Mz. Pixie Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 My ex mentioned football to my son without discussing it with me first. I reluctantly agreed for him to play because I didn't want to look like the bad guy. My son is nine and started middle school two weeks ago. He's a honor roll and principal's list kid- and mostly behaves well. So far, we've gotten four phone calls from his teacher about his homework, behavior etc. I cannot tell if she is making too much of it all and I believe that we need to have a sit down conference with her but it will have to be scheduled. We have seen notes about things he missed in his homework agenda and have had to inital them. My ex has him this week and is punishing him for not doing his work like his teacher told him to. He's taking away video games etc. My thing is the football needs to be suspended until he starts behaving or we get to the root of this issue. My ex doesn't want him to stop playing, he says that will make him a quitter. The real issue is that he's paid for all of this stuff and doesn't want him to not play. I've paid for half of it as well but it's not a problem for me. I have told him that I feel like if we allow him to keep playing that sends the message that sports are more important. I know if I keep him home from practice when I have him it's going to be a screaming battle with the ex and I'm trying to get him to see my side of it. Do you guys think I'm making too much of this and I should let him continue to play??? Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Sports can be expensive and I tend to think that a substitute punishment would be much less stressful for the parent and yet just as successful for the child, such as no TV, no video games, cancelling a weekend plan they may have, etc. Are you sure you're not still a bit resentful that the ex didn't really have your permission first? My kids are/will be involved in a lot of activities this fall (my head is spinning, there's so much!). This year will be a true test as to how well the kids have adapted to the separation (since Jan). I absolutely hate meeting with teachers for some reason. My ex is always dropping in to see how the kids are doing. He'll just "show up" at the school right before lunch or whatever....I think it's kinda weird although probably not a bad thing. My ex and I are going to have to really work together to make sure they're assignments for school are getting done. Most of the time, well here anyways, there is enough time to get their work done during school hours. I know sometimes homework is assigned, and there just isn't enough time to get it done in one night, especially if they have one activity from 4:30-6 and another one from 6:30-8pm in the same night. Are there any other activities that haven't yet started that can be suspended? I know it's difficult being divorced but it's still important to be consistent with punishment and discipline. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mz. Pixie Posted August 23, 2005 Author Share Posted August 23, 2005 No, I'm not resentful that he did that without asking, but since we are striving for consistency here he should have asked me first. I have made him be responsible for 60 percent of the practices since it was his idea and I will split the other with him. He has not been very good at sports in the past and this is the first one he has been good at. The ex thinks it's good for his self esteem he says and he brought up the fact that it's hard right now because he's just learning but the real fun will start when the actual games are played. He thinks we need to save it for the last resort punch after the fun rolls in. I agreed to go ahead with that for now. I failed to mention earlier that my son has ample time to complete his homework at his after school program. They have a specific teacher to help with homework and a separate study area for them, he is just apparently not availing himself of that option. Link to post Share on other sites
pvtpylot Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 You might to mention to your ex that if he continues with football just about every high school and college in the country has an academic eligibility requirement that your son'll have to deal with. He may as well get used to it now. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie it's hard right now because he's just learning but the real fun will start when the actual games are played. He thinks we need to save it for the last resort punch after the fun rolls in. . Exactly....once it becomes "fun" rather than work (for the child) it would be a good bargaining tool for good behavior. If we tell our kids they can't go to swimming lessons, for example, they're like "whatever". But if they miss a lesson, and then fail, that's another $60 we have to dish out for them to repeat. It's easier to take away something that's fun. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 i would put the importance of athletics at 33% and academics at 67%. unfortunately with many parents and kids it is the other way around. we need more smart people vs. athletes. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale i would put the importance of athletics at 33% and academics at 67%. unfortunately with many parents and kids it is the other way around. we need more smart people vs. athletes. Yes, definitely if sports is taking time away from doing homework, but it is the disciplinary action of suspending sports because of something. In this case that something is to get her kid to do his homework in the time alotted. Link to post Share on other sites
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