Never me.

[Inflikted]

I'm feeling pretty angry, and the more I think about the situation, the angrier I keep getting. The problem is, while I'm frustrated at other people, I know that everything is entirely my fault, and I'm upset at me for... Well, being me.

 

Let me explain. At my current job, it became a routine for me and another co-worker to be the ones closing nearly every night over the last several months. Now, I'm not against working how I'm needed, but it's been exhausting and frustrating because there was no rotation to who's closing so that we could each have some early nights. My coworker and I were both frustrated by this and we each mentioned it to the manager separately, and the plan laid out by the manager was that we were going to hire someone specifically to close each night, and me, my coworker, and the assistant manager would rotate so we each could have some nights off.

 

We've hired someone new, and we were starting to get to a place where rotation is possible. But the schedules for the next month have come out, and the assistant manager is only closing one night per week, my coworker two nights a week, and me, I'm still closing four nights a week. So basically, everyone gets what they want, except me. Nothing changes for me at all.

 

And on the surface, I'm frustrated with my manager for assuring me everything would balance out when we hired someone new, and I'm frustrated that my coworker and assistant manager both got what they wanted, and I got nothing. But the reality is, I know there's no I'll will or malicious intent, because this is how my life always is.

 

Every single place I've worked, every manager I've had, I'm always the absolute bottom of the totem pole, the absolute lowest priority. Everyone else comes before me. And I get it. I'm not a super aggressive, assertive guy. I never have been and I never will be. I have a conversation when appropriate, but I'm not one to nag or keep pushing and pushing and pushing.

 

So it's making me angry because there's really no solution for me. Like, one could say to find a new job, but what would that matter when this happens to me every i end up? And at this point, even if i were a more assertive person, talking to my manger would be pointless because I already know what excuses I'll get, and best case scenario, I'd just get some empty promises that amount to nothing.

 

I just... I hate being such a low priority to everyone. I hate that no one ever cares about what I want or what would make me happy. I'm just nothing. Everyone else gets what they want, but not me. Never me.

[carhill]

Gotta risk being unpopular, unliked, fired, whatever. Else, one ends up like I humorously opine while California drivers are blowing by me at 90 in the passing land, 'tail end Charlie'.

 

Gotta take a stand somewhere, somehow, sometime.

 

I burnt a lot of bridges when young and stole a lot of customers but ya know, life is war and, generally, people don't care whether you live or die so why concern yourself with them and their stuff. Get along to get ahead but always have an eye on getting the better deal *for you*. No one cares more about you than you.

 

This deal, I'd cross-hire out and poof them with hey you shoulda listened to me when I wanted better closing allocation which was only fair. Good luck! See ya! I mean, really, why be a slave to such cretins?

[Inflikted]

Gotta risk being unpopular, unliked, fired, whatever. Else, one ends up like I humorously opine while California drivers are blowing by me at 90 in the passing land, 'tail end Charlie'.

 

Gotta take a stand somewhere, somehow, sometime.

 

I burnt a lot of bridges when young and stole a lot of customers but ya know, life is war and, generally, people don't care whether you live or die so why concern yourself with them and their stuff. Get along to get ahead but always have an eye on getting the better deal *for you*. No one cares more about you than you.

 

This deal, I'd cross-hire out and poof them with hey you shoulda listened to me when I wanted better closing allocation which was only fair. Good luck! See ya! I mean, really, why be a slave to such cretins?

 

Yeah, I mean, like I said, it really doesn't matter whether I work here or there, or wherever. I end up falling into the same position either way. I'm always the lowest of the low, I'm always the absolute least priority. I'd love to be able to "take my business elsewhere", but it just doesn't matter, because the end result is the same either way. I could be the lowest priority person here, or I could go find somewhere else to be the lowest priority person. Either result ends with me being frustrated and unhappy, so what difference does it make?

 

Like I said, I've never been a very assertive or aggressive person. I say my piece and I hope it sticks, and I hope that I'm valued enough for them to care about my satisfaction and my happiness. Perhaps it's a bit naive of me, but I'd like to think that higher ups should be appreciative of someone who isn't constantly nagging them and complaining to them about stuff. I don't have the mindset or the energy to try to get wrapped up in "politicking" for myself. I want to work hard and be rewarded for it.

 

The thing is, this particular scenario is just a symptom of the greater problem. Like, I'm obviously frustrated about the scheduling, but this uncontrollable anger that's pent up in me stems from the fact that it feels like no one is ever appreciative of what I put into things, nobody ever values me and what I do. Not this current job, not the last 4-5 managers I had over the last decade I've been working. I try my hardest to be the best, most helpful employee I can be, I almost never call off or come in late, I try to be very accommodating when schedules need readjusted for a specific reason, etc. But it doesn't matter. It never mattered to anyone, and it seems like it never will. I'm reaching a point where I wonder why I should even bother caring anymore, why I should even bother putting in any effort into my work, why I should offer anything more than the bare minimum.

[Mystyry]

So I get it, it sucks. A lot of times you put a lot into the universe/people/jobs/what have you and get nothing in return. But, you know what - people are selfish. Nothing you can do about it either. If you are a very selfless giving person, you will definitely find (if you look hard enough) a few people who will appreciate it and be kind in return, but most will take what you give and sometimes forget to say thank you.

 

My question for you, OP, is what are you going to do? I agree you can't control scheduling or your character. Your character, actually, is not something you should be changing. But as a giving person you also don't want to get to a point, where you either resent that in yourself, or resent the gifts you offer or people you offer them to. And you are getting there.

 

Change whatever is in your control. Speak your mind and when you see it is not being honored, leave. Maybe nothing will change, but you know for certain nothing will change if you stay. Remember the serenity prayer? Use it. Appreciate yourself even if and when no one else does. It all starts there.

[whatnot]

"We are called to engage" - Logostat

 

"Did you make your needs known?" - a shrink

 

 

 

don't worry about "being assertive". Just let your needs be known. You need others to help you carry this thankless job. Let it be known.....then....ask for what you believe to be a more balanced way of doing things (when your boss tries to brush you off)

 

put him on the spot by asking him .... "Is this what you call balance?" (it's a serious question.....and phrase it as such.....not as an accusation of him personally) And ask him seriously....."what's wrong with telling the others to help pull the weight?" These are valid questions.....that you really want the answers to.

 

take care

 

and no.....this isn't "YOU". it's a part of a much larger mosaic......

Edited January 18, 2018 by whatnot

[whichwayisup]

If you speak up and fight for what you want, have more confidence then life wouldn't be half as bad as you feel it is. At work, you don't get your way because you're passive and don't say anything. People WILL take advantage of that and assume you're okay with the status quo. Or are too afraid to speak up to rock the boat.

 

Inf, it's your life and I hope this is the year you make real changes that will lead to happiness.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Have you considered you may enjoy a different line of work? Something you'd be more enthused about? Sounds to me as if you're a pretty intuitive person. Have you ever thought of studying to be a counselor or getting into social work of some sort? Or working in the healthcare sector?

[SammySammy]

Part of being assertive is being effective.

 

Speaking up serves no purpose if it accomplishes nothing. You’ve got to figure out how to speak up and get what you want accomplished. That’s a key distinction to make. Achievement of a goal or aim is paramount.

 

Also, getting angry accomplishes nothing. If you’re mad and nobody knows or cares that you’re mad, the only person you’re affecting is you. And that’s in a negative way. Not beneficial to you.

 

To me, being assertive and effective is a fundamental part of manhood. You’ve got to be able to use nothing but your voice to get something accomplished. Otherwise, no one will ever respect you.

 

I also grew up a quiet guy. Quiet, polite, well-mannered, respectful ... a gentleman. That’s how my parents raised me. Particularly, my mother. However, I quickly learned that nice crap doesn’t work when I get away from my parent’s house. In the real world, my voice needs to be effective.

 

I started to change very young. It was a struggle at first because that “nice guy” image was seared into my brain. I thought that was who I was. Now, both of my businesses operate because of how effective I am at communicating to get results.

 

You say you’ll never be assertive, but that might be a false narrative. That might not be who you are. You’ll never know unless you make a continual effort to change.

 

There are many books about assertiveness out there, but the book I found to be most helpful in business situations is really a leadership book. The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. Check that out and see if some of those strategies will help you be more effective in the workplace.

[Ronni_W]

But the schedules for the next month have come out, and the assistant manager is only closing one night per week, my coworker two nights a week, and me, I'm still closing four nights a week.

Why not just ask your co-worker if s/he is willing to take on one of your nights, so that each of you are doing three nights per week?

 

The other thing to consider is that maybe the person who sets the schedules has more confidence in you to close properly and securely -- of course, though, this depends on how much attention to detail and pride-in-a-job-well-done is needed for the specific type of 'closing' that is required at your workplace.

[Inflikted]

Have you considered you may enjoy a different line of work? Something you'd be more enthused about? Sounds to me as if you're a pretty intuitive person. Have you ever thought of studying to be a counselor or getting into social work of some sort? Or working in the healthcare sector?

 

Well, yes, ideally, I wish I had a more fulfilling career than being a bottom of the barrel person in the retail/ service industry. But, I only had one industry in mind, and after I finished school, I found it basically impossible to break into that industry. Unfortunately, I've not been able to come up with a "plan B", as there's really nothing else I can see myself being able to reasonably do as a career. I really don't have any particular affinities or skills that can be sharpened into something worthwhile.

 

It bothers me quite a bit that this is all I'll ever amount to, but I don't really see a way out of it at this point. I'm almost 30, and I still can't find a better career path for myself. As much as it pains me to admit, this is all there is for me.

 

Why not just ask your co-worker if s/he is willing to take on one of your nights, so that each of you are doing three nights per week?

 

The other thing to consider is that maybe the person who sets the schedules has more confidence in you to close properly and securely -- of course, though, this depends on how much attention to detail and pride-in-a-job-well-done is needed for the specific type of 'closing' that is required at your workplace.

 

I mean, it's not that she's unwilling, if anything, she knows my frustrations better than anyone else. Apparently, from what I've learned, the reason the schedule is like this is because we're "renting out" a couple of our employees to other locations for the next... I dunno, 2-3 months, if not longer. Ideally, once that stuff is done, the schedule would go back to the way it should be. But, personally, I don't have much faith in that happening, as the manager tends to just copy and paste the schedule week to week without thinking much about it, and it seems like she can be somewhat absent-minded about the scheduling. She and the assistant manager (the assistant manager that only has to close one night a week) are also very buddy buddy, and I can see the AM pushing to keep her "one night a week" schedule when this current stuff is done, and I expect the manager will probably oblige.

 

If you speak up and fight for what you want, have more confidence then life wouldn't be half as bad as you feel it is. At work, you don't get your way because you're passive and don't say anything. People WILL take advantage of that and assume you're okay with the status quo. Or are too afraid to speak up to rock the boat.

 

Inf, it's your life and I hope this is the year you make real changes that will lead to happiness.

 

Yeah, I mean, like I said, I try to make my wants known without being naggy about it and without constantly getting on someone's case about it. Is that effective? Probably not. I'm just not really the kind of person that's going to keep going "Hey, I'd like this. Hey, don't forget about this. Hey, I still want this. Hey, just reminding you about this. Hey, can I still have this at some point? Hey, remember this.". I understand it's not realistic to expect someone to keep me in mind, especially when I'm just one little "cog" in a bigger machine, but I dunno, I just don't have it in me to keep getting on someone's case about something.

 

Part of being assertive is being effective.

 

Speaking up serves no purpose if it accomplishes nothing. You’ve got to figure out how to speak up and get what you want accomplished. That’s a key distinction to make. Achievement of a goal or aim is paramount.

 

Yeah, that sounds about right. I'm just really not sure I possess the fortitude to become that. And that's frustrating to me. It's frustrating to know that I'm always the least important person among a given group of people, and that I don't have the right aptitudes to be able to change that for myself.

 

Also, getting angry accomplishes nothing. If you’re mad and nobody knows or cares that you’re mad, the only person you’re affecting is you. And that’s in a negative way. Not beneficial to you.

 

True, true, but when you're someone who basically has nothing to offer, who can't figure out a better path for himself, who can't "put the pieces together" to become someone better, anger and frustration are really all you're kind of left with. I have no worthwhile skills or abilities, I have no affinities to hone into something better. I basically have nothing to offer at all. About the only things I CAN offer are flexibility and the willingness to be a body to fill a position. And as much as it eats away at me every single to know that I'll never amount to anything better, I'd rather have a paying job than not having a paying job. Yanno?

 

And don't get me wrong. I realize a lot of what I say sounds very negative and depressing, but the thing is, I don't look at it that way. I'm not "beating myself up" or "putting myself down", I'm just looking at things for how they are, from a logical perspective. I have practically nothing worthwhile to offer to the world. And thus, I will never amount to anything. And that frustrates me and eats away at me, yes, but I can't figure out how to become someone else, someone better, and that just furthers my frustration.

[StoicHusband]

I'm feeling pretty angry, and the more I think about the situation, the angrier I keep getting. The problem is, while I'm frustrated at other people, I know that everything is entirely my fault, and I'm upset at me for... Well, being me.

 

Let me explain. At my current job, it became a routine for me and another co-worker to be the ones closing nearly every night over the last several months. Now, I'm not against working how I'm needed, but it's been exhausting and frustrating because there was no rotation to who's closing so that we could each have some early nights. My coworker and I were both frustrated by this and we each mentioned it to the manager separately, and the plan laid out by the manager was that we were going to hire someone specifically to close each night, and me, my coworker, and the assistant manager would rotate so we each could have some nights off.

 

We've hired someone new, and we were starting to get to a place where rotation is possible. But the schedules for the next month have come out, and the assistant manager is only closing one night per week, my coworker two nights a week, and me, I'm still closing four nights a week. So basically, everyone gets what they want, except me. Nothing changes for me at all.

 

And on the surface, I'm frustrated with my manager for assuring me everything would balance out when we hired someone new, and I'm frustrated that my coworker and assistant manager both got what they wanted, and I got nothing. But the reality is, I know there's no I'll will or malicious intent, because this is how my life always is.

 

Every single place I've worked, every manager I've had, I'm always the absolute bottom of the totem pole, the absolute lowest priority. Everyone else comes before me. And I get it. I'm not a super aggressive, assertive guy. I never have been and I never will be. I have a conversation when appropriate, but I'm not one to nag or keep pushing and pushing and pushing.

 

So it's making me angry because there's really no solution for me. Like, one could say to find a new job, but what would that matter when this happens to me every i end up? And at this point, even if i were a more assertive person, talking to my manger would be pointless because I already know what excuses I'll get, and best case scenario, I'd just get some empty promises that amount to nothing.

 

I just... I hate being such a low priority to everyone. I hate that no one ever cares about what I want or what would make me happy. I'm just nothing. Everyone else gets what they want, but not me. Never me.

 

How old are you? Do you appear "mature"? I had this same experience until I grew up, grew a beard, and put a few inches on my arms.

 

Appearance is a HUGE deal in situations like these. Hope you give it some thought.