Impartial

[Jhbsm]

Need impartial advice. Married 4 years together 9. Two step kids 13 and 16 live with us full time and one kid together . Some issues are:

Kids - even after 9 years he still overprotective and they only our kids when suits him even though i do everything but im not allowed to yell then its his kids their mother pays nothing

Compatible- we have very different interests and ways of being and doing things and there is just no compromise to do anything i like if it doesnt suit him

Family - i am ver family orientated and he just wont integrate with my family how ever hard they try to include him

 

Overall we live very comfortably no huge arguments he loves me but just very mundane no fun no effort really to plan or do anything special

 

I am thinking of a separation i want to laugh and have someome who compromises and maybe is more like me i feel life is passing me by but i think am i being silly is that unrealistic and should I stay where its just comfortable

[PegNosePete]

What does he say when to talked to him about these issues?

 

You did talk to him about them, right?

[d0nnivain]

You can't get involved in what CS your step kids' mom pays. Just stay out of that.

 

 

Do discuss parenting roles with your husband. You have to be able to wield some authority or they'll run rough shod over you. My EX's son used to yell that I couldn't tell him what to do because I wasn't his parent. My response was always the same: I'm the adult standing in front of you. You are in my house. Nobody else is here. I am responsible for you safety & well being so in this context my word is law.

 

 

As for integrating him into your important family life, what does that look like to you? Part of marriage is that you separate from your family of origin (parents & siblings) to make your spouse the primary. If all you need him to do is show up once in a while, make that clear. If you expect him to be BFF's with your brother that may be a bridge too far