Does sex REALLY stop after marriage? THIS is how many married women want regular sex.

[No_Go]

Sometimes I just REALLY want dick. To me this sounds like a culprit of domination (need the body part of another being to meet a need).

 

It is interesting how libido stimuli vary between people. Mine never needed tending from another person, actually is not affected at all. I on occasion enjoy flirting but then I develop emotional urges (usually desire to 'save' the person), not sexual. Sexual urges: he needs to be a man, to have a d*ck, to be able to talk coherently (topic irrelevant ) and ... the desire is there

 

I don't think my libido has to do with domination or a want to be desired. Sometimes I just REALLY want dick.

 

I am with Ells on this one, and I know we have disagreed in the past NoGo... My partnered orgasms are exponentially better than any solo one I can give myself, just not even close.

 

And I know the same is true for my husband. Sure he can jack off and orgasm, but I can make his toes curl, I can make his eyes roll back, I can make him scream. It's way more intense, just a whole other level than what he gets from his hand.

 

For me, and us, it is important to "tend to our libidos" because I have absolutely seen them wane when we neglected them. That means lots of flirting, naughty texts, talking about sex. Date night, sexy clothes, romatic trips etc. But it's the low level flirting that makes all of that possible.

 

Honestly if sex hasn't been on my mind, and he just pounces me with no warm up, sometimes I am just not into it. But if he texts me earlier in the day, starts my engine, I am pouncing him when I get home.

[BluesPower]

Sometimes I just REALLY want dick. To me this sounds like a culprit of domination (need the body part of another being to meet a need).

 

It is interesting how libido stimuli vary between people. Mine never needed tending from another person, actually is not affected at all. I on occasion enjoy flirting but then I develop emotional urges (usually desire to 'save' the person), not sexual. Sexual urges: he needs to be a man, to have a d*ck, to be able to talk coherently (topic irrelevant ) and ... the desire is there

 

What in the world does this even mean???

 

RC's comments seemed really plain and honest. As a heterosexual woman, sometimes she needs to get laid by a man.

 

I feel the same way most of the time, as a guy, I need to get laid? I am currently deeply in love so I want to make love to my girl friend.

 

If I was single would I take a random woman to bed if I wanted to get laid? YES, and I would do it again.

 

Sex is at least, usually, a two person sport. Masturbation can be a release but it does not compare to being with someone that you love or just another person.

 

I just don't understand what your post is trying to say...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't think my libido has to do with domination or a want to be desired. Sometimes I just REALLY want dick.

 

I am with Ells on this one, and I know we have disagreed in the past NoGo... My partnered orgasms are exponentially better than any solo one I can give myself, just not even close.

 

And I know the same is true for my husband. Sure he can jack off and orgasm, but I can make his toes curl, I can make his eyes roll back, I can make him scream. It's way more intense, just a whole other level than what he gets from his hand.

 

For me, and us, it is important to "tend to our libidos" because I have absolutely seen them wane when we neglected them. That means lots of flirting, naughty texts, talking about sex. Date night, sexy clothes, romatic trips etc. But it's the low level flirting that makes all of that possible.

 

Honestly if sex hasn't been on my mind, and he just pounces me with no warm up, sometimes I am just not into it. But if he texts me earlier in the day, starts my engine, I am pouncing him when I get home.

 

Your husband really knows what he's doing

[ICEMAN69]

Happy to hear that!

 

I have a slightly different view on this - I think the reason for much of the disparity is the "orgasm gap". If you're a fan of Psychology Today, they have an article on it that somewhat correlates with everything I've read: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stress-and-sex/201510/the-orgasm-gap-simple-truth-sexual-solutions

 

I mean, we hear a lot about orgasm "not being that important to women" and "emotionally connecting with their partner is more important for women" etc etc... but really, I don't think "emotional connection" alone leads to the same sort of desire and pure lust that you get when you add sexual pleasure to the mix. If you want a woman to really want sex, as opposed to just doing it "out of love", part of the solution is to give her the same incentives that a man gets by default.

 

You perceive men have been "tasked the gender-specific duty" of pleasuring their woman, but in reality the "default" perception of sex - 5-10 minutes of penetration - is inherently biased towards male pleasure. If the default was something that was much more likely to lead to female orgasm - like 30 minutes of oral/toys + penetration with as much focus on the clitoris as the penis (the G-spot is an extension of the clitoris, btw) - perhaps things might equalize of their own accord.

 

I do prioritize sex as much as the SO does... but a big part of the reason why I do, is because my orgasm gets equal priority during sex. Unfortunately, from talking to many women, this does not appear to be common practice. Frankly if I got the same kind of sex that many women talk about getting, I'd lose interest in it mighty quick. Why have sex when you can get a much better experience from masturbating? Sure, sure, you love him and all that, but that in and of itself is not enough to keep libido high through decades of being together IMO. (This does NOT apply in my relationship, just putting myself in their shoes)

 

I agree. And that article link you posted makes perfect sense.

 

But I pointed out in one of my posts that men who aren't up on what gets a woman off are either stupid, lazy, or just narcissistic. There is so much information out there for men to educate themselves about what works and what doesn't to get women to achieve orgasm. We're not living in the 1950s. Men (and women) can fully educate themselves about the opposite sexes anatomy and what gets them to full sexual satisfaction. Before the internet and the information age, it was a lot of guess work or you had to go to Barnes and Noble and find a book about sex and then hope nobody you knew was in the same store as you. Also, a willingness to explore and ask each other what's working and what isn't. Simple communication.

 

As the study points out, penetrative sex isn't what works for many women. In my wife's case it works about 75% of the time. Other times oral is the way to go. Sometimes, just fingering works, but that's perhaps only 5% of the time. I subscribe to what works for her each time we have sex and she always comes first (that wasn't an intentional pun) and I always put myself second.

 

But back to my original posting, what would have been more informative about the study would have been a breakdown. I would have liked to have seen the reasons 52% of women stopped being interested in sex after four years of marriage.

 

For instance, was it because the husband was a dud in bed? Was it because of kids? Once you eliminate all of those factors, the real question then becomes how many women lost interest just because they had zero libido.