Springsummer Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 If I only know how to flirt and let him know. I have been hiding all this time. I make sure I didn't show anything. now that I am leaving the company in a few days. I can't take my eyes off him, now I will never see him again...don't know how to feel now. I am not a brave and predatory person. I am shy and passive and righteous kind of person. He certainly is experienced when it comes the opposite sex, while I am not. so I am not even qualified as cougar, even age while maybe, but I probably look like his age. If you were me, what would you do? I don't understand how can someone look so good, but yet I can't have. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Yeah, but he's not shy and helpless, so if he was interested and he wasn't afraid of a work entanglement, which is good sense, then he would have tried to get to know you better. If men are interested and they're capable of interaction, they will come after you. It's probably best you're leaving so you can find someone new to focus on who you don't work with because that always turns into a mess. Always. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 Yeah, but he's not shy and helpless, so if he was interested and he wasn't afraid of a work entanglement, which is good sense, then he would have tried to get to know you better. If men are interested and they're capable of interaction, they will come after you. It's probably best you're leaving so you can find someone new to focus on who you don't work with because that always turns into a mess. Always. yes. but don't I need to appear approachable first? and too bad, it's extremely hard to find someone interested enough to focus on. That's the real problem. I just suddenly dropped the bomb that I am leaving... Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Am I correct that you are in your 40s and he is in his early 20s? Look, you do not look his age. You might look good, but you do not look like you are in your 20s. Stop trying to kid yourself. Honestly, though? Sure, go for it. Ask him out or ask him to exchange numbers. Why not? However, don't go into it with any expectations of a relationship. If you want to fool around with him, sure, but don't expect anything serious to come of it, even if he does agree to go out with you. It is highly unlikely he is looking for a relationship with a woman your age. In my opinion, you are better off trying to start a relationship with a man closer to your own age. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 Am I correct that you are in your 40s and he is in his early 20s? Look, you do not look his age. You might look good, but you do not look like you are in your 20s. Stop trying to kid yourself. What do I know? just the other day, a woman I had never met in a meetup told me I don't look much older than 20 after I told her when I graduated from highschool. and a few months ago my facist told me she thinks I am 25. and a few years ago, a 19 yr old hit on me, he thinks I am 25. (no interested in him though.) so I am not quite sure how I really look Honestly, though? Sure, go for it. Ask him out or ask him to exchange numbers. Why not? However, don't go into it with any expectations of a relationship. If you want to fool around with him, sure, but don't expect anything serious to come of it, even if he does agree to go out with you. It is highly unlikely he is looking for a relationship with a woman your age. In my opinion, you are better off trying to start a relationship with a man closer to your own age. I can't...I am a very shy person. I will embarrassed myself to death if I did that. I know not relationship...I will feel too uncomfortable with someone too much younger anyway. I don't want to start a relationship with man my age, because I feel it's very unfair. you know, they are so experienced while I am not at all. My dilemma. actually I am thinking to have some experience with someone younger(I am attracted to, not just young) so that I can move on...you know what I mean? you know, I can have many younger men, you know even from OLD. but I can't do it. I have to like that person. maybe that's the major reason I am inexperienced. I always find something I don't like about a man. experience is one major reason. but I am too embarrassed...even I can't take my eyes off him. with bear he looks quite mature though. damn... I am the type of person who needs a man to take all the initiatives. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 If you need the man to take the initiative you won't get very far in life but even if that is true, as the woman who wants to be approached you have to make it very easy & safe for the guy to approach. That means eye contact, laughing, flirting etc. Can you organize a good bye happy hour & make sure word gets to him that he's welcome to attend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 If you need the man to take the initiative you won't get very far in life but even if that is true, as the woman who wants to be approached you have to make it very easy & safe for the guy to approach. That means eye contact, laughing, flirting etc. Can you organize a good bye happy hour & make sure word gets to him that he's welcome to attend? I grew up in a different culture...and I guess I did have entitlement issue...then I moved to north america and a city where there are more women than men. I have never learnt to do these things growing up. actually, he just almost sit in front of me. but I use two monitor to completely blocking my view of him. and we just finished a meeting where I just sat besides him. in the next couple of working day, I am going to finish the development and he is going to do the testing for me. He appeared to be solemn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 The entitlement is strong in this one. I see hot women every day, and never wonder to myself how they can exist without me hooking up with them wrong wordings...not what I meant though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 (edited) basically I am a timid person. I don't even feel comfortable with anyone physically because I don't even know what the hell to do with it ...and I feel very wrong and uncomfortable with someone that much younger. I don't know how to love and what love is. I have been a loner. But I am attracted... Edited January 11, 2018 by Springsummer Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Hiding behind 2 monitors & failing to even talk to him during the time you were interacting for work is not giving anyone, especially him, the idea that you are attracted. If you can't bring yourself to even smile at the guy, this is hopeless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 You've only got a few days, so here's the short story: Talk to him. Heaps. Sure you may be shy but if you can talk to other people in a friendly manner, you can talk to him. If you can, do what d0nnivain suggested and organise a goodbye drinks thing. Then say to him something along the lines of "I can't believe we've been sitting near each other and never got to properly talk to each other! Can we catch up for coffee* some time?" And follow through. I understand you're shy, but would it make you feel less nervous if you just approached it from a friendship perspective? If this person was instead a woman who you thought would make a good friend, how would you react differently? And even if you do act shy, people are often very accommodating of that. Actually if you want to feel less nervous, a goodbye event is probably the best way to do it. *replace "coffee" with "drinks" or your casual activity of choice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 Hiding behind 2 monitors & failing to even talk to him during the time you were interacting for work is not giving anyone, especially him, the idea that you are attracted. If you can't bring yourself to even smile at the guy, this is hopeless. yes. I am a perpetually serious person. I doubt if I am capable of smile on demand. (conscious that my smile may look contrive and not look good) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 You've only got a few days, so here's the short story: Talk to him. Heaps. Sure you may be shy but if you can talk to other people in a friendly manner, you can talk to him. If you can, do what d0nnivain suggested and organise a goodbye drinks thing. Then say to him something along the lines of "I can't believe we've been sitting near each other and never got to properly talk to each other! Can we catch up for coffee* some time?" And follow through. I understand you're shy, but would it make you feel less nervous if you just approached it from a friendship perspective? If this person was instead a woman who you thought would make a good friend, how would you react differently? And even if you do act shy, people are often very accommodating of that. Actually if you want to feel less nervous, a goodbye event is probably the best way to do it. *replace "coffee" with "drinks" or your casual activity of choice He goes out to buy coffee every morning. and me too. but he never asked if I want to buy coffee together with him, even he passes by my station. so he doesn't like me at all? the only time we bought together was I happened to run into him...and then ended up we both forgot to press the button to our floor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 I put on makeup and shirt I think look nice today..........then he works from home!!!which he rarely does. yesterday, I said 'see you guys tomorrow'. he didn't response! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 but seriously how wrong is to fancy a guy that much younger? If I were an experienced cougar and have stomach for other men, I would not want him. but the fact is, I am worse than an teenager. I know I totally screwed up my life Link to post Share on other sites
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