TurningTables Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) OP, I see that no one here has actually asked you how you are feeling about your MM? What do YOU want? No one can tell you how things will turn out or what the future holds by someone’s else’s experiences. You make the best decisions you can at the time and then live and learn. Edited January 11, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic ~T 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreamwalker17 Posted January 10, 2018 Author Share Posted January 10, 2018 Are you guys done chit chatting? Would you like an update? Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Are you guys done chit chatting? Would you like an update? Chit Chatting deleted, back to your regularly scheduled programming. ~T 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreamwalker17 Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 Thank you everyone - who read, contributed, supported and advised. Our meeting went ok. I had to ask him many unpleasant and uncomfortable questions and he answered them all. He said he regrets involving me so early in the process, now seeing how badly I am affected. He thinks it was a mistake, he should've sorted everything out and come back to me only when he was ready to give me the relationship that I deserve. But he said didn't come back to me with expectations to pick up where he left off, he knows how badly he screw up by letting me go. Couple people here mentioned "sunk cost" fallacy - in my case, I've cut my losses long ago. At this point to me it is a matter of it is worthy of reinvestment. Of course, I don't want to be involved as a crutch, help him to recuperate after divorce, and then he happily moves on to someone else. But he said he is committed to making our relationship work, he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Thank you, TurningTables, for asking what is it that I want. I was taken aback because at this point I don't even know. I want to get over my anger and resentment and see where it goes then, I guess. So, here is my update. We have business trip coming up, important for both of us professionally, and next dinner will be in one of the best restaurants in the world. I'll update you all then. Thank you again. Love, D. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I understand where you're coming from. My former MM has divorcedhis wife and we are together now. At first I thought he had told her he wanted to leave and get a divorce but I later found out that wasn't exactly how it went down. He did say he was unhappy and that things would never be the same in the marriage but he didn't pull the plug - the wife did. He did file but that's only b/c she refused to pay for a divorce that is his fault and bc As an attorney, he knew I'd help him get it properly filed. I was pissed when This was clarified to me but at the end of the day, I didn't care why he was divorcing and working on a relationship with me. I just cared that he was here. I know the type of man he is: conflict avoidant, let's thing kind of happen to him to avoid uncomfortable situations, etc. He has agreed to do couples therapy to work on our communication to show me that he's really in this regardless of how the split arose. And that's fine with me. I know what I had with him and what we still have. I know I love him and i know he adores me. So what if the ex wife initiated the divorce? If he wanted to be with her, wouldn't he be at her house begging to stay? Wouldn't he be pulling all the stops to stay? Maybe you ending things with him made him realize how much he loves you and wanted to be with you. Maybe once you were gone, things in the marital home got worse and they just couldn't handle it anymore. We probably won't know exactly how It went down but that doesn't matter. What matters is what he wants to work on. What matters is what YOU want. I didn't care who said "it's over" first bc I was just so happy that we could finally be together. He didn't beg her to stay, he didn't hide us. He ran straight back to me and has been working on "us" since then. No it hasn't been perfect. Yes the end of his marriage hurt him. I know he cared for her. I'd be afraid if he didn't. But he's here with me and i know this is where he wants to be regardless of how it happened. If we don't work out then that's fine but we are both working on this relationship and i know we both want it. if this is still what you want- a relationship with him- then don't let the "who left whom" question ruin it. Look at what he's doing in the relationship with you. Do you feel his love? His support? Commitment to you and yalls relationship? If so and you want to be with him then enjoy it! Appreciate that y'all finally got your chance and grow together. It could also be that after so many years you're disillusioned. I get that too. Towards the end of the affair which by this time was only emotional (aka constant fighting with little to no positive attributes and definitely no physical aspect), I had given up on my MM. he was no longer a prize. I was no longer fighting for "us". Had the divorce not happened when it did, I promise you we wouldn't be together now. Maybe you've reached that point? Maybe you're just confused b/c there is SO much going on right now. It's ok to be selfish and think of how you feel or what you want. After all, your (soon to be former) MM was selfish for the entire length of the affair so it's not like he doesn't have it coming Good luck! Feel free to message me if you'd like to vent! I know how difficult this process is. But I also know that what's on the other side is worth it...if you Still want it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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