avgjoe Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 ok, my wife of 12 years is an emotional bully. long story short, we were out with our 2 kids last night at a movie theater when I got a call from our bank's frauds department saying we have some suspicious charges on our account. Our finances are arranged that we have a house hold (call it joint checking) checking account with a set of 2 debit cards, 1 for me and 1 for her. I looked through the online statement to find there were charges from Motel 6 like 5 states away from us, so it was an obvious fraud charge. When I questioned the rep whether accounts are going to be closed for new set of cards, he told me my wife's debit card is still active and only mine needs to be replaced as those charges were debited using my card number (so only my card was compromised). My wife asks me in an accusatory tone how come it is always my card that gets compromised as if I had a part in it being randomly compromised (this has happened once about 5 years ago). We use each of our cards at about same frequency and my spending pattern (location, type of business, etc..) hasn't changed so I could not pin point potential leak. If anything, this could have happened at a gas station pump, dishonest servers at any restaurants, online phishing. I get defensive, explain all of the above and ask her what the reason is that she tries to corner me and driving the discussion toward the direction that it is my fault that this has happened. She then goes into the whole circular argument saying, well then why is it always your card number? Let's just assume for the argument sake that it was indeed my choice of spending (which is not true) at questionable venues that led to this. the worst that can happen still is my card is locked for like 5~7 days until my new cards arrive, fruad department refunds our money through fraud claims. I know she can logically see that her accusation is unreasonable as the situation is equally frustrating to me, however she is unable to hold her tongue and MUST somehow blame somebody to feel better. Am I crazy that I get so upset about this? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 they should've at least checked into a Marriott or Hilton 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 If I had a nickel.... IMO, drink a beer, vent to a friend, have sex with your mistress, chillax. Expect this stuff to go on forever in one form or another. Or be willing to write the big check, launch her and regain a modicum of sanity. My male friends who best navigate these waters seem to do so well because, well, they're like stone. Nothing phases them. Me I couldn't hang so gave it up. I wish you well in whatever you decide. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Hi avgjoe, lo9ks like a complicated situation. How is your relationship in general? Does your wife pounce on you for other things too? What is your emotional equation like? If that is generally good I wouldn't be too bothered by this. Her mental makeup may be at fault here. She must be someone who needs to grouch. Just shrug it off. Warm wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 "How is your relationship in general?" Probably not very good if he is calling his wife a dbag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author avgjoe Posted January 7, 2018 Author Share Posted January 7, 2018 they should've at least checked into a Marriott or Hilton the most considerate id thief ever 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 This seems an extremely minor incident, in which she was frustrated and embarrassed by something going wrong and then grumbled at you. She may BE an emotional bully, this may be only the last and most recent straw as part of a huge pattern of her always blaming you, but then it seems weird that you gave us so much detail on this one tiny incident which by itself is absolutely nothing. It sounds like you both have a tendency to get a little defensive and argue when things go wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 On it's own, I really wouldn't call this emotional bullying. In married life, not everything we say always comes out perfectly. Sometimes we get grumpy or tired or frustrated. If a marriage is generally good, it's wise to let such small issues go. That said, it's pretty big to call someone an Emotional Bully. Perhaps she's a shrew and you've neglected to give us sufficient context to understand the size of the problem? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Classic! Link to post Share on other sites
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