MeadowFlower Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 Please could males give me some personal insight regarding hot and cold behaviour from a guy. For you personally, if you do this to a girl, what does it mean? Are you not interested, other than for attention? Thoughts please if you will.
alphamale Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 if I were exhibiting hot & cold behavior it would mean i'm trying to keep her more interested 2
SammySammy Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 If I were doing that, then it would mean I’m playing games. I don’t play games though. Either I’m into you or I’m not. I’m a grown man. I don’t have the time or energy to play games with women. With that said, I have no clue what this guy is doing. He could have a totally different reason. 5
Interstellar Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 (edited) Give us specifics. As a guy, I don’t want to do too much too soon so I would hold back in the early stages of dating. But for me, this is about self-control and discipline if I want the girl in the long term. Additionally, with men if we get intimate with a woman too soon it clouds our judgement and raises our interest level and could get out of hand and can get to the point where the woman eventually gets rid of us. So yes, it’s discipline and so you won’t get rid of us. Edited January 4, 2018 by Interstellar 1
snowboy91 Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 In my opinion it could be one of two things. 1. He's shy and scared of getting hurt or embarrassed so tries to keep distance (cold). When he works up the courage to actually text, call or meet he gets comfortable and keeps going (hot). or.. 2. He's playing a game to not get too involved or committed but keep you around for a bit of fun. Both of these can be solved with honesty on the guy's part. 1
nospam99 Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 Context: I don't do games, expect no games in return, and I'm 'looking' for LTR rather than hookup. If I do cold, I'm not interested. If I'm interested, I don't do cold. Start warm and either 'turn up the heat' if the interest is mutual or go cold if she is not interested. Because other guys may game and/or 'play', your mileage WILL vary. 1
Author MeadowFlower Posted January 4, 2018 Author Posted January 4, 2018 So if they don't initiate contact much or at all anymore, that would be a sign of cooling of/uninterested, right? And thank you to everyone who has given a reply.
Interstellar Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 (edited) So if they don't initiate contact much or at all anymore, that would be a sign of cooling of/uninterested, right? And thank you to everyone who has given a reply. Not necessarily. Depends on how long. He could be busy or taking it slow because if he rushes too soon he could f**k it up again like he did with his previous relationships. It could be anything. The number one complaint of women is that guys comes on too strong. But If he’s setting up dates and taking you out and you’re having fun and he’s a gentleman even though he’s not texting or calling in between dates it shows he has self-control and that’s a good thing. The problem I see nowadays and here in the forums is that guys want to rush right into rejection. They give away the entire store on the first few dates. And then what happens is they post threads on how the girl got bored, and ghosted them or cancelled dates..etc.. Edited January 4, 2018 by Interstellar 1
alphamale Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 Not necessarily. Depends on how long. He could be busy or taking it slow because if he rushes too soon he could f**k it up again like he did with his previous relationships. It could be anything. The number one complaint of women is that guys comes on too strong. But If he’s setting up dates and taking you out and you’re having fun and he’s a gentleman even though he’s not texting or calling in between dates it shows he has self-control and that’s a good thing. The problem I see nowadays and here in the forums is that guys want to rush right into rejection. They give away the entire store on the first few dates. And then what happens is they post threads on how the girl got bored, and ghosted them or cancelled dates..etc.. ^^^this^^^ 1
nospam99 Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 So if they don't initiate contact much or at all anymore, that would be a sign of cooling of/uninterested, right? And thank you to everyone who has given a reply. One more 'not necessarily'. I'm old and traditional enough to accept that it's the male role to initiate, basically call and ask 'wanna go out again this weekend?'. To me, the sign of cooling off/uninterested is getting a 'no' answer without an explaination.
Author MeadowFlower Posted January 13, 2018 Author Posted January 13, 2018 Harping on the same string here, but what if they take days to reply to an email (long distance), does that spell indifference/low level of interest? Or what if they don't reply at all, whereas the last two emails before, they did, and promptly?
Happy Lemming Posted January 13, 2018 Posted January 13, 2018 Harping on the same string here, but what if they take days to reply to an email (long distance), does that spell indifference/low level of interest? Or what if they don't reply at all, whereas the last two emails before, they did, and promptly? Here is my opinion... I treat e-mail, phone calls and text messages in my personal relationships the same as in my business life. If you contact me and I don't respond within 24 hours, I'm dead. That being said, I did have a hard drive fry on my main computer last year. I, quickly, set up my backup computer and ordered a new hard drive. Not everyone keeps an older backup computer for just such an emergency. Do you have his phone number?? I would try one alternate way of communication, then I'd give up. In answer to your original questions, I don't do the hot and cold thing to any woman I am dating. I usually try to set up, at least, one date per week when the relationship is new and adjust based on schedules, etc. Again, just my two cents. 3
Highndry Posted January 13, 2018 Posted January 13, 2018 If somebody is hot and cold they are wishy washy, in my opinion. That would indicate a certain lack of interest. After reading around here a lot, and about relationships in general, it seems there are a lot of people, both men and women, who like to play games. I had never even heard of PUA and all this crap that's out there now, and I never needed it to meet awesome women when I came of dating age. In my opinion, if somebody is slow to contact they are not very interested. If it just so happens that they are super interested but this slow contact is some sort of pickup artist nonsense they are practicing from a website or something, they're playing games and not worth your time anyway. Find a real man. 3
Chilli Posted January 13, 2018 Posted January 13, 2018 If somebody is hot and cold they are wishy washy, in my opinion. That would indicate a certain lack of interest. After reading around here a lot, and about relationships in general, it seems there are a lot of people, both men and women, who like to play games. I had never even heard of PUA and all this crap that's out there now, and I never needed it to meet awesome women when I came of dating age. In my opinion, if somebody is slow to contact they are not very interested. If it just so happens that they are super interested but this slow contact is some sort of pickup artist nonsense they are practicing from a website or something, they're playing games and not worth your time anyway. Find a real man. Haha yeah , pretty well what l've said myself 100 times since l've been out there again , especially reading in forums. Even in this one little thread there's 10 examples for the same thing. Too keen , not keen enough , playing games, reading too much internet bs and on it goes. And then we have texting now , my God that's a big thing out there in all this these days isn't it. How many threads here because someone didn't reply 2hours ago. too fast this too slow too that , don't reply too soon reply or or playing games and on and on again.. Think l might have to buy the manual.
Chilli Posted January 13, 2018 Posted January 13, 2018 sorry op ,take ya pick l think really.. Maybe he's had a really busy few days. Maybe he's lost interest. Or maybe he's been reading all the internet lists and thinks he's being smart. l'm going with losing interest.
Author MeadowFlower Posted January 13, 2018 Author Posted January 13, 2018 (edited) sorry op ,take ya pick l think really.. Maybe he's had a really busy few days. Maybe he's lost interest. Or maybe he's been reading all the internet lists and thinks he's being smart. l'm going with losing interest. Yea or not enough interest or has interest elsewhere. He was relatively okay though in his last email, even asked a couple of questions. Anyways yea. I don't do anything in regards to him at this point do I? Like write another email. Edited January 13, 2018 by MeadowFlower
carhill Posted January 13, 2018 Posted January 13, 2018 In my past life the main reason, especially if LD, extrapolated to your scenario, is there's someone else in the picture. Girlfriend, wife, dating partner of interest, etc. Also, some types of people, psychological types, 'hook' targets then place them into station-keeping orbit. They know how to get someone attached, read them well, do all the right things then back off while working other targets. When you noticed this, did you notice any change in the *quality* of contact? The content? Back when I did the LD thing, one clear sign of interest was I was already planning my next trip to see my lady when we were getting ready to say goodbye. Gotta go for now but I'll be back and let's work out the details now while we're together. IMO, if a guy is giving you the 'whatever' vibe, accept that. Whatever. Date other guys if not already doing so. 2
Chilli Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 tbh ,l dunno. If he sent you an email it's only natural to reply or it gets into some game bs thing. But it depends if he seemed still interested too or just being polite. Personally , l don't like any effg around with bs so if l thought there was a problem l'd just talk to her and ask for it straight. Put the bs to bed.
Author MeadowFlower Posted January 14, 2018 Author Posted January 14, 2018 tbh ,l dunno. If he sent you an email it's only natural to reply or it gets into some game bs thing. But it depends if he seemed still interested too or just being polite. Personally , l don't like any effg around with bs so if l thought there was a problem l'd just talk to her and ask for it straight. Put the bs to bed. I just saw something in relation to him, some form of interest elsewhere, which I've seen on another occasion. Stink. Anyway if they have an eye for pretty girls and not for myself then that's that. Moment of silence for me fellow Loveshackers, lol.
lucy_in_disguise Posted January 16, 2018 Posted January 16, 2018 Usually if someone doesn't appear to be interested... They're probably not. Occasionally it's because they're playing some game or have poor social skills. Either way if someone you only recently met is making you feel insecure through their behaivior, it's probably not a good match, no matter why. Follow your instincts! One thing I'd caution against, though, is reading too much into frequency/ timing of text messages. Over the last several years living together with my bf, I have been struck by how many of texts that we send to each other are delivered with outrageous delays, and how many others are not delivered at all. They show up as sent on his phone, but never make it to mine. I think most of us assume that text messaging is a reliable form of communication, but my experience has shown that's far from the case. For what it's worth, we're in the US and have different (too national) providers.
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