In search of a relationship

[Vampyre1288]

Hello everyone.

 

Before I get down to it I must share some information. I will try to keep it brief.

 

My and my wife have been married for 5 years this year. We have been together for 10 years this year. We have 2 children under 5 years old.

 

Over this period we have discussed the idea of opening up our relationship and recently we took that step.

 

Quite by accident my wife was on the Internet in a chat room and made a friend. This soon blossomed into a relationship. So she now has me, her husband, and her new boyfriend.

 

He is overseas so there is little chance of any physical relationship, as such she spends a lot of time online continuing her normal chat room stuff and talking with her boyfriend, they exchange photos and play games it is very interesting and exciting.

 

Now I have started to try to find a girlfriend for myself. I believe strongly in balance and equality.

 

My work keeps me out of the house a lot, which doesn't help much, but it gives me lots of opportunity to meet people. I work as a security guard on a pub and I meet a lot of people, but it would not be fair for me to find a girlfriend where I can actually physically get involved as my wife doesn't have the option, as much as she wants it.

 

So I have decided to try to find someone on the Internet who fits my needs and is equal and balanced.

 

The problem I have though is that by bringing all this information up I find myself feeling like I am unintentionally manipulating people into filling a role, performing a service and that isn't fair on whoever I am talking to.

 

So I find myself needing to find someone randomly who is interested in me before I even start talking about this.

 

That's is where I'm struggling. I have no idea where to go, or what to look for in order to find what I need and it is eating away at me.

 

I sit here day by day watching my wife, who loves me, also loving someone else.

She didn't go out of her way to find him, or so she tells me. It just happened in the course of her daily activities. She has mentioned the fact she is married, but only once at the very beginning and even then I think it was a very brief mention in a public chat. But that doesn't bother me.

 

So my question is this. What do I need to do in order to find what I'm looking for? Someone random in a community somewhere online? I don't know where to begin, or whether what I want is even possible, although it must be because my wife had no difficulty at all.

 

It seems to be a lot easier for her than it is for me.

 

Sorry for the long post, I tried to keep it brief but I couldn't.

 

Any positive advice wilful be helpful.

 

Thank you

[choyhtya]

Well this ones a bit different lol. But if I was you I wouldn't worry about your wife getting physical or not. You guys both agreed to an open relationship so that will happen with her at some point. There's no reason not to wait on her to start getting physical in order for you too.

 

Just hit up some girls online, you shouldn't have many problems since your not some forever alone type judging by your post. Not many girls will go for you if your honest about what's going on though, so your gonna have to lie and tell them what they wanna hear in order to get laid. It's hardly ethical but it'll get the results you want. Try a site like POF maybe.

[Cookiesandough]

2nd OLD...

plenty of poly couples looking for their unicorn for their carousel of doom.

[Aiuta le mani]

Hello, this is definitively a different one! your situation and way of thinking are very interesting to me! May I ask, If you have a stable relationship with your wife and you love each other and have a nice home and kids, why are you opening your relationship to other people? If it makes you feel uncomfortable, feel free to ignore my question. I just would like to know what are your motivations on this!

Thanks!

[Vampyre1288]

Thanks for the input so far. It's all constructive and helpful.

 

Maybe I won't have to lie as such, maybe more omittion, but that will be considered as liebig when it comes out anyway so yeah.

 

2nd OLD? I guess that means 2nd Online Dating, is that a website or a forum or something? Will Google later.

 

Every now and again I wonder about the reasons myself. I don't know. I think when it was originally brought up it was a method of bringing some more excitement into things. But I don't really remember.

 

I had a thought though last night after work.

 

I was driving home from work thinking about how this is going. I realised that maybe it wasn't an open relationship we need. It was more freedom in our relationship.

 

My wife's mother lives with us in the house we are renting, she had nowhere else to go and so she is staying with us until circumstances change.

 

Now I like to be flirty, my wife likes to be flirty but my MIL always says 'get your minds out of the gutter' and other such comments so my wife has stopped being flirty with me in order to appease her mother.

 

There are other things too, sometimes I want to talk about private issues withy wife, but if I start talking quietly and stop when she walks in, she has a panic/anxiety attack thinking that I'm talking about her, every single time, I also can't use instant messenger or texting to talk to my wife for the same reason.

 

So the only time I get to really talk, like proper conversation, not just day to day how are you, but actual deep meaningful talk, I only get that time on one night of the week unless I wake her up when I get home from work. She tells me to wake her if I need her, but I can't justify making her tired just because I might want to have some time to just talk.

 

So I think after all of this, I need to find a way to sort out the mother in law. But that is a whole different kettle of worms.

 

I am also in the process of finding a more suitable job for myself and my family and that might also help.

 

Sorry to change topics but yeah I had some realisations.

Edited January 11, 2018 by Vampyre1288

[Aiuta le mani]

Hey man, Thanks for taking the time to answer! I think that it is a good thing to take time to explore our motivations to do things in life! Based on what you describe, I do agree with you on the fact that you might need some quality time with your wife! Here is a resource that might help with the situation with your MIL!

Move forward my friend!

Edited January 20, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Vampyre1288]

You're welcome. Getting input from someone I don't know, and being asked questions I didn't really think about gives me the opportunity to look for different angles.

 

Thanks for the link.

Will have a look through it when I get time.

 

Again thank you for the advice

[spiderowl]

Your arrangement and agreement with your wife are a bit different but then there are other couples who seem to work on the same basis. How do you find someone? I guess you try online, chatting to people at work or when out and about, go to leisure activities and get talking to women - the way people do who are single.

 

But, do not lie! I find it amazing that anyone should advise you to lie to a woman about being married. If you start out any kind of relationship and base it on a lie at first, it will not be a relationship. No decent person would be happy to be with a liar once they found out. What gives you the right to lie to someone like that? Do you not respect other women?

 

If you and your wife have agreed to an open relationship, that is your choice and I wish you luck in finding someone for you.

[Popsicle]

I recommend looking for another married woman. There are many who would love to have an exciting affair yet stay married to their husbands. There's a dating site just for this, I forget the name of it. It was in the news a few years ago because it got hacked.

 

Edit: The dating site is AshleyMadison.com

Edited January 15, 2018 by Popsicle