My ex tells me she’s hurting really bad and misses me and wants me back ?

[BlueDr3amatic]

Hello, me and my ex girlfriend broke up about 6 months ago (we dated nearly a year and a half)

It was a mutual break up and there was no bad blood between us, we’ve remained civil around each other and neither of us have bad mouthed each other. We’ve remained causual acquaintances and stayed on ok terms, we also agreed to date other people. So I’ve remained single until then and she got a new boyfriend but the new boyfriend has been a disaster she told me.

 

 

The other night she was texting me telling me that her boyfriend is physically abusive, she told me he hits her and hurts her a lot, and I’m not going to pretend like I don’t care because no one deserves to be abused, not even my worst enemy but especially not her because she’s a really nice person. She told me it got graphic where he was punching her and pulling her hair and she had to scratch him to get away from him. Then she told me that since his abuse started up she’s been hurting really bad and has second thoughts about us ending. She told me that she’s thought of me every day and misses me deeply. She then asked me to FaceTime and I did. She told me that I look good as always and told her the same, and then she continued about how her boyfriend is an abusive man and she started crying telling me that she doesn’t want to be with him anymore and wants to get back with me. She also told me she’s terrified of him because of how angry and aggressive he can get.

 

She told me she’s still loved me since the day we broke up which was in mid July and hasn’t been the same since, she also asked me to meet up with her for lunch, which I accepted her request.

 

 

 

Should we try again? I still do genuinely care for her but at the same time I’m hesitant because what if we fail again and then meets another guy.

 

Should we try again or remain civil acquaintances?

[smackie9]

You should stay away from her for her own safety and yours. She's taking a big chance meeting up with you. If you want to help her, give her the number to women's abuse crisis hotline, and tell her to call to get help. They will advise her properly legally how to escape her abuser. IMO you need to back off and let her get this crap sorted out. Sorry but you can't get involved in this. Seeking out you isn't going to help with anything and you need to tell her that.

Edited January 7, 2018 by smackie9

[Iseult]

First of all, make sure she gets help against her abuser. And I don’t mean to intervene, but to listen to her and offer support. Try to let her friends and family know, and give her information on local resources like a shelter or a hotline.

 

Second, now is not the time for her to be jumping into another relationship. She needs time to get out of this mess and getting back together now doesn’t help either of you.

[emzara]

I had a similar thought that the first thing is her physical safety. Abusers get worse and can become homicidal when a woman leaves him. Abusers are all about power and control. When a woman leaves, the abuser loses control and will sometimes get worse to regain control.

 

She might need a restraining order and a police report to get the guy to go away. She might need to go in hiding until he cools off. Not everyone escalates, but don't underestimate a physically abusive man!!

 

After she's safe, then I would suggest being there as a friend for her, at first. She might have trauma issues to deal with. She might need emotional support and counselling.

 

When she's stable, after some time has passed, if the two of you still want to give it another chance, then you can start looking at why you broke up and whether the reasons are workable.

 

It sounds like you're most afraid of getting hurt if she dates someone else again if you two break up a second time. I would voice this concern to her (later, not right away).

 

And again, she really needs an exit plan from this man. Speaking from experience, she needs to make sure she's safe. She needs somewhere she can go where he won't look for her.

[d0nnivain]

If you care about this woman, drive her to the police station to press charges against the BF.

 

But understand she doesn't want you back because she wants you. She just wants you to help her get away from him. While it's great that she's waking up to the fact that he's bad news, you can't be her savior / white knight. This guy sounds like he's too dangerous.

[Highndry]

Not to sound callous but it seems to be all about her. The grass was greener until it wasn't, now she wants you back. I echo the sentiment that you should have her seek out the abused women shelter and not get involved yourself. She's not ready to jump into another relationship, she needs to get out of this one and probably into therapy for a while. I'd never get back together with a woman under these circumstances, and I don't really believe in going backwards in general.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It's not your job to rescue her by getting into a relationship with her again. You can help her get out of her situation by encouraging her to press charges, leave this man, etc., but it kinda seems like she feels the only options are to be with her abuser or get back with you. She has a third option, which is to be single.

[Been]

I'm going to sound mean but I'm just telling you how I see it.

 

1. She's a grown woman and she got herself into this situation so she should be able to get out.

 

2. She loves you now all the sudden because this person didn't pan out.

 

3. She was still so in love with you and yet didn't mention a word about it until like I said her current option became a disaster.

 

4. She will take you back but ask yourself WHY. Is it because she really does love you or your a security blanket and she knows what to expect from you.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Hello, me and my ex girlfriend broke up about 6 months ago (we dated nearly a year and a half)

It was a mutual break up and there was no bad blood between us, we’ve remained civil around each other and neither of us have bad mouthed each other. We’ve remained causual acquaintances and stayed on ok terms, we also agreed to date other people. So I’ve remained single until then and she got a new boyfriend but the new boyfriend has been a disaster she told me.

 

 

The other night she was texting me telling me that her boyfriend is physically abusive, she told me he hits her and hurts her a lot, and I’m not going to pretend like I don’t care because no one deserves to be abused, not even my worst enemy but especially not her because she’s a really nice person. She told me it got graphic where he was punching her and pulling her hair and she had to scratch him to get away from him. Then she told me that since his abuse started up she’s been hurting really bad and has second thoughts about us ending. She told me that she’s thought of me every day and misses me deeply. She then asked me to FaceTime and I did. She told me that I look good as always and told her the same, and then she continued about how her boyfriend is an abusive man and she started crying telling me that she doesn’t want to be with him anymore and wants to get back with me. She also told me she’s terrified of him because of how angry and aggressive he can get.

 

She told me she’s still loved me since the day we broke up which was in mid July and hasn’t been the same since, she also asked me to meet up with her for lunch, which I accepted her request.

 

 

 

Should we try again? I still do genuinely care for her but at the same time I’m hesitant because what if we fail again and then meets another guy.

 

Should we try again or remain civil acquaintances?

 

Why exactly did the two of you break-up? It was mutual?