Not sure If I should keep being friend with this girl who kinda rejected me

[drakon12]

Yes and no.

 

I agree with respecting oneself. Self-respect is crucial. If someone beats you or cheats on you, and/or is consistently making you feel like crap for whatever reason, then by all means leave because you must respect yourself and maintain your well-being.

 

But..

 

..who are these people that treat us right? Do they look a certain way? talk a certain way? Do they have a marker on them? Is there a probationary period we give them with us to treat us right and when they clear it, we put them in the "Treated us right" club?

 

"Find someone who'll treat you right," is a fallacy because this could be ANYBODY...until they do us wrong.

 

Everybody will disappoint us sometime in our lifetime. Everybody. Our closest friends, even our family. People mess up and as perfect of a record as they can hold, one day they will do something that'll piss us off or upset us. What are we going to do at that point? Cut them all out? Going around throwing away friendships and relationships just because of ONE moment of undesirable behavior is bonafied way to end up having nobody in our lives at all, due to unrealistic and high expectations.

 

So we have to choose who's worth suffering for. Perhaps for OP, she's one of those people.

 

It is a balance of understanding this and also having self-respect for oneself that creates and maintains healthy relationships/friendships.

 

I agree with you but maybe I couldn't word it clearly. Of course everybody makes mistakes. OP's problem, I experienced it a couple times. When you open up to your "friend", you take a big risk and you really put yourself out there. You open your heart to someone, express your true feelings and it takes balls to do that. And, in return, I don't get that why she shouldn't bite the bullet and just tell him "no". Why she stalled him? I've been through the same thing and lemme tell you, it's HELL on Earth. You don't know what to do, what to say, where to go.. Worse part of it, she gives you hope saying that she needs to think about that.

 

And what's the funniest part? Their excuse is always the same. "I didn't want to hurt your feelings". Well, thanks for choosing a slow and destructive way over something might feel like a kick in the balls. The latter passes away more easily, it's easier to recover from, it hurts less. Especially girls who are reading this, if you don't want to hurt a friend, don't say "I need to think about it" and ghost him for weeks.

 

About respect stuff, I admit that I might've reflected my own pain into that. But it's because that every girl who treated me this way, also disrespected me. First one just laughed it off, acted like I was joking and avoided talking about it at all costs. Second one, after making me suffer like OP did, she told me that we would NEVER have a romantic relationship -which is fine- but she told me that like 5 times. I told her I wasn't an abomination and I was an average man, I didn't deserve such humiliation and I moved on. Anyways, maybe projecting my own experiences was misleading. But as you said, a healthy sense of self-respect is a must.

Edited January 22, 2018 by drakon12
Typo

[kakashisensei]

New Update

Hello again, so, we went out, I thought about taking her some place nice, but she just said we should take a walk, so we did, for like 2h. We got close to her place. I came closer to kiss her, and she said 'what are you doing' a i said I want to kiss you, and she said 'okay, umm, I'm just not ready for that step yet, It's not the right time, I'm sorry, we were friends for some time, and I just need some time to process that transition. I said okay then, well bye.

That' it. I really don't know what to think right now, I don't know what to do, any opinion of yours will be apricieted..

Edited November 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Beachead]

New Update

Hello again, so, we went out, I thought about taking her some place nice, but she just said we should take a walk, so we did, for like 2h. We got close to her place. I came closer to kiss her, and she said 'what are you doing' a i said I want to kiss you, and she said 'okay, umm, I'm just not ready for that step yet, It's not the right time, I'm sorry, we were friends for some time, and I just need some time to process that transition. I said okay then, well bye.

That' it. I really don't know what to think right now, I don't know what to do, any opinion of yours will be apricieted..

 

Always read the actions. They project how she feels inside. If she jumps on you and makes out, she is 100% feeling it. If she stays distant and takes her sweet time to respond back to your message or return your calls and you barely go out together..she isn't.

 

But in your case, she's with you but she's not ready for that kiss yet. She is in between feeling it and not feeling it. It means she's on the fence about how she feels. You're in but it doesn't mean you have her yet. You have to earn it. She is trying you out.

 

Since you two are starting out, I will give her the benefit of the doubt. Tread lightly. Respect her wishes and take it slow. Give her time. Give yourself time. When you two go out, just enjoy the time you spend with her. Joke, laugh, make memories. Let the relationship naturally grow and that means going at HER pace. Whether we like it or not..as men, it's always about their pace. If we push, we lose them. Patience and emotional balance will be your best-friend in this situation. I'd typically give her an ample amount of time to get over the awkwardness of the transition so that I don't put pressure on myself or her for things to happen and get upset if they don't. That will show that you respect her and the relationsip.

 

If anxiety is making you feel scared or afraid and think all kinds of crazy things, you need to prioritize all your energy into shutting that down. It will cost you the relationship. Direct your energy towards yourself and your life and focus on those things. It's extremely important you don't lose yourself in this relationship. If you lose yourself, it will push her away. Women are attracted to guys who don't make their entire life about their woman. They want to see us genuinely care about ourselves too. Be it studying, working, and/or engaging in our passions. It shows that even if they left, we can handle our own.

 

Lets give her the benefit of the doubt for now.

 

Goodluck

Edited November 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[kakashisensei]

 

Always read the actions. They project how she feels inside. If she jumps on you and makes out, she is 100% feeling it. If she stays distant and takes her sweet time to respond back to your message or return your calls and you barely go out together..she isn't.

 

But in your case, she's with you but she's not ready for that kiss yet. She is in between feeling it and not feeling it. It means she's on the fence about how she feels. You're in but it doesn't mean you have her yet. You have to earn it. She is trying you out.

 

Since you two are starting out, I will give her the benefit of the doubt. Tread lightly. Respect her wishes and take it slow. Give her time. Give yourself time. When you two go out, just enjoy the time you spend with her. Joke, laugh, make memories. Let the relationship naturally grow and that means going at HER pace. Whether we like it or not..as men, it's always about their pace. If we push, we lose them. Patience and emotional balance will be your best-friend in this situation. I'd typically give her an ample amount of time to get over the awkwardness of the transition so that I don't put pressure on myself or her for things to happen and get upset if they don't. That will show that you respect her and the relationsip.

 

If anxiety is making you feel scared or afraid and think all kinds of crazy things, you need to prioritize all your energy into shutting that down. It will cost you the relationship. Direct your energy towards yourself and your life and focus on those things. It's extremely important you don't lose yourself in this relationship. If you lose yourself, it will push her away. Women are attracted to guys who don't make their entire life about their woman. They want to see us genuinely care about ourselves too. Be it studying, working, and/or engaging in our passions. It shows that even if they left, we can handle our own.

 

Lets give her the benefit of the doubt for now.

 

Goodluck

 

I don't have anxiety, and I don't focus myself only on her. The problem also isn't time and patience, the only problem is me not being sure if she likes me. That's the thing, it's like im pressuring her or something, not sure if I mentioned this, she hook up with her ex in 3 days. I've been trying that for atleast 4 months or so. I don't want her to make me feel like a fool, and honestly I was thinking about ending all things between us. Not sure about it yet, but I'm consediring it. If she thinks I'll wait forever for her, she's wrong. And I don't want to chase either, not that type of a guy.

 

That's was pissing me of a lot. Just tell me if you want it or not, simple. Not just play with me like I'm some toy. I understand her perspective, but she needs to understand mine. Now honestly I regret ever meeting her, I'm not the type who gives up on things, but this one could be. I don't want her to do things she doesn't want to, I want her to be happy, that's all.

 

Yes, I do like her a lot, but I 'm not sure If I want to put my energy into her anymore..

 

What if we continue whatever this is, and then after some timee she actually be sure about this, and me maybe losing the wish for it, that's why It's all messed up, and I don't want to trip about it.

 

PS: Thank you for your replies

Edited February 15, 2018 by kakashisensei

[Beachead]

 

I don't have anxiety, and I don't focus myself only on her. The problem also isn't time and patience, the only problem is me not being sure if she likes me. That's the thing, it's like im pressuring her or something, not sure if I mentioned this, she hook up with her ex in 3 days. I've been trying that for atleast 4 months or so. I don't want her to make me feel like a fool, and honestly I was thinking about ending all things between us. Not sure about it yet, but I'm consediring it. If she thinks I'll wait forever for her, she's wrong. And I don't want to chase either, not that type of a guy.

 

That's was pissing me of a lot. Just tell me if you want it or not, simple. Not just play with me like I'm some toy. I understand her perspective, but she needs to understand mine. Now honestly I regret ever meeting her, I'm not the type who gives up on things, but this one could be. I don't want her to do things she doesn't want to, I want her to be happy, that's all.

 

Yes, I do like her a lot, but I 'm not sure If I want to put my energy into her anymore..

 

What if we continue whatever this is, and then after some timee she actually be sure about this, and me maybe losing the wish for it, that's why It's all messed up, and I don't want to trip about it.

 

PS: Thank you for your replies

 

I'm a bit confused here.

 

You've recently gave an update about how she wrote you a long letter saying she wanted to try a relationship. That was around mid January. So based on that, you two officially started to date then and means you've been together for only a month. What is this 4 month timeline you are talking about?

 

Also, did she hook up with her ex while you two started going out?

Edited February 15, 2018 by Beachead

[kakashisensei]

 

I'm a bit confused here.

 

You've recently gave an update about how she wrote you a long letter saying she wanted to try a relationship. That was around mid January. So based on that, you two officially started to date then and means you've been together for only a month. What is this 4 month timeline you are talking about?

 

Also, did she hook up with her ex while you two started going out?

 

Yes, that was in January. My fault here, I meant that I liked her for 4 months. And no, not while we were dating. Before that, about a year ago. The point about that, they hook up in like 3 days, were together for 5 months, meaning if you like each other things will happen, if not, it won't.

 

And we weren't together in person, when she wrote that. We were in different cities, but we heard every day, fb/calls. Yesterday was the first time we saw each other in person after 1.5 month. We're both staying in our home town for 3 more days then we go back to uni.

Edited February 15, 2018 by kakashisensei

[kakashisensei]

 

I'm a bit confused here.

 

You've recently gave an update about how she wrote you a long letter saying she wanted to try a relationship. That was around mid January. So based on that, you two officially started to date then and means you've been together for only a month. What is this 4 month timeline you are talking about?

 

Also, did she hook up with her ex while you two started going out?

 

Yes, that was in January. My fault here, I meant that I liked her for 4 months. And no, not while we were dating. Before that, about a year ago. The point about that, they hook up in like 3 days, were together for 5 months, meaning if you like each other things will happen, if not, it won't.

 

Also, when she wrote that, we didn't see each other in person till now. But we heard everyday, fb mostly.

 

We're staying in our home town for 3 more days, then we're going back to uni.

Edited February 15, 2018 by kakashisensei

[Beachead]

Tripping out is another way of feeling anxiety about something OP. If you're posting here about her, you are thinking about her. That isn't a bad thing. That means you care. It's a natural trigger of flighty emotions we get when we think we're in danger. Like a subconscious trigger that makes us want to protect ourselves. Most of the time, it'll inflate and distort reality.

 

Don't pay attention to what her and her ex did a year ago. It's irrelevant. Your dynamic with her is different and you cannot compare. If there's anything you should be concerned about, it'll be when the both of you go back to different universities. I assume it'll be long distance then? Uni/College is a crazy time in our lives. Lots going on. Meeting new people. Lots of life decisions. Probably one of the most active periods of time in growth we'll experience.

 

So that brings me to my point. You wanted her and you have her now. It's only been a month. Like I said earlier, she's on the fence with how she's feeling and it's reflective in her actions. That's why you're getting this odd vibe from her. If you trust her, then I would assume that her needing some time is the truth and not allow myself to think otherwise. She is with you and that means something good. If she wasn't interested in you, she wouldn't have said yes. She wouldn't write a long letter to you in the process sharing how she felt. That shows she put a lot of thought into things and cares. Again, it's only been a month. Time and patience DOES matter and IS important. If she needs it, then give it to her because she will RESPECT you for it and won't take advantage of that if she's a good catch. That's part of showing respect to the person who is invested in a relationship with you because it's not just about you or your needs. You will not always get your way. You will have to care about this girl when she's not being the best. Train yourself for longevity and loyalty and that means things like compromise, patience, trust, faith matter. Making yourself vulnerable too. It's all part of being in a relationship. Egos can kill relationships so keep your eyes open and maintain your self-respect but give it time if she needs it.

 

Last thing I assume you want is to get pissed, rush an impulse decision and drop her and then a month later feel like you quit on this too early. You want to know for sure because regret and doubt are powerful. If a good 4-5 months pass by and you two still haven't kissed..then I would consider leaving it.

 

But up to you. Your call on what you want to do.

 

Goodluck.

Edited February 16, 2018 by Beachead

[kakashisensei]

Tripping out is another way of feeling anxiety about something OP. If you're posting here about her, you are thinking about her. That isn't a bad thing. That means you care. It's a natural trigger of flighty emotions we get when we think we're in danger. Like a subconscious trigger that makes us want to protect ourselves. Most of the time, it'll inflate and distort reality.

 

Don't pay attention to what her and her ex did a year ago. It's irrelevant. Your dynamic with her is different and you cannot compare. If there's anything you should be concerned about, it'll be when the both of you go back to different universities. I assume it'll be long distance then? Uni/College is a crazy time in our lives. Lots going on. Meeting new people. Lots of life decisions. Probably one of the most active periods of time in growth we'll experience.

 

So that brings me to my point. You wanted her and you have her now. It's only been a month. Like I said earlier, she's on the fence with how she's feeling and it's reflective in her actions. That's why you're getting this odd vibe from her. If you trust her, then I would assume that her needing some time is the truth and not allow myself to think otherwise. She is with you and that means something good. If she wasn't interested in you, she wouldn't have said yes. She wouldn't write a long letter to you in the process sharing how she felt. That shows she put a lot of thought into things and cares. Again, it's only been a month. Time and patience DOES matter and IS important. If she needs it, then give it to her because she will RESPECT you for it and won't take advantage of that if she's a good catch. That's part of showing respect to the person who is invested in a relationship with you because it's not just about you or your needs. You will not always get your way. You will have to care about this girl when she's not being the best. Train yourself for longevity and loyalty and that means things like compromise, patience, trust, faith matter. Making yourself vulnerable too. It's all part of being in a relationship. Egos can kill relationships so keep your eyes open and maintain your self-respect but give it time if she needs it.

 

Last thing I assume you want is to get pissed, rush an impulse decision and drop her and then a month later feel like you quit on this too early. You want to know for sure because regret and doubt are powerful. If a good 4-5 months pass by and you two still haven't kissed..then I would consider leaving it.

 

But up to you. Your call on what you want to do.

 

Goodluck.

 

Yes, it would be a long distance relationship. And I guess you're right, about ego. Point is I trust her about everything, and I think I can trust her about this too. But you gotta understand me here, it really is an odd vibe. Well yea, we're in different cities, but I'll visit her. My b-day is in 7 days, I just can't wait to see what will she do about that, will she visit me or not.

 

She really is a good catch, tall, beautiful, fun, hot, and I don't know, it's like when we're talking about her I don't use my rational part of the brain, I use the stupid.part. My friends told me that she walks kinda strange, and couple of my female friends don't like her, but I don't care about that.

 

I guess I should just walk her pace, as you said, and don't think about it that much, I mean I don't think about it, only when I go to sleep..

 

Also, not sure about this, but I was thinking we go out one more time before we leave and tell her that I'm feeling like I'm pressuring her, and asking her what does she trully feels about me, but maybe not the best idea.

 

I don't want to quit, I just want to know if this will lead to something or not.

 

One more thing, is it a feeling for her, like I'm pressuring her for this? Because when I told her that we won't hear anymore she was the one writting that letter for me.

Edited February 16, 2018 by kakashisensei

[Beachead]

Yes, it would be a long distance relationship. And I guess you're right, about ego. Point is I trust her about everything, and I think I can trust her about this too. But you gotta understand me here, it really is an odd vibe. Well yea, we're in different cities, but I'll visit her. My b-day is in 7 days, I just can't wait to see what will she do about that, will she visit me or not.

 

She really is a good catch, tall, beautiful, fun, hot, and I don't know, it's like when we're talking about her I don't use my rational part of the brain, I use the stupid.part. My friends told me that she walks kinda strange, and couple of my female friends don't like her, but I don't care about that.

 

I guess I should just walk her pace, as you said, and don't think about it that much, I mean I don't think about it, only when I go to sleep..

 

Also, not sure about this, but I was thinking we go out one more time before we leave and tell her that I'm feeling like I'm pressuring her, and asking her what does she trully feels about me, but maybe not the best idea.

 

I don't want to quit, I just want to know if this will lead to something or not.

 

One more thing, is it a feeling for her, like I'm pressuring her for this? Because when I told her that we won't hear anymore she was the one writting that letter for me.

 

No I don't think you are pressuring her at this point.

 

But don't ask her what she truly feels about you. You don't need to ask and even if she tells you, she may not fully know at this point and besides, her actions are the real indicators of what she feels so pay attention to that.

 

Like you said..your birthday is coming up. Let see what happens with that.

 

Basically, give it a few months and see how things go and how things progress and take it at her pace. You'll have more of a accurate representation of the relationship by then.

 

Sometimes it just needs time to get going. Nobody is really ever clear or ready for something in the beginning. Often times when we get into something new, we are bringing or dealing with something from the past and sometimes it takes time to tie those loose ends up and get comfortable and settle in.

 

Goodluck OP

Edited February 17, 2018 by Beachead

[kakashisensei]

No I don't think you are pressuring her at this point.

 

But don't ask her what she truly feels about you. You don't need to ask and even if she tells you, she may not fully know at this point and besides, her actions are the real indicators of what she feels so pay attention to that.

 

Like you said..your birthday is coming up. Let see what happens with that.

 

Basically, give it a few months and see how things go and how things progress and take it at her pace. You'll have more of a accurate representation of the relationship by then.

 

Sometimes it just needs time to get going. Nobody is really ever clear or ready for something in the beginning. Often times when we get into something new, we are bringing or dealing with something from the past and sometimes it takes time to tie those loose ends up and get comfortable and settle in.

 

Goodluck OP

 

Thank you. Little update btw. She's ignoring me after that attempt to kiss her. I wrote her yesterday, she didn't even get into the message, I was thinking about writing het again, but I'll se about that.

[Beachead]

Alright, I'll change my tune up on this.

 

1st off..give her some time. Don't message her. She is working something out in her head. Judging by her distant behavior, it's probably her feelings. She will come to you eventually. When she does, see what she has to say and then proceed from there.

 

Be ready for anything. She is in my opinion, messing up.

 

If she continues to be like this, go with your first approach and leave. You're right. You don't need to deal with that behavior and be made to feel like a fool. You can tell her you feel the hot and cold behavior from her and that it's hurting you so your out. Do not accept friendship from her. Block her off of social media and ignore her attempts when she does reach out to you. This isn't to win her back, this will be strictly for you to begin moving on. It'll be a powerful move. She can blame herself for the loss.

 

If a woman wants to be with you, they will be wholeheartedly invested. There won't be any hot and cold, half-assed behavior.

 

Goodluck

[kakashisensei]

Alright, I'll change my tune up on this.

 

1st off..give her some time. Don't message her. She is working something out in her head. Judging by her distant behavior, it's probably her feelings. She will come to you eventually. When she does, see what she has to say and then proceed from there.

 

Be ready for anything. She is in my opinion, messing up.

 

If she continues to be like this, go with your first approach and leave. You're right. You don't need to deal with that behavior and be made to feel like a fool. You can tell her you feel the hot and cold behavior from her and that it's hurting you so your out. Do not accept friendship from her. Block her off of social media and ignore her attempts when she does reach out to you. This isn't to win her back, this will be strictly for you to begin moving on. It'll be a powerful move. She can blame herself for the loss.

 

If a woman wants to be with you, they will be wholeheartedly invested. There won't be any hot and cold, half-assed behavior.

 

Goodluck

 

Yea.. This shouldn't supose to work like this, getting back to usual style, no girls no drama

[kakashisensei]

One more thing.

 

I was thinking something yesterday, she's still ignoring me on fb, she wasn't online for a day, was online for 15 mins, then again offline. Did I push her away? Because I didn't tell you exact details. When we were closer to her home, she said 'well, you don't have to walk me home', and I said 'nah, it's cool, I don't mind walking you home' then when we get closer to her home she said again 'really, it's okay, you don't have to' , then, I asked her If we can talk, and I told her that I really appreciate the letter she has wrote for me. And then I wanted to kiss her, but I panicked, people were walking by I said 'wait for people to pass' we basically stood there and waited for people to pass, and then she said it's that all you have to say?' I sad yeah, well I'm done with words, but now with actions, then she said spontaneous is the best, and then I just looked at her lips for a sec, and went for a kiss, then she said that she wasn't ready for this. That's why I feel like an idiot now, I lost myself there.. It was a weird scene, but I don't know if she knows that I had never been in that situation and never had a girlfriend before, and I don't know, maybe this is it, maybe she felt pressured there, and that repel her, and she maybe completely bailed on me.

 

Also some small but important details she referred to me 'brother' in our conversation that day like 3 times, but after that, she said something like, if you were a president, I would be your first lady, we would be equal as couple then (something like that, I don't even remember). That's the weird part, It's like she's on the fence, but she's closer to bailing on this (if she hadn't already) then going over the fence.

 

Should I message here and say that I was acting like an idiot, and that I'm sorry if she felt pressured, and that I'm giving her the time she needs ?

 

Also, that day was valentine day, I didn't know If I should go big with some gifts or something like that, I just bought her chocolate bar, and when I gave it to her, she was like little shocked and looked at me, I sad well, it is valentine day, and this is a small gesture from me. Does she feel like I didn't make her special enough ? I know girls like that. Or maybe she wasn't expecting anything because we still wasn't that exclusive. Just to mention, on her 19th b-day, it was like couple of months ago, I made her b-day card in photoshop, bought her silver bracelet, and chocolate.

 

Right now I feel like I lost my 'best' friend, and maybe a girlfriend. And it really sucks, and I'm not upset if she doesn't like me, I mean yea, but I would get quickly over that (if she wasn't my friend for 1.5years), the problem is I'm getting out of this, feeling like she played me. If she really wanted to keep me as a friend (and I know she did), even knowing I like her, then she shouldn't send me that letter, she should have let me go and maybe I would come back to her and things would maybe be like they were.

 

Also, she kinda had a bad break up earlier, with her boyfriend, he was to jealous, didn't allow her to accept guys on fb, and she ended it, he told her that he's going to kill himself bla bla some pathetic stuff, and I see that she's sick of pathetic and drama, and I don't want to be that guy, also don't want to be played either ..

 

That's all.

Edited February 19, 2018 by kakashisensei

[Beachead]

I hear you. Been in these situations myself. Reading your post brought on some memories of my own.

 

Well, your friendship with her was not meant to last. You caught feelings. You couldn't help it. And from then on the genuinity of the friendship ended. There was nothing anyone could do about it. You can't force yourself not to feel anything. Hence, it was always meant to be this way.

 

From all my experiences, I can tell you this much. A woman's actions are reflective of their state of mind. If they are not interested, they would not give you the time of day romantically. If they are on the fence, they do what this girl is doing to you. If they are interested, you would not have any questions. You would not be on Loveshack. You would not be confused or hurt. You'd know for sure.

 

My advice still stands. She is on the fence leaning more towards a no. Don't reach out to her. Don't buy her gifts. Don't expect anything from her on your birthday either. Don't push. The more you push, the more distant she'll get. She knows what's going on. Give her time to come to you if she does. And like I said, see what she says then. Be calm. Don't get crazy or emotional.

 

I can't promise this will work out but your ability to maintain calm/patience will make the difference here.

[kakashisensei]

I hear you. Been in these situations myself. Reading your post brought on some memories of my own.

 

Well, your friendship with her was not meant to last. You caught feelings. You couldn't help it. And from then on the genuinity of the friendship ended. There was nothing anyone could do about it. You can't force yourself not to feel anything. Hence, it was always meant to be this way.

 

From all my experiences, I can tell you this much. A woman's actions are reflective of their state of mind. If they are not interested, they would not give you the time of day romantically. If they are on the fence, they do what this girl is doing to you. If they are interested, you would not have any questions. You would not be on Loveshack. You would not be confused or hurt. You'd know for sure.

 

My advice still stands. She is on the fence leaning more towards a no. Don't reach out to her. Don't buy her gifts. Don't expect anything from her on your birthday either. Don't push. The more you push, the more distant she'll get. She knows what's going on. Give her time to come to you if she does. And like I said, see what she says then. Be calm. Don't get crazy or emotional.

 

I can't promise this will work out but your ability to maintain calm/patience will make the difference here.

 

You're maybe right. But when this whatever is, me not thinking clearly. But I'm sure now. No, she won't ever reach out to me. She's just a cold narcissist, only wanting what she wants, and she got it. That's why she manipulated me, and me being idiot and not seeing that, I mean I had my doubts, but didn't want to believe in that doubt. Now I do. She played me hard. If she just gave me my time, maybe we could work things out to be friends in distant future, but now she's not even a stranger, she's an enemy. Now if she crawl back to me, I wouldn't answer. Just have to thank her for helping me to have no trust in any other girls.

 

That's why it's called friendzone for a reason. And getting out of there for something more, never works out, only in movies.

 

And maybe I'm acting a little crazy, but for someone who got hurt who wouldn't. This would be more easier for me, if uni is going well. But it isn't, and that' not because of her, i studied my ass of, but still screwed up my first semester. I just need to focus on getting that to be better, because that can maybe get better, she's not. That's why I'm suffocating in these cigars (I know this is a bad way to cope, but it helps). Started smoking like 2 months ago, and don't know how to stop.

Edited February 20, 2018 by kakashisensei

[Beachead]

You're maybe right. But when this whatever is, me not thinking clearly. But I'm sure now. No, she won't ever reach out to me. She's just a cold narcissist, only wanting what she wants, and she got it. That's why she manipulated me, and me being idiot and not seeing that, I mean I had my doubts, but didn't want to believe in that doubt. Now I do. She played me hard. If she just gave me my time, maybe we could work things out to be friends in distant future, but now she's not even a stranger, she's an enemy. Now if she crawl back to me, I wouldn't answer. Just have to thank her for helping me to have no trust in any other girls.

 

That's why it's called friendzone for a reason. And getting out of there for something more, never works out, only in movies.

 

My friend,

 

Love and relationships is about leaving yourself vulnerable and trusting the other person to not screw you over. Having said that, guard your heart to a certain degree and love yourself. It's a balance between the two which is divided by a very fine line. If it works out well, you go into a blissful cloud 9. If it doesn't, you go into what feels like hell (But eventually you heal and get out of it). Both sides teach you many things about yourself, about others, about life. This is simply a lesson in life. Accumulate experiences, enjoy your successes, take your failures and extract as much knowledge as you can from all of it. The more you learn, the better it is for you. The more complete you become..and this means you're going to attract better quality people for you.

 

Personally with a girl who is hot and cold like this one, I'm out. I spot the hesitance immediately and leave. I enjoy my solitude and don't scare from being alone like many do (Though being with someone would be nice). I know who truly cares for me and I give those VERY FEW people my all. I don't entertain half-assed friendships/relationships anymore. As you get older, your time becomes more valuable and you become more intolerable to bs. Life was meant to be enjoyed. Not miserably entangled in drama.

 

But I wasn't always like that. I was needy and dependant because I was insecure. I got suckered into things. I was naive. I must have been rejected by women 100+ times in my life. Those cases being Women who've talked for a few weeks and ghosted me. Some who went out on a date, got me to pay for dinner, and then ghosted me. Some who were rude to me right off the bat. MANY who friendzoned me. Some I tried to be friends with for several years when I liked them but lied to myself about it and realized it was impossible when they found someone else. Women I got into relationshps with and fell in love with only to be dumped and the ones where I was doing the one to do the actual rejecting. Plus the dealings of platonic experiences with my own friends, acquaintances in school and work.

 

I hated all the rejection when it happened. Some of it was so unbearably painful, it really made me question everything. But you know what? I look back at it and realize how all of it mattered because it eventually developed me into who I am today. I basically did what I am telling you to do and I ended up becoming a better person for it.

 

It's all practice. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it.

Edited February 20, 2018 by Beachead

[kakashisensei]

My friend,

 

Love and relationships is about leaving yourself vulnerable and trusting the other person to not screw you over. Having said that, guard your heart to a certain degree and love yourself. It's a balance between the two which is divided by a very fine line. If it works out well, you go into a blissful cloud 9. If it doesn't, you go into what feels like hell (But eventually you heal and get out of it). Both sides teach you many things about yourself, about others, about life. This is simply a lesson in life. Accumulate experiences, enjoy your successes, take your failures and extract as much knowledge as you can from all of it. The more you learn, the better it is for you. The more complete you become..and this means you're going to attract better quality people for you.

 

Personally with a girl who is hot and cold like this one, I'm out. I spot the hesitance immediately and leave. I enjoy my solitude and don't scare from being alone like many do (Though being with someone would be nice). I know who truly cares for me and I give those VERY FEW people my all. I don't entertain half-assed friendships/relationships anymore. As you get older, your time becomes more valuable and you become more intolerable to bs. Life was meant to be enjoyed. Not miserably entangled in drama.

 

But I wasn't always like that. I was needy and dependant because I was insecure. I got suckered into things. I was naive. I must have been rejected by women 100+ times in my life. Those cases being Women who've talked for a few weeks and ghosted me. Some who went out on a date, got me to pay for dinner, and then ghosted me. Some who were rude to me right off the bat. MANY who friendzoned me. Some I tried to be friends with for several years when I liked them but lied to myself about it and realized it was impossible when they found someone else. Women I got into relationshps with and fell in love with only to be dumped and the ones where I was doing the one to do the actual rejecting. Plus the dealings of platonic experiences with my own friends, acquaintances in school and work.

 

I hated all the rejection when it happened. Some of it was so unbearably painful, it really made me question everything. But you know what? I look back at it and realize how all of it mattered because it eventually developed me into who I am today. I basically did what I am telling you to do and I ended up becoming a better person for it.

 

It's all practice. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it.

 

Well, I don't want to get hurt again like that, so I guess It's reasonable that I'm afraid. I think I won't try to date any other girl for a year at least. I'm not afraid of being alone, and I didn't 'chase' this girl because I was lonely of in any kind of way depended on her, I did it because I fell in love, for first time. And yes, you're completely right about everything you've said. I just didn't know that 'love' can be a powerful drug, and that I could possible get addicted to someone, I always thought for those people that are idiots, they suffer for someone who doesn't like them back, but now I see that in a different light.

 

I want to thank you so much again, for talking to me. I got better advice from you than from anyone else, not mention my dad who doesn't give a s**t about that,

although I didn't tell him about her and all of this, he told me once 'at that age, even at 25+, you should be just focusing on your success, on a good job, so that you wouldn't have to work 2 jobs just to support your family, and girls, you don't have to worry about that, they will come to you.

Edited February 20, 2018 by kakashisensei

[Beachead]

Well, I don't want to get hurt again like that, so I guess It's reasonable that I'm afraid. I think I won't try to date any other girl for a year at least. I'm not afraid of being alone, and I didn't 'chase' this girl because I was lonely of in any kind of way depended on her, I did it because I fell in love, for first time. And yes, you're completely right about everything you've said. I just didn't know that 'love' can be a powerful drug, and that I could possible get addicted to someone, I always thought for those people that are idiots, they suffer for someone who doesn't like them back, but now I see that in a different light.

 

I want to thank you so much again, for talking to me. I got better advice from you than from anyone else, not mention my dad who doesn't give a s**t about that,

although I didn't tell him about her and all of this, he told me once 'at that age, even at 25+, you should be just focusing on your success, on a good job, so that you wouldn't have to work 2 jobs just to support your family, and girls, you don't have to worry about that, they will come to you.

 

Glad to help man. My pops never really talked me about this stuff either. Everything I learned was mainly through my own experiences and the experiences and advice of friends as well as people on forums. I agree with your dad since I also arrived to the same conclusions on my own. Just focus on your goals and get them done. Don't sweat your age, don't worry about a thing. When you have your life together and you're self-fulfilled, you'll find people will naturally gravitate towards you because you're at peace with yourself and its positive and they want a part of it..women included. It's just how human beings are. You got a good handle on your self respect and your life which is awesome. Keep at it and you will be getting places.

 

Best of luck to you.

Edited February 20, 2018 by Beachead