AmandaK Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I just want to start by saying I have absolutely no solid evidence of this, but something happened recently that is very much out of character for me, and I have a gut suspicion that drugs may have been involved. I have recall of the night, but I don’t recall having any stop button so things went way further that I otherwise would have let them. My best friend, who was involved in our misadventure along with her husband, describes the same thing. She also has a recollection of being there but of not being in control. She doesn’t believe it was drugs and thinks it was just the alcohol. I have been drunk before and acted like a fool, but I’ve always felt I’ve had at least a little control. My husband swears that he thinks I was acting normally, not even too drunk, and what happened was all at my instigation, and other friends who were at the party before we left suggest that he is right. But this is not me. And if I was ever going to do it, it would never be with my best friend, and certainly not her husband. Although our relationship seems to still be strong so far, so that’s a good thing, I’ve known her since we were 6. But here we are. There is no doubt it happened, there’s a few photo’s of her and I kissing, and people from the party say they saw us sneaking a kiss too. I feel dirty. I feel like I cheated. I feel like my husband cheated on me. Everyone else seems ok with it and even say that if the time and place was ever right again that they would be open to the idea. It’s hard to hear my best friend tell me that she would be happy to sleep with my husband again, not to mention with me!! I can’t be angry with her because what everyone is telling me is that it all came from me. I was going to do a toxicology test (is that what it’s called?) to check for drugs in my system, but this happened just over a month ago now, so I don’t think there’s any point. This seems to be all my fault, at my insistence, but I’m the only one worried by what has happened. I guess no more drinking for me, I don’t want this to happen again. How do you deal with something like this? How do you face all those friends from the party who, while they might not know for a fact, have a pretty good idea of what happened. How do I look at my best friend the same again? And her husband!! And my husband!!!!! And myself in the mirror!!!!!!!!! This is a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Cut them out of your life. They aren't friends, especially if they drugged you to sleep with them and for them to have sex with your husband (or her to have sex with your husband). Either way nothing will ever be the same. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmandaK Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Oh yeah, no doubt. If I was drugged whoever knew is gone. But I can't prove that. What if it was just alcohol? That means it was all me. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I agree with WWIU, stay away from these people from now on. If you go to a party, take your own drinks and only accept a drink from someone else from a bottle/can that you have seen opened in front of you. Keep your drink with you at all times and if you want to put it down to dance etc then don't drink from it again. None of this is your fault. This "friend" is no friend to you. It sounds to me like she wanted to have sex with your husband and they engineered all of this to make it happen, then blamed it on you. Be vigilant, they could be having an affair. I'm sorry x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I think your husband was in on it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmandaK Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Thank you for the responses. I take on board what everyone is saying, but I feel that it's absolving me of any blame. Sure, if the drugging is real then I carry no blame, but if it's not I have to bear that burden. With no way of ever knowing the truth I was sort of working on the premise that there was no drugging, despite my gut feeling. I'm also very wary of ending a marriage and a lifelong friendship because of my actions when the other parties are at ease with what happened. It's a lot to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I supposed you could have a strand of your hair tested, but I don't think all drugs stay in your system like that so it might not show anything..... What were you drinking and how much did you have? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmandaK Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Oh, I was quite drunk. I was drinking pretty much whatever was on offer. But never before when I've been drunk have I lost control of my morals. That is why I just have this gut feeling that it was something more. It might not have even been any of the others involved, it could have been someone else at the party that spiked a drink if that's what it was. I just don't know where to go now. Shutting them all out of my life seems extreme, unless they were responsible. I'm embarrassed by this, I know my husband thinks all his birthdays have come at once, but I can't look at myself the same anymore, let alone him. He's empathised now he knows how upset I am. Empathy is great, but the acts can't be undone. I watched my husband have sex with my best friend, and I did equally as bad. I encouraged it at the time. Now I'm disgusted with him, with her, especially with me. I just wish they were all as equally confused/disgusted/hurt by what happened as I am. It would be so much easier to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Who brought drinks to you? Do you remember leaving the party? Did you have something to drink after you left the party? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Oh, I was quite drunk. I was drinking pretty much whatever was on offer. But never before when I've been drunk have I lost control of my morals. That is why I just have this gut feeling that it was something more. It might not have even been any of the others involved, it could have been someone else at the party that spiked a drink if that's what it was. I just don't know where to go now. Shutting them all out of my life seems extreme, unless they were responsible. I'm embarrassed by this, I know my husband thinks all his birthdays have come at once, but I can't look at myself the same anymore, let alone him. He's empathised now he knows how upset I am. Empathy is great, but the acts can't be undone. I watched my husband have sex with my best friend, and I did equally as bad. I encouraged it at the time. Now I'm disgusted with him, with her, especially with me. I just wish they were all as equally confused/disgusted/hurt by what happened as I am. It would be so much easier to deal with. Hmm.. so you mixed drinks all night and didn't barf or lose control of your ability to stand up straight? That's quite an impressive feat on its own -- let alone a foursome with all hands and feet and tongues dangling. I don't think drugs stay in your system more than 48 hours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmandaK Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Everyone bought my drinks. My husband, my best friend, other friends. This was a party with all friends and acquaintances, I didn't feel worried. The only thing I drank after we left was from the hotels mini bar. I remember the night. I remember kissing my friend. I remember leaving. I knew where we were going. As I said, my moral compass would normally go, no way girl, stop. This time it didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Everyone bought my drinks. My husband, my best friend, other friends. This was a party with all friends and acquaintances, I didn't feel worried. The only thing I drank after we left was from the hotels mini bar. I remember the night. I remember kissing my friend. I remember leaving. I knew where we were going. As I said, my moral compass would normally go, no way girl, stop. This time it didn't. It is quite odd that you're conveniently being blamed for initiating it all and not even one of the other three found your behavior out of character enough to stop it, but even encouraged it. Just the fact that all three of them are A-OK with what happened would be enough for me to question all of those relationships. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmandaK Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Fair point. And has been raised with no real answers. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Everyone bought my drinks. My husband, my best friend, other friends. This was a party with all friends and acquaintances, I didn't feel worried. The only thing I drank after we left was from the hotels mini bar. I remember the night. I remember kissing my friend. I remember leaving. I knew where we were going. As I said, my moral compass would normally go, no way girl, stop. This time it didn't. If you remember all of it I don't think you were drugged. I just think you got intoxicated and made some poor choices. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 AmandaK, Just a couple of questions and there may be someone on this thread that may have some experience with this, I dont but have heard about this before. Do you remember anything different with your vision....bright colors, enhanced images etc.? What you are describing to me sounds a bit like the effects of Xtc....this can create a lack of inhibitions, increased sexuality and reduced decision making capabilities. Just a thought. Here is a capture from an article for your reference. KG Recent research is showing that the drug ecstasy affects women differently than men. Ecstasy is a synthetic drug and acts a stimulant and a mild hallucinogen. This drug affects the levels of serotonin; a chemical in the brain. This chemical regulates mood, cognitive functions, and sleep. Users seek out the relaxed and euphoric state, and the heightened feelings of self-acceptance and connection with others. Ecstasy also produces negative effects like anxiety, depression, and paranoia. With prolonged use, mental functioning and memory difficulties are common. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Nobody would mix ecstasy with alcohol. You mostly drink water. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 You and your husband need to figure this out. Was he into this? Is he still in contact with them/her? If so then you two have to cut the rest of that group out of your lives. And you two go to marriage counseling to help fix this. Does he want to do it again or is he horrified that he had sex with someone else in front of you? Something isn't right though, this is more than just being drunk. The other thing is ALL of talk to see who knows what, inlcluding others who were there and what they saw, etc. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Nobody would mix ecstasy with alcohol. You mostly drink water. What if you weren't educated in the use of it? I probably would mix it if I was inclined to ever take it because I'd have no clue.... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 What if you weren't educated in the use of it? I probably would mix it if I was inclined to ever take it because I'd have no clue.... I think you'd dehydrate and pass out but not completely sure. She remembers the whole night. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 There are some drugs that can enhance sexualized behavior and not cause blackouts. However, they are very dangerous mixed with alcohol and I have no idea what they would feel like mixed with alcohol. In fact, I would question not noticing feeling a difference. A drug like X or MDMA would make you feel VERY different than standard drunk. Perhaps a super low dose of ketamine. OP, I want to caution you against blaming yourself, even if it was *just* alcohol. Regardless of whether you think you are "in control" of yourself normally, you have no idea how alcohol will affect you in a given situation, under whatever conditions you are in. Perhaps you are taking medicines that impact how alcohol was metabolized in your system, etc. I DO wonder what happened. I don't think you should brush aside a gut feeling. It is interesting that you behaved very out of character and no one is questioning you. However...maybe your "friends" are also trying to be "cool" about this and not make anyone feel bad. Who knows. You may never know what happened, but I hope you can put your guilt away. I know it may be hard. Something was certainly off about this event. I would make yourself VERY heard that you are regretful of what happened and are drawing the line there. Perhaps you can have a more serious talk with your H. I am sorry about your experience. You must feel violated. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Fair point. And has been raised with no real answers. Maybe if you take action and file for divorce you may get answers. Seriously, if you can't trust your husband and you can't trust your best friend then they aren't friends worth trusting. When trust is lost there's nothing to work with. Cut them all out - since they watch you participate in something they KNEW was going against your character. Do it now. When they realize it will cost your marriage they MIGHT offer up some truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Sounds like your husband was in on it and is covering for them. What’s even the point of having a husband if you can’t trust him not to participate in drugging you? Even if he didn’t know about you being drugged or you weren’t drugged, do you really want a husband who will sleep with your best friend the second you have too much to drink at a party? Also, it seems like if you were drugged, they tried to cover their bases to make sure plenty of people who weren’t involved in the sex knew that the whole thing was your idea. So that afterwards you would get confirmation from “witnesses” other than your husband and bff that you wanted this all to happen. That’s strange and seems like it could be part of a cover up that was planned beforehand. The real question is why isn’t everyone reacting the way that you’re reacting. Your reaction is normal, theirs isn’t which makes me think that this was all planned, and if it was planned, there is no trust, and without trust there’s no marriage or friendship. Your bff should at least be slightly concerned that you slept with her husband, the fact that she isn't is just not normal. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Some people swing. To them monogamy isn't normal. Maybe that's why they don't have a problem with it. They're swingers. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I have had my drinks doctored probably four times. Mostly, it made me sick. If anything was put in yours, it sounds like something like "X" which makes you all lovey with everyone. Even my worst enemy tried to sidle up to me once when she was on it at a party, which I wasn't having any of, so it can do strange things. Ecstacy can only be tested for 24 hours. But if you start suspecting either your bf or his friend colluded to do this, you need to dump him because that's not funny. He seems a little too okay with it to me. Has he ever tried to get you to try Ecstacy or anything like that? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I agree your H and bestie is in on it... the way they have (non)reacted is not normal. It's like they planned it. Group sex - looks like rape - I'd have NOTHING to do with them ever again! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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