JJacobs Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 This is my first post. I’m single and my son attends a sports league. I’m used to attention from men but his coach, whose son also plays in my son’s team, is baffling me! He starts conversations with me when he doesn’t with other parents. I was the first one at practice today and he ran into me in the hallway; he gave me the usual treatment men usually give me, with a lot of smiling, eye contact... Then his voice got really soft and he seemed very subdued, but grinning! We kept talking as we entered the venue and as he sat down and I kept standing up, putting everything down, he would turn around to look at me as we talked. I assumed he wasn’t interested since during the practice he wouldn’t make eye contact with me, and I left as he talked (not softly at all!) to a kid. I was halfway out the door when I heard him stop his conversation and say “Goodbye! Have a good Christmas!”. I wasn’t expecting anything else so I gave him a quick “Thanks, you too” and left. He’s very outgoing with the kids and other parents, with me he’s very careful and shy. I don’t know how else to describe it. We have emailed quite a bit and he replies to my emails literally within 60 seconds - it’s his work email. I don’t know how he acts with other parents, so no comparison! I always know when men are interested but his mixed signals are throwing me for a loop. Should I keep watching this or let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 i dont see any mixed signals. where do you see mixed signals? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJacobs Posted January 10, 2018 Author Share Posted January 10, 2018 I posted a few weeks ago about a dad at my son’s basketball practice and agreed that maybe I was reading too much into his behavior. But today, I’m not so sure. I caught him looking at me during practice, and afterward when another coach was talking to me, he hung around listening to the conversation and watching my face the whole time - he was standing off to the side. Then, when that coach moved away, the dad turned to me and said, similing “I’m ready for bed...”. I said I was too, but his tone was different. He continued to make conversation and so did I. He seemed to be hanging around waiting for my son and I to leave, since he would not leave first. Now, is this how married men flirt? I found out through a friend that he’s married and even though I don’t want to start anything, I need to know if I should cool things off a little - we have emailed back and forth and I’ve noticed some behavior from him then too. Or misbehavior, I should say. I think what’s been most blatant is the staring. But that’s harmless, right? Guys stare at me all the time and since I don’t reciprocate, that’s where it ends. Is he a harmless married man? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) That sucks. Are you sure you weren't reading too much into it? Tbh, I don't neccessarily see flirting. I mean people look all the time. We have eyes after all. People don't want to look at the ground constantly. I don't interpret a look alone unless maybe it's coupled with bedroom eyes and an slow upper lip lick flirting...? as for "ready for bed..."Again, sounds like he was just tired and ready to go home and sleep. Seems innocuous to me, but maybe you had to be there Edited January 10, 2018 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 no he is not harmless. keep your boundaries and distance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Now, is this how married men flirt? I found out through a friend that he’s married and even though I don’t want to start anything, I need to know if I should cool things off a little - we have emailed back and forth and I’ve noticed some behavior from him then too. Or misbehavior, I should say. I think what’s been most blatant is the staring. But that’s harmless, right? Is he a harmless married man? Is any married man who flirts with other women harmless? Are the flirty emails harmless? Why are you exchanging emails with a married man? Would his wife be able to read those emails and think nothing is wrong? My friend, I think you know the answer to your question. Yes, you should cool things off. Put some distance between you... It doesn't really matter what his intentions are and whether he is flirting... As long as you are clear with your intentions to shut this down before it even gets started. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Wow really??? If every married man who looked at a woman other than his wife was harmful that would mean all married men are harmful. Look at last thread op starter. He emails with all the parents because he's friendly and kids are in the same league. Can you share what is in these emails that you find inappropriate or flirty? Besides the quick response? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 It's just what it is. As long as you are not reciprocating things, attempting to flirt and take it to another level it's just talk. Are you looking to do something with him? I won't lecture you on what you should or should not do in this, we all know the answer. Keep your distance and barriers up in case he's letting himself wander other than in his imagination. It's ok to look not touch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Wow really??? If every married man who looked at a woman other than his wife was harmful that would mean all married men are harmful. Look at last thread op starter. He emails with all the parents because he's friendly and kids are in the same league. Can you share what is in these emails that you find inappropriate or flirty? Besides the quick response? No, if every married man who looked at a woman other than his wife was harmful that would not mean that all married men are harmful. Correct me if I'm wrong OP, but everything about your post seems to say "a married man is flirting with me and I like the attention. Is this wrong?" If that is what you are saying, the answer is... Yes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 No, if every married man who looked at a woman other than his wife was harmful that would not mean that all married men are harmful. Correct me if I'm wrong OP, but everything about your post seems to say "a married man is flirting with me and I like the attention. Is this wrong?" If that is what you are saying, the answer is... Yes. I forgot about the married men who'd rather look at men Link to post Share on other sites
Iseult Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I think what’s been most blatant is the staring. But that’s harmless, right? As long as his tongue wasn't hanging out or drooling while staring, it's safe to say it's harmless. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 It's up to you to set the boundary and act with him as if his wife was standing there with you. He's flirting? Well, maybe he sees a weakness in you that he thinks maybe you might be willing to date him (a MM)... in case he wonders - you may want to start being clear with him that you're not interested in dating a married man. That includes long gazes and body language. He trying to get a read on you if you want to play with a MM... if you don't intend to then send clear signals that you are not interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 What do you email about? I don't see much in this post to indicate that he's flirting with you, and yes, you may be reading into things too much. We need more information. Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 At the end of the day, are you willing to get into something with a married man? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJacobs Posted January 10, 2018 Author Share Posted January 10, 2018 I’m sorry for not adding more info. I’m not very detail oriented, so putting it all down into words is more difficult! One thing I should mention - I think I’m not wondering IF he’s attracted to me, but rather if he is ACTING on his attraction at this stage. I’m a model - I work less now than before my son was born, but I still make a living off my looks. I know when a man is interested in me, it’s been happening since I was 12, UNLESS I am interested ed in him. When I’m interested in a man, I become insecure and unsure of everything he does. That is usually ok, because men have always taken the lead, but I am very attracted to this new person and it’s very difficult to stop thinking about it. Also, he doesn’t wear his wedding ring, so I didn’t know he was married! Had to find out through a friend. The emails have been First about the sports, then his work schedule, the kids, etc.. I’m not putting stock into the emails, though, it’s the in-person “vibe” that has given me pause. I don’t want to get into anything messy. But at this point I don’t even know if he’s doing anything, so maybe I just need to chill out! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I suppose I don't quite understand why it would matter if he is attracted to you. He's married and not an option. Or is this an ego-booster for you? Surely if you are that attractive, you have other prospects? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Spend some time on the "other woman" board. It's like those horror movies where they run up the stairs and into a room full of chainsaws. It's so clear, everyone sees it but you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJacobs Posted January 10, 2018 Author Share Posted January 10, 2018 Not anyone né who’s not a jerk, or a narcissist, or, now in this case, married. It’s already very difficult for me to find a man attractive, and when I do, he turns out to be married! I shouldn’t have to defend why I want to know if he’s acting on his interest - isn’t this what forums like this are for, to get other people’s opinions? Thanks to everyone who has answered already! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJacobs Posted January 10, 2018 Author Share Posted January 10, 2018 Spend some time on the "other woman" board. Haha, this is funny!! Thanks. I understand what you’re saying. Am I allowed to post this somewhere else? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Now, is this how married men flirt? I found out through a friend that he’s married and even though I don’t want to start anything, I need to know if I should cool things off a little - we have emailed back and forth and I’ve noticed some behavior from him then too. Or misbehavior, I should say. I think what’s been most blatant is the staring. But that’s harmless, right? Guys stare at me all the time and since I don’t reciprocate, that’s where it ends. Is he a harmless married man? I can't believe you even started a thread about this MM. Once you found out he was married that should be the end of it. Of course you should cool it if he is married. Did you not know that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 As a man who was married for 25 years I can say that flirting doesn't always mean anything. I used to flirt with women at work a lot. But only after I got to know them and they understood it was fun and would flirt back. I think once a person is married and, therefore, not looking for a relationship, flirting is actually easier. No "skin in the game" so it's just fun. No pressure. If you are a model, maybe it's just an ego boost for him to flirt with you. So, as long as it doesn't go any farther, I wouldn't be too worried about it. If he ever suggests actually getting together, you need to shut it down immediately. Either that, or become the other woman. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 No, he's not harmless and I strongly advise you against becoming the other woman as your title suggests you are considering. He told you he's ready for bed. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I see you keep posting about this same issue. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 What do you get from the attention of a man who is married? This is a married man who is making plays at you. Do you find this flattering? A married man making moves on me makes me feel cheap. He's a scum bag and he must think very lowly of me. If you are ready for the worst years of your life, by all means proceed. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
treehugger12 Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 My MM preyed on me for 3 weeks, your MM sounds just like mine did, yes, you will become the OW, you already know this! Stop it now, otherwise you will be so sorry you did, take the advice from the people here on LS that have been there, done that! Sounds like your already in the “fog”, you need to get out, saw your other thread so obviously this has been on your mind and you keep thinking of him, am I right? Your headed into a tsunami, get control of yourself now before you make a huge mistake. Praying for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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