Danisaysno09 Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 About 6 months ago my ex-girlfriend and I separated. Part of me saw it coming, as we were long distance and I could tell she was having a hard time maintaining this relationship. I tried to hold on and keep us together though because in just a few months I would be moving to the same state she was in(not just for her, I already had previous plans to move). Unfortunately, when we split we both said a lot of terrible things to each other, and in a matter of weeks she jumped into someone else's arms (who I had learned she met maybe about 2-3 weeks before we broke up), which I must say, hurt very badly as it had not even been a month since we had ended things. Anyway, I've had random messages from her many times throughout the six months she's been with someone else. Most of them have been "how are you" or "do you remember this song?" Or "Hey did you message me on social media? Thought it may have been you" or "having any luck with dating yet?" She also checks my social media many times a week. Seeing as she is still dating the other guy (just moved in with him about 3 months ago) and hasn't made any indication that she wants to come back to me, they have been breadcrumbs. About two months ago I told her that I was still in love with her, and that we had to stop speaking. So for about two months I haven't heard a peep. And now, she just messaged me again out of the blue. Why in the world is this girl messaging me? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 My thought would be guilt. Especially the “are you dating yet” line. She knows she did something f’ed up and wants to ease her guilt by making sure you’re not too hurt. Right thing to do is not respond...ever. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 she needs an ego boost 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 she needs an ego boost Yep. And also a Plan B in case things don't work out with the new guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 They all do this for the most part. The big question is since you know this started before your breakup why do you allow it? Blocking is easy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Danisaysno09 Posted December 30, 2017 Author Share Posted December 30, 2017 @Marc878 For The first few months I didn't know she was dating someone and figured maybe she thought she had made a mistake. Learned two months ago that she was not only seeing someone, but they had been living together for a month. Decided to tell her that I still had feelings for her and that I needed to stop texting her then. Link to post Share on other sites
wishyouneverleft Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 So what is your game plan? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 @Marc878 For The first few months I didn't know she was dating someone and figured maybe she thought she had made a mistake. Learned two months ago that she was not only seeing someone, but they had been living together for a month. Decided to tell her that I still had feelings for her and that I needed to stop texting her then. Got it. Now you know her capabilities you should block her. Nothing here for you Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 Block her man she is playing games with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 She feels guilty for what she did so she's sending out random texts to see how you respond to them. And if you respond in what she deems in a good way then she will want to explain what she did and then ask you to "understand". What you have to realize is this: you made plans to live in HER state so the two of you could be togeather and she CHEATED on you and further more she MOVED in with that person which should tell you it had been going on for longer then you think you knew. She betrayed your trust and ruined the relationship so therefore she deserves none of your time and certainly doesn't warrant any texts from you. Think about it. Its rather easy to break up with someone. You just tell them and yes it might hurt that person but at least your being honest. Your ex girlfriend chose to go down a different path- keep you around while she tested out the " new" man to see if he would workout and when she deemed he would THEN she left you. She has no morals and worse she has ZERO respect for you. She CHOSE to go down that road and by doing so she shouldn't be allowed to remain in your life in ANY way. Link to post Share on other sites
alterest Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 Tell her that you don't feel comfortable talking about this stuff with her. But for what she said, she probably want a ego boost or want to reach you out. But you can only know her intent if she tells you the truth. Especulation brings nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Msday91 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 She is possibly keeping you in the sideline. Be wary 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Danisaysno09 Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 Thank you guys for all the advice and input. I did want to clarify some things though that I saw in the comments. I wasn't cheated on, as she made things official with him after we parted ways, but I do think the thought was there before we ended things. I also had plans to move to that state before we met for my own reasons But I do agree, I think it's inconsiderate of her to message me after I specifically told her not to. She's been messaging me saying that things between her and the other guy are not working out, and that everything was better with me. Too bad she didn't realize that before. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 dannysayno, You asked; Why in the world is this girl messaging me? and my response would be "why all you allowing her to message you?" About two months ago I told her that I was still in love with her, and that we had to stop speaking. So for about two months I haven't heard a peep. And now, she just messaged me again out of the blue. She's not respecting you, your wishes or your boundaries. You asked her not to talk to you and she's ignored it. So you block, delete, erase, whatever it takes and go totally NC. If you respond, you'll get sucked back in and get emotionally trampled on. Stay strong x Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 So did you ever move to her same town? Very curious. As for her messaging you, I have a friend who is doing the same thing with her ex that she broke up with and cheated on. She talks to me about it. She says that she regrets breaking up with him and that things were way better with him than with the guy she’s with now. Like you, her ex is entertaining her texts but keeping her at arms length. Hopefully, he does this just to soothe his wounds. I don’t think it’s wise to let her back in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Akashsingh Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 About 6 months ago my ex-girlfriend and I separated. Part of me saw it coming, as we were long distance and I could tell she was having a hard time maintaining this relationship. I tried to hold on and keep us together though because in just a few months I would be moving to the same state she was in(not just for her, I already had previous plans to move). Unfortunately, when we split we both said a lot of terrible things to each other, and in a matter of weeks she jumped into someone else's arms (who I had learned she met maybe about 2-3 weeks before we broke up), which I must say, hurt very badly as it had not even been a month since we had ended things. Anyway, I've had random messages from her many times throughout the six months she's been with someone else. Most of them have been "how are you" or "do you remember this song?" Or "Hey did you message me on social media? Thought it may have been you" or "having any luck with dating yet?" She also checks my social media many times a week. Seeing as she is still dating the other guy (just moved in with him about 3 months ago) and hasn't made any indication that she wants to come back to me, they have been breadcrumbs. About two months ago I told her that I was still in love with her, and that we had to stop speaking. So for about two months I haven't heard a peep. And now, she just messaged me again out of the blue. Why in the world is this girl messaging me? Definitely not the one for you. I would have completely ignored her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Danisaysno09 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 So did you ever move to her same town? Very curious. As for her messaging you, I have a friend who is doing the same thing with her ex that she broke up with and cheated on. She talks to me about it. She says that she regrets breaking up with him and that things were way better with him than with the guy she’s with now. Like you, her ex is entertaining her texts but keeping her at arms length. Hopefully, he does this just to soothe his wounds. I don’t think it’s wise to let her back in. Not the same town no, but the same state. I already had plans to move to a city about 30 minutes from her so I thought it was perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Not the same town no, but the same state. I already had plans to move to a city about 30 minutes from her so I thought it was perfect. Yeah. I’m talking to a guy who lives in the state I will be moving to soon. It sort of fills me with anxiety. But that’s mostly due to the distance. Link to post Share on other sites
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