Guest Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 I was reading one of the threads on defining cheating and was wondering what you all thought about these questions: 1. Do you think that someone who cheats really loves their SO? What if they have an emotional AND physical affair, they really have feelings for this person. Are they in love with the SO, or are they just too afraid to leave them? I cheated before and I was not in love with the SO. If I had been I would not have cheated, because I would have put him first, above my selfish desires; that is what love is about, I think. So, in my opinion, I don't think that you can love and cheat. 2. Do you think there is a future for a relationship when cheating has occurred? Especially when it's happened early on in the relationship? A year or less? Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 i think if you are in a relationship and you cheat you cant love your SO.the whole point of a relationshp is about love for each other trust,honesty etc etc.if you cheat your being unfaithful to your partner.if you love someone you love them and wouldnt want to hurt them. as for trying to forget i dont think anyone will trully ever forgive someone for cheating many people say they will but it will allways be there,and most the time it would come up in arguements.if my bf cheated on me id probably stay with him becuse i love him that much but i dont think id ever trully forgive him as id be susipicous all the time. i dont think anyone can say that if someone cheats on there SO that they still love them.hows that possible?if you love someone you dont want to hurt them or lose them so i say the answer is NO are you still in this relationship?if you are then can i ask why if you dont love him/her?there could always be the possibility of cheating again and i dont think this is fair on your SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 1. Yes. In my opinion, the majority of people cheat when their needs are not being met for an extended period of time. Sure there are exceptions to this rule but I'm talking generally. 2. Yes. There are people who recover from infidelity and stay together. There are some who post on the Infidelity section that have! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 The answers to your questions depend on whether or not a person is capable of compartmentalizing. If they are capable of compartmentalizing, then yes - they can love their SO deeply, but still have a different, unrelated void that only a different person can fill. These are people who carry on affairs, but cannot and will not even consider leaving their spouse - because the spouse fills a need for them that no OW or OM can ever fill (unless they take the place of the W or H, which will open up new vacancies in the OW or OM spot). If the person is not capable of compartmentalizing, then there is only the capacity to love one at a time - and it is a matter of shifting love from one person to another. These are the people who either stop the affairs and go back to the W or H, or divorce the W or H and move on with someone else. Relationships can recover from infidelity, but it takes a lot of work and a willingness to listen to, hear and empathise with things that you may not want to hear but need to from each other. It requires putting aside the 'victim' and 'perpetrator' labels aside and working past them to get down to what caused the cheating in the first place. I think that when cheating happens early on, that the odds for the relationship working after that are fairly low. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 i dont think you can trully love someone and cheat.when you love someone you dont want to hurt them and im sure if you loved them you would feel guilty about it.why put your SO through the hurt and why would you put yourself through the guilt of doing it?because if you loved someone you would feel guilty right? Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 I never feel the need to post after Mrs LucreziaBorgia. She always has the most brilliant things to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest2 Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by Guest 1. Do you think that someone who cheats really loves their SO? NO Originally posted by Guest 2. Do you think there is a future for a relationship when cheating has occurred? Especially when it's happened early on in the relationship? A year or less? NO Link to post Share on other sites
iknowiknow Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 I was reading one of the threads on defining cheating and was wondering what you all thought about these questions: 1. Do you think that someone who cheats really loves their SO? ' 2. Do you think there is a future for a relationship when cheating has occurred? Especially when it's happened early on in the relationship? A year or less? NO & NO,I cheated on my boyfriend 7 times and I only realised later it was because I did'nt really love him,was too young,and was just looking for way out of the relationship,eventually I did just get up and leave & should have done SO a long time ago and spared him the grief. There is truly no future in a cheater relationship,even though my boyfriend knew about the cheating,he still insisted for the next 3 years after I left that we get back together [crazy!?].People cheat because they are looking for something they cannot find in the relationship they have and there is no guarantee they will ever ever find it,even if they try so why waste you're time and true happiness? Link to post Share on other sites
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