pictures of your ex.

[Lily blue]

Hello Everyone.

I hope Everyone had a wonderful Holidays.

 

Ok, I have a question to all Men and Women.

 

If you are divorced over 10 years a go and never spoken to your Ex...and hate each other whatever reason.

Even if you have children together but has no contact what so ever...

 

ok, this is my new issue.

I keep contact with my ex husband once in a while if there is problem or anything had to do with our kids but nothing else.

 

I do not keep any pictures of my ex after the divorce..

 

However, my Fiancé of 3.5 years been divorced over 10 years and they hate each other and never spoken to each other since and he don't even want to hear her name but he keeps pictures of their weddings and her pictures.

Her pictures means just her by her self.

He keeps in a box not displayed anywhere..

 

He says means nothing to him and has no feelings what so ever...he say he keeps those in case kids want it but kids not interested and are all adults.

 

I thought it won't bother me because she is no threat and is his past and mother of his twins.....however, now it start to bothers me......

 

Is everyone or especially guys keep their ex pictures even he moves on?

Kids don't care about the pictures anyway.

Is ok to ask him to get rid of it or this isn't my place to ask?

I don't know why it bothers me but it does....

What is the right answer?

Thanks for any advise.

[somanymistakes]

If he has the pictures in a box stored somewhere, leave it alone. It's his past. It happened. That was a part of his life. It's not fair to demand that he try to pretend his past didn't exist. ESPECIALLY if he had kids with her.

 

If, on the other hand, you catch him looking through those pictures and sighing over them, or having a little secret shrine to her in the house somewhere, then THAT you can say is totally inappropriate and a sign that he's not moving on.

 

Some people try to wipe failed relationships out of their past entirely, others think it's important to remember the facts of what really happened and learn from them.

 

If it's really bothering you, would it bother you less if he sent that box of stuff away to a relative or storage or something so that it wasn't thrown away but wasn't in the house anymore?

[carhill]

Is everyone or especially guys keep their ex pictures even he moves on?

Everyone is a lot. No idea. I'm a guy and yes I still have vacation pictures and other group stuff from when I was married. My exW and I, to me anyway, had some pretty cool times while married and I respect and cherish those memories, even if I don't love her anymore.

Kids don't care about the pictures anyway.

Again those pesky absolutes. TBH, I wish my dad would've kept some pictures of the wife who left him while he was in the war and took his daughters. I have some half-siblings somewhere, maybe dead now but likely with their own kids, who I never really knew, not even what they looked like. He got the marriage anulled when returning, paid the child support as mandated and I did see letters back and forth in his papers I read after he died but he never spoke a word of them while he was alive and I was alive. Healthy? IDK. People vary.

Is ok to ask him to get rid of it or this isn't my place to ask?

IMO, do what you want and accept the response. I'd take a dim view of someone desiring me to launch a significant portion of my life but that's me.

I don't know why it bothers me but it does....

Unknown. Accepting people's pasts varies. My exW was married twice before and I saw all the pictures and even met one of her exH's. No biggie. In fact, when our M was going south and I was pissed at her, I drug out their wedding picture and put it on the nightstand

What is the right answer?

You'll figure it out. Our psych asked me once if I wanted to be right or in a relationship. Had to think about that

[littleblackheart]

My exH and I have a distant relationship and he isn't really involved in our kids' lives, but the kids are still relatively young so although I've not kept any photos of him/us (there were very few anyway), the kids have photos of their father in their respective rooms and I have kept the wedding album to give away to the kids as a keepsake.

 

If ever my kids specifically ask me to get rid of the album, I happily will. As far I'm concerned, it's theirs to do whatever they want with. I won't do it for anyone else, though. That's my two cents.

[d0nnivain]

I was never previously married but I have some pictures of all my EXs in a box in the closet. They are part of my past. I don't look at them often, less than once per year. I would be upset if somebody wanted me to get rid of them.

 

Your guy was married to this person & has kids with her. As long as they are in a box don't fret. If he's willing to pare down the pile & distribute the remaining pix to his kids, have him do that. Don't make an issue out of all of the pictures being destroyed. His good & bad experiences made him the man you fell in love with, including the days depicted in the photos.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I have photos of all my exes, including my ex H somewhere, not sure where. They're part of my life and I don't want to throw them away. I'm single but if i ever remarried I'd accept that my H may have such a stash or not.

[Arieswoman]

I have no children and all my wedding photos went in the bin(trash) the day after I found out my exH was cheating. Any photos of him (and him and I) followed pretty fast.

 

My present husband was never married before so none of this applies really....

 

If you have kids with someone then you would act differently, I suppose ?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I have pics of my ex-husband, but it would be nearly impossible to get rid of all of them since my kids are in a lot of them. I don't have any framed and hanging on the walls. Our wedding album is somewhere, too, and that thing was super expensive and has a lot of pics of relatives and friends in it, too, some who are now dead, so I won't ever get rid of that either. It's a part of my history.

 

It doesn't bother me if someone I date has pictures of their exes. It bothers me more if they complain about them incessantly.

[basil67]

I cannot part with any old photos. Hubby is the same.

 

I'd have grave concerns about someone who had issues with my photos which are sitting boxed in the shed.

[BettyDraper]

You cannot expect your fiance to get rid of pictures of the woman he was married to and had children with. She was an important part of his life. I could see why you would be concerned if he had the pictures displayed everywhere.

 

I'm wondering if your concerns are somehow tied into your long engagement.

[Lily blue]

I understand it's part of the past and many of people hold on to memories good or bad...me, I kept that in my heart and my head...physical stuff, like pictures and things I don't need especially painful ones and divorce....that's just me.

Yes he was married to her but many of pictures are not groups or with kids or with him...just her by her self.

 

He never look at it. He had bad marriage..they slept in separate bedrooms for 11 years and no sex for that long too.

He went through counseling, churches get through depression and loneliness he say and stayed for sake of his kids but he just couldn't go through any longer and he filled for divorce after long thought...his mom and his brother told me awful things, painful things about his marriage..

 

they been married for 16 years and had twins but he say he didn't expect kids with her...she went got those treatments to conceive without him knowing...

And he say he wasn't happy about it pregnant but loves his kids.

He say his marriage was a mistake and he was so depressed throughout his entire marriage...he say his marriage was mistake and he loved her at first but he say I never was in love with her or anyone...loving a person is not hard he say but fallen and being in love is not he say...he say he never been in love before ....he was too young and stupid and lonely and he like someone thought was love....he say he never felt this way with anyone before and he say he is in love with me truly for the first time in his life he finally in love...

She married him for money and stable life he provides...he say she wasn't affectionate or intimate or even romantic after the wedding....

 

I trust him and he is very honest and genuine and so different from anyone I ever met and he had very hard, lonely life...even he is very successful now but always been lonely and depressed and he used to drink a lot his mom told me and he told me..but he almost stop drinking only when he go to events or parties he drink glass of wine but never drinks ..he say he has no reason to...he us happy and content when he is with me.

He don't have any of other his ex girlfriend pictures of any kind..as soon as they broke off, he get rid of everything include furnitures, decorations, gift everything he said. He kept his ex wife pictures for kids if they might want later...he haven gone and look at it since his divorce he say...but not many...his ex took most pictures and she throw away pictures of him in pieces the day he filled for divorce.

 

 

Most if you had good marriage and has good, fun marriage but he didn't from the beginning.....

My thought of is...get rid of the bad past...

I had good memories too in my marriage but fall apart later in the marriage..I was married for 24 years but I do not kept any of pictures of my ex husband...I left all...just kept pictures of me and my kids.

 

 

Anyway, He is one of those person who moves on from past and never look back and never ask or wonder about the past..he don't ever ask about mine either...he say past is ..means it's gone should stay in the past and only live today and future...even when we argue...after an hour he comes back like nothing happen and wants to do fun stuff while I am mad still and he say, it was past and we stop arguing an hour a go so let's move on and be happy?

Anyway, it bothers me to see those pictures...mixed feelings knowing all of his painful stories.....

I don't know why I am telling you all this....

 

No I am not doing or thinking this because of long engagement.

I decide not have a wedding until 2020....I never wanted to get married just live together but Engagement was his idea...I say no at first but I accepted later he asked again.

I have a reason..very important and special reason and he agree till 2020

Edited January 8, 2018 by Lily blue

[Just a Guy]

Hi Lily, what about folk like me? I have/ had no ex, have been married to the same woman for over four decades and she, too, has/had no exes. I guess that adds up to no hang ups:D. Fact is in the larger scheme of things all of your worries(not concerns) are irrelevant. You were married 24 years which is, indeed a long time. Surely you have memories of all those years spent with your ex husband even though you have no pictures. Whether you like it or not your ex husband must visit you in your dreams occasionally, when some event triggers memories of your life with him. You are today, the evolved personality that you are because of those 24 years with a man you now claim to hate. Remember too, that hate is the reverse side of love. If you hate your ex so much you must have loved him equally at some point. You must remember that at our core we are spiritual beings. Our bodies are just vehicles in which we travel for the duration we spend on this Earth. In actual fact you can never really hate your ex husband because as spiritual beings, hate is not part of a soul's make up. If this be true can your Fiance expect or want you to erase all your memories of your life with your ex husband? Would it even be fair on you? I think your Fiance has the right idea. Let the past remain in the past where it belongs. Live your life in the present. Look to a future of happiness with him.

 

Having said this I have to say that your worry is unnecessary and irrelevant. If you love your Fiance then you have to trust him. If you do not trust him then there is already something wrong with your relationship and you should give it a serious thought. There is no point in acting in haste and then repenting at leisure. Warm wishes.

[Lily blue]

Just guy,

I don't hate my Ex husband and I never said that I do.

I don't like things he did to me and you our marriage and I was hurt but I forgiven him a long ago and made a peace with him and his new wife.

I have been married to him for 24 years and he was my fist love and first guy.

He is remarried.

 

My fiancé hates his ex wife and his ex girlfriend.

If you have read, I say I do trust my fiancé.

He is great man and I have no doubt about him or in our relationship.

He adores me and very protective and very affectionate and romantic toward me and I am too.

 

My fiancé had very bad relationships that he don't want to remember he said to me all of it...

 

It didn't bother me he had his ex wife pictures in the box but I don't like to see the picture of a women who hurt him so much and took advantage of him.

But I guess it's his pictures...even if it bothers me, I guess I have to leave at that...most of you think so and I thinks you guys are right.

 

I am kind of a person don't look back on pictures of ex...I fantasize and think of the person I am with now and I do not want to or have desire to think about any other guy include my ex and my fiancé feels the same.

 

Just because I don't like pictures of his ex wife don't mean we have a questionable relationship.

 

My kids told me that my Ex kept all the pictures of our 24 years of life but his new wife do not want to see or him keeping it...my ex store away most of it.

I tore all of the pictures of him and I together without kids in it...not because I hate him but he is my past and should be in my past but memories in my head forever and that is enough of it.

 

I give 100% of my heart and trust to my fiancé and I have no room to think or look at other guys...that's me anyway.

If you are not 100% in to new love, and give 100% of your love heart, mind, desire, hopes and everything....there is a problem and that is my opinion.

Not even fantasize about anyone but my fiancé even when we have sex or he is away on business trip, I fantasize about only him and he is very attractive in every way.

 

When I was married to my ex husband, I was the sMe way too and faithful till the end but my ex cheated on me and had porn addiction too so after my kids are all adults and told me to get out of bad marriage and be happy and find someone better than our Dad....my kids told me that!

So I gave 100% everything to him and left.

Edited January 8, 2018 by Lily blue

[dichotomy]

If you had kids - I dont see why you would not keep some from a parent of your kids reason. But not on a shelf or anything.

 

My ex wife (no kids) I have only a few photos buried deep away. Threw most out at divorce. I dont think I have seen a photo in two years

 

Ex GF form college - long time ago - no contact - a few here and there in old college albums. Not a ton, I think I only kept a few.

 

My wife's ex husband and father of her kids - in kids room closets or in our basement. She only looks when the kids look at them - maybe once a year.

 

My wife's two ex BF;s from college, married themselves - a few in the bottom of a cabinet somewhere. They are also on her Facebook friends.

 

My wife's ex FWB's and FB's she lied about and kept in secrete contact with - thrown out by demand when she moved in

 

Different situations - different rules.

 

But all over our home, walls, shelves, and online - its all photos of just us -and our kids/stepkids - hundreds of them. An ocean of "us photos"

Edited January 8, 2018 by dichotomy

[central]

I have pictures of my ex and most of my serious former girlfriends, stored away. They are part of my history, even though I have no interest in them, so I keep the pictures anyway. I have pictures of my parents, too. They are no longer part of my life (being deceased), but they are still a meaningful part of my history. Would you have me discard those, too?

[standtall]

Just guy,

I don't hate my Ex husband and I never said that I do.

I don't like things he did to me and you our marriage and I was hurt but I forgiven him a long ago and made a peace with him and his new wife.

I have been married to him for 24 years and he was my fist love and first guy.

He is remarried.

 

My fiancé hates his ex wife and his ex girlfriend.

If you have read, I say I do trust my fiancé.

He is great man and I have no doubt about him or in our relationship.

He adores me and very protective and very affectionate and romantic toward me and I am too.

 

Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. Love and hate are very similar.... I'm not saying he loves her still...I am saying that the pictures still evoke feelings for him. He may get rid of him on his own time, not yours. If he is not displaying them or looking at them and weeping/cursing etc, why do care?

[Clockwork]

He had twins with her. Sorry, if you marry this guy there is one thing you have to accept. For the next 100 years she will always be connected to him. They have something in common and that is children. Like any child, he might come up to him and ask if he can see his parent's wedding pictures. That is normal. If you didn't want to be with a guy that had kids you shouldn't have.

[mikeylo]

Pictures of ex ( an ex is a past,right?) , need to be stored in a box. No need to display.

 

If they are displayed all over, move on.

[hurtsbadjusthurts]

You're not evenly slightly bothered by the pictures. You may think that you are but you not.

 

You reaction is about they mean?

 

What you think they mean?

 

And what does it say about you and how you feel?

 

 

No person on the planet should ever lose sight of how important they are. When a situation arises where you are plagued by self-doubt, lack of confidence. Take to time address it. You deserve that. And you deserve to be the best version of yourself you can be.

 

Pictures are just pictures

 

You're not something that can be kept in a box.