Found out Dad I was interested in is married?!

[JJacobs]

You have some nerve making those kinds of assumptions! You don’t seem qualified to give anyone advice, if you’re going to jump to conclusions out of either plain misinformation, or stupidity.

 

My son is in a multi-town league - the basketball dad lives 4 towns over, my son and his don’t go to the same school, have zero activities together, would not see each other unless they’re in this 3-month a year league.

 

Conversely, he is also in a town league. There are only 8 boys in his team this year, and all 8 dads flirt with me in some way. Out of these 8, 3 flirt very openly. One of them is attractive, two are average-looking.

 

The attractive one has been openly flirting since our kids were in kindergarten! Years ago. I have never encouraged him - anytime he starts a conversation, I pull another woman into it. (A woman, because if I invited a man into our conversation, that man would then think I’m interested, and make some kind of move. Been there before.)

 

I think this townleague’s guy’ wife is wonderful! I always feel sorry for her when he acts the way he does as soon as she turns her back. The only women I can be friends are either divorced/single, or in their 50s and older. Any other women will not have any kind of meaningful friendship with me, I assume because of their husbands.

 

And before anyone accuses me of being the town slut, I have slept with exactly TWO men in my life. And that’s while having a modeling career! There were literally HUNDREDS of times I didn’t sleep with someone because I respected myself too much.

 

So before you’re so quick to make snap and vicious judgments, perhaps ask clarifying questions first?

 

As I’ve thought about this, I think I’m just tired of all the rules. There are a lot of them for someone like me. I’ve followed them all of my life, and I’m very, very tired.

 

If anything happens, the good news is that it will be cooled off fast - I just bought a beach house and my son and I will live there all summer long. I know basketball dad summers in Florida, so far from where I’ll be!

 

Those of you who have been on here longer, is it normal to have to spend half a post defending yourself against vicious accusations?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think people are just confused about why, since you're supremely beautiful and sought after, you are considering going after a married man when you seem to have your pick of any man on earth, many of whom are single and available.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

As I’ve thought about this, I think I’m just tired of all the rules. There are a lot of them for someone like me. I’ve followed them all of my life, and I’m very, very tired.

 

Can you clarify what you mean by this? What kinds of rules? And what do you mean, someone like you?

[igotoverit]

 

Those of you who have been on here longer, is it normal to have to spend half a post defending yourself against vicious accusations?

 

 

 

Yup. You shouldn't have to because in your case, your feelings are validated. Coming from a straight 35 year old female, when you mentioned you were a model, it may strike jealousy to others reading your post. I just haven't had any good advice to give you, although, I sympathize.

 

 

You seem to attract men but finally attracted a man who you were mutually attracted to and then found out he was married. You also live in a small town which makes it harder to meet men.

 

 

I don't want to give you advice so I personally am just listening. Other people have valuable things to say although they sound harsh. This guy is married and you really don't want a married man. I hope you start to feel better about the situation and just stop defending yourself.

Edited January 12, 2018 by igotoverit

[igotoverit]

That sounded harsh when I said others might feel jealousy over the model situation. I have heard people say if he is married, go be with another man and forgetting the reason why we are all here. Most of us get stuck on one person, weather it is an ex, crush, infatuation, etc. So to me that advice is easier said then done.

 

 

If you like him, he likes you, but he's married then it's going to be a little more difficult for you to move on because he hasn't rejected you. Most of us, have the rejection, are dealing with it and moving on but my point is that your feelings should still be validated. I have lived in a small town before. It's not the easiest for social networking and romance.

 

 

I used to be far more attractive and had far more energy then I do now. I lived in a small town and worked for the City Hall. I met a lot of men who said I was attractive but they were involved with other people. I was lonely so it was flattering but insulting at the same time. I get your post more for that reason.

[JuneL]

I personally know truly NATURALLY beautiful women who never think much of their beauty, and then I have also met women who make a big deal of their "beauty" (and guess what, more often than not, these latter women have to work very hard to maintain their looks). OP: I hate to break this to you, but most women who are not particularly sloppy on their looks get hit on often.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm not sure I'm completely understanding this "modeling" line of talking as it relates to this situation, but I'm inferring that life is difficult for models because.....? I'm not sure I'm getting why.

 

No matter what you look like, married people are off limits.

[BaileyB]

Yeah, there is not much to say here... because you seem to think that the rules don't apply to you. But, married men are always off limits.

 

Not to be unkind, but your high opinion of yourself, your appearance, the fact that other men are all attracted to you, and how you are unable to have female friends under 50 because their husbands are all attracted to you... make you so very unattractive.

 

Aging is going to be hard for you.

Edited January 12, 2018 by BaileyB

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Duplicate post

[igotoverit]

Try to take the harsh advice as tough love. Try not to take offense to it and learn from what everyone is saying. You have some level of success that you had off your looks but you will infact age, so you either made enough money to set yourself up for life, or you are at some point, going to have to think of ways to support yourself of something other then your looks. You sound intelligent so I would actually assume, you are going to find a man once you find a way to have your looks just your looks and not mean such a great deal to you personally. Looks are looks but a person is so much more then her appearance. You can attract a man, but looks aren't going to keep them.

[No_Go]

OP he's into you and vice versa. If you have sex with him, even if you move to the moon for the summer, he will be on your mind and you'll be miserable.

 

Unfortunately the person who gets hurt in situations like this is the single one. Unless they are extreme sociopath who will make a move to break his family, but I don't think this applies at all to you case. You just happen to like the guy and frankly, this makes us all a little naive.

 

I don't think you are to blame here because HE is flirting, and you haven't done anything besides have thoughts. Maybe end it there? It is extremely hard when you have a crush. The only thing that has worked for me in the past is to get preoccupied with work.

 

You'd keep getting hit on by married men no matter what you do, but it is your choice how to respond...

[JJacobs]

Thank you everyone for your input. I truly appreciate it. Even the tough love! I may have come off as a horribly selfish person, but I’m really not.

 

I’ll try to comment on as many issues as I can, then move on to what happened today at the game.

 

The person who said aging will be difficult for me is correct - I am in therapy for it. I think what many people fail to understand is that people who are valued for their looks, have been that way since childhood. My teachers in grade school were nicer. Professors in college gave me higher grades (which other students complained about), my agents and others at work treated me differently. I get better tables at restaurants. The list goes on and on.

 

I’m not saying this to brag - it’s just reality. I do, as I get older, feel that I’ve followed rules my whole life that people like me don’t really need to follow. I understand this is a fallacy. But when it comes right down to it, I’m on a slippery slope of not being strong enough to do the right thing yet one more time!

 

I am in my 30s and work my schedule around my son’s time in school during the day. I no longer travel and my ex husband, his father, helps a lot. I ended the marriage for many reasons - the sex was not there, I’m very sexual, he was dependent on me emotionally and I prefer virile men - manliness and emotional neediness don’t mix, in my opinion. There were other issues, but I got tired of being in an unsatisfying relationship.

 

I am a stay at home mom and work occasionally. My age is already an issue in my industry, but that was always expected. I do enjoy attention from men but many, many times it’s unwanted. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not asking here if this man is attracted, but rather if he seems the type who would act on his attraction since I’ve only seen him 3 times! Fourth today.

 

A few days ago, not during practice, they had another event and his wife was there. She was sitting down and he was standing. I approached, sat behind her, and he proceeded to greet me. I said hi back, and he seemed nervous, but smiling a lot. No introduction to his wife. I left quickly, so nothing else happened.

 

As I had anticipated, his wife was there today as well. Game day. He ran into me in the hall, by himself, I was busy with my son so we just greeted each other. I sat a little farther away from his wife. Another mother approached him to sit down next to them... He introduced that woman to his wife. I felt a mix of bliss and rejection, all rolled into one.

 

There was one more moment or staring, with his wife right there, and I caught her looking at me as well. At the end of the day, I again was at the restaurant by the exit. His wife was walking behind him. He turned to my son and said “Good game!” . Then he looked at me and said “See you Tuesday?”. I managed to say “Yes... Tuesday” because nothing else came out. I was terrified that his wife would see how I felt, and felt completely puzzled that he would single me out to say that when there were other parents from our team there.

 

So... maybe she will show up for practice on Tuesday! It’s what I would do. And maybe he was only that brazen because all of this is only in my head.

 

We shall see.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

felt completely puzzled that he would single me out to say that when there were other parents from our team there.

 

So... maybe she will show up for practice on Tuesday! It’s what I would do. And maybe he was only that brazen because all of this is only in my head.

 

We shall see.

 

Really? You're puzzled? His poor wife .

[igotoverit]

Thank you everyone for your input. I truly appreciate it. Even the tough love! I may have come off as a horribly selfish person, but I’m really not.

 

I’ll try to comment on as many issues as I can, then move on to what happened today at the game.

 

The person who said aging will be difficult for me is correct - I am in therapy for it. I think what many people fail to understand is that people who are valued for their looks, have been that way since childhood. My teachers in grade school were nicer. Professors in college gave me higher grades (which other students complained about), my agents and others at work treated me differently. I get better tables at restaurants. The list goes on and on.

 

I’m not saying this to brag - it’s just reality. I do, as I get older, feel that I’ve followed rules my whole life that people like me don’t really need to follow. I understand this is a fallacy. But when it comes right down to it, I’m on a slippery slope of not being strong enough to do the right thing yet one more time!

 

I am in my 30s and work my schedule around my son’s time in school during the day. I no longer travel and my ex husband, his father, helps a lot. I ended the marriage for many reasons - the sex was not there, I’m very sexual, he was dependent on me emotionally and I prefer virile men - manliness and emotional neediness don’t mix, in my opinion. There were other issues, but I got tired of being in an unsatisfying relationship.

 

I am a stay at home mom and work occasionally. My age is already an issue in my industry, but that was always expected. I do enjoy attention from men but many, many times it’s unwanted. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not asking here if this man is attracted, but rather if he seems the type who would act on his attraction since I’ve only seen him 3 times! Fourth today.

 

A few days ago, not during practice, they had another event and his wife was there. She was sitting down and he was standing. I approached, sat behind her, and he proceeded to greet me. I said hi back, and he seemed nervous, but smiling a lot. No introduction to his wife. I left quickly, so nothing else happened.

 

As I had anticipated, his wife was there today as well. Game day. He ran into me in the hall, by himself, I was busy with my son so we just greeted each other. I sat a little farther away from his wife. Another mother approached him to sit down next to them... He introduced that woman to his wife. I felt a mix of bliss and rejection, all rolled into one.

 

There was one more moment or staring, with his wife right there, and I caught her looking at me as well. At the end of the day, I again was at the restaurant by the exit. His wife was walking behind him. He turned to my son and said “Good game!” . Then he looked at me and said “See you Tuesday?”. I managed to say “Yes... Tuesday” because nothing else came out. I was terrified that his wife would see how I felt, and felt completely puzzled that he would single me out to say that when there were other parents from our team there.

 

So... maybe she will show up for practice on Tuesday! It’s what I would do. And maybe he was only that brazen because all of this is only in my head.

 

We shall see.

 

I disagree with a lot of what you say and especially getting tables. I never have issues getting good tables, I get good marks because I earn them, and you need to understand that there are a lot of beautiful women. I've never heard of you so your no Cindy crawford.

[igotoverit]

I don't know you but by reading your story, I am assuming your ex pays more then you make modelling. I know the strong intellegent men you speak of and although they may gock at you, they gock at several in a day, and would never end up with a women solely based on her looks. You really should start investing your time and energy into a more stable job. Former model now CEO is far more appealing to men then former model now stay at home mom with good support payments

[JJacobs]

The tables thing doesn’t only happen to me - it happens to pretty much every attractive person I know. I’m not saying I’m the most beautiful woman alive, just that others regard me as more attractive than many, and there is a marked difference in treatment. If anyone has gone from being a brunette to then being a blonde - that difference. I was a brunette for about 5 minutes and never again. ?

 

I have to admit, to comment on the poor wife post - I agree. I felt guilty for being attracted to him while she was there. I really don’t know if I could pull off actually having sex with a man who belongs to someone else. This is encouraging and it makes me angry at the same time. Encouraging, because maybe I won’t make a mistake. Angry, because I really want to pursue this but feel that the price would be too high.

[JJacobs]

I have my own money, from many years of not only earning but also investing - I understand the propensity to assume an attractive woman is kept by an ex, but that’s not the case with me.

[igotoverit]

I have my own money, from many years of not only earning but also investing - I understand the propensity to assume an attractive woman is kept by an ex, but that’s not the case with me.

 

You still seem to interested in your looks to keep a successful and intelligent man in my experience. You speak a lot of your appearance and if you read this forum, are probably the only one.

[JuneL]

I don't know Cindy Crawford personally, but I would be shocked if she makes nearly as big a deal about how attractive she is. But that's exactly what high maintenance means.

 

I disagree with a lot of what you say and especially getting tables. I never have issues getting good tables, I get good marks because I earn them, and you need to understand that there are a lot of beautiful women. I've never heard of you so your no Cindy crawford.

[Cookiesandough]

So much vanity

[JJacobs]

One thing I haven’t mentioned and also related to looks... This guy is gorgeous. He has the perfect body - obviously works out but not too bulky. Also taller than I am, which is the best. Big blue eyes and a gorgeous smile... Above average, for sure. It is SO difficult for me to find men attractive. I guess I just need to vent on the complete cruelty of this man being married. ?

[igotoverit]

I don't know Cindy Crawford personally, but I would be shocked if she makes nearly as big a deal about how attractive she is. But that's exactly what high maintenance means.

 

Agreed as I am turned off of the op because of how pretty she said she was, repeatedly. She would have been better off posting a picture and remaining humble.

[JJacobs]

I was only responding to other people's Posts on my looks. It’s really not a big deal yet on a daily basis. I mean, you’ll never catch me leaving my bathroom in the morning without makeup on, but I’ve been doing that since I was 10. It is a big part of my life and in my experience, women lose their husbands a lot more often, WITHOUT HAVING A CHOICE, because they let themselves go. My marriage didn’t work, but at least the choice was mine.

 

I don’t need to talk about my looks at all, so I’ll be glad to steer the thread in another direction.

[igotoverit]

I was only responding to other people's Posts on my looks. It’s really not a big deal yet on a daily basis. I mean, you’ll never catch me leaving my bathroom in the morning without makeup on, but I’ve been doing that since I was 10. It is a big part of my life and in my experience, women lose their husbands a lot more often, WITHOUT HAVING A CHOICE, because they let themselves go. My marriage didn’t work, but at least the choice was mine.

 

I don’t need to talk about my looks at all, so I’ll be glad to steer the thread in another direction.

 

Do that. I am heading out but if you stop talking about your looks, you may win some of us over. We are still reading so that's good.

[Cookiesandough]

I was only responding to other people's Posts on my looks. It’s really not a big deal yet on a daily basis. I mean, you’ll never catch me leaving my bathroom in the morning without makeup on, but I’ve been doing that since I was 10. It is a big part of my life and in my experience, women lose their husbands a lot more often, WITHOUT HAVING A CHOICE, because they let themselves go. My marriage didn’t work, but at least the choice was mine.

 

I don’t need to talk about my looks at all, so I’ll be glad to steer the thread in another direction.

 

Girl!!! I mean this in the best way possible but you might need some help with this. You’re pinning too much of your worth on looks. Most of the happiest marriages I know don’t have bombshell wives with makeup always on fleek and Botox in every wrinkle. Those are the ones who usually have failed marriages because wrong priorities. Happiest marriages when the women make their men HAPPY, loved, and emotionally supported. Looks are down the list of why marriages fail imo , and that’s even counting people who gain a lot of weight.