blocker Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 I don't understand, and I hope someone can explain it to me, or at least make me feel better about it. My ex broke up with me less than a week ago after 2.5 years. Word on the street is he is already dating/ hooking up with women. Prior to the break up (probably close to over a year ago) he told me that if we ever broke up, he would turn to dating apps, to distract him. He told me it would take him awhile to get back into a relationship, and if any women asked for something more serious he would say no. How and why can people do this so quickly? How does this help people heal? How can he go on a date... then bring women back to his place to have sex? Days, and even weeks before he broke up with me, I conversed with him about potentially going our own ways as our futures didn't seem to align... and he was super emotional about it, and was quite resistant to the idea.... how does someone go from that, to having sex with other people.. Does anyone do this as a way to heal? Link to post Share on other sites
Emmafive Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 Unfortunately I’m guilty of this. I can’t speak for your ex but I think if I hook up with someone quickly it’ll ease the pain and it’ll be a distraction. Then right after it just makes me feel like crap and then I’ll stop. Then the pain will come wash over me again and I’ll try to use (mutually) someone as a distraction. It’s a bad cycle, but that’s what usually happens. Eventually I just want to be completely left alone. During this process I think well I’ll beat them to the punch even though they won’t know. It’ll help my ego. Makes me feel wanted. Makes me believe I’m okay and not in pain. Then when I’m alone at night the pain inevitably hits again. Now I’ve only felt this way at the end of a breakup when I still was attracted to and was still in love with the person. When I had thought about the breakup for a while and lost attraction I barely thought about my ex and hooked up with someone fairly quickly because I was relieved and wanted to have fun. Again, this is just me though. Link to post Share on other sites
Frostedflake Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Because no one ever tells their current that they intend to sleep with a bunch of people when the relationship goes south. It would sour the mood and cause more problems. On the other hand, all the planning in the world still doesn't prepare a lot of people for what they feel and will do when the time comes. We may very well surprise ourselves and do exactly that which we said we wouldn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blocker Posted January 7, 2018 Author Share Posted January 7, 2018 I would be interested in hearing if others cope this way too... If it is the same girl, multiple nights in a row literally 5 days after we break up.. HOW could someone do that? I recall when he was single prior to us, he would often go 1-2 weeks MAX without sex. It seemed as if he had FWB arrangements. But after over 2 years of dating, wouldn't it then feel like you're cheating on someone. Does it not feel wrong in the moment for even a few seconds? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 There is a cliché that says: The fast way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else. That is all he's doing. His present behavior is not on you, your relationship or the break up. He's blowing off steam but it can't be your concern. He's your EX. Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 I was married for 25 years. Three months to the day after I asked him to move out of our bedroom I had my first date. If anything I probably should've done it sooner. It really helped me see that ex and I weren't good together and that I had things to look forward to. I wasn't ready for a relationship, for sure, but dating and hook ups were perfect for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blocker Posted January 8, 2018 Author Share Posted January 8, 2018 There is a cliché that says: The fast way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else. That is all he's doing. His present behavior is not on you, your relationship or the break up. He's blowing off steam but it can't be your concern. He's your EX. The struggle I have, is I can even bring myself to talk to other guys, go on a date, or think about sleeping with someone. So the thought of him doing it 5 days later feels kinda of personal... it hurts. But at the same time, I find myself thinking that maybe in the future we could be friends if he ever came back to visit. Ugh. I need to get over somethings and I don't know how. How can I still care, but he doesn't seem to. I just wish I knew he was hurting too.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 He is hurting but expressing it differently then you do. Him hurting doesn't mean you two need to get back together. It just means that the end of an LTR sucks & is painful. You know all the logical reasons this wasn't working. Stop fretting about him. Deal with what you can control --getting through the rest of the semester. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blocker Posted January 8, 2018 Author Share Posted January 8, 2018 He is hurting but expressing it differently then you do. Him hurting doesn't mean you two need to get back together. It just means that the end of an LTR sucks & is painful. You know all the logical reasons this wasn't working. Stop fretting about him. Deal with what you can control --getting through the rest of the semester. d0nnivain - thank you for your replies on all my threads. It just seems like it is one thing after another. Work ruins me. Work ruins my relationship. My relationship falls apart and ruins me. My failed relationship has me even questioning the strength I have left in going to work. It is a vicious circle. I had an hour long break down knowing that I'll be heading back to work tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts