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Struggling to move on, really rough night


igotoverit

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To be honest, it took me an hour to register because I was already registered (bogus username) and my eyes are still foggy from all the crying I have done over a man who has been gone for five years. We have been in contact online and I guess in the back of my mind, I thought I would be the person he would love, and he would come back. I mean at the same time I had my doubts but basically I love someone who doesn't love me back and now that I said this on the forum, knows it now too. I have never been taught that expressing your feelings was okay, but all I know is it hurts really bad.

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OP. That's a pretty big thing to admit something like that.

 

What's up? How did you two begin? How did it go during? How did it lead to this point? Perhaps I can offer some help.

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OP. That's a pretty big thing to admit something like that.

 

What's up? How did you two begin? How did it go during? How did it lead to this point? Perhaps I can offer some help.

 

Thank you, I appreciate it. At this point tonight, I have a massive headache, I don't think I could explain 5 years on this forum but he told me to move on very bluntly. He suggested I have sex and gave me helpful hints to move on from him explaining that I wasn't capable of being anything like his current girlfriend and he called me an idiot after telling me I had a terrible personality. And he is with someone else,

 

He is a 6 foot Spanish engineer, great looking, 11 years into his position, I should have known better. Although he is 42 years olds he made me a linked in account and I was lazy at lazy boy. When I found it, I was very hurt. There were Facebook accounts with bad pictures of me, we are talking a man who spent time messing with me til I got the hint. It is a pathetic story but I do hurt.

Edited by igotoverit
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You've reached an important point in accepting that he does not love you.

 

Why do you stay and talk to him if he treats you like this?

 

He will continue to devalue you and your self-confidence and self-esteem will disappear. Without those, you will have no self-worth and will not be able to stand up for yourself and will remain until this guy completely destroys you. That's a promise. We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves and you aren't treating yourself very well by sticking around and letting him do this to you.

 

If you want to get passed this, you have to drop this guy. Block him off of social media so you don't see any updates that'll hurt you or get your mind thinking. Block his number as well and block his email. Drop him completely. You don't need to ever speak to him again. He is toxic.

 

Spanish and good looking won't make up for how ugly this guy is on the inside. As hard as he will try to fake being a good person, he will reveal himself at some point and whoever he's with will find out and leave him because he's a piece of crap.

 

There are far better men out there. Someone who will fight for you and make you the best person you can be. You'll feel loved. You won't feel like this. But for now, you need to spend time with people who treat you right and remind you that you are a lovable person as well as some time and space to recover and regain clarity about all this.

 

Stay strong

Edited by Beachead
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Dear OP,

 

You are better than this person. Please, leave that stupid guy. Block him, delete him. He is not worth your love, time and attention. You do not deserve to be treated like this. He's really immature and has a horrible personality, doing those things to you.

 

You're wonderful and honest!

 

Screw that man!

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Thanks .. I appreciate that but that doesn't remove the dark cloud over me and although I feel better, have to admit, I've been seeking some sort of closure to remove it but I do have it. I have to do the work to get through this dark tunnel and over to the other side. I am finally up and about and looking forward to my coffee and the fresh air that comes with it. I haven't been working and lying my way out of it so I don't think that's honest .. I am about to run a personal errand and hopefully make the first steps to put this behind me. I like most of you, do not want him back, I just want to be happy again.

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Thanks .. I appreciate that but that doesn't remove the dark cloud over me and although I feel better, have to admit, I've been seeking some sort of closure to remove it but I do have it. I have to do the work to get through this dark tunnel and over to the other side. I am finally up and about and looking forward to my coffee and the fresh air that comes with it. I haven't been working and lying my way out of it so I don't think that's honest .. I am about to run a personal errand and hopefully make the first steps to put this behind me. I like most of you, do not want him back, I just want to be happy again.

 

I've been your shoes. Dated some pretty sh*tty people. As you've seen, I'm dealing with a loss of someone who threw me away to return to her ex. Some left permanent damage but all of them taught me something about myself or life which didn't happen overnight. I had an ex (Not my current one but a long time ago) who used to run me down all the time. Made me feel like some stupid person with no future. Threatened to leave me if I didn't go back to school. I was planning to at the time but the degree I wanted to study wasn't starting until the following year. In the meantime, I was working. I had my plans but I had no self-respect/self-worth at the time So I was stupid enough to rush back to school for a different degree just to keep her. Didn't stay true to myself. She ended up leaving me anyway. It was truly a pathetic move but a life lesson that taught me a lot about respecting myself and self-worth. Sure, had I left her when I realized she was such a person, I would have saved myself a lot of trouble but that's not who I was at the time so I was never going to do that anyway. Hence I never looked back and thought what a waste with her. I was a much needed valuable lesson that ultimately made me a better person. There is always something to be learned from anything. Especially the lowest of low moments. But it doesn't happen overnight. It's a slow, gradual process. Several months had to pass by of me reflecting upon what happened. Cried it out. Periods of anger. Numbness. Confusion. But after awhile, my head started to make sense of the whole situation.

 

So be patient and kind to yourself and know that healing from something like this will take a lot of time. Can't force it but can't wallow in it either. Healing is a process that simply needs to go through what it needs to go through. All you have to do is take care of yourself as best you can until the pain passes. I read your other posts and based on what you said, I think you'll be alright OP. Keep at your life and stay focused on it. Don't date for awhile. Stay single, meet new people and discover all the great personalities that are out there beyond this guy. Some days, you'll feel strong, some days you'll feel completely weak. Might even get worse before it gets better as is the often the case with not speaking to someone you cared for ever again. But it will get better. I know that for sure. I'll say it'll take a year minimum or a little more to return to yourself. But when you do, I have a good feeling, you will be a much stronger version of yourself.

 

Goodluck

Edited by Beachead
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Thank you so much for the support. It really is uplifting and also helpful to realize that your not the only one. No one really teaches us that breakups are extremely difficult and rejection is far worse in some cases. I wish I knew this earlier so I could have dealt with my feelings rather then try to avoid them. They just built up and came out in the worst way and at the worst possible times. I learned to be honest about your emotions (in the right moment obviously). I will be fine but the pain is inevitable and thoughts of these two individuals (he and his friend that hurt me with the online ads and mocking, making fun of me, putting me down, analyzing my life and family, making judgments, giving me unwanted advice.. etc) creep up on me through out the day and I freeze and feel that dark cloud. Then I try and make the moment as less painful as possible by reinforcing thoughts about my house, job, office, school, courses etc and that path I am on that will enable me to better myself.

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We used to work at the same company years ago. When I realised that it wasn't going to work I left and he chased me. I had some things go wrong and left the province where he proceeded to locate me, hack me, and set people in my province to attend my gym and connect with me. He hacked into an iPad and found a picture of me and turned saying I changed over night and proceeded to give me advice on how to change back to an even better person then I was ..

 

it is a long and complicated story that has went on since 2013. His friend assisted in making fake accounts on linked in and one said I was lazy at lazy boy because I am not who he thought I was in 2013 type deal.

 

I told him directly to leave me alone and it made the situation a lot worse as I am honest and told him how I was being affected by what he was doing. I went to the police and they said they didn't have enough teeth to bite because there was no one person to pin point. They told me to ignore them and I was angry because I still had feelings for this person I idealized in my head.

 

It is a long story and I have been suffering alone, they have been very mean to me, and I should have blocked them but I was addicted to the man who did this to me, he isn't like this to anyone but me.

 

He didn't love me. Even when I gave the fake people a chance, they were cruel. It was just a mind fk and a game to them. I asked what they were doing and gave him a lot of opportunity to tell me their side to the story but they ignored me.

Edited by igotoverit
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Thank you so much for the support. It really is uplifting and also helpful to realize that your not the only one. No one really teaches us that breakups are extremely difficult and rejection is far worse in some cases. I wish I knew this earlier so I could have dealt with my feelings rather then try to avoid them. They just built up and came out in the worst way and at the worst possible times. I learned to be honest about your emotions (in the right moment obviously). I will be fine but the pain is inevitable and thoughts of these two individuals (he and his friend that hurt me with the online ads and mocking, making fun of me, putting me down, analyzing my life and family, making judgments, giving me unwanted advice.. etc) creep up on me through out the day and I freeze and feel that dark cloud. Then I try and make the moment as less painful as possible by reinforcing thoughts about my house, job, office, school, courses etc and that path I am on that will enable me to better myself.

 

Can't ask anything more of yourself than that OP. You're doing well.

 

Continue to focus on yourself because through self-accomplishment, you'll re-discover how you can transform your own life with your own two hands. It'll make you feel good about yourself. I wasn't the strongest student in university and a lot of people I loved counted me out because I looked like i was going to drop out..except I never gave up. I kept trying and slowly pushing through the adversity until one day I saw my graduation. Shortly after, I landed a job in my field. Things are still rough but it was the kind of win I needed to atleast remind me, I was a tough S.O.B.

 

And secondly, do things that you love. Don't just make it about the job and studies. Do things that get you excited. Get you out of bed in the morning. It'll be that "break" in the week for you that you'll look forward to. You may even find some people who share in your interests and who are more like you which will align you more with who you are as a person.

 

I am a believer of when we align our lifestyle with our soul, that's when we become content and at peace and reach our potential. When we feel this way, we attract better people for us and life continues down a generally positive direction.

 

Both of these things will help bring some sunshine to those dark clouds that loom around.

 

Let time take care of the rest.

Edited by Beachead
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I'm so sorry, what he has done is incredibly hurtful.

 

But seriously, it's five years later and you are still crying over this terrible, hurtful man? He doesn't deserve another moment of your time or attention.

 

I hope you are able to deal with the hurt and move forward with your life. Take care.

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