Does sex REALLY stop after marriage? THIS is how many married women want regular sex.

[ICEMAN69]

Was reading this article published in February 2017 which covered the results of a Kinsey Sex Study. The stat that really blew me away? 48% of women still wanted regular sex after four years of marriage.

 

So how many guys who know that are getting married knowing this is where things may be headed and you have a 50-50 chance your wife will have zero libido after just four simple years of matrimony?

 

I have to say, the more I know through reading and personal experience, the more I stop and wonder if staying single would have had more advantages with less complications.

 

ARTICLE >

THE AMOUNT of regular sex married couples have is less than those who haven’t got a ring on their finger - or so received wisdom goes.

 

But is this actually true? Do women really stop wanting to have sex as soon as they have changed their last name?

Unfortunately, statistics would seem to back this presumption up, with only 48 per cent of women still wanting regular sex after just four years of marriage.

 

This is according to the Kinsey Report, a study into the sex lives of Americans by the National Centre for Health Statistics.

 

The most recent findings were published in 2016, and it seems modern women do tire of sex fairly early on into their married lives.

 

 

https://www.express.co.uk/life-style/life/763594/sex-marriage-desire

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I wonder what the husbands of the 52% are doing to make their wives not want sex. Or what they're not doing to make them want it.

[somanymistakes]

Fairly meaningless data without first asking how many of them wanted regular sex before they got married, and how many MEN stopped wanting 'regular' sex afer marriage.

 

If you cherry-pick only the bits of information that make for SHOCKING HEADLINES you don't get a full picture.

 

Stories that have been published based on previous kinsey reports have also concluded that men like cuddling more than women do, and that frequent sex is more important to women than it is to men. New Kinsey Report Turns Everything You Thought About Sex On Its Head - Business Insider

 

The Express article vaguely mentions that the data is from a Kinsey Report but provides no link to any such source. It claims 'the Kinsey Report, by the National Centre for Health Statistics'. Well, first, it's spelled Center in the US, and second, they don't DO a yearly Kinsey Report. Look for yourself: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/index.htm

 

They might be referring to work done by the Kinsey Institute, but which paper exactly? There's a lot. https://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/publications/index.php

[RecentChange]

:eek::eek::eek:

 

Like the above poster - I am a skeptic. I remember all the statics classes I took while getting my sociology degree - its pretty easy to manipulate this sort of data... but lets pretend its valid.

 

Geees.... and most men last 7 mins, and 75% came within 2 mins 50% of the time?!?!

 

Holy Moly. I just... can't even fathom.

 

Hell, my husband and I recently bought a "road trip car" - What makes it a road trip car you may ask? Its big enough, and set up for having sex in!

 

I just got back from a three day road trip to LA (took a three day trip to the wine country last weekend) - If the van is a rockin' don't come a knockin'

 

We have been together for 16 years, and still have as much fun, and sex as we did as youngsters in college.

[Arieswoman]

If the van is a rockin' don't come a knockin'

 

Ten characters...

[some_username1]

The other 52% want regular sex too.....just not with their husbands.

[todreaminblue]

:eek::eek::eek:

 

Like the above poster - I am a skeptic. I remember all the statics classes I took while getting my sociology degree - its pretty easy to manipulate this sort of data... but lets pretend its valid.

 

Geees.... and most men last 7 mins, and 75% came within 2 mins 50% of the time?!?!

 

Holy Moly. I just... can't even fathom.

 

Hell, my husband and I recently bought a "road trip car" - What makes it a road trip car you may ask? Its big enough, and set up for having sex in!

 

I just got back from a three day road trip to LA (took a three day trip to the wine country last weekend) - If the van is a rockin' don't come a knockin'

 

We have been together for 16 years, and still have as much fun, and sex as we did as youngsters in college.

 

 

this post made me smile...keep a rockin recent on those road trips.........sex shouldnt die when married.....its part of being married .....a wonderful part you can explore as much as you want...that surely rocks...if i ever get married .....its going to be that way.....deb

[ICEMAN69]

I wonder what the husbands of the 52% are doing to make their wives not want sex. Or what they're not doing to make them want it.

 

Cautious I'm surprised at you! Why would you assume the husbands are even a factor? Perhaps the ladies in that 52% figure knew that once they "sealed the deal" they changed the rules of the marriage going forward.

[ICEMAN69]

Fairly meaningless data without first asking how many of them wanted regular sex before they got married, and how many MEN stopped wanting 'regular' sex afer marriage.

 

If you cherry-pick only the bits of information that make for SHOCKING HEADLINES you don't get a full picture.

 

Stories that have been published based on previous kinsey reports have also concluded that men like cuddling more than women do, and that frequent sex is more important to women than it is to men. New Kinsey Report Turns Everything You Thought About Sex On Its Head - Business Insider

 

The Express article vaguely mentions that the data is from a Kinsey Report but provides no link to any such source. It claims 'the Kinsey Report, by the National Centre for Health Statistics'. Well, first, it's spelled Center in the US, and second, they don't DO a yearly Kinsey Report. Look for yourself: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/index.htm

 

They might be referring to work done by the Kinsey Institute, but which paper exactly? There's a lot. https://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/publications/index.php

 

Yeah I was looking for that specific study as well at Kinsey but when all the reports are generally about the same stuff it's difficult to decipher. Wish the writer had cited a date and study title.

[basil67]

Cautious I'm surprised at you! Why would you assume the husbands are even a factor?

 

Perhaps the husbands put on weight....

[basil67]

Ok, I can attest to being an accurate part of these statistics.

 

First marriage - by the time we'd been together 4 years, I would rather have stuck pins in my eyes than have sex with him. Divorced him not long after.

 

Second marriage - my sex drive took a dive when menopause hit, but our sex life had been strong for a good 20 years before that.

[elaine567]

I always remember a poster who said her husband thought she was low drive but in reality she was high drive only she hated the "h**ker style" sex he provided and he wouldn't listen when she brought it up, so she shut down and left him to his beliefs.

Needless to say he eventually became the ex husband.

[anika99]

Fairly meaningless data without first asking how many of them wanted regular sex before they got married, and how many MEN stopped wanting 'regular' sex afer marriage.

 

If you cherry-pick only the bits of information that make for SHOCKING HEADLINES you don't get a full picture.

 

Stories that have been published based on previous kinsey reports have also concluded that men like cuddling more than women do, and that frequent sex is more important to women than it is to men. New Kinsey Report Turns Everything You Thought About Sex On Its Head - Business Insider

 

The Express article vaguely mentions that the data is from a Kinsey Report but provides no link to any such source. It claims 'the Kinsey Report, by the National Centre for Health Statistics'. Well, first, it's spelled Center in the US, and second, they don't DO a yearly Kinsey Report. Look for yourself: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/index.htm

 

They might be referring to work done by the Kinsey Institute, but which paper exactly? There's a lot. https://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/publications/index.php

 

I agree that this seems very subjective. A woman's sex drive usually goes through peaks and valleys over the years. Often times women are dealing with toddlers and babies at around 4yrs of marriage and it's not unusual for sex to be put on the back burner when mom is literally drained of all her energy because she never gets a moment to herself or a full nights sleep. Once the kids get a little older then her sex drive might come back with a vengeance as women generally peak sexually in their forties. Might be another big lull in the years right before and right after menopause but even then the drive can come back.

 

So I don't know about a general statement that says over 50% of women don't care about sex after 4yrs of marriage. That sounds pretty fishy to me.

[dichotomy]

I have studied this alot (enduring a low sex marriage).

 

Safe, secure, committed, emotionally connected relationships - enhance women sexual desire.

 

For many it does the opposite.

[elaine567]

Since in most cases sex is happening with the couple before they are married - are you implying she was faking before hand - and then simply could not keep up faking after the wedding?

 

I would think that to be fairly common.

 

Seems to me that the women here who love sex are all very familiar with their orgasms and familiar with their clit.

Not every woman is and not every man knows what he is doing.

 

It is very difficult and not common for most woman to orgasm on penetration alone, and as for some the main emphasis tends to be on the male orgasm, then very many of those women are of course faking it.

Faking it as she has never really had a real orgasm or not one with a man anyway, faking it to please her man, faking it to boost his ego, faking it as makes her feel good he is satisfied, faking it because she feels pressurised to "enjoy" it, faking it as there is no way she will ever orgasm with what he is offering her, faking it because she just wants it over with...

Of course faking it may be somewhat enjoyable, but it tends not to be a source of arousal or great passion and after a while there is I guess not the desire to initiate something that is just a show, and is only indirectly enjoyable for her.

[elaine567]

I have studied this alot (enduring a low sex marriage).

 

Safe, secure, committed, emotionally connected relationships - enhance women sexual desire.

 

I think it does actually for many women, but the problem is that many of those apparently

"Safe, secure, committed, emotionally connected relationships"

are anything but, as far as she is concerned.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm having a very difficult time detecting sarcasm (or not) in this thread.

[stillafool]

Cautious I'm surprised at you! Why would you assume the husbands are even a factor? Perhaps the ladies in that 52% figure knew that once they "sealed the deal" they changed the rules of the marriage going forward.

 

Because husbands gain weight, lose hair and stop the foreplay also. It goes both ways.

 

That being said I'm 60 and my husband and I have an active sex life.

[central]

IF the article is correct (given the lack of references), then this is sad, indeed. Of course, if still means about half of women still want regular sex with their partner.

 

 

If this is plotted as a normal distribution curve, then this may not be surprising, as half are above "normal," and half below - by definition.

 

 

The reasons why would be interesting, and perhaps useful, but no doubt there are many, and complex factors here. It may be him, it may be her, it may be them, or time, kids, careers, money stress, hormonal changes, boredom, etc.

 

 

What is clear, is that while married people have slightly more sex per year than singles, cohabiting people appear to get the best of both worlds. Perhaps the lack of complacency (because it's easier for your partner to leave) makes cohabiting couples focus more on having a good sex life.

 

 

Anyway, for men who care about a good sex life further into a relationship, this simply provides another reason to not marry!

[dichotomy]

I think it does actually for many women, but the problem is that many of those apparently

"Safe, secure, committed, emotionally connected relationships"

are anything but, as far as she is concerned.

 

 

Respectfully, I was surprised when I read different books and did research that this pitch has not held up. That in general we had the stereotype in days past - that men cheated out of a need of variety, new, and erotic, even with "good wives" at home. We were told that women will provide sex (and more types of sex) as the man was kinder, more giving and more commitment.

 

I think we as a society have woken up to the fact the women - can be just as driven for causal, new, strange sex as men. They find themselves confused when they get the good guy, the good home, and find their desire waning - or when they cheat. So its hard for some women to understand and accept their sex is not driven by a kind nice supportive husband.

 

Here is one video on the difference between comfort, knowing, intimate love - and sexual desire. There is a difference - even a conflict been safe supportive nice - and sexual desire.

 

http://https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship

 

 

another good book - summarizing current sexual research can be found here.

 

https://www.amazon.com/What-Do-Women-Want-Adventures/dp/0061906093/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

[NuevoYorko]

Cautious I'm surprised at you! Why would you assume the husbands are even a factor?

Why would you assume that they are not?

[ICEMAN69]

Perhaps the husbands put on weight....

 

OUCH! That one hurt!

[NuevoYorko]

I agree that this seems very subjective. A woman's sex drive usually goes through peaks and valleys over the years.

Another thing: I understand that generally speaking women are more emotionally involved with their sexuality than we generally are, so just isolating the quantity of sex a woman wants without looking at the overall quality of her relationship with her husband is probably not too useful.

[Els]

Waaaayyy too many confounding factors here. You'd need control groups for at least the following factors to form any sort of reasonably useful conclusion based on this data:

 

1. Number of children

2. Split of childcare/housework

3. How the women rated sex with their husband/partner

4. How the women rated the state of their relationship

5. For the married couples who had lots of sex before, how the women rated the effort their husband put into their marriage compared to before

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Waaaayyy too many confounding factors here. You'd need control groups for at least the following factors to form any sort of reasonably useful conclusion based on this data:

 

1. Number of children

2. Split of childcare/housework

3. How the women rated sex with their husband/partner

4. How the women rated the state of their relationship

5. For the married couples who had lots of sex before, how the women rated the effort their husband put into their marriage compared to before

 

Yup. #3 being the least likely reason for the sex to wane, in my opinion. With #1 close behind it.