Found out Dad I was interested in is married?!

[JJacobs]

It wasn’t an excuse at all, let alone a lame one. I made the appointment back in December before the mid-week practice schedule had come out, my Tuesdays were free then. But of course, considering the source of the last comment, a rude and demeaning remark had to be made.

 

But I’ll play along... Let’s assume that’s what he meant, that he knows I’m “chasing” him. Is he showing off? To whom? There wasn’t anyone else around. IF he was letting me know he knows I’m interested, it’s because he is interested, too. Men don’t waste their time making little flirty remarks to women in whom they don’t have interest. And of course, I’m sure he’s not having fun at all being “chased” by a model. ?

 

But I have to be honest - he definitely scared me! I guess I’m so used to not being interested in anyone, since my husband and my second boyfriend, that my emotions overwhelm me.

 

Finally, I’m not sad anymore! I actually think what he did was really sexy! I think I’m even more stoked now, and not afraid. I’ll focus on letting him know - a little bit - of my feelings once the season is over. I’ll still have fun decoding him in the meantime, though! ?

[Timshel]

OP, I am content to watch this scenario but I must say, the amount of effort you are putting forth for an uncertain outcome seems...misguided.

 

I would agree with CO that your sadness is what is driving you now. I think that you are sad and that you are lonely....probably afraid most of all.

 

I don't think that you will listen but I will say that making an appointment with a counselor would be good for you.

 

You are looking for yourself...you won't find what you are looking for by hitting your head against a brick wall and pretending it's all in good fun.

 

You are only hurting yourself.

 

Make an appointment to talk to someone for you and for your son.

You can do much better than this.

Edited February 15, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
unproductive to topic ~T

[Popsicle]

I used to know a guy who was really picky and had very high standards. He knew he would never get what he wanted, so instead of living the rest of his days feeling lonely, he decided to engage in a fantasy. He knew this fantasy wasn’t true but he enjoying engaging in it and feeling something, rather than nothing. I think this is what the OP is doing. Is it healthy? No. But nothing is happening otherwise so I get why she engages, even though it’s painful and sad to watch. It’s sort of like trying to tell guys who can’t get a date for the life of them, to stop watching porn. They need some sort of relief if nothing else is going on.

 

Makes me see why in some Asian countries everything is going virtual reality. Even dating. No one probably asks anyone out anymore.

[JJacobs]

I went on date number 5 with the same man last night, on Valentine’s Day. He is fairly attractive but his personality is not all there. I thought about b-dad the whole time.

 

This made me think that this is a lot more serious to me than it should be. I had an actual, interested man in front of me, and half of my brain kept doing the math on how long I’d have to wait to see b-dad again.

 

This scares me, I don’t want to have feelings for him, I want it to be about flirting and fun. So how do I stop it? It will probably stop on its own after basketball season is over if I don’t send him that email JDJ gave me an idea about.

 

I’m now trying to decide if I should skip the game on Saturday - my son has another one that morning so I’d rather drive up to my beach house and spend a few days in a new atmosphere - no school on Monday or Tuesday! It might help me keep my mind off him. But I haven’t decided yet.

 

My deadline is tomorrow because I need to email him if my son isn’t going to be there... And waiting for a reply from him starts the anxiety cycle all over again!! Why did I have to meet him... Everyone I’ve asked on forums agrees that he was definitely flirting on Tuesday and letting me know he wanted to see me... All it does is make me want him more, which makes me anxious and that starts the cycle all over again.

[JJacobs]

B-dad has made my game/beach house decision for me!!

 

Tonight he sent out an email telling all parents that he will be out of town for this Saturday’s game, but the assistant coaches are going to be there. Then he said this week’s scheduled practice is going to be next Thursday, not Tuesday, and he hopes to be back by then but he is not sure yet if he will be.

 

I want to email him tomorrow morning saying “Unfortunately my son can’t play tomorrow. We are going to be out of town and need to leave tomorrow morning.

 

See you at practice next Thursday, hopefully!”

 

Is the “hopefully” flirty enough? I want to give him a hint that I want to see him but not an out there one! Is this about the right amount of flirting? ?

 

Opinions from those who have been agreeing with me are welcome!! Or any ideas of what else I can write...

[WorldInMyEyes]

My deadline is tomorrow because I need to email him if my son isn’t going to be there... And waiting for a reply from him starts the anxiety cycle all over again!! Why did I have to meet him... Everyone I’ve asked on forums agrees that he was definitely flirting on Tuesday and letting me know he wanted to see me... All it does is make me want him more, which makes me anxious and that starts the cycle all over again.

 

Waiting for a reply from him makes you anxious, but there were times when you didn't reply to his emails at all. Or waited forever to respond. Why? How do you think that made him feel when you did that? Asking in part because my MW has done that before. Thanks.

 

See you at practice next Thursday, hopefully!”

 

Is the “hopefully” flirty enough? I want to give him a hint that I want to see him but not an out there one! Is this about the right amount of flirting? ?

 

Opinions from those who have been agreeing with me are welcome!! Or any ideas of what else I can write...

Goldilocks level of flirtation. He'll get the hint (while secretly wishing it was a way more "out there" one).

[JDJ]

JJacobs,

 

So you will get to enjoy a relaxing weekend after all! "Hopefully" is certainly innocent enough, even mild because it could be read as just being polite. Of course, you don't want to write "I'm desperate to see you again" either.

 

You can send your "hopefully" message and not think about it too much until Thursday's game, unless he escalates the flirtation in an e-mail back to you.

 

Your poor Valentine's Day date though. Is he aware that he is not holding your interest? Maybe better to cut him loose?

[Brieanna]

I’m now trying to decide if I should skip the game on Saturday - my son has another one that morning so I’d rather drive up to my beach house and spend a few days in a new atmosphere - no school on Monday or Tuesday! It might help me keep my mind off him. But I haven’t decided yet.

 

Imo, making decisions based on controlling your feelings of infatuation, and those decisions impact your son -whether you take him to both practices or not, or which one, etc...

 

Imo is taking this “from a distance” infatuation way too far and is a strong reason to check yourself.

[JJacobs]

Waiting for a reply from him makes you anxious, but there were times when you didn't reply to his emails at all. Or waited forever to respond. Why? How do you think that made him feel when you did that? Asking in part because my MW has done that before. Thanks.

 

 

Goldilocks level of flirtation. He'll get the hint (while secretly wishing it was a way more "out there" one).

 

Haha, World!! ? Goldilocks is the perfect nickname for me! I shall adopt it from now on.

 

So, I replied to his email and got his out of office ? It doesn’t say anything about his checking email while out, so no expectations from me.

 

I did email Camera Watch - the assistant coach, letting her know I’d gotten his out of office and my son couldn’t make it. Then I replied to his out of office saying “Just got your out of office so I’ve emailed [Camera Watch], all set!”. This way he knows he doesn’t need to take any other action. There were 7 minutes of difference between the two emails I sent, so hopefully he will read them at the same time.

 

You know that feeling you get when you KNOW you’ve done the right thing?? This is what I feel now. Elated and hopeful and fully aware that I just successfully flirted! LOL

 

As for replying to emails, I simply match what he does. If he initiated the email, I reply. He doesn’t reply to that. I initiate the email, he replies, I don’t reply to that. It’s more about reciprocity. I’m very careful about not overstaying my welcome electronically - being a pest is as anti-seductive as it gets. I believe your married woman (just realized that’s what MW means, ?), and many women, follow this guideline.

 

You’ve mentioned you’re a very attractive man. The more attractive I deem the man to be, the more I think he has his pick of women, and so many women are aggressive and unaware of how they’re coming across. I would strive to be different. Think about it - I would venture a guess that one of the reasons why you spend so much time daydreaming about her is because she has treated you differently. She makes you feel off-balance because she’s hot and cold - in the meantime, she’s on your mind a lot more often than she would have been, had she acted just like the others!

 

Don’t take it the wrong way, as manipulation. Attractive men are a different breed, just like attractive women. It’s a completely different game.

 

Need to go make my son lunch but will be back to reply to JDJ.

[JJacobs]

JJacobs,

 

So you will get to enjoy a relaxing weekend after all! "Hopefully" is certainly innocent enough, even mild because it could be read as just being polite. Of course, you don't want to write "I'm desperate to see you again" either.

 

You can send your "hopefully" message and not think about it too much until Thursday's game, unless he escalates the flirtation in an e-mail back to you.

 

Your poor Valentine's Day date though. Is he aware that he is not holding your interest? Maybe better to cut him loose?

 

Thank you!! Yes, I think it was harmless enough. I’m pretty happy I sent it.

 

I had already made a decision about my date. The fact that it was a special day and half of me wasn’t even there tells me there isn’t really a future. I’m happier thinking about b-Dad than I was actually on a date with the other guy.

 

I’m counting the days until Thursday!!

[WorldInMyEyes]

He's not going to ask you out... he's married.

 

He will check to see if he can cheat with you - and that's what he's doing.

 

A date? Nope. To get laid for free? Yep

 

If it's any scenario that costs him money (which will be seen by his wife - a paper trail - and cause suspicion) he won't risk his comfy life at home.

 

He's waiting for you to invite him over for sex.

 

Expect sex only - nothing more - nothing less.

This made me LOL.

 

JJ, as you've stated (and as we both know), sex is the easy part. It's available to us when we want and therefore has secondary/tertiary/etc. value with respect to things we're looking for in life.

 

I had another date with my MW this week when she told me she would be near my office for "work reasons" and wanted to meet for coffee. We met and stared at each other for a few hours and just talked about life in general. Our time together ended with a lingering hug that left me glowing inside for hours afterwards. The idea of sex was a joke compared to how that hug felt.

 

This is what you have to look forward to.

[Mrin]

I must admit - you both missing the game day due to being out of town may get other team parents thinking you went away somewhere together...

 

They all have to be thinking "affair"...

 

But it matters not.

 

Whoa... Good point.

[CatMinx]

May I ask where your son fits into all of this? What happens when everyone notices how hard you’re chasing his coach, or if it moves forward, the flirtation and affair? Or worse..what happens when he notices?

 

He could be kicked off the team. He could be shunned by his friends.

 

So I guess my question is..why are you putting your sex life before your child? Married or not (preferably not but, to each her own), why can’t you choose a man who’s not so involved with your son? I’m betting your son looks up to him too..not only could you ruin his social life, but you could be depriving him of a good role model.

[JJacobs]

Yes, my son is missing out on a lot by going to my beach house - there’s the beach, a private lake with kayaking, his own basketball court, the ice cream store nearby, riding his bike and bonfires at night. Huge loss for him.

 

This is a gym league and there are two games left - I won’t even see basketball dad after this.

 

And by the way, two other kids’ parents emailed saying their kids would be out of town. For those of you who don’t have kids, this is called FEBRUARY VACATION.

 

But I guess b-dad must be having an affair with the two other moms! ?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes, my son is missing out on a lot by going to my beach house - there’s the beach, a private lake with kayaking, his own basketball court, the ice cream store nearby, riding his bike and bonfires at night. Huge loss for him.

 

For some reason I thought you lived in a cold climate.

 

I don't think anyone here has implied at all that your son is missing out on anything or is deprived in any way, so I'm not sure how you got that impression. I certainly have not thought that. I'm sure you realize, though, that creature comforts and all the trappings of a wealthy lifestyle are not a salve for emotional hurt or substitute for emotional health. The fact remains that kids who see their parents screwing around get emotionally hurt by it when it all blows up. In this particular plot line, I'd be more worried about basketball dad's kids, but your son wouldn't be immune either.

[CatMinx]

Yes, my son is missing out on a lot by going to my beach house - there’s the beach, a private lake with kayaking, his own basketball court, the ice cream store nearby, riding his bike and bonfires at night. Huge loss for him.

 

This is a gym league and there are two games left - I won’t even see basketball dad after this.

 

And by the way, two other kids’ parents emailed saying their kids would be out of town. For those of you who don’t have kids, this is called FEBRUARY VACATION.

 

But I guess b-dad must be having an affair with the two other moms! ?

 

Oh dear..I'm afraid you've misunderstood. My question was more general..not specifically tailored to one specific trip but to your son's whole life.

 

I'm just wondering why you are so eager to sacrifice your sons happiness to feed your own ego and sexual needs?

[JJacobs]

I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet! It’s been a long week.

 

Just found out from Camera Watch that b-dad’s father has passed away and that’s why he’s out of town! He’s driving back from a state that’s 13 hours away this Friday, so he should be here for the game on Saturday, but we’re not sure if he’s going to make it.

 

So nothing to report... Maybe on Saturday!

[JDJ]

Ok, I was looking forward to the next report from today's game! How many games left in the season now?

[JDJ]

I think JJacobs' response is perfectly normal. B-dad is still a fantasy figure for her, whom she doesn't really know as a person. So B-dad's father's death is abstract, whereas their ongoing flirtation is the one real thing that she knows about B-dad.

 

Also, she would have a pretext to console him, give him a friendly touch when they next meet. Shared sympathy at such moments could create a real emotional bond between them.

 

When my father died, my then-wife's thoughts were mostly about "where is the inheritance?" Maybe I could have benefited from some consoling at the time myself

[JJacobs]

I think JJacobs' response is perfectly normal. B-dad is still a fantasy figure for her, whom she doesn't really know as a person. So B-dad's father's death is abstract, whereas their ongoing flirtation is the one real thing that she knows about B-dad.

 

Also, she would have a pretext to console him, give him a friendly touch when they next meet. Shared sympathy at such moments could create a real emotional bond between them.

 

When my father died, my then-wife's thoughts were mostly about "where is the inheritance?" Maybe I could have benefited from some consoling at the time myself

 

You are absolutely correct! That’s how I feel. I don’t know him intimately yet, so the concept is very abstract. I’m looking forward to hopefully seeing him tomorrow, but I’m not sure yet. Camera Watch said they’d be driving back today, but plans could change so who knows if he can make it to the game.

 

Less than 24 hours to go!

Edited February 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic ~T

[CommittedToThis]

When a friend of a friend dies, I feel empathy for my friend, his deceased friend and the deceased friends' loved ones.

 

There's nothing abstract about it.

[WorldInMyEyes]

When a friend of a friend dies, I feel empathy for my friend, his deceased friend and the deceased friends' loved ones.

 

Everyone feels that. The difference here is: how is b-dad her "friend"?

[WorldInMyEyes]

JJ, you might want to be careful with b-dad for now. He's grieving and he won't be himself for quite a while. Tread lightly.

 

As an aside, my MW and I are planning another secret get-together. Her husband worships her, I'm into her, and she's into me. Everyone's happy!

Edited February 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic ~T

[JJacobs]

B-dad was at the game today!!

 

I spotted him from across the court and he was looking at me. I made my way to his side of the court - and my ex sat down right behind b-dad’s wife!! I don’t like that because it makes it more difficult to flirt.

 

As soon as I sat down and got settled, I looked at b-dad. He was standing next to the scoreboard with other coaches, the game hadn’t started yet. He was writing something down on a clipboard. I looked away to see where my son was, looked at b-dad again... and he was staring at me. We locked eyes for a few seconds - I did not look away. He broke eye contact. I got scared of his wife...

 

Game went on without incident, very intense and he was busy. At the end of the game, I was trying to pack everything up and my son was next to me talking to his father. B-dad came over and started talking to my son. He made some kind of joke I didn’t understand. I kept packing the backpack and did not look up. His wife was blocking the bleachers exit so since my son and ex had already left (even though I’d already told them “Hold on, guys!” ) I had to walk around the bleachers to get out. B-dad was the only one there, and he had his back to me, he was facing his wife.

 

I walked past him but chose not to say goodbye... I got flustered and thought it would be bad form to acknowledge him and not his wife... I’m always so afraid that people are going to see right through me and know how I feel.

 

I don’t know what to think. I talked to Camera Watch about a ceremony they have after the last game every year , she’s going to check with the league director and let me know , I told her I’d love to bring some food and favor bags for the kids. Today she told me she’d see b-dad tonight (he and his wife are having dinner at her house), so either Camera Watch or b-dad night mention something to me this Tuesday at practice.

 

It’s the last practice!! Next Saturday is the last game. If nothing happens this Tuesday I know nothing ever will. I think I’m okay with that.

 

I think I feel deflated because after my “hopefully” email, and he obviously knows without a doubt I’m into him, I was expecting we’d have more opportunities today to advance the flirting. But games are always so hectic! I guess it’s a good sign that he was talking to my son at the end when there were other kids there - the annoying mom again said goodbye to him and he ignored her.

 

Looking back, his wife probably wouldn’t have thought anything if I’d said goodbye to him, but I didn’t want to put him on the spot. It sounds silly now. But every time I have to make split-second decisions, I choose safety.

 

I really wish I knew if he’s actually into me! All of this would be so much easier ?

[JJacobs]

JJ, you might want to be careful with b-dad for now. He's grieving and he won't be himself for quite a while. Tread lightly.

 

As an aside, my MW and I are planning another secret get-together. Her husband worships her, I'm into her, and she's into me. Everyone's happy!

 

I took the time to observe him today. He looks pretty normal, joking around like he always does. But I do wish I could console him!

 

So are you and your married woman officially calling it an affair yet? Do you still have doubts about her interest?