Spouse's weight - need some suggestions

[littleblackheart]

Hi OP

 

Firstly, I don't think you're being shallow or wrong to be concerned about your spouse's weight gain.

 

My personal experience is that I'd always been in the healthy range before I met my exH. I was inexperienced and naive, and allowed my H to abuse me emotionally for years. My 'way out' of the abuse was food which, in hindsight, was obviously not a great move. The more invisible I felt, the more I'd want to disappear by eating myself to oblivion.

 

My weight dropped down significantly when I left him, without much effort on my part - not quite to what it used to as I'm 43 and have had 2 difficult pregnancies, but at least I'm back to being reasonably healthy.

 

I'm not at all implying that this is the same for your wife; I'm just saying I needed a trigger (leaving the abuse / serial cheating behind) to want to change. Maybe she's dealing with past issues (previous to you meeting her) or maybe she just likes her food and hasn't adjusted her food portions to her level of physical activity and her age.

 

It may well be worth asking her how she's feeling in a general sense, not so much in terms of weight. That's assuming she actually wants to lose weight in the first place.

Edited January 5, 2018 by littleblackheart

[ICEMAN69]

Observations (some of which 'should' be obvious since I'm not the Great Guru of Health):

- My own ex-wife, though never 'hot', let herself go after the birth of the last of our children. No amount of suggestion, encouragement, or 'let's do this together' from me or, when they grew up, the kids motivated her to change her lifestyle of no exercise and junk food. In more recent years she would become fatigued just getting out of her chair or walking up a flight of stairs. I don't know the threshold for 'morbidly obese' but the kids said she was.

- I see a lot of people here and elsewhere asserting that they have healthy diets and sufficient exercise. I'll just say assertions don't make reality. I'm certain that going to the gym regularly is not enough. Diet, specifically WHAT you eat and not just counting calories, is a major factor in weight. Same for exercise: just going to the gym by itself means nothing. It's what you do when you're there that counts. The gym can be great for keeping you motivated, meeting other-sex hotties, and they'll have all the equipment for people whose exercise programs depend on something like trainers or free weights. But you can also design your own gym-free exercise program (running, walking, swimming, biking, yoga, tai-chie, pilates, your own free weights) that can be effective if your goals are health and weight control.

- Yes, you have to change as you age to compensate for hormonal changes. Your body will tell you how effectively any compensation is working.

- It's easier said than done Health AND weight control is not a diet or a gym membership. Unless you are blessed by your genetics, it's a lifestyle - every day.

- And mea culpa. I'd not Adonis or Hugh Jackman. I'm overweight. I know exactly what I need to do and don't stick with it (some days are 'good', some 'not so much'). My lame excuse is that I don't have an LTR with a SO to motivate me to git 'er done 'for her'.

 

You are correct. Going to the gym 7 days a week isn't enough. I'm somewhat experienced in this area and well-read as well. It has to be a combination of a good diet with getting up and moving 60-90 minutes a day preferably in the gym. I actually was at one time a certified personal trainer. I got the certification but didn't use it really. I've given people who have asked over the years advice about workouts and diet, but mostly I've focused on myself and what I need to do to stay in shape.

 

Don't use that excuse not to workout now NoSpam. It's apparent that you've done quite a bit self-educating on the subject. Get out there and get ahead of it so that in 90 days you're looking like a fine-tuned machine and when you meet the S/O you're 10 steps ahead of the game.

[ICEMAN69]

I am infinitely more motivated to hit the gym when I am single. If you hit the gym harder, getting that LTR will be that much easier.

 

TRUE! That's one of the reasons I brought up complacency in my original posting. I think relationship complacency is an issue in everything from letting our physical appearance begin to disintegrate to one spouse self-weening off of sex when that individual "doesn't feel like it" despite their spouse maybe still having a strong interest. Complacency is a relationship killer.

[jjgitties]

FWIW.. the women I personally know who are in their 40s and are very slim and look like they have the figure of a 20 or 30 year old -- they never eat. I mean, I have NEVER seen them eat. Either at parties, at kids parties, at restaurants we go to. They look great but I wonder sometimes what sorts of health issue might creep up later on in life. Just my 2 cents.

[ICEMAN69]

What is your wife doing while you are preparing healthy meals? Do you two eat separately? My husband and I make dinner together most nights. Can you try to do that and just make healthier meals together that you both can eat? Do you grocery shop together?

 

We typically eat separately. I stick to a plan that works well for me that she's not interested in. I've told her about the benefits but she's not interested. We don't typically grocery shop together but if we do you'd see where the problem lies. I'm picking up veggies, fruit, granola, she's putting Fruit Loops and Potato Chips in the cart. But the other problem is even if I could control what happens in the evening, she can still eat pastries at work and an unhealthy lunch. You can see that it leaves me in the same situation for the most part

 

What does your wife do while you are at the gym? Have you tried asking if she wants to join you, to take a class or walk on the treadmill? Have you tried incorporating evening walks around the neighborhood together in the evenings? Have you tried asking her to join you in active activities for fun in your free time -- i.e. bike rides, ice skating, tennis, hiking, volleyball, etc.?

 

She did use the gym a couple years ago but it was spontaneous like 1 or 2 times a week. As we all know, there's little you can accomplish that way. I kind of gave up asking. She's seen me go out the door with my gym bag over the years. She's content to sit and watch TV when I'm gone. She likes certain sports and she's somewhat athletic but again, getting out and playing volleyball even one time a week isn't going to make a big difference in her case. Evening walks are a good idea except I'm on the frozen tundra this time of year and she hates the cold. But it's something we could try come spring.

 

You don't have to phrase any of the above as "You're fat and need to lose weight." I'm sure she already knows that. Think of it more as an invitation to spend time together.

 

I've hinted over the years many times. She used to go to the club more regularly about 9-10 years ago. But she really has lost her motivation at this point and when you're the husband you have to be careful you're not trying to be the "coach" or it can backfire. And much of my concern is beyond just the appearance issue. I also want her to be alive and active 10-15 years from now.

 

I think time becomes a factor for a lot of people, especially when kids are in the picture. They have trouble finding (or making) the time to go to the gym or workout or take the time to plan out healthy eating options when they are dealing with the demands of work, life, and kids. It's easier to order a pizza or maybe they prefer to take a nap if they get a few spare minutes. Do you two have kids? Does she work? Do you help out equally with work around the house and with the kids? Do you watch the kids for an equal amount of time that she watches them while you are working out or at the gym?

 

Kids are pretty much grown at this point so we don't have that as a real factor any longer. She has the time. It's just a matter of prioritizing it and making herself get going. She works FT. Work around the house is pretty much equally shared.

 

I'm not really sure what you mean about her taking you for granted.

 

By that I mean, when someone in a romantic relationship of any kind begins to let their appearances wain it reads as a message to the other person in the relationship (me in this instance) that my stock or my value isn't that high any longer that she's really all that concerned about looking good for me. I've already gotten the comments which I somewhat expected which state that her looks or her weight issues "are not about me." So I'll take that at face value and stipulate to it's truthfulness.

 

Because that's not who she is, and it sounds like she's never been that way since you met her. I don't know why you are expecting her to change now.

 

I can't argue with you there. She's never been overly active or real concerned about good diet. I knew that going into the relationship so that one is on me. She was much more active back then and I naively assumed that my lifestyle might rub off on her over time. Note to self: Don't assume those things in the future.

 

Thanks for your insights!

[elaine567]

That's kind of what I read but at the same time I don't recall seeing any middle-aged chunky women in those photos from Auschwitz. That's not meant to be an offensive remark, just reality.

 

OK but that produced extreme stress on the body, similar to the conditions that severe illness would produce too.

 

What you describe is starvation.

In order to replicate that she would need to eat virtually nothing and that in the real world is not really practical or sustainable.

[elaine567]

I've known women however who take great stock in how they look from their hair to their toenail polish who have always been very "aware" of their physical appearance and take the time and the effort to go that extra mile.

 

Ok but that doesn't actually correlate directly to how they feel about their husbands/partner's/bfs does it?

[ICEMAN69]

My suggetsion to you is to stop projecting your thoughts and feelings on to her. I read your words ( and maybe it's just me, and if it is, I apologize) you see yourself a certain way ( fit, in shape, attractive) and you value those things about yourself.

 

Those don't seem to be as important to her. I'm also getting the idea that it's not her health you are worried about. It's her appearance and what that does to your self esteem.

 

She wasn't thin when you married her, and I'm sorry, but many women go up a few sizes as they age, just as many men do. It's pretty disingenuous to expect her to become concerned about her weight when she never really was before.

 

No, I am genuinely concerned about her long term health as well. I've been around people who let themselves go for years only to then deal with physical calamity that they can't overcome because they didn't do the preventative things when they had the chance and were at a healthier age/state to do those things. Does anyone want to grow older with a spouse who they fear may let themselves go to the point where it turns into a disability or an ongoing health detriment? She's not even close to being there now, but it's much easier to get on top of these things while you're still healthy enough and young enough to reverse those things then to end up waiting until you're driving around in a Walmart shopping scooter because you never had an ounce of discipline in your life.

 

Yes, of course appearance plays into the equation. I've admitted that's an important part of what concerns me. What spouse doesn't want their S/O to stay on top of their looks? Is that a bad thing? If any married person says to me that they could care less about how their spouse looks, short of two 400 lb people happily consuming 8000 calories a day together in blissful wedlock I'd say they're a liar.

 

As I stated, if I was an appearance alone type of individual, I probably would have passed and looked elsewhere when we were dating and got married. There were dozens of other things that I loved about her so I wasn't going to get all nutted up over 25 extra pounds when I met her. And she was far more physically active at that time, so I didn't have any major worries. But when time passes and those 25 extra pounds begin to multiply, that's a valid concern both in terms of appearances and health.

Edited January 5, 2018 by ICEMAN69

[ICEMAN69]

I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. Always had to diet and exercise hard to maintain a normal size. Since chemo put me into early menopause, the weight has crept on and it’s like chipping at concrete to get it off.

 

My analogy is my 2 cats. Female was a scrawny alley cat until I had her fixed. Now she is podgy and I have to severely limit her food to 1 pouch of food a day. Boy cat was also an alley cat. He eats 4 punches of cat food a day. He’s scrawny and greedy.

 

Guys, if your love for your partner stops when she gains weight, it isn’t that deep.

 

Well if weight was a deal breaker, I wouldn't have married her at 25 lbs over, and I would have left a long time ago as she's slowly accumulated more weight if my love lacked depth.

 

I realize this type of posting is offensive to some people. I get it. I get that some people struggle with these issues personally and I come off as a superficial chauvinist posting my concerns. I can assure you that I'm not superficial. When I was 20 years old I was far more superficial and far more "looks driven." I wasn't that guy when I married my wife. I had evolved for lack of a better word into someone who was looking for someone attractive but also a great partner to journey through life with.

 

25 lbs over isn't an end of the world issue for me as it would be for a lot of guys. But when that 25 lbs turns into 50 or 60 lbs, now we're in a completely different category then when we married.

 

But I hope that people reading this realize that my concern is my concern. It's genuine and it's caring. I'm not in any way trying to offend anyone reading this with the subject matter. I'm looking for genuine insights and help and I've appreciated much of what people have posted.

[ICEMAN69]

Oooo you’re a catch!

 

Ha Ha, not really but I'll enjoy your comment just the same.

[ICEMAN69]

She probably does feel that way, but lacks the gumption to do something about it.

 

Tell me how to get her more gumption?

[elaine567]

But I hope that people reading this realize that my concern is my concern. It's genuine and it's caring. I'm not in any way trying to offend anyone reading this with the subject matter. I'm looking for genuine insights and help and I've appreciated much of what people have posted.

 

I think you may unfortunately just have to wait for the huge "scare", that many middle aged people have to experience before they will do anything about their life style.

Illness/death of a loved one or close acquaintance, or personal illness, seems to motivate some, but even then, not all.

[ICEMAN69]

I think the point is that some women have to practically starve themselves to lose weight and it's not a maintainable lifestyle unless you're willing to live with no pleasure. At least from eating.

 

Men and women are very different in the "showing off the spouse" mentality. Men like a hot woman on their arm to show her off, to be proud of her. Women don't think this way, so you maintaining your looks, while a good thing, isn't received the way you might think it is. She's like "oh great, he looks great!" Not, "ooooh I can't wait to go out and show off my hot man!"

 

I agree completely, although I don't need a trophy wife at this point in my life. My wife is very pretty. She's got beautiful eyes and a wonderful loving personality that everyone we know picks up on. She's just not real disciplined about herself.

 

And for the record, I was kind of joking when I made the Auschwitz comment. I hope that didn't seem offensive to anyone. It's difficult to convey humor (even off color humor) over a forum like this.

[Eternal Sunshine]

People generally gain weight as they age. It's due to a number of factors. It's also well known that due to body composition and hormonal changes, women have a harder time losing it than men.

 

Gaining 3 dress sizes gradually over 20 years strikes me as within a ballpark of average weight gain. You also seem to be hyper aware of her weight at all times. You married her when she was 25lbs overweight? Wow, go you

 

It just baffles me that a man can spend 20 years with someone and is still so obsessed with her looks.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I agree completely, although I don't need a trophy wife at this point in my life. My wife is very pretty. She's got beautiful eyes and a wonderful loving personality that everyone we know picks up on. She's just not real disciplined about herself.

 

I'm sure this is true, but my point was more to assure you that her being overweight has absolutely no correlation to how she feels about you because she doesn't think in the frame of mind of partners wanting to show each other off. She will do it for herself, not you, if she wants to. As an example, several years ago I some weight and part of it was because I had gotten a new job that was going to have me in the public eye a bit and I wanted to look my best and the camera adds ten pounds lol. When my ex-H found out about that (because I told him, during a counseling session) after we reconciled (unsuccessfully) he was really angry. Now, this is a man who considers a 5 to 10 pound weight gain unacceptable, but he had the same mindset, and even said, "Why would you do that for a job and not for me?" I didn't do it for the JOB though, I did it for ME because of the job.....it was my own vanity, expecting to be in the newspaper or speaking to large groups from time to time.

[ICEMAN69]

Hi OP

 

Firstly, I don't think you're being shallow or wrong to be concerned about your spouse's weight gain.

 

My personal experience is that I'd always been in the healthy range before I met my exH. I was inexperienced and naive, and allowed my H to abuse me emotionally for years. My 'way out' of the abuse was food which, in hindsight, was obviously not a great move. The more invisible I felt, the more I'd want to disappear by eating myself to oblivion.

 

My weight dropped down significantly when I left him, without much effort on my part - not quite to what it used to as I'm 43 and have had 2 difficult pregnancies, but at least I'm back to being reasonably healthy.

 

I'm not at all implying that this is the same for your wife; I'm just saying I needed a trigger (leaving the abuse / serial cheating behind) to want to change. Maybe she's dealing with past issues (previous to you meeting her) or maybe she just likes her food and hasn't adjusted her food portions to her level of physical activity and her age.

 

It may well be worth asking her how she's feeling in a general sense, not so much in terms of weight. That's assuming she actually wants to lose weight in the first place.

 

Well first of all I thank you for not judging me. I knew that there was a risk with this posting and I regret that it may have offended anyone. But my choices were to run this by a couple of female friends of mine and get some feedback, or put it out here on L/S. I figured I'd have more comments and vastly more experiences on L/S so here I am trying to get some insights and some ideas.

 

If I discussed it with her (which I won't for fear I set her back in the self-esteem area) she'd probably admit that she'd love to lose the weight. But in her case, the flesh is weak even if the subconscious will is there. And thus far, the actual will hasn't really been there. Trust me, over the years I've just hoped she'd pick up and do this on her own. But I think by somewhere around 5 years ago I realized she's content and not real motivated in this area.

 

She was never abused but I know her dad and a couple of relationships before I came along probably didn't help her self-esteem very much. I'm sorry about your own abusive ex. I worked in law enforcement for many years and I detested abusive men. It didn't matter if it was physical or mental abuse. I just wanted to beat the living S### out of most of them, although I couldn't because I kind of valued my career.

 

Getting women out of abusive relationships was the one thing I took a lot of pride in, but it was never easy, and so many returned to their abusers because that's all they know after awhile.

 

Anyway, that's a different matter. I'm glad you got out of your situation littleblackheart.

[ICEMAN69]

FWIW.. the women I personally know who are in their 40s and are very slim and look like they have the figure of a 20 or 30 year old -- they never eat. I mean, I have NEVER seen them eat. Either at parties, at kids parties, at restaurants we go to. They look great but I wonder sometimes what sorts of health issue might creep up later on in life. Just my 2 cents.

 

Well it's funny you bring that up. Recent studies suggest that slight starvation of human beings contributes to human longevity. Different subject entirely but one that's interesting if you youtube it or read about it.

[ICEMAN69]

Ok but that doesn't actually correlate directly to how they feel about their husbands/partner's/bfs does it?

 

I'm not sure. I'm not a female. My guess it that it varies somewhat. I think some women strive to look top notch because that's who they are at their core. I've known 80 year old women who still have that attitude and wouldn't dream of going outside the home without looking at the top of their game.

 

Then there are likely those women who are motivated to look good for their boyfriends or husbands as I am for my wife. But the truth is that as time goes by, (in most cases I believe) complacency squeaks in and that's where I think a lot of the problem starts.

 

I'll give you an analogy that's not directly related to my situation, but it hints at the same type of issues I think. How many times have we read negative postings here on L/S about men who reflect back on their dating days or early marriage years about how wonderful the sex was, or how she'd "do things" then that she won't do today? They're often puzzled and confused by the extreme change in personality in their wives.

 

To me this smacks of one of two things. Either those women were doing those things to seal the deal, get married, achieve an agenda of some kind, or they simply became complacent in the relationship and didn't think they had to "work at those things any longer." Mission accomplished, I don't have to perform any longer.

 

Complacency comes in all forms. The husband who paid all kinds of attention to his girlfriend during courtship a few years later is married and has turned into the overweight slob who watches football games all day and barely acknowledges his wife except when he wants sex. That too is relationship complacency.

 

Does that make sense?

[ICEMAN69]

I think you may unfortunately just have to wait for the huge "scare", that many middle aged people have to experience before they will do anything about their life style.

Illness/death of a loved one or close acquaintance, or personal illness, seems to motivate some, but even then, not all.

 

Elaine, you just hit it out of the ballpark. That's preciously what I'm afraid of. That she waits until something health-related happens to her and then it's too late and she just gives up completely. She's had friends who have experienced serious illnesses and death, but that hasn't changed her. But you know as well as I do that it's a human condition to always think "it will happen to them and not me."

[ICEMAN69]

People generally gain weight as they age. It's due to a number of factors. It's also well known that due to body composition and hormonal changes, women have a harder time losing it than men.

 

Gaining 3 dress sizes gradually over 20 years strikes me as within a ballpark of average weight gain. You also seem to be hyper aware of her weight at all times. You married her when she was 25lbs overweight? Wow, go you

 

It just baffles me that a man can spend 20 years with someone and is still so obsessed with her looks.

 

So let me see if I understand where you're coming from. At some point in a marriage the spouses are no longer supposed to care about how the other looks? Do I have that right?

 

I do take some offense with the "obsessed" label Eternal. If I was obsessed wouldn't I have badgered my wife relentlessly for two straight decades? Wouldn't I have issued ultimatums if I were that guy? Come now. I laid my cards on the table and told everyone where I was coming from when I posted my concerns. To trademark me that way is really unfair. I love my wife and I've avoided saying anything to her about this for 20 years. Give me some credit.

[clia]

We typically eat separately. I stick to a plan that works well for me that she's not interested in. I've told her about the benefits but she's not interested. We don't typically grocery shop together but if we do you'd see where the problem lies. I'm picking up veggies, fruit, granola, she's putting Fruit Loops and Potato Chips in the cart. But the other problem is even if I could control what happens in the evening, she can still eat pastries at work and an unhealthy lunch. You can see that it leaves me in the same situation for the most part

 

I'm of the belief that every little bit helps. Even though you can't control what she eats at work, surely eating a healthy dinner in the evenings would contribute to her being healthier, and possibly even dropping some weight, over the long term? Her going up a few sizes over 20 years does not indicate someone who is vastly exceeding her maintenance caloric intake, so it seems like even cutting back on one meal might be helpful for her.

 

Does she know that healthy food can taste good? Maybe you could try offering to make dinner for the two of you in the evenings, and assuming what you make tastes good, maybe that might get her interested in trying out some other dishes?

 

She did use the gym a couple years ago but it was spontaneous like 1 or 2 times a week. As we all know, there's little you can accomplish that way. I kind of gave up asking. She's seen me go out the door with my gym bag over the years. She's content to sit and watch TV when I'm gone. She likes certain sports and she's somewhat athletic but again, getting out and playing volleyball even one time a week isn't going to make a big difference in her case. Evening walks are a good idea except I'm on the frozen tundra this time of year and she hates the cold. But it's something we could try come spring.

 

Again, I feel like something is better than nothing. I see nothing wrong with going to the gym once or twice a week or playing volleyball once a week, if the alternative is sitting on the couch.

 

(I feel you on the frozen tundra right now...).

[ICEMAN69]

I'm sure this is true, but my point was more to assure you that her being overweight has absolutely no correlation to how she feels about you because she doesn't think in the frame of mind of partners wanting to show each other off. She will do it for herself, not you, if she wants to. As an example, several years ago I some weight and part of it was because I had gotten a new job that was going to have me in the public eye a bit and I wanted to look my best and the camera adds ten pounds lol. When my ex-H found out about that (because I told him, during a counseling session) after we reconciled (unsuccessfully) he was really angry. Now, this is a man who considers a 5 to 10 pound weight gain unacceptable, but he had the same mindset, and even said, "Why would you do that for a job and not for me?" I didn't do it for the JOB though, I did it for ME because of the job.....it was my own vanity, expecting to be in the newspaper or speaking to large groups from time to time.

 

Interesting. I'm now accepting the fact that her weight gain isn't about me. I think enough females have replied to my posting that now that it's beginning to reverberate in my head.

 

Men must just be built a a bit differently Cautious. I probably would have viewed your weight loss for the job the same way he did. "So I wasn't worth it but your job was????" Perhaps we men correlate some things that shouldn't be correlated.

 

But at the same time 5-10 lbs would be no big deal to me. I can't even relate to your ex on with regard to that figure. It's an insignificance in my book.

[carhill]

OP, I was married to someone overweight for my entire marriage and did everything other than being mean and tough love and nothing really worked with my exW. Whatever actions I took were mostly in response to requests from or conversations started by her about her weight. However, perhaps that's exactly where I failed. She got with a skinny guy (I'm not skinny) while we were divorcing, moved him into the house she got in the D and a couple years later she'd lost weight and, from my interactions with them at that time I found him in general to be an order barker sometimes trending to downright mean. Perhaps that tells me that I'm too 'soft' and was not harsh enough on my spouse to be effective, IDK. In any event, they're still together some 10 years later, unmarried, and he's still living in her house and if she's kept the weight off, she did better than she ever did in the 13 or so years I knew her, and the last ten have been post menopause (she was going through it when we divorced).

 

I have no solutions to offer, just some sympathy and the hope that this doesn't rule you at some point. I never felt her weight was a big deal in our M; was that a mistake? IDK. Every M, and person, is different. The takeaway from MC that I still remember is I'm the only person I can control. We all have free will, and that includes spouses. Hence, you can't control your spouse but can absolutely control you. Where do you want to go? Good luck!

[ICEMAN69]

I'm of the belief that every little bit helps. Even though you can't control what she eats at work, surely eating a healthy dinner in the evenings would contribute to her being healthier, and possibly even dropping some weight, over the long term? Her going up a few sizes over 20 years does not indicate someone who is vastly exceeding her maintenance caloric intake, so it seems like even cutting back on one meal might be helpful for her.

 

Does she know that healthy food can taste good? Maybe you could try offering to make dinner for the two of you in the evenings, and assuming what you make tastes good, maybe that might get her interested in trying out some other dishes?

 

Again, I feel like something is better than nothing. I see nothing wrong with going to the gym once or twice a week or playing volleyball once a week, if the alternative is sitting on the couch.

 

(I feel you on the frozen tundra right now...).

 

Clia, I like you're thinking. I'd forgotten this, but you're comments reminded me that about two years ago I began buying those healthy low calorie frozen dinners for her to take to work. I'd pick up 12-15 at a time and toss them in the freezer for her. I never said why, although I assume she read between the lines. She would give me feedback on which ones she liked and which ones she didn't. But after maybe 3-4 months I didn't notice any real changes and I could only assume that her rather unhealthy eating habits aside from what I was buying for her had all but vanquished any of the good that could have come from those 300 calorie frozen dinners I was buying for her.

 

I really want to go the route you're suggesting. I'd even get a DVD series of aerobics and do it with her if she'd prefer to work out at home. I'm all in to see her adopt a healthier lifestyle and one that keeps her weight under control while making her healthier overall.

 

How I approach it is what's key. I can't say, "hey, how about you get off the couch and off your smartphone for an hour and we go workout." That's the part I'm working on in my mind. How to approach it where she takes it well, it doesn't create a self-esteem setback, and she buys into the long term benefits of adopting a new outlook on life. I personally workout during the day, but I'd happily workout a second time in the evening if that helped her in any way.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Perhaps we men correlate some things that shouldn't be correlated.

 

 

Well, to be fair, women do the same, just about different things .