Realgrl Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 This has been bothering me for a while. My husband and I are part of the university gym. I use the track and machines while he swims. I noticed for quite sometime now that whenever he rests on the starting end of the lane or turning himself around to continue laps, he would *always* directly looks at a female in the next lane as he slowly turns his body around. And it gets to me that she looks at him too! If the person is male in the next lane, he would just look down as he reorient his position. I think this is disrespectful and I can’t mention this to him because he would say I’m too jealous or imagining things. What are your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Guildford Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 I don't know how many times I have read postings from women who complain that their husband is a couch-potato and that he has grown fat and lazy. You do not have that problem so don't complain. There is no harm in looking. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 It's a little on the lecherous side but if the woman isn't complaining, tread carefully. Does your husband look at you in a swim suit? If yes, take the compliment. As long as all he's doing is looking, try to be OK with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realgrl Posted January 9, 2018 Author Share Posted January 9, 2018 Yes he looks at me in swimsuit when we are at the beach. I don’t swim with him at the gym but had stopped by the pool area to say hi. The swim lanes are used quite frequently so there is a different person every time he goes there. I get internally upset now whenever he goes swimming which is on a daily basis because I think he enjoys looking and getting attention. When I check if other males in the swimming pool do the same thing, they don’t! They focus on swimming. Also the girls there would have to use the ledge to push themselves out of the pool which is actually very revealing from behind. I’m sure he enjoys that too. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 What are you jealous of? Do you think he's going to leave you for one of the women in the pool? Do you think he doesn't love & desire you when he looks at them? Men are visual. They look. Short of putting a blindfold on him, there probably isn't anything you can do. You said you haven't told him how his blatant staring makes you feel. That is more troubling to me, the fact that you can't be honest with your hubby. Maybe he thinks he's being subtle? There are ways to say it that aren't accusatory & that should defuse accusations that it's all in your mind. You are jealous. It's OK to admit that. Try something like this: Hey, honey, when I stopped by the pool the other day it looked to me like you were checking out the women in the next lane. It kind of bothered me. I'll admit I was a little jealous. I'm also a little worried. In this #MeToo anti-sexual harassment climate I'm afraid the wrong woman could make a stink & you'd get in trouble. Do you even realize you're doing it? If you phrase it like you are protecting him plus admit that you're jealous, he should be willing to tone it down. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Simple, get him a blindfold so that he doesn't see women, and scold those ladies who dared to look at him. I don't know. Personally, I don't think that when people get married they stop being human and noticing other humans. I check guys out.... And I wouldn't care if my husband checked a woman out. He is coming home with me. Just because he married me, I don't think he has to live the rest of his life dead to the world of other females. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 If he’s someone who openly ogles other women, hard to believe he’d confine those stares to the pool. Do you notice this elsewhere? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Check this poster's past threads: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=31219090 Hyperactive jealousy at him having possibly seen a brief glimpse of a woman's face on television has been a thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 When I look at your other threads, I notice that insecurity seems to be a challenge for you and that's where the irrational jealousy comes from. What fuels the insecurity? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 So what? Men are very very visual and they like to look! and it is nothing to be jealous about. He probably doesn't realize what he is doing. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 It's no big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 From all of your threads, jealousy is clearly an issue for you in your relationship and seems to detract from your enjoyment of just about every activity where another woman is in the vicinity. The question is, is it a serious issue for you in all of your relationships or unique to your relationship with your husband? I can see this is very distressing for you. I think that you should see a therapist who can help you work through your jealousy or determine if your relationship with your husband is the problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NomiMalone Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Men look at other women. Women look at other men. It's just a fact of life. As long as he's not 1) constantly ogling women in your presence, or 2) going over to chat those swimmers up, it's no real cause for alarm. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 (edited) I would be more worried if he were checking out the men and not the women.... you say he does it every time so that means every time a woman passes him in alane you are looking....you see what you want to see .....you are promoting jealousy..... when i was a teen i went out with this guy i was madly in love with him....i went to visit him once with a gf i was in the navy.....so my gf and i would spend weekends off together.....my gf kept giving me funny looks after meeting him.....and when we left after havign dinner i asked her why and she said "didnt you see all those hickies around his neck".....and to the life of me i didnt see them....i should have i only came up to his armpit.....had to look up to see his face.....but the fact was i saw what i wanted to see.....and what i didnt want to see....i was blinded...my inner child is blind to flaws and imperfections...lol...only sees the good in the world...needless to say i broke up with him.. what my strange and unusual story is getting to ....is its not your guy who needs to be blindfolded its you......its normal for guys to look its not normal for trusting loving gfs to be this jealous that you would watch him so carefully everytime a woman is a round...... im not asking you to be blinded to a huge necklace of hickies but i am suggesting you pull your head in..... concentrate what he does for you what he says to you how he looks at you how he compliments you and allow him to breathe enough......how do you think he would feel if he knew every time he looked at another woman you were watching him carefully...making sure he toes the line and doesnt look for a few seconds too long...this sexual harasment thing mentioned by another poster is way out of hand ...in many cases.....its unreal....people are afraid to touch other people or look ......because someone will cry sexual harassment.....groping a breast stroking an ass....now thats different...rubbing an erect penis against your back or bottom while standing on a train....thats harassment...looking at a female while passing in a swimming lane also not unusual yor bf might justbe a bit more obvious...not harassment.....not worthy of your worried thoughts.... ......let go...allow him to be himself.....and give him trust..is he worthy of your trust and love?..if you love him try to concentrate more on what he does that makes you feel special and loved..........deb Edited January 12, 2018 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 If he's swimming at a university gym, I would bet that 99% of the women lap swimming are wearing extremely modest 1 piece swimsuits. When we swimmers swim laps at an indoor pool, we typically wear polyester competition swimsuits that are made to withstand chlorine. In my 3 years of swimming 3x/week at a community indoor pool I have yet to see anyone in a 2 piece OR low cut "revealing' 1 piece designed for the beach. They just don't hold up in pool water. Also, I have been known to "stare" at swimmers in the lane next to me when I push off after my turns, but it's mostly to see if I'm beating them to the wall. lol Just a different perspective here. Maybe get a Dolfin Uglie suit (lasts years in chlorine!) and join him swimming laps?? I find it hard to believe he's "staring" at female swimmers in the next lane as he does his turns. Just how slow is he swimming?? A glance, perhaps. But staring??? Does he stop and rest after each lap?? Link to post Share on other sites
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