Author Kristine Posted February 18, 2018 Author Share Posted February 18, 2018 I want to be with him but I don't. My mom forced a breakup yesterday. She gave me an ultimatum said move out go live with him which wasn't the plan at all or break up. And she wouldn't let me drive down to see him he wasn't welcome in her home either. I am angry at her forcing an end I wasn't ready for. I still loved him. I know I made the decision based on my wants and needs. I need to be up here near my doctors, daughter, friends, and family. Not out in butt **** no where 2 hours away in an old car. But its the guy i love not his place. I hate her forcing her agenda she always does. I know I need to move out. I can't afford to move on my own so I'm looking for roommates and not having any luck so far. I'm sick of her dictating my life sick of it. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 What doesn't your mom like about him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 18, 2018 Author Share Posted February 18, 2018 He got in a fight with her. She said she sees too many red flags. He lied about moving up here she says. We discussed moving in June. She doesn't like that he wasn't coming up here, since the fight, bad mouthed her, works part time as an adult male, mostly she decided she hates him and I either go with him right now or end it. He's poor, his car is broken down and he hasn't fixed it for a month. She figures he can't take care of me, I'd be supporting him. Too much like my ex husband, daughter's dad no ambition. Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 I am sorry. I am a little confused. Are you confused on if you want to be with him or not? Or is it that your mom is forcing you to break up and you do want to be with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 18, 2018 Author Share Posted February 18, 2018 I want to be with him mom forced me to break up. She gave an ultimatum usually I go against her this time I'm trying to listen but it's making me angry right now. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Unless your mom has a history of wanting you to be miserable and unhappy, she sounds like she knows what she's talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 18, 2018 Author Share Posted February 18, 2018 She says i like fun he couldn't afford a lifestyle to please me. I know she's right, but he's a good guy, I loved him, and I'm grieving the loss of him in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Adults fund their own fun. His earning potential shouldn't be the deciding factor. If you are sick of your mother making your decision, take the actions necessary to function as an independent self reliant adult. Remember that love doesn't conquer all & that when everyone important to you does not like your SO, it's time to take a more objective look at why to see what you are missing Link to post Share on other sites
Rainah Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Sorry to hear that, just focus on yourself and healing Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 You posted about breaking up with him on the 14th Feb because there was no compromising with him. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/652721-we-broke-up Now you're saying that your mum forced you to break up yesterday. How could she do that if you'd already dumped him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 18, 2018 Author Share Posted February 18, 2018 My best friend loved him. Said I looked calmer with him a way she's never seen. She knows things about the relationship my mom doesn't. She said maybe we need a break from each other, give us both time to get straight. But i don't think I'll ever see him again. He's going through a rough patch and had said he didn't think we could see each other for a while. Moving in with him is not the answer. She didn't like how one sided the relationship was getting. Mom loved what my best friend said to me. Im sad now. Went for a long hike, listened to loud music. Link to post Share on other sites
Loungygirl Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 (edited) Hi! I haven't read any of your backstory and am just taking this particular thread at face value. I was dating a man long distance for one year and was on the opposite side of what you are describing. He came to visit me three weeks ago and we broke up because of a conversation we had about his mother. He is in his mid 40s and lives with his parents, his mother is very overbearing and controlling. I routinely said that I was uncomfortable staying at his parents home. I never visited him myself, our visits also required an airplane ride and we often split the costs for him to come to me. Anyway. He didn't like to talk about his mother and would often get mad or defensive whenever the subject came up, he would say I was disrespecting her by wanting to stay elsewhere. But it came up often because he wanted me to visit him, see where he lived. I think when you get over 30 or 40 years old you just need to realize that these conversations aren't typical among people that age. I think it's an added component not normally relevant to relationship. These aren't the things that people fight about I think it's unfortunate when they interfere with the relationship because you may potentially have a really great relationship in front of you, One thing that I noticed is that you said your mom helped write your pros and cons list and she made comments about you driving your car. It sounds. like your mother is very involved in your life still? My exes mother was very involved in his life and it really bothered me. He even called her when we apparently broke up and told her everything, she knew we broke up before I did (which tells me that maybe she helped him make his decision) . I'm in my 40s and both my parents have been gone for 10 and 20 years respectively. I have been on my own for a long time. Maybe that's why I had such a hard time dealing with somebody that's in the polar opposite position of me. I just think it's a really hard spot to put somebody in. You sometimes feel like a third wheel. Maybe because of that piece, your way of thinking and living your life is too different. Edited February 18, 2018 by Loungygirl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 He found out I have a blood clot and called this morning to see how I was doing. He said he still really loves me, and I know I love him. I got a book on communication and other stuff to try to resolve some of our issues. I don't know if we are back together really but we discussed meeting for a date at an in between location, we live 2 hours apart. I'm nervous about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 Well we keep reconnecting. He broke up with me the day before Valentines, we go back together the day after. I was forced to break up with him the following day. He heard about my blood clot and called saying he still loves me and asked how I was doing this morning. We're planning a date. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 moderator bump Link to post Share on other sites
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