Found out Dad I was interested in is married?!

[lana-banana]

Oh, I agree she's not *doing* anything wrong; it's just a waste of time, energy and imagination. But I do think when you reach the point where you're thinking about the consequences of an affair, not wanting to hurt his wife, etc, it's time for a new hobby. You are almost certainly right that boredom and loneliness are driving this.

Edited January 15, 2018 by lana-banana

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Cautiously, that’s not what I meant to do at all! I already feel guilty because she might have felt some vibes from her husband, and in the past women have felt threatened by me, so I wanted to let her know, IF she is worried (this is all conjecture), that my faith might keep me grounded. In other words - I am less of a threat than a woman who has slept with countless married men, for example.

 

I always put myself in other people’s shoes - she is averagely attractive but looks a few years older, and I know we as women always compare ourselves to each other. If I were in her shoes, I’d be worried - changing that on Facebook was a way of letting her know that we are more alike than different. If that makes sense.

 

Yes, it makes sense and I'm glad I misunderstood. So I'm gonna circle back to befriending her to further remove the temptation.

 

As far as you being unable to resist his advances should he make them, just don't be in a situation where the two of you are alone without anyone else around and that shouldn't be a problem. I mean, I assume you wouldn't get down on the gym floor and let him have his way with you right in front of the bleachers .

[igotoverit]

I am confused as this has been mentioned, all he did was smile and possibly acknowledge that an attractive women was in front of him. He brought his wife to the game. He hasn't shown any sign that he is even thinking of chasing you.

 

He doesn't seem like he is obsessing or pining for you and for all you know he could have the same encounters with other women in other areas of his life.

 

I also have to be honest, and believe me, I have work to do on myself. I do NOT personally feel threatened by women who are more attractive then I am. I feel more threatened by women who are more attractive and successful then I am.

 

Do you have any girlfriends? Do you have women that you platonically spend time with [?]

Edited January 15, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Do you have any girlfriends?

 

Great question.

[WorldInMyEyes]

And the situation is more difficult for someone who looks a certain way, not because of the same reason it is for most (rejection), but because at least in my case, attraction is very difficult. Physical attraction is difficult. Physical and emotional attraction, like it is with him, is almost unheard of in my life.

That's the issue, JJ. If you're a 9 or a 10, you're naturally only going to be truly attracted to other 9/10's. But how many of those are there really? And of those, how many of them are going to be emotionally/intellectually attractive to you on top of their looks? Because now we're talking about a fraction of a fraction.

 

And of those people, how many are "available"? Now it's a fraction of a fraction of a fraction. It's cruel how lonely it can be to be good looking like that. Even worse is that no one is going to feel sorry for you except for other people like you. See, we have an "advantage" over the average person. .

 

Reading advice in this thread talking about "there's PLENTY of available people out there, go meet one of them" is LOL. Of course they're available, they're not attractive. Being in a relationship with someone not on your level of attractiveness is miserable. They will worship the ground you walk on but it won't go back the other way. Relationships like that are asymmetrical and toxic. Is that what you want?

 

Oh wait, this is LoveShack and I was really supposed to tell you that cheating is wrong and stuff. Don't listen to me.

[Popsicle]

Well. Cheating is still wrong.

[JJacobs]

Guys, I freaked out a little last night! Tried to come here and the LoveShack page wouldn’t even open... I thought for sure I had pissed someone off and had been banned forever from LoveShack ?

 

But here I am. Nervous and excited because there’s a chance I won’t really see him tonight (snow storm), but hopefully I will! Because maybe he will give me some sort of definitive signal and I can choose what to do next. Yes, I know this isn’t productive.

 

As to one of the questions... About friends. Yes, I have three closer girlfriends I spend time with, in their late 40s/early 50s, but have never spent time with their husbands, which is fine with me. It’s been happening my whole life. Although, I have to say I’ve always been better friends with men, I relate to them better, but at my age That’s impossible. I gave up on having another guy friend a long time ago. To be honest, friendship isn’t something I need or miss. I feel my life is very full, it’s just the lack of a desirable man that is driving me to this.

 

And yes, my heart is full of coveting ? I’m not proud of it.

 

World once again has deciphered exactly what’s been happening to me. I really want to let go and pursue this, but am so afraid of the fallout. And there’s still a chance that he’s a faithful man and would reject me, something I probably will only find out overtime. As someone else mentioned, he probably won’t make a move on his own.

 

World, I’m listening to you more than you know! ?

[lana-banana]

So, three things:

 

1) He's married.

2) You do not seem to have a relationship. You aren't friends, acquaintances, coworkers, or anything with any kind of regular contact. He's a hot guy who looks at you sometimes.

3) He is *married*.

 

All of these are reasons not to "pursue this"; there's effectively nothing to pursue. The connection you seek is entirely in your imagination. So what are you really pursuing? The feeling of being wanted by someone you find desirable? The forbidden nature of it? You can have all kinds of romance, excitement and desire that don't involve people who have taken vows.

 

Married people are off-limits. You know this, or should know this. If the only thing stopping you is a fear of "fallout", that's not much, but it's a start. Think about how much damage you'll do to yourself and your family---and this man's.

[bb444]

I agree that the OP's "vanity" here is mostly responding to other comments on her looks. It has been shown in studies that larger breasted women get more tips. It's not out of line to suggest that attractive people have a different set of life lessons to learn than average people do. I'm sure there's a third set for unattractive people. So I agree with you on that, OP. It's irrelevant to your actual topic, though, so let those comments go. Report them for irrelevance, ask for your thread to be cleaned up, leave them be, whatever. Just don't reply to nonsense.

 

That said, I also agree with everyone saying that yes, you need to chill out. Mutual attraction is rare for a lot of people, but it shouldn't be acted on every time. In the end, you'll do whatever you decide to do, regardless of how bad you know that decision is. I can only suggest to you that you don't.

[No_Go]

OP - I'm 'impressed' by the hypocrisy of the people bashing on you.

 

Remember - for your own sanity - you've done NOTHING wrong. You have been crushing on an attractive guy who has shown you clear signs of interest (YES clear, otherwise you wouldn't have noticed him). If anyone here is in fault - it is him, not you. Your only 'fault' is being more beautiful than most.

 

Having said that - for your own sanity, try to stay away from this guy. It is soap-opera-sh for now but will quickly turn into drama. You don't have the capacity of some people that break in other's families, so I'm afraid you'd get hurt... Keep busy and carry on.

[JJacobs]

Tonight was practice night. I’m not sure I would call it eventful, but there was definitely more information...

 

I think the two of us are being watched! One time when I saw his wife and was sitting close to her, I heard the woman who is an assistant coach for my son’s team ask his wife:”Can I bring anything tomorrow?” Of course, basketball dad is the head coach. I shall name his wife’s friend Camera Watch.

 

Basketball dad and I always get to practice early. Tonight, I got there extra early... I was already on the bleacher when he walked in. First words out of his mouth (he didn’t talk to another parent, but to me directly):”You guys get here EARLY!!” He had a big smile on his face, as usual. I smiled back and managed to make my voice come out, so I just said “We do, he begged me to get here early...”. He said “I’m sure!” and had to go help his son. He put his things on the bleacher to the side of mine, I would have preferred it if it had been directly in front of me... But he had put them there before, so I concentrated on my son’s baskets.

 

Until basketball dad loudly said “Wow!”. I looked at him. He looked at me and said “It’s warm in here...” with a big smile. It had such a playful tone to it, that in my head I immediately thought :”It is, now that you’re here!”. That thought caused me to give him a shy, lustful smile, and I could feel my bottom lip quivering a little. He was still looking at me. He then proceeded to take off his sweatshirt!

 

I should have looked away. I wanted to look away. Did I look away? No!! He was wearing a T-shirt underneath and his arm muscles were bulging out of the short sleeves. I finally felt as if I was making a fool out of myself drooling over him like that, so I managed to stare at my phone to calm down.

 

Shortly after this, Camera Watch arrived... At this point he was already shooting hoops with the kids, and she usually just stands around on the other side of the court doing nothing, so I didn’t think anything of it. I did notice that he was trying to make really hard shots, and one time when he made one, he looked at me. I knew he was looking at me because I was still the only parent on that bleacher!

 

Fast forward to a little bit later... Basketball dad and his male assistant coach are in the middle of the court and basketball dad and I exchange glances (I’m having a hard time controlling this). I look away and guess who looks at basketball dad, then directly at me? Camera Watch! I feel busted, given that she’s friends with the wife, so I decide to control myself.

 

That’s when basketball dad decides to park himself EXACTLY in front of me during a dribbling drill! He has his back to me, so of course I was discreetly scanning his whole body. I was enjoying the view and cheering my son on, when basketball dad turns his head and starts talking to me. First he talks about a kid who’s missing that day, we go back and forth like that, I look at Camera Watch again (she’s on the other side of the court during the dribbling drill), then decide it’s time to stop the talking. Even though he started it! One of us needs to think clearly. I still feel slightly drunk just from being that close to him, and I feel happy that he talked to me in the middle of practice, but I manage to stay quiet.

 

That’s when he starts doing all kinds of acrobatics with the basketball! He’s throwing it under his legs, dribbling it on his sides, throwing it behind and around his back, etc. It was quite a show! ? I enjoyed it. I should have applauded. But I’m sure word would have gotten back to his wife!

 

The end of practice made me feel unsure. I was leaving and he was trying to get his son, I had just heard him say they had to go. I was looking forward to some nice conversation like last week, but I ran out of excuses to rummage through my purse and my son wanted a sandwich, so while basketball dad still had his back to me, I just said “Bye, see you Saturday”. He responded smiling, and I left. Camera Watch was still there.

 

I stopped at the restaurant by the exit again, was about to order when I saw out of the corner of my eye that he was walking towards the exit. I was strong and did not look at him. Last week, I looked, he was staring, then I looked away quickly... I made a split second decision not to look at him.

 

So even though he didn’t try to talk at the end, I think the rest was good. Because I still want him to want me, even if nothing is going to happen! I haven’t been this sexually attracted to anyone in so long, it feels intoxicating. His showing off the way he did made me mourn for all the things I cannot do with/to him. ?

 

Saturday is another game, and I might ask my ex to take our son. I don’t know if I might do more damage with his wife there, it’s getting so difficult for me to control my eyes! I don’t know if I’ll be strong enough to hold myself back like that, though. I will try. My son has a different game that morning, I guess I’ll go to that instead!

[igotoverit]

It might throw him off if your ex takes him and he would be more tamed the week after. This is very inappropriate and if you live in a small town, May affect your son in the long run. Not to mention he may not care as much about you as you are inflating his ego.

Edited January 17, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of immediately preceding post

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Maybe Camera Watch is territorial and doesn't want you stealing her man.

[JJacobs]

Câmera Watch is his wife’s friend - I assume, from the little bit I overheard. But I agree, she’s obviously watching out for her friend, which she should. I would have done the same.

 

I have to see if my ex can take him on Saturday. Or I might get there late or something like that. Anything I can do to stop all the suspicion.

 

But what is he thinking acting like that? Or maybe people wouldn’t think anything of it, it’s just a basketball coach doing basketball things, right?

[igotoverit]

Câmera Watch is his wife’s friend - I assume, from the little bit I overheard. But I agree, she’s obviously watching out for her friend, which she should. I would have done the same.

 

I have to see if my ex can take him on Saturday. Or I might get there late or something like that. Anything I can do to stop all the suspicion.

 

But what is he thinking acting like that? Or maybe people wouldn’t think anything of it, it’s just a basketball coach doing basketball things, right?

 

Nope. You are stroking his ego from the sounds of it and it would appear that he is aware you like him and likes it. Doesn't mean as much as you think and I think your going to end up hurt so I am concerned for you personally. I like your posts, I mean well.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Câmera Watch is his wife’s friend - I assume, from the little bit I overheard. But I agree, she’s obviously watching out for her friend, which she should. I would have done the same.

 

I have to see if my ex can take him on Saturday. Or I might get there late or something like that. Anything I can do to stop all the suspicion.

 

But what is he thinking acting like that? Or maybe people wouldn’t think anything of it, it’s just a basketball coach doing basketball things, right?

 

You're thoroughly confusing me with your intentions. But I guess it's good that there's no actual cheating going on.

[BaileyB]

As entertaining as it is to read about your adventures, your posts have all the emotional maturity of a teenage girl gossiping with her friends in gym class.

 

"I think he looked at me!"

"Do you think so. What do you think he meant? Oh no, don't look now... he might think that you like him..."

 

It seems to me that you are reading a lot into nothing... Surely, you must have better things to do with your time than chase an unavailable man and create drama with the other parents in your son's basketball team.

[JJacobs]

I agree about the teenage comment - I started working at 13, went to church 5 times a week, and while other teenage girls were playing and making out in cars, I was working and hearing sermons on the sins of premarital sex. Now is my time - what you mean as an insult, I take as a compliment. I absolutely feel like a teenager, and being in my 30s, I’m way overdue.

 

I used to be confused about my intentions - I’m not anymore, at least for now. ? I don’t think he will ever make a move, so I don’t see this turning into any kind of whirlwind romance. So I’ve decided that I’m just going to enjoy the flirting!! That’s all it is. It’s not going anywhere.

 

I will enjoy the fantasy and leave it at that. This is a hot guy doing cute things to get my attention, flattered that I like him, and it doesn’t have to be more. I spent about 10 minutes sad that nothing is going to happen, then snapped myself out of it, because simply wanting someone again is already fun. And that’s what I need in my life - more fun! I’ve always been ultra responsible. People who have 26 labeled categories in their pantry aren’t exactly the happy-go-lucky kind! ? Maybe I can be different. Better.

 

I think I’ll still skip the game on Saturday. At best, he will wonder I’m not there ? And I can take some time off from the emotional reactions I’ve had. That way, if he thinks I like him, my absence might help turn that around. And I will also not be early next time - I’ll just do the opposite of what I’ve done now and that can discourage him. Or attract him more - some men are spurned on by this kind of behavior! Who knows. It doesn’t really matter because we’re not going to have an affair!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It doesn’t really matter because we’re not going to have an affair!

 

Good!

 

Now, will you please come over and organize my pantry?

[BaileyB]

Well then, live it up!

 

Just don't break up another woman's family to have your fun. Go out, flirt with some SINGLE men. They are out there, just waiting for you to come and get them...

[JJacobs]

Cautiously - That would be great! Instant gratification. I’ve recently labeled my entire fridge and freezer and got so much satisfaction from it! ? I know this isn’t normal.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Cautiously - That would be great! Instant gratification. I’ve recently labeled my entire fridge and freezer and got so much satisfaction from it! ? I know this isn’t normal.

 

One of my BFFs is like this. Back when I was married, we had a party once at our house, and she was so fed up with my tupperware cupboard she spent the night cleaning it out and organizing it lol. I love that trait in people .

[Popsicle]

I agree about the teenage comment - I started working at 13, went to church 5 times a week, and while other teenage girls were playing and making out in cars, I was working and hearing sermons on the sins of premarital sex. Now is my time - what you mean as an insult, I take as a compliment. I absolutely feel like a teenager, and being in my 30s, I’m way overdue.

 

I used to be confused about my intentions - I’m not anymore, at least for now. I don’t think he will ever make a move, so I don’t see this turning into any kind of whirlwind romance. So I’ve decided that I’m just going to enjoy the flirting!! That’s all it is. It’s not going anywhere.

 

I will enjoy the fantasy and leave it at that. This is a hot guy doing cute things to get my attention, flattered that I like him, and it doesn’t have to be more. I spent about 10 minutes sad that nothing is going to happen, then snapped myself out of it, because simply wanting someone again is already fun. And that’s what I need in my life - more fun! I’ve always been ultra responsible. People who have 26 labeled categories in their pantry aren’t exactly the happy-go-lucky kind! Maybe I can be different. Better.

 

I think I’ll still skip the game on Saturday. At best, he will wonder I’m not there . And I can take some time off from the emotional reactions I’ve had. That way, if he thinks I like him, my absence might help turn that around. And I will also not be early next time - I’ll just do the opposite of what I’ve done now and that can discourage him. Or attract him more - some men are spurned on by this kind of behavior! Who knows. It doesn’t really matter because we’re not going to have an affair!

 

Sounds good! Smart girl.

 

Don’t send your sons father in your place though. He’ll think that’s your man.

Edited January 18, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Remove extraneous characters in quote

[JJacobs]

I know, I thought about that. But since I’m trying to discourage this, it might be a good thing. Sorry, I can’t tell if you think his thinking it’s someone I’m with would be bad because then he wouldn’t flirt anymore?

 

I need more coffee ?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Sounds good! Smart girl.

 

Don’t send your sons father in your place though. He’ll think that’s your man.

 

Well, in a divorce situation, if the mom doesn't take the kid to practice, usually the dad does. What's she supposed to do, tell her ex he's not allowed to because she doesn't want the married coach to get the wrong idea about her?