Weight and appearance

[ICEMAN69]

It should be okay to say to a partner that I love you. But if you let yourself go, I'll still love you but I will be worried about your health and may not want to have sex with you. I see this as pragmatic and responsible. Honest and appropriate.

 

Thoughts?

 

That could also work against a lot of guys who are barely hanging on to a sex life as it is. I can see that one blowing up on quite a number of husbands. Husband: "Yeah, if you don't get that weight problem curtailed, I may not want to have sex with you." Wife: "Okay, anything else?"

[ICEMAN69]

The thing is that I think aesthetics get an inordinate amount of focus in places like LS. Whereas in real life it varies a lot depending on the individual. Some people find that aesthetics influence their attraction more, others less. Personally, my man's appearance could change quite a bit before it starts genuinely affecting my attraction negatively, whereas other things (like the way he treats me) would have significant impact even with small changes. I daresay it's the same for him.

 

And of course if we could see where we're all going to be after 20 or 30 years of marriage and what each of our values and interests will be well into the future, that would make this whole "couples mess" quite a bit easier.

 

One hopes that if they marry a man or a women who takes reasonably good care of their appearances at the time of marriage, the assumption is, they'll do the same as the years go by. Likewise, you might marry a non-abusive husband only to find 5 years later he's very abusive.

 

The two problems that come up in relationships from what I can tell are 1) People sometimes don't present who they really are during the courtship and early marriage years, and 2) People by their nature sometimes change and no longer subscribe to the values or interests they once embraced.

[ICEMAN69]

To be clear, I'm not talking about beauty. I'm talking about health and relative attractiveness. Ageing is inevitable. Becoming obese is not if you're otherwise healthy. And yes I agree that it is not everything. You can maintain health and fitness, but still be unattractive due to being a right royal pain in the ass!

 

Relative is a key term. Relative to your norms and those of your relationship. I absolutely believe that I owe it to a partner, and they to me, to strive to be healthy and attractive to each other. That has nothing to do with delving into the cosmetic surgery o subscribing to the beauty myth. It just means eating and living well and prioritizing health and a modicum of grooming. I just don't see that as a difficult task for the average person. I think it is perfectly reasonable expectation to have and express.

 

Completely agree! Chemistry and attraction are two of the first things two people who appear to like one another experience. Even before personality, compatibility, interests, etc come into play.

 

Now I've experienced attraction for someone after knowing them and getting to know "who they are" and realizing they're indeed kind of attractive, so there are other roads to the same point.

 

But the greater point is we can't just dismiss chemistry and attraction as some superficial feeling only Neanderthals experience. They are REAL things built into just about all human beings. If those components didn't exist the human race may cease since those are key necessities for sexual union and intimacy to be the next steps.

 

But as SolG suggests, it's about being the best spouse you can be without all the extras like cosmetic surgery and dealing with the aging process itself. Keeping a healthy weight and maintaining some resemblance of fitness has zero to do with the aging process.