Frenzy Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Hello everyone! My english s**ks but I Will try it anyway. I am a 32 year old male dumped a couple of mouths ago by a beatiful 31 year old woman. Lets sumarize: - we met each other in 2008 in the same university. We fall in love, and start living together immediatly. - After graduate, I move to another city to start my career in a big enterprise in september 2009. - After she graduates, she move to the same city to stay with me in january 2010. She worked in a small buisness. - In june 2011 we moved to her hometown to take care of her family enterprise. Since That Day, we work together. - Our life was financially fine and we have time to travel a lot. - During this time I start missing my previous career...I Blame her ( do not realy know why)... she always supported me. She realy loved me. She have done everything for me, including contacting my previous enterprise to get my job Back. - I was unstable and never give her the stability to continue our life....kids etc - I repeat, besides that, I think we have a true love relationship - Last summer she starts acting strange - I found that she was chating with an old friend which is in another country...in the summer they were together (I check her Messenger). There was not physically envolvment, but emotionally they were connected. - I confronted her, and she left our house that night (went to her parents home). We still work together, but since that day she barely come to the office) - She’s living a digital relationship since then, once the other Guy is in other country. She says that is over with me.8 We dont have kids, but we have two cats that she loves (she left them to) - I try to move on. I am searching another job and went NC. - After a mouth of NC she called me crying, saying that are having doubts about her decision. She’s consulting a therapist and taking antidepressive drugs. I tell her to give is some time to clearify the ideas. - Now (less than a mouth later) she tells me again that is decided: it is over and I need to move on. Whats wrong with you women? She told that her mind was already done even before she met the other guy in the summer... have I been dumped for a digital love? The other guy seems a realy Nice guy....is he a Rebound? What about if the feelings for this new men are true? She keeps saying that he is very Special to her. They cannot be together all the time, but when they did, she realy enjoyed. He seems a realy Nice guy. Will it last? I do not want to give up because is true love and worth fighting for, but right now she is on the honeymoon stage Can I have any hope? We were together for 9 years (working side by side the last 6). I realy love her and I realy miss her. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 - I was unstable and never give her the stability to continue our life....kids etc - I repeat, besides that, I think we have a true love relationship - After a mouth of NC she called me crying, saying that are having doubts about her decision. She’s consulting a therapist and taking antidepressive drugs. I tell her to give is some time to clearify the ideas. I'm sorry, nine years is a long time to spend with someone only to have the relationship end. Two things jump off the page for me. First, she is clearly dealing with depression. This can most definitely affect her judgment and decision making. That said, it sounds like she decided to stop waiting for you. It sounds like she didn't appreciate the fact that you were "unstable and never gave her the stability to continue your life - marriage, family." If that was something she was wanting for her life, it's not hard to understand how that would be a deal breaker... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Frenzy Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 (edited) Thank you for your reply. Yes it’s true...But she never made the bell ring. I am stupid and never realy understood that she was so sad... I would change for her... I always wanted kids! But now she says that do not want to be engaged (with me or someone else) and kids are out of question. I am different now, and she already noted that, but she says that is too late...we failed our relationship because “the destiny wanted it this way” Then this old friend appear... she say that is in love with him (but already contacted me with second thoughts after saying that). Edited January 11, 2018 by Frenzy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Frenzy Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 Anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
BrokeInside Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Hello Frenzy, welcome here and welcome to the club. I don't know if it's what you want to hear but : - move on, full no contact, take back your life and go My story is similar than yours but when she got away for her lover, we have two very young kids, so you see, having kids and some stability is not the answer. When they are in love, anything else doesn't matter, including you. You got to stop seeing her like your princess or whatever good about her because , even if it was emotionnal, she did cheat on you, and i'm not sure this is with that kind of person you want to have kids and make your life. This is a betrayal and a serious one. Everyone do mistake in relationships, it's like that, nine years is a long time and we all have high and low, so like everyone, you made some mistakes, forgive yourself and move on. No contact again but before, tell her everything you need to tell her so you can be sure you will not break the NC. I'm very sad for you because i know in what kind of pain you are right now, but do not lose hope, everythings happen for a reason and if you focus on yourself, good things will happen. I will tell you the truth, even month after i'm divorced with my cheating lying wife, i still missed her deeply everyday, it's like that, love don't stop even if someone is very mean with you but the pain fade away a little bit everyday and i hope that time will take this pain away and make me totally forgive her. So be brave and if you want to talk, don't hesitate. Link to post Share on other sites
SixxChick Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 (edited) I do not want to give up because is true love and worth fighting for, but right now she is on the honeymoon stage Can I have any hope? In my opinion as a woman ... no. Move on. I know it is hard. And 9 years is a long time to be with someone. But not a lifetime. It seems you are the only one who is willing to fight for this. However, you are alone on a losing battlefield. You are still so young. Mend your heart and move on. Take these adversities and turn them into stepping stones. It will hurt like hell for awhile, but you will get over it. You will never forget, but it will eventually become a distant memory. Trust me. Strength and honor. Edited January 15, 2018 by SixxChick Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 You may find this article relevant enough to provide you with some explanation on her actions and behaviors. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/divorce-busting/200803/the-walkaway-wife-syndrome I can think of two possible outcomes that you can aim for going forward: 1) Focus on her "depression" and her "cheating". Both can help you put a tremendous amount of blame on her to help you move on for the time being. Saying things like "never forget she was a cheater", "aren't you glad you are saved from a cheater--rejoice that and start a new life without her", "she was depressed and mentally ill and that's why she acted like a horrible immoral selfish luny"-- all these things can definitely help you to detach from her so that you can move on. (2) Focus on your possible contribution to the breakdown. Read the article and really give it some credibility. Consider the possibility that her "depression" and "cheating" were not the cause of the problem, but the result of another underlying problem that she may have been screaming and fighting about before she finally fell into depression and that's what led to the cheating. As the article suggests, women in general put a tremendous amount of themselves into the their relationship. But when after repeatedly voicing their concerns they are either ignored, unattended or criticized, eventually they WILL emotionally 'check out'. You may finally realize that there has been a problem, but by that time, she's done with you. As she put it "it's too late". The only thing you can do is learn from it and when you are in a new relationship next time, heed the warning signs early on. Please realize and note: I am not justifying her cheating; I'm only suggesting that that's not the problem, but the problem was a lack of communication between you two for many years before she finally resorted to cheating; and is often the case, the cheating finally woke her up to realize she's done with you. I'm sorry for what you are feeling. But sorry to say, she's done with you. The only thing you can do now, try to learn something about yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Frenzy Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 Thank you everyone. Brunt that article realy hits the spot. It is hard to believe that it is over...specially when I know that it,was true love from both sides. In June she wrote me a letter saying that she loves me more than anything. 2 mouths later the crisis started... Link to post Share on other sites
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