How often are we wrong

[bigman1]

I'm not getting the point of your inquiry. It seems that you are stirring the pot, but have no intention of eating.

 

You are not going to confront her. You are scared of a divorce. You don't want to lose her. You would not leave her anyway. You don't want to know now. You would stop it, if she was continuing, but of course, you don't want to know and would not confront her, thus I am not sure how you would put a stop to anything.

 

Being that your position is that you did nothing, are doing nothing, and would not do anything, what exactly are you looking for? Do you want support while you are being cuckolded? I'm serious, not being snarky.

[Mr. Lucky]

Yes of course I still love my wife, and no I am not interested in sex with other women. Also if I was to suspect that she was in a current relationship outside our marriage, I would step in to halt it.

The last suspected time that she had sex with another man is now 2 years ago.

 

I'm going to disagree with many other posters and simply say do what works for you. You seem to have a pretty clear idea of what she's done (and that's only the part you know about ), but if your current life and situation is more important, that's a calculation that only you can make.

 

Just remember, unlike the stock market, past performance is indicative of future results. At the very least, I'd keep close tabs on her, both physically and digitally.

 

I hope your choices bring you happiness ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[jay12]

I'm going to disagree with many other posters and simply say do what works for you. You seem to have a pretty clear idea of what she's done (and that's only the part you know about ), but if your current life and situation is more important, that's a calculation that only you can make.

 

Just remember, unlike the stock market, past performance is indicative of future results. At the very least, I'd keep close tabs on her, both physically and digitally.

 

I hope your choices bring you happiness ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Why thanks Mr.Lucky, I may just take your advice. I have just installed a tracker on her cell today without her knowledge so I can see if she is someplace that I was not expecting. I need to progress slowly here since a miss-step could cost me substantially. Sorry if I sound like our joint financial resources are a major factor here, but a couple friends have essentially been wiped out in divorce situations and had to start over again couch surfing at my house while trying to save cash and remaining employed just to cover the court assigned payments to the ex and kids.

[Mr Blunt]

Jay

Fear is your driving force and you are pretty sure that your wife has not had sex with another man for around two years. You are compromising because of all the factors of your fear that you have mentioned in your previous posts. At the very least your wife has enjoyed other men in the past and you were replaced by those men in some way.

 

Your hope is that your wife has aged enough so that her desires for other men are lower and she will not act on those lowered desires.

From your posts I think that you have already made up your mind to compromise and hope that your wife’s desires are such that she does not replace you. Although your position is very unusual for men, your compromise, if that is your best option according to your evaluation, then what do you need us for?

[drifter777]

Sorry if I sound like our joint financial resources are a major factor here, but a couple friends have essentially been wiped out in divorce situations and had to start over again couch surfing at my house while trying to save cash and remaining employed just to cover the court assigned payments to the ex and kids.

 

You don't have child support to worry about so your finances - outside of IRA & 401(k) - must be entangled in partnerships or LLC's or real estate. Ok, things can be very complicated but if you can negotiate a settlement before the lawyers get involved the process doesn't have to wipe you out. In the end it can simply be a question of how much is peace of mind worth to you?

 

I agree with those who advocate that you snoop enough to know whether she's cheating right now or not. Another thing I would strongly consider is talking to this friends wife who knows a lot about his cheating. It's likely she knows if you wife is one of his conquests. If she knows she probably will tell you about it but only IF YOU ASK. Lots of people won't disclose something like this on their own but if you tell her you need to know I'd bet she will tell you.

[Clay]

The only real part of your plan that might not work is when she decides she really only wants to be with him and takes you to the cleaners. Its a painful experience and your worst fears would be realized and since you chose to do nothing your wont have a leg to stand on then. Its why so many people here are up in arms about your laid back approach to all this. Lets say she is cheating and your ok with it. At the very least and I mean the very least you need to talk to a lawyer and see what your rights are. I would seriously consider hiring a PI just to gather evidence for the future if there is infidelity laws in your state.

 

When I was first learning about IT a tech told me once "Knowledge is Power". It was a profound moment for me when he was helping me fix someone else's computer. There is nothing wrong with staying but don't leave yourself in a position to be taken for a ride. If anything I would strongly consider moving assets like they were never there and then in the event things do go south your not totally at a loss.

 

Clay

[ChickiePops]

I don't necessarily agree with this. Not everyone has the same priorities as you (or I, because I wouldn't, and didn't, tolerate cheating either). He has every right to be more concerned about money than about his marriage..that's his prerogative and who are we to judge him on that?

 

 

But the fact remains that he did post this thread, and he did place it in the infidelity section..so it clearly does bother him.

 

Jay, confronting someone about infidelity doesn't automatically mean divorce. Perhaps the two of you could discuss opening up your marriage instead. It's up to you, if you don't mind that she's sleeping with other guys (and it really, really sounds like she is), then more power to you.

 

I am not really interested in opening up our marriage, as I do not have any inclination to start a relationship with another woman.

Wouldn't even know where to start, and can not imagine any woman who would believe me if I said"my wife and I have an agreement about ****ing around".

And then of course their is nothing in it for any other woman.

 

You don't have to act on it..but you'd effectively be giving her permission to cheat. If you're going to tolerate it then why not be honest about it and also make sure you're taking care of your health.

[S2B]

Your wife works? How much? You may not owe as much spousal support as you think if she's earning some decent money.

 

And the once weekly sex...have you ever considered that's her way of keeping you quiet?

[harrybrown]

you should be afraid of stds.

 

and have you ever had a DNA test on your kids?

 

She has not stopped having her affairs.

 

go see your attorney and also take her for std tests and a polygraph.

 

then serve the D papers. You can find someone that actually may love you.

 

if someone has been cheating (and they do not stop), they do not love you.

 

they do not respect you at all.

 

take the knife out of your back. all of your 'friends" are laughing at you behind your back.

 

Grow a pair.

[CupCakess]

You know, confronting her and making her stop doesn't mean it has to end in divorce.

 

I do think you should gather any evidence about her infidelities, consult a lawyer (just in case). And then after having everything you need, confront her, and tell her to stop.

 

To be honest, she probably has affairs because you do seem not to care, from her perspective (which you really don't, since you rather play blind).

 

But if you confront her, and act as her husband (in other words, the only guy she should be sleeping with), and begin acting more as such, maybe you can get her to stop.

 

I would opt for divorce, but whatever.

[doyathinkso]

There are none so blind as those who will not see.

[oldshirt]

If she falls in love with one of these other men, she may divorce you whether you want to or not.

 

She may also feel that being married to you is more of a hinderence to her and divorce you to be free of any entanglements.

 

So what I am saying is she may divorce you whether you want to or not.

 

So it would be prudent of you to see a lawyer now and find out what your rights, entitlements and obligations will be in a divorce whether she dumps you or you pull the plug.

 

Your marriage is already in shambles so it's just simple reaponsibility on your part to be informed and prepared whether you want to keep your head in the sand or not.

[S2B]

You know, confronting her and making her stop doesn't mean it has to end in divorce.

 

I do think you should gather any evidence about her infidelities, consult a lawyer (just in case). And then after having everything you need, confront her, and tell her to stop.

 

To be honest, she probably has affairs because you do seem not to care, from her perspective (which you really don't, since you rather play blind).

 

But if you confront her, and act as her husband (in other words, the only guy she should be sleeping with), and begin acting more as such, maybe you can get her to stop.

 

I would opt for divorce, but whatever.

 

How do you propose he makes his wife stop cheating when she's evidently cheated for more than 20 years? There's no way to force another person to do anything you may wish for them to do...

[ShatteredLady]

He watched his wife ride off with a known chronic womanizer (Whilst being told that his wife is cheating) & come back 45 minutes later....

 

He NEVER asked where she had been or what she had done! They were drinking a lot...but not so much that he doesn't remember what that lady told him or what he witnessed.

 

How many here can say that they would of reacted the same??

 

 

Everything said, we DON'T KNOW!

 

This man is being told again & again to divorce his constantly cheating wife. She has been convicted on circumstantial evidence! My H's best friend & best man was a cheat. We were great friends! He never tried it on & I have never cheated. We've gone off to do things when my H passed out drunk when we were young.

 

I'm NOT saying that she doesn't look incredibly guilty from what's been written here but now we're saying that she only fakes good, frequent sex to keep him quiet & he should DNA test his kids!!

 

 

LOOK FOR EVIDENCE. Talk to people who have made accusations etc.

I wouldn't divorce after all those years based on 2 drunken memories.

[road]

Why thanks Mr.Lucky, I may just take your advice. I have just installed a tracker on her cell today without her knowledge so I can see if she is someplace that I was not expecting. I need to progress slowly here since a miss-step could cost me substantially. Sorry if I sound like our joint financial resources are a major factor here, but a couple friends have essentially been wiped out in divorce situations and had to start over again couch surfing at my house while trying to save cash and remaining employed just to cover the court assigned payments to the ex and kids.

 

 

Finally taking action.

 

 

Also install a key logger on WW's PC.

 

 

Next step is to hide a digital VAR and real time GPS in WW car. Hide a VAR in the house where WW takes most of her phone calls. Once installed ask WW what did she mean that her wild days are over. Tell her about the times those people told you. Now ask those people that told you back then about the cheating what they knew.

 

 

Then sit back and wait for WW to call these people to find out what you know and for her to do damage control. The VAR recordings will capture the truth.

 

 

Look you suspected that she has cheated as current as 2 years ago.

 

 

Did she say her wild days are over after that suspected affair?

 

 

She is content to have sex once a week makes me think that she is getting it else where.

 

 

Another bad sign is she has her own bedroom. You realize she can be having phone sex, Skype sex, sexting, facetime cell phone sex.

 

 

Not knowing the truth will eat at you forever. Thirty years from now not knowing the truth will still be causing you pain.

[road]

He watched his wife ride off with a known chronic womanizer (Whilst being told that his wife is cheating) & come back 45 minutes later....

 

He NEVER asked where she had been or what she had done! They were drinking a lot...but not so much that he doesn't remember what that lady told him or what he witnessed.

 

How many here can say that they would of reacted the same??

 

 

Everything said, we DON'T KNOW!

 

This man is being told again & again to divorce his constantly cheating wife. She has been convicted on circumstantial evidence! My H's best friend & best man was a cheat. We were great friends! He never tried it on & I have never cheated. We've gone off to do things when my H passed out drunk when we were young.

 

I'm NOT saying that she doesn't look incredibly guilty from what's been written here but now we're saying that she only fakes good, frequent sex to keep him quiet & he should DNA test his kids!!

 

 

LOOK FOR EVIDENCE. Talk to people who have made accusations etc.

I wouldn't divorce after all those years based on 2 drunken memories.

 

 

From what has been posted by the OP a DNA test is mandatory.

[S2B]

Do you still consider that guy your best friend?

 

Just wondering.

[bubbaganoosh]

Friend is likely a dirtbag based on how he treated his wife and kids when spending time at bars looking for other women.

 

Or his friends wife..................you.

[jay12]

Or his friends wife..................you.

 

So now I am back to wondering if it is just my jealousy making me feel this way.

Tonight was a good sex night. I always know when we are going to have sex because she gives me a Viagara and then we watch tv for half an hour or so, then we come to my bedroom and she joins me in bed. I guess the only problem with our sex life is that it doesn't really change much. She gets frisky right away and usually I am soent in 4 or 5 minutes. She then says, that should keep you happy for another week" and goes back to her bedroom closing both my door and hers.

[S2B]

So now I am back to wondering if it is just my jealousy making me feel this way.

Tonight was a good sex night. I always know when we are going to have sex because she gives me a Viagara and then we watch tv for half an hour or so, then we come to my bedroom and she joins me in bed. I guess the only problem with our sex life is that it doesn't really change much. She gets frisky right away and usually I am soent in 4 or 5 minutes. She then says, that should keep you happy for another week" and goes back to her bedroom closing both my door and hers.

 

Wow... What an exciting sex life... Can you hear my sarcasm?

 

If this is "enough" for you then I feel really sorry for you. You're not motivated to help yourself change anything so just keep swallowing your pride and self respect acting like things are all ok.

 

Complacency is a terrible word when it looks like this marriage.

 

Not doing anything is actually doing something. Good luck with this **** Storm.

[redbaron007]

Wow, I can't believe how many of you seem to agree that my wife actually has been unfaithful. Out of the blue one of the guys in our group who actually new my wife before I met her told me that "I was naive".

This comment is spot-on, there is no other word to describe you considering your age. Sorry!

[S2B]

It's not jealousy making you feel this way - it's your wife's bad behavior making you feel this way.

[wmacbride]

So now I am back to wondering if it is just my jealousy making me feel this way.

Tonight was a good sex night. I always know when we are going to have sex because she gives me a Viagara and then we watch tv for half an hour or so, then we come to my bedroom and she joins me in bed. I guess the only problem with our sex life is that it doesn't really change much. She gets frisky right away and usually I am soent in 4 or 5 minutes. She then says, that should keep you happy for another week" and goes back to her bedroom closing both my door and hers.

 

whether she is cheating or not, she is certainly showing you zero respect. That sounds like she's seeing sex with you as just another agenda item she needs tick of each week.

[merrmeade]

So now I am back to wondering if it is just my jealousy making me feel this way.

Tonight was a good sex night. I always know when we are going to have sex because she gives me a Viagara and then we watch tv for half an hour or so, then we come to my bedroom and she joins me in bed. I guess the only problem with our sex life is that it doesn't really change much. She gets frisky right away and usually I am soent in 4 or 5 minutes. She then says, that should keep you happy for another week" and goes back to her bedroom closing both my door and hers.

omg - she sounds completely devoid of conscience. She's does what works to keep you placated and unsuspecting, maintain the lifestyle and have her fun - which is the real life for her - if, in fact, she's cheating. BUt as said - either way it's not a give and take between you.

[jay12]

omg - she sounds completely devoid of conscience. She's does what works to keep you placated and unsuspecting, maintain the lifestyle and have her fun - which is the real life for her - if, in fact, she's cheating. BUt as said - either way it's not a give and take between you.

 

I must admit that reflecying on our sex life it isn't what it used to be, but I thought that was more of an age thing.

We rarely kiss anymore and when we do it is usually a short kiss initiated by me while having sec with her.

I don't think she has had an orgasm during sex in years.

Once again I just thought it was an age thingvwith her. I guess I am going to have to contact his wife and meet her for a heart tovheart. We go back a long way so she should be honedt with me about what she thinks.

I appreciste those who have taken time to respond, and I guess I need to now seek some type of confirmation of my deep concerns regarding my wife's behavior.