke a pack a day. Most of the ones that smoke a pack a day didn't start with a pack a day. They started with one or two and after many years worked their want to a pack a day. With online porn, its a psychological thing. In some people its just one type. With others, it starts with a mild type of porn and works it way up to more and more extreme types of porn. The BSDM people didn't start watching BSDM from the beginning. They worked their way up because the other porn didn't do it for them anymore. Anyways, I am not saying he is going go in that direction. But I am saying, its going to have a physical and psychological effect on him as he ages if he doesn't stop. It might spill over and lead to fights between you two. Anyways for men, nothing wrong with watching a hawt woman on the Internet every once in a while, but if you are noticing that you are spending 1/4 of your day watching porn on line, then that's obviously a problem you have to deal with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 Questions is: Not paying for masterbating content make it better? I'd think is the same thing. He says that even if he was with a different girl he'd be doing it as well. but idk if i can believe that. No, it doesn't make it better at all. Would you really feel any differently if he was addicted to free porn videos? It's an addiction that is taking away from YOUR sex life as a couple. And, if I were you, I'd believe him when he says he'd do it with another girl. Like @jjgitties said, it's an addiction. If he was addicted to cigarettes, he'd still smoke them with the next girl. This has nothing at all to do with you aside from the fact that he doesn't care enough about YOUR needs and what works for you as a couple to stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 Paying his gf for handjobs, Is I guess fairly extreme. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 I would give it a month, see how many hand jobs I could squeeze in, then take the money and run. What are they going for nowadays? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 I would give it a month, see how many hand jobs I could squeeze in, then take the money and run. What are they going for nowadays? :giggle: :lmao: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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