sadfish Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Different kind of question/issue i guess: I was really jealous and insecure in my recent relationship, so much that i know it was part of the reason we broke up, not the ENTIRE reason, but part. He used to tease me alot about it, so then he ended up hiding these female friends from me. because "knew it would really upset me" When we broke up he said it was because we're not right for each other (which i don't buy 100% cos something kept us together and is making him want to keep me as a friend). So, now i have realised and recognised this, am taking steps to deal with this issue of mine, i feel like an idiot for being so insecure about stupid things. Here is my question: How does one or can one even get back together with an ex when jealousy WAS an issue before? I mean, i am willing to do whatever i have to to "fix" myself cos it's MY issue, not his. But how can i make him realise that i am doing so, and that while i know it was a past issue with us, i'm working so that it wouldn't be? Or is it a lost cause? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 You will want to show him that you are working on this for you and not just for the sake of a possible reconciliation. No one wants to know that they are the only reason someone is making improvements, and if things go wrong: the reason those improvements will crumble again into dust. He doesn't want to be your motivation. He wants you to find the motivation within yourself. Perhaps with some time and effort, he will come to know you in different ways - get to know a stronger and more secure 'you' and things can go from there. Let him see that you are committed to working on your issues, and leave the relationship stuff for when you are feeling emotionally stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadfish Posted August 23, 2005 Author Share Posted August 23, 2005 Thanks Lucretia, and yes, i am doing this for myself, not him. This break up made me face 16 years of buried self-esteem issues, so for that i am thankful because I recognised that and want to make sure i take care of myself for whatever the future holds with ANYONE, not just him. I am casually dating people in the process, but i know that i can't give myself to anyone until i feel happy with myself, and i welcome that, striving hard to make it so Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Originally posted by sadfish Thanks Lucretia, and yes, i am doing this for myself, not him. This break up made me face 16 years of buried self-esteem issues, so for that i am thankful because I recognised that and want to make sure i take care of myself for whatever the future holds with ANYONE, not just him. I am casually dating people in the process, but i know that i can't give myself to anyone until i feel happy with myself, and i welcome that, striving hard to make it so You know what they say....from the greatest pain comes the greatest growth. You're doing the right thing. Good for you Link to post Share on other sites
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