I don't even know why I care...

[Inflikted]

I'm not sure why I even care, because I have no allusions about ever dating, but I get curious about what's out there, and I want to think I'm not as "undateable" as I think I am, and I occasionally try out dating sites and Tinder.

 

I've been playing around on Tinder for a couple weeks, and I try to use pictures of myself where I'm genuinely happy, I try to write a nice little description of myself, and then I basically "like" every single girl it shows me (odds, and all, right?). And how many matches do I get? Zero. Absolutely none.

 

Like I said, I don't know why it bugs me. For one, it's just whatever, and for two, I already know I'm not a "dateable" kind of guy. But for some reason it just kind of bothers me knowing that absolutely no one, out of the hundreds of women I've "liked", is interested in me whatsoever. That's basically the same experience I have on any dating sites I try, it's just more streamlined on Tinder. I dunno. I guess it's silly, and I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. Why?

[preraph]

No one wants to think they're undatable. So it's normal to have feelings about that. I don't know what your issues are that make you have a hard time, but if it's anything mental, see a psychologist. If it's something physical that can be fixed, fix it. There are people who do have challenges that no one wants to take on, it's the sad truth. But it's also true that people of every physical type, some of them end up with someone. Go to Walmart on a weekend and you'll see it's true. If you have handicaps and that sort of thing, yes, it's very limiting and difficult, but there are social groups for others with limitations out there to at least make friends. I'm glad you used photos of yourself when you're genuinely happy. For one thing, that tells me you have times when you are happy. So you're not hopeless.

 

All else fails, get a house with a backyard and a couple of dogs. You can't believe how much love and company they are. I'd be lonely and bored too if it weren't for mine.

[choyhtya]

Be the absolute best version of yourself. I'm not sure what you look like in person or if you have disabilitys but I've seen guys who are over 400lbs happily married, and vets who come back from war missing limbs who still find people. Try having more of an alpha mindset and you'll attract more woman believe me. I used to be beta for a really long time, and it only gets you freindzoned and whatnot. It's a lot easier said than done though because it requires overhauling the way you do things in regards to woman and dating. I still have moments of weakness where I go beta.

If you don't know about the alpha and betas I can elaborate more.

[Inflikted]

Be the absolute best version of yourself. I'm not sure what you look like in person or if you have disabilitys but I've seen guys who are over 400lbs happily married, and vets who come back from war missing limbs who still find people. Try having more of an alpha mindset and you'll attract more woman believe me. I used to be beta for a really long time, and it only gets you freindzoned and whatnot. It's a lot easier said than done though because it requires overhauling the way you do things in regards to woman and dating. I still have moments of weakness where I go beta.

If you don't know about the alpha and betas I can elaborate more.

 

Yeah, I've never been a very "alpha" person. I don't really have that in me. That's not to say I expect to get things without having to work for them, or anything like that. But I'm just not a very "aggressive" person, and I'm not comfortable pushing for "my way" when another person is involved. I'm more inclined to want the other person to be happy, over myself.

 

No one wants to think they're undatable. So it's normal to have feelings about that. I don't know what your issues are that make you have a hard time, but if it's anything mental, see a psychologist. If it's something physical that can be fixed, fix it. There are people who do have challenges that no one wants to take on, it's the sad truth. But it's also true that people of every physical type, some of them end up with someone. Go to Walmart on a weekend and you'll see it's true. If you have handicaps and that sort of thing, yes, it's very limiting and difficult, but there are social groups for others with limitations out there to at least make friends. I'm glad you used photos of yourself when you're genuinely happy. For one thing, that tells me you have times when you are happy. So you're not hopeless.

 

All else fails, get a house with a backyard and a couple of dogs. You can't believe how much love and company they are. I'd be lonely and bored too if it weren't for mine.

 

As for me, I don't know. I don't feel I'm physically attractive, but at the same time, I'm not morbidly obese, I don't have disabilities, or anything like that. I don't necessarily think I'm some kind of hideous troll, but I'm also not exactly going to be turning heads or getting anyone hot and bothered.

 

Realistically, I don't think I'd make for a good partner, mainly because I'm very reserved and I have trouble connecting with people. Not for a lack of trying, mind you. But there's a part of me that still wishes... I dunno.

 

I guess this kind of thing bothers me because I want to think that maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm not so unattractive and unlikable, but then something like this just kind of reaffirms that belief, because out of the hundreds of women I've "liked" at this point, not a single one was even the slightest bit interested or attracted to me to even give me a chance. That definitely stings a bit.

[preraph]

Well, to me it sounds like whatever is holding you back is inside you, not outside you. It sounds to me like you have a low opinion of yourself and others pick up on that, very low self-esteem, which usually comes from childhood but can also get reinforced through bullying and that sort of thing.

 

The way to improve self-esteem is to accomplish things for yourself, whether that's keeping a job or becoming really good at something. Others can't give you self-esteem. True self-esteem is started by parents encouraging you to achieve in a positive way but it's really built by oneself by doing what the poster above your last post said, which is becoming your best self. I mean, that's all you can do. But you can build on that.

 

Also, of course therapy might help you get to the root of the self-esteem problems or give you perspective on how this affects your relationships, because it certainly will. You just really don't believe in yourself and you need to move forward doing things to expand yourself and accomplishing small goals and work on that. Once you believe in yourself, so will others.

[choyhtya]

I think that stage 1 might be to stop giving a **** what other people think about you, and to serve yourself first. It sounds like your kind of a people pleaser and I used to be too, I got treated like a format. Once I hit the **** it button though, things started to change more. People start to respect you more. You're never ever going to be able to please everyone.

 

Being alpha doesn't necasarilly mean being aggressive, but being assertive when you have to be. Being aggressive when your dating someone's can sometimes be a turn off, especially if You're passive aggressive.