Author Scoutjr Posted March 16, 2018 Author Share Posted March 16, 2018 So what do you suggest Addota? Link to post Share on other sites
Adotta Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) My suggestion...? Start being honest for one. That's a big one. I have secrets of my own eating me up so I understand the fear. God do I understand. The fear of judgment is horrifying. But don't you want to be able to look yourself in the mirror one day and say "I'm a moral person"? I'm working towards that too. It doesn't happen overnight but you have to start somewhere don't you? Start REALLY communicating with your husband. I know you will say you already have but I get the feeling you have been using nudges instead of the sledge hammer you should have used. Men don't understand nudges. Only sledge hammers usually. And find out what you want. As you are currently you are like a monkey who won't let go of one branch untill you have another firmly in your other hand. If you want your husband and family just sticking around isn't enough. You already tried that didn't you? Divorce him or don't but stop this shuffling around waiting for the men in your life to make decisions for you. It's pathetic and sad. If I where you I would March up to my husband tell him everything with my head held high and say if you still want me things need to change. Yes I was wrong to cheat. Yes I lied. I will work on all of this. If you can forgive me and see it in your heart to try again then let's DO IT. If you don't love him tell him that. This whole hiding your true face behind a mask is detrimental to him your children and most importantly YOURSELF. Masks are wierd things. Wear them long enough and you won't be able to tell your real face from the mask. My real hope is that someday you can walk with your head high shoulders straight and tell yourself I did my best. I messed up here and there but I did my best in the end. These lies you are harboring will never allow that. You will always feel conflicted sad and truly alone in the world as long as you hold them inside. Read my story. I've decided that one day I will tell my father what I have done. This isn't a half baked resolve. I WILL do it. For him, but mostly for me. I will also tell my girlfriend before long. we are still only a month into dating so i will wait till later untill i drop that bomb. I just can't handle the wieght around my neck these secrets are. They are tearing me apart. I feel so disgusting and selfish and dirty. I want to be clean. Even if it costs me everything. Don't you too? Edited March 16, 2018 by Adotta 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Adotta Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 (edited) Also didn't you say your marriage was a sex less one? I've read your story before but it's fuzzy and blurred now. Wasn't the lack of sex and passion the driving factor for your "falling" into an affair? You might want to look into testosterone treatment for hubby. He will be embarrassed but he may need it. Some men stop producing testosterone and without testosterone there is no sex drive. Look into it. It may be to late for sex to fix this but at least if I'm right he can be treated. Simply ask him if he finds you attractive. If his answer is yes then ask him why no sex? If he has no answer or tells you ok more sex but doesn't deliver then bring up testosterone treatment and low level testosterone. Be careful how you handle this. Alot of men will think of themselves as defective or damaged but the truth is its really not that hard to fix. He just has to be base enough to go get his t levels checked. If lack of sex and intimicy was the leading factor for your way word ways it might be the spark you need to rebuild the passion with hubby if you can work it out. Do you still find hubby attractive? Would you like to have a good sex life with him? Even if you can't tell him the truth this may help bring your heart back to him. Edited March 17, 2018 by Adotta Link to post Share on other sites
Cullenbohannon Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 (edited) Scout, last Thanksgiving a challenge was issued to go NC with your AP until Christmas. I am pretty sure you made the 30 days. Since that time has there been any physical contact? What has been the history since then. A question, for "those doing NC", the title of your thread. Edited March 17, 2018 by Cullenbohannon Link to post Share on other sites
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