Author Kristine Posted February 12, 2018 Author Share Posted February 12, 2018 Because I'm 43 and my mom treats me like a teenager. She yells at me for not picking up on her time, it gets done but not the second she wants it done. Doesn't appreciate anything I do berates me, belittles me. She's an emotionally abusive person. I've since learned I should have savings, that's going to take a little time but I know it will be best if I do. It's super hard for me to save. But I will try. Still looking at June now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 12, 2018 Author Share Posted February 12, 2018 He begs me to drive down every weekend all weekend and I'm like no drive up here, I get he says there's no privacy but I don't care. I'm not going to be cow towing to him all the time. He basically hates my mom though he says he doesn't hate her, he talks negative about her all the time and I'm frankly getting sick of hearing his complaints that he does nothing to change. I did tell him she's my mom, she's not going to change, and deal with it. He never shuts up about her. Basically I was too nice, thought he was a nice guy finally and now I don't think he has any respect for me. Unless you know of a way to remedy the situation I'm getting closer every day to pulling the plug. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 I think you should pull the plug anyway based on everything I have read about this guy. That being said, realistically as a 30/40(?) year old woman, I think it should be understood that most men are not going to be okay with staying in your mum's house with you. People in their teens or maybe even 20s might put up with it, but even then it would be a hassle. Someone in their 30s and above would be crazy to drive all the way down only to spend the night in mummy's house (barring extenuating circumstances like yearly gatherings or mum being severely ill). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 He begs me to drive down every weekend all weekend and I'm like no drive up here, I get he says there's no privacy but I don't care. I'm not going to be cow towing to him all the time. He basically hates my mom though he says he doesn't hate her, he talks negative about her all the time and I'm frankly getting sick of hearing his complaints that he does nothing to change. I did tell him she's my mom, she's not going to change, and deal with it. He never shuts up about her. Basically I was too nice, thought he was a nice guy finally and now I don't think he has any respect for me. Unless you know of a way to remedy the situation I'm getting closer every day to pulling the plug. What do you like about him? What would you miss? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 12, 2018 Author Share Posted February 12, 2018 Mostly I'd miss his body. I know shallow. He's kind, he cooks, he's very complimentary of me, tells me how beautiful I am and that I'm perfect for him, I like our dates and when we are together we have a good time. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 You are conflicted. Ask yourself this question; if what you have with this man right now/today is as good as it will ever be, is it good enough? Warts and all. If yes, then you need to buck up and deal with the situation and him and focus on all the good you have rather than the bad. If no, then it's time for you to make a move and if that means pulling the plug on this relationship, then so be it. You can't possibly move forward in any relationship, never mind a LD one, where you're constantly bickering and battling over the same obstacles over and over again. Something has to give and if he's not willing to give in and you're at the point where you're about to stop giving in than it's time to end this. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 This is about way more then just the distance. Make the pros & cons list: reasons to stay with him vs reasons to break up. See what you learn from that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 12, 2018 Author Share Posted February 12, 2018 I actually did a pros/cons list and well they came out even. Initially the cons was more but my mom of all people gave me a few pros. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 Then try to understand that a grown man does not want to spend time under the same roof as his GF's mother. When you go to him, you have privacy. When he comes to you, he's going to Her house where you happen to live. If you lived alone & he was still giving you grief about driving up to you, that would be a different. I really don't see him not wanting to come to you as him insisting that you "cow tow" to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 12, 2018 Author Share Posted February 12, 2018 (edited) Well I get free hotel stays at a casino Sunday through Thursday, so it's not like the whole time we'd be at mom's house. She's yelling at me for driving down too much in my old car with 200K miles on it. Which I've had to repair 3 times in the last month from driving down so much. But he really does complain about privacy. I don't mind going down there really, it's just I get so much flack from my mom and I was broke lately so I didn't go. I was also getting run down from traveling so much so I opted to stay home but still he begged me all weekend to come down which I didn't do because I honestly said every other and I mean every other, that's more than I can afford the way it is. Edited February 12, 2018 by Kristine Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 14, 2018 Author Share Posted February 14, 2018 There is no compromising with him and well to me that's not love so we are done. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Sorry to hear that on one hand because BUs are never pleasant. However, you sound confident in your decision & there has been a great deal of conflict between you lately. I got dumped on V-day in college so the timing sucks but in the end I suspect you will be at peace with the decision. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Sorry to hear, but I also believe it was the right decision. Be kind to yourself today. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 15, 2018 Author Share Posted February 15, 2018 I sent him a text about how much I love and miss him, it's been a day. I saw a facebook video of my ex the con and our wedding day as a memory. Reminded me how much better of a guy he is and I've been in a tailspin of emotions. He hasn't responded to my text so for him I'm history I'm sure. I'm just really hoping he needs time to think about the few things I said in there. But that's probably far fetched. I really love him a lot. I know we have our problems and none of them have been resolved yet. But I don't want to be without him. Link to post Share on other sites
jayinblue Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I feel your pain, as I am doing the same thing too. Its brutal and painful and really sucks, especially after Valentine's Day last night. I almost gave in myself and sent her a message but instead found a way to channel my desire from communicating with her into something else. (Granted the "something else" was stupid and involved me listening to music on my phone on my motorcycle really fast on the freeway for a few hours, but I digress....) But this morning, I took an early morning hike and tried to find ways to feel grateful for the freedom I now have to dig deeper into myself and for the gift of being on planet earth (as corny as this all sounds, it actually is the best medicine I think). Its easy to say but hard to do, but find ways to make yourself feel better and look to yourself for validation of who you are and why you are okay. I'm reading a book "Coming Apart: Why Relationships End" by Daphne Rose Kingma which has been helpful for me and has given me at least some sort of direction on how to process my feelings. Hope its helpful and best of luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 (edited) Kristen You didn't really BU with him in the heat of the moment. This was a long time coming. You have been having difficulties with him for a while. Your mom doesn't like him. You are feeling vulnerable because the idea of being alone is depressing. You are making excuses & reminiscing about the good times because as bad as he is you fear that being with him is better than being alone especially because he's better than your really bad news EX. Edited February 15, 2018 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 15, 2018 Author Share Posted February 15, 2018 Well he responded by saying come down. I want to really bad, even if it's last time sex. Just because he's good and I'm worked up. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 You're setting yourself up for a painful fall... Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Well he responded by saying come down. I want to really bad, even if it's last time sex. Just because he's good and I'm worked up. oh wow no one can help you until you help yourself, and you don't appear to be doing that Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Well he responded by saying come down. I want to really bad, even if it's last time sex. Just because he's good and I'm worked up. Well, sometimes you have to learn the hard way. The aftermath may teach you that it just isn't worth it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 I didn't hookup with him but I really want to. My mom is preventing me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 I so want to text him but he broke up with me last night, although he left it open ended I'm always welcome to his home. He asked me to pack up and move in again, but I said no. His place is too far from my therapy and job 2 hours is a long drive every day. I know it's for the best, I do know it's for the best. But I still wanted to be with him. I really wanted to drive down but my mom went ballistic and called me horrible things. I hate that I'm an adult but treated as a child so I'm looking into roommate rentals so that I can move out sooner rather than save up and move out later. I only wish I could have saved the relationship, even though part of me knows better. I still want to text him and be like if I move out would consider dating me again? But I feel like he just wants to be done with me. He professes to love me so much, but than doesn't want to deal with my mom. I mean why am I such a sucker? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 17, 2018 Author Share Posted February 17, 2018 Same problems only worse mom hates him now thinks I needs to lose him how I feel doesn't matter. So in my heart i know it won't last. He wants me to move in she wants me to move out, i want to get my own place independant of both of them. But with a roommate. What a mess Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 You should probably add this to your older thread(s) because this standing alone isn't going to make sense to a lot of people. Maybe ask a mod to combine your threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 I remember her everyone gave her good advice only to go back and reopen the wound Well good luck op Link to post Share on other sites
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