How often are we wrong

[doyathinkso]

There are none so blind as those who will not see.

[oldshirt]

If she falls in love with one of these other men, she may divorce you whether you want to or not.

 

She may also feel that being married to you is more of a hinderence to her and divorce you to be free of any entanglements.

 

So what I am saying is she may divorce you whether you want to or not.

 

So it would be prudent of you to see a lawyer now and find out what your rights, entitlements and obligations will be in a divorce whether she dumps you or you pull the plug.

 

Your marriage is already in shambles so it's just simple reaponsibility on your part to be informed and prepared whether you want to keep your head in the sand or not.

[ShatteredLady]

He watched his wife ride off with a known chronic womanizer (Whilst being told that his wife is cheating) & come back 45 minutes later....

 

He NEVER asked where she had been or what she had done! They were drinking a lot...but not so much that he doesn't remember what that lady told him or what he witnessed.

 

How many here can say that they would of reacted the same??

 

 

Everything said, we DON'T KNOW!

 

This man is being told again & again to divorce his constantly cheating wife. She has been convicted on circumstantial evidence! My H's best friend & best man was a cheat. We were great friends! He never tried it on & I have never cheated. We've gone off to do things when my H passed out drunk when we were young.

 

I'm NOT saying that she doesn't look incredibly guilty from what's been written here but now we're saying that she only fakes good, frequent sex to keep him quiet & he should DNA test his kids!!

 

 

LOOK FOR EVIDENCE. Talk to people who have made accusations etc.

I wouldn't divorce after all those years based on 2 drunken memories.

[road]

Why thanks Mr.Lucky, I may just take your advice. I have just installed a tracker on her cell today without her knowledge so I can see if she is someplace that I was not expecting. I need to progress slowly here since a miss-step could cost me substantially. Sorry if I sound like our joint financial resources are a major factor here, but a couple friends have essentially been wiped out in divorce situations and had to start over again couch surfing at my house while trying to save cash and remaining employed just to cover the court assigned payments to the ex and kids.

 

 

Finally taking action.

 

 

Also install a key logger on WW's PC.

 

 

Next step is to hide a digital VAR and real time GPS in WW car. Hide a VAR in the house where WW takes most of her phone calls. Once installed ask WW what did she mean that her wild days are over. Tell her about the times those people told you. Now ask those people that told you back then about the cheating what they knew.

 

 

Then sit back and wait for WW to call these people to find out what you know and for her to do damage control. The VAR recordings will capture the truth.

 

 

Look you suspected that she has cheated as current as 2 years ago.

 

 

Did she say her wild days are over after that suspected affair?

 

 

She is content to have sex once a week makes me think that she is getting it else where.

 

 

Another bad sign is she has her own bedroom. You realize she can be having phone sex, Skype sex, sexting, facetime cell phone sex.

 

 

Not knowing the truth will eat at you forever. Thirty years from now not knowing the truth will still be causing you pain.

[road]

He watched his wife ride off with a known chronic womanizer (Whilst being told that his wife is cheating) & come back 45 minutes later....

 

He NEVER asked where she had been or what she had done! They were drinking a lot...but not so much that he doesn't remember what that lady told him or what he witnessed.

 

How many here can say that they would of reacted the same??

 

 

Everything said, we DON'T KNOW!

 

This man is being told again & again to divorce his constantly cheating wife. She has been convicted on circumstantial evidence! My H's best friend & best man was a cheat. We were great friends! He never tried it on & I have never cheated. We've gone off to do things when my H passed out drunk when we were young.

 

I'm NOT saying that she doesn't look incredibly guilty from what's been written here but now we're saying that she only fakes good, frequent sex to keep him quiet & he should DNA test his kids!!

 

 

LOOK FOR EVIDENCE. Talk to people who have made accusations etc.

I wouldn't divorce after all those years based on 2 drunken memories.

 

 

From what has been posted by the OP a DNA test is mandatory.

[bubbaganoosh]

Friend is likely a dirtbag based on how he treated his wife and kids when spending time at bars looking for other women.

 

Or his friends wife..................you.

[jay12]

Or his friends wife..................you.

 

So now I am back to wondering if it is just my jealousy making me feel this way.

Tonight was a good sex night. I always know when we are going to have sex because she gives me a Viagara and then we watch tv for half an hour or so, then we come to my bedroom and she joins me in bed. I guess the only problem with our sex life is that it doesn't really change much. She gets frisky right away and usually I am soent in 4 or 5 minutes. She then says, that should keep you happy for another week" and goes back to her bedroom closing both my door and hers.

[redbaron007]

Wow, I can't believe how many of you seem to agree that my wife actually has been unfaithful. Out of the blue one of the guys in our group who actually new my wife before I met her told me that "I was naive".

This comment is spot-on, there is no other word to describe you considering your age. Sorry!

[wmacbride]

So now I am back to wondering if it is just my jealousy making me feel this way.

Tonight was a good sex night. I always know when we are going to have sex because she gives me a Viagara and then we watch tv for half an hour or so, then we come to my bedroom and she joins me in bed. I guess the only problem with our sex life is that it doesn't really change much. She gets frisky right away and usually I am soent in 4 or 5 minutes. She then says, that should keep you happy for another week" and goes back to her bedroom closing both my door and hers.

 

whether she is cheating or not, she is certainly showing you zero respect. That sounds like she's seeing sex with you as just another agenda item she needs tick of each week.

[merrmeade]

So now I am back to wondering if it is just my jealousy making me feel this way.

Tonight was a good sex night. I always know when we are going to have sex because she gives me a Viagara and then we watch tv for half an hour or so, then we come to my bedroom and she joins me in bed. I guess the only problem with our sex life is that it doesn't really change much. She gets frisky right away and usually I am soent in 4 or 5 minutes. She then says, that should keep you happy for another week" and goes back to her bedroom closing both my door and hers.

omg - she sounds completely devoid of conscience. She's does what works to keep you placated and unsuspecting, maintain the lifestyle and have her fun - which is the real life for her - if, in fact, she's cheating. BUt as said - either way it's not a give and take between you.

[jay12]

omg - she sounds completely devoid of conscience. She's does what works to keep you placated and unsuspecting, maintain the lifestyle and have her fun - which is the real life for her - if, in fact, she's cheating. BUt as said - either way it's not a give and take between you.

 

I must admit that reflecying on our sex life it isn't what it used to be, but I thought that was more of an age thing.

We rarely kiss anymore and when we do it is usually a short kiss initiated by me while having sec with her.

I don't think she has had an orgasm during sex in years.

Once again I just thought it was an age thingvwith her. I guess I am going to have to contact his wife and meet her for a heart tovheart. We go back a long way so she should be honedt with me about what she thinks.

I appreciste those who have taken time to respond, and I guess I need to now seek some type of confirmation of my deep concerns regarding my wife's behavior.

[CupCakess]

How do you propose he makes his wife stop cheating when she's evidently cheated for more than 20 years? There's no way to force another person to do anything you may wish for them to do...

 

Trust me, I agree with everyone else that he should divorce her cheating ass.

 

Just saying that, since he seems not to care that his wife was unfaithful, he could try to make her stop. Will probably fail, but it is a possibility though.

 

Anyway, as I said, I recommend divorce too.

[merrmeade]

Trust me, I agree with everyone else that he should divorce her cheating ass.

 

Just saying that, since he seems not to care that his wife was unfaithful, he could try to make her stop. Will probably fail, but it is a possibility though.

 

Anyway, as I said, I recommend divorce too.

Maybe .... once he confirms for himself that she's cheating, but he's not absorbing that as a reality yet. I think talking to the friend's wife is reasonable.

[Gr8fuln2020]

jay12...my LS friend, you sound like a decent guy. I haven't read all of the posts, but based on the first one, I am guessing that you are a decent guy. Your wife, from the start, was not what you expected/needed. I don't know, maybe YOU needed her, but she has been playing you for all these years.

 

I really dislike stories like this. Yes, BLIND love. You, consciously, subconsciously disregarded/ignored the red flags. I don't know how you got through 20+ years of marriage with her, but I get a sense that she got through in her own, subversive way.

 

You're still young. You can recover from a break-up, you have time. The choice is yours, of course.

[JS84]

I gotta say you are a cheating wife's wet dream. If you stuck your head any further in the sand only your feet would be left sticking out of the ground.

 

I have to agree with an earlier post. I'm not exactly sure what the point is of you making this thread. If someone held a gun to my head and told me to tell them whether I thought your wife has repeatedly cheated on you based on what I've read in this thread and my life depended on giving the right answer, I'd have to say yes.

 

You not only seem to be in extreme denial about this, it doesn't even sound like you'd care even if you did know. Not enough to actually do anything about it anyway.

 

You're already in an open relationship whether you think you'd be okay with it or not. It's simply one-sided on her part. The choice is not, and has never been yours. While you go through your marriage and life with eyes wide shut, everyone else knows your wife is making a fool out of you. Hell some of them are even outright telling you what she's doing.

 

If you don't mind being the neighborhood chump as long as you can play happy house and that works for you, my advice would be to walk away from this thread, enjoy your marriage with your wife if that's what makes you happy.

 

I have to say though, you might think things in your life are going great with your wife. From our end however it's hard to not feel sorry for your situation. You're a borderline cuckold. You might not outright give your wife permission to **** other men, but you don't seem all that bothered by it as long as you can keep that head in the sand and any of the details from reaching your eyes and ears.

[oldshirt]

I do know that the two girls have absolutely no idea that I have suspicions about their mother. I am close to both of them and we talk a lot.

It would be a shock that would crumble their world if I was to tell them any of this.

 

 

They don't need YOUR suspicions. They already have their own suspicions or perhaps they even know for sure.

 

They also know that you have your head in the sand and have less respect for you because of that.

 

Their world would not crumble. They are adults and have their own lives to manage. Yes they would be sad and it would be a bit of a disruption but they would not be harmed.

 

They think less of you because of your denial and your head in the sand than they would if you were to stand up for yourself, even if that was to result in divorce.

 

If you want to live with your head in the sand to keep the dining room set, that is your prerogative. But don't use your adult children as your excuse for denial and inaction.

[road]

So now I am back to wondering if it is just my jealousy making me feel this way.

Tonight was a good sex night. I always know when we are going to have sex because she gives me a Viagara and then we watch tv for half an hour or so, then we come to my bedroom and she joins me in bed. I guess the only problem with our sex life is that it doesn't really change much. She gets frisky right away and usually I am soent in 4 or 5 minutes. She then says, that should keep you happy for another week" and goes back to her bedroom closing both my door and hers.

 

 

You call that good sex?

[road]

I must admit that reflecying on our sex life it isn't what it used to be, but I thought that was more of an age thing.

We rarely kiss anymore and when we do it is usually a short kiss initiated by me while having sec with her.

I don't think she has had an orgasm during sex in years.

Once again I just thought it was an age thingvwith her. I guess I am going to have to contact his wife and meet her for a heart tovheart. We go back a long way so she should be honedt with me about what she thinks.

I appreciste those who have taken time to respond, and I guess I need to now seek some type of confirmation of my deep concerns regarding my wife's behavior.

 

 

Yes see those people but do not forget to key logger, GPS, and VAR's so when WW contacts them to do damage control you will hear her admit that she cheated.

[oldshirt]

Here is something else you can try. Pick out some trusted friends and relatives.

 

Send them a blank piece of paper and a SASE with no return address along with a note asking them to anonymously jot down on the paper if there is anything that they think you should know about.

 

You can ask that they include timelines, locations, circumstances etc, but basically give them an opportunity to anonymously tell you if there is anything going on that you should know about.

 

You don't even need to come out and ask if they think your wife is banging other dudes. Just ask if they can think of anything that you need to know about.

 

Your going to get your answers.

 

(but yes, do the VARs and trackers and the key loggers. From the VARs you are going to hear it in her own words, from her own mouth)

[oldshirt]

Here is something else you can try. Pick out some trusted friends and relatives.

 

Send them a blank piece of paper and a SASE with no return address along with a note asking them to anonymously jot down on the paper if there is anything that they think you should know about.

 

You can ask that they include timelines, locations, circumstances etc, but basically give them an opportunity to anonymously tell you if there is anything going on that you should know about.

 

You don't even need to come out and ask if they think your wife is banging other dudes. Just ask if they can think of anything that you need to know about.

 

Your going to get your answers.

 

(but yes, do the VARs and trackers and the key loggers. From the VARs you are going to hear it in her own words, from her own mouth)

 

 

And realize that there are probably more than one of your so-called 'friends' is laying the lumber to her.

 

Some of them are going to get alarmed when they get your letter and will be contacting her so have her emails and social media hacked, be watching her phone/txt logs and have the VARs in place before you send out the letters and then sit back and watch the cat circus unfold in front of you.

[jay12]

You call that good sex?

 

Well we all know that sex when we were younger was more romantic, but as we aged and especially after she moved into her own bedroom, the thrill of sex has diminished.

I don't think she enjoys it as much as I do, so that is why I just really let her get me excited and then get on top and satisfy me.

The fact that I am done in a couple minutes is more my problem than hers.

She did used to complain that I was to quick for her but she has not complained for many years now. When I turned 50 I started having trouble with sex so I asked her if I could get a Viagra prescription, and she told me that if I wanted to, I could go ahead but she would control when I used them. I thought that was great because she now feeds me a pill when we are going to have sex.

So I am sure that five minutes of sex may seem hurried for many people here but it works for me, the alternative would be no Viagra and no sex at all.

[oldshirt]

Seriously?????

 

 

 

I gotta be honest, even though I can't rightfully condone adultery, I am beginning to side with Mrs Jay.

 

If this thread is even for real (which I have been questioning from the start) I think he is just as self-centered and entitled and shallow as she is, maybe more so.

 

If all he cares about is keeping all the furniture and keeping up appearances and sitting on the money in the bank and doesn't give a hootenannie about what she does in her spare time as long as she pops him a pill and bobs up and down on him until he is done 4 minutes later (which I think if you were to actually time it, it would probably really be like 1 or 2 minutes because time flies when you're having fun y'know) then why shouldn't she go out and have her fun?

 

If this is true, this is a lifestyle that they have both created. Is it for me? No, not at all. But it's obviously worked for them for a quarter of a century and I really don't see why he's asking questions now.

 

They are both equally selfish and entitled. Noone and no animals are being harmed here. they both have their house in the 'burbs, the cars, the retirement accounts. She gets to have her fun with whatever dude is available at that given time and he gets his weekly Viagra dose and 2 minutes of laying back getting his balls drained. They both get to keep their comfortable lifestyle and don't have to mess with lawyers and real estate agents and deciding who gets the china and who gets the dog.

 

They are like Forest Gump and Jenny, he is a simpleton and she is a #$%@^. They go together like peas and carrots. It's the perfect arraignment.

 

And all the horny guys in town get to benefit from it too. Mrs Jay has probably actually saved a lot of marriages. When some married dude gets a little restless, instead getting into an actual affair with his younger, prettier, single secretary and having all messiness that can occur with that, he can just call up Mrs Jay to meet him behind the boathouse at the marina for 45 minutes and then all is well for another few weeks.

[oldshirt]

....My point is Jay is no victim here. He is good with this "arrangement" and he is benefiting from it.

 

While I usually have nothing but disdain for cheaters, that is only with the assumption that the BS is acting in good faith.

 

While I am not going to say there are times that cheating is ever justified. There are times where the BS is so negligent and so uncaring and so lazy and so self-indulged themselves, that no reasonable person would be able to remain happily and healthily monogamous to them.

 

Yes, the "proper" thing to do would be to divorce if one wasn't happy or satisfied, but in this case the BS was perfectly happy to let her have her cake and eat it too as long as it didn't rock his boat any.

 

To put it simply - he doesn't care. As long as she dispenses his weekly purple pill and bobs up and down on him for 2 minutes each week, she is free to do as she wishes and they both get to keep the house, the dog and not have to fight over the Lazy Boy.

 

He's not going to rock the boat because it has taken them 25 years to build the boat into what it is today and it floats for both of them.

[oldshirt]

I think the real reason he is here is he is afraid that one of these days she will come across one of her lovers that will actual want to be with her and will take her fulltime and she will split and he won't get his weekly tank draining and she will try to take the Lazy Boy.

 

He has been fairly secure the last 25 years because she has been banging other married dudes and known womanizers and players. He knew they wouldn't want her fulltime and so he was secure.

 

I think his real concern is that he may eventually have to actually do something and lift a finger and write out a check some day.

[jay12]

Boy you people can be really harsh, but in some ways you are probably right. I came from nothing and scrimped and saved for a life while my wife stayed home enjoying the benefits. With current legislation I end up with barely enough to retire on if I divorce her.

Been poor once in life and don't want to go back.