Friend's wedding is becoming too stressful

[Mooncloud]

A very good friend of mine is getting married this month. I'm excited for them both as his fiancee is a really nice and sweet person who everyone gets on with, and they seem very happy together. They asked me to be a witness and of course I agreed.

 

When they started planning their wedding they told us that they wanted to have a weekend event, aka fun activities and stay overnight in a hotel or similar, with all of their close friends. This sounded fun at first but I felt it was getting a bit dangerous when my friend started pulling out spreadsheets and scheduling all of the guests' personal time and activities down to the minute. It also required each guest to put down about £100 deposit to participate. Even for a wedding day you need to have flexibility with that many guests (I think by this point they ended up with 20 'weekend' guests) but he seemed pretty insistent on the fact that every hour was filled with some kind of costly group activity.

 

The venue is for two nights, kind of like a fancy adult dormitory with shared sleeping quarters and self-catering facilities, plus a games room and space for entertainment. It looks lovely so I was feeling excited about it, and we were told to arrive on Friday evening for icebreakers and drinks whilst the ceremony with all of the other 'day' guests was to be on Saturday afternoon. During the daytime on Saturday they had planned for us all to go to a laser tag place in the city at about 9am, then go for lunch at 12 and by 2pm, be back at the dorms to get ready for the wedding ceremony at 5pm. So that allows about 3 hours for 20 people to split bathroom time, shower, get hair and make up done, hang out etc, while the bride and groom depart to get ready. Seems reasonable.

 

Now is a good time to bring up the fact that earlier this year, I broke my relatively new phone and have had to use my old used one as a replacement. Because of Christmas and everything else I haven't been able to justify forking out for another new phone, so I've been battling with this old piece of junk that only lasts half the day on a full charge, constantly switches itself off at random, and then refuses to turn back on even if there's plenty left in the battery. To add to this, just before and over Christmas I had been fairly stressed and busy in my personal life, with work and running around seeing family and other friends, plus I stayed away from home for a few days before having to come back to work. For some reason my friend kept trying to get hold of me, one day I had several notifications and missed calls and messages with things like 'I need to discuss wedding call me asap'. He missed called me on Christmas day and then tried to call me again the day after Boxing day, then started sending urgent messages to everyone in our group chat. I asked him what he needed over message and he told me he needed my address for the witness registration - I was a bit annoyed that I'd been panicking over something he left to the last minute, but at least it was sorted.

 

Then a couple of days ago it started again. Missed called me on Sunday night, messaged me during client meetings on Monday, even Facebook messaged me just saying 'can you let me know when you're free to talk asap' - I was thinking why on earth is everything suddenly asap and landing in my lap, so I messaged him on my lunch asking if everything was OK and he insisted on calling me to talk after I got home from work.

 

He explained that he had made some 'errors' in the timings of the wedding day and that because I'm one of the witnesses, I need to be present before the ceremony so basically straight after lunch I'm to go with them to the registry office. Because the venue of the ceremony itself is way out in the sticks and they don't expect we'll be done until around half 3, and since it will take a while just to drive he's saying I'll need to get showered and ready at his flat within about half an hour while he goes to pick up the bride from the salon. I would have just decided to get ready in the morning instead, but because we're leaving so early for laser tag and are then going to be running around getting sweaty that doesn't seem smart. I want to be able to join in and have fun and not worry about messing up my hair and makeup and walk around feeling smelly and gross at the ceremony while everyone else is all nice and fresh.

 

I am a diagnosed body dysmorphic and big events like this make me crazy anxious as it is, having to get dressed up fancy, meet new people and be ready for photos and such. I asked him if there was any way we could squeeze more time out because I'm really not comfortable being put under that much pressure to get ready so quickly, I know I'm not going to have time to sort myself out and plus I wanted to hang out with all our friends in the dorms, and he basically said we'd have to leave during lunch or just skip it altogether. That isn't exactly fair on the rest of the guests, some of whom are relying on my friend's car for transport from the city to the venue, and it means we pretty much won't get to eat all day until the evening meal.

 

I have been running the scenario round and round in my head since then and I am seriously just dreading the whole weekend now. I've not been feeling super great in general at the moment because of work stress and financial issues and the expenses for this whole thing just seem to keep adding up and up - I haven't even bought them a wedding gift yet because I don't know if I can even afford to pay my water bill this month after all the travel and food expenses I need to factor in.

 

On top of it all I feel really guilty about how much I'm stressing out - they should be the ones with the legit worries not me! I just want to be able to enjoy this special day but I'm honestly kind of dreading it right now.

Edited January 11, 2018 by Mooncloud
spelling

[basil67]

Sorry to not have advice for you Mooncloud, but the weekend sounds like the stuff of nightmares to me. Good luck.

[Els]

It all sounds somewhat inconsiderate to me. Re: the money, I think that all activities planned during the wedding by the bride and groom should be paid for by them. Guests can pay for their travel expenses but shouldn't be paying to participate in activities that are chosen by the couple. The timing is terrible, too.

 

What if you skipped laser tag in the morning, got ready while everyone else was out and then headed out with them to the office all dressed up? Not ideal but sounds like the least anxiety-inducing way to survive this.

[Mooncloud]

Sorry to not have advice for you Mooncloud, but the weekend sounds like the stuff of nightmares to me. Good luck.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my rant though, it was nice just to get if off my chest:)

[Mooncloud]

It all sounds somewhat inconsiderate to me. Re: the money, I think that all activities planned during the wedding by the bride and groom should be paid for by them. Guests can pay for their travel expenses but shouldn't be paying to participate in activities that are chosen by the couple. The timing is terrible, too.

 

What if you skipped laser tag in the morning, got ready while everyone else was out and then headed out with them to the office all dressed up? Not ideal but sounds like the least anxiety-inducing way to survive this.

 

I've been feeling guilty about thinking the exact same thing - I don't know if I'm justified in feeling like they're being inconsiderate, but I do.

 

And I also desperately want to agree about the money situation - quite frankly it's been sucking me dry and it's not even my damn wedding. I'm slightly annoyed that they picked the end of January, right before payday, when everyone is skint after Christmas and they still expect us to foot our own travel and food expenses on top of the deposit? It's over 200 miles away from where I live and I don't drive, so it's just too much!

 

I know they will be really upset and possibly hold it against me if I missed laser tag (they would see it as selfish considering they planned it for us all to have fun?) plus part of the deposit I paid is for laser tag and I don't think I'll get it back if I pull out now. Everything is all too far apart to break off from the group at random and they'll want to keep me around so they can get to the registry office on time too.

 

Ugh it's gonna be a nightmare I know.

[d0nnivain]

Tell your friend that you can't afford all the extras. You're still thrilled to be a witness & will do your duty. Go to the ice breaker. Skip all the Saturday BS. Get dressed on your own time. Meet them at the registry office as is legally required & then go to the wedding. You can go to his apartment or you can pick up the bride at the salon while he dresses since you will already be dressed.

 

Although immature people will pout if you don't go to every scheduled thing, a good friend will be happy you are there for the important stuff.

[preraph]

I would suggest to her that she is overbooking the weekend and that she needs to leave plenty of free time for the guests to recharge. I don't understand why anyone does that. It's so silly. No one wants their time planned like they're in summer camp.

[Els]

I've been feeling guilty about thinking the exact same thing - I don't know if I'm justified in feeling like they're being inconsiderate, but I do.

 

And I also desperately want to agree about the money situation - quite frankly it's been sucking me dry and it's not even my damn wedding. I'm slightly annoyed that they picked the end of January, right before payday, when everyone is skint after Christmas and they still expect us to foot our own travel and food expenses on top of the deposit? It's over 200 miles away from where I live and I don't drive, so it's just too much!

 

I know they will be really upset and possibly hold it against me if I missed laser tag (they would see it as selfish considering they planned it for us all to have fun?) plus part of the deposit I paid is for laser tag and I don't think I'll get it back if I pull out now. Everything is all too far apart to break off from the group at random and they'll want to keep me around so they can get to the registry office on time too.

 

Ugh it's gonna be a nightmare I know.

 

No, I agree with d0nnivan, you're already being a good friend by traveling there at your own expense despite being broke, being a witness, and attending the ceremony. The laser tag etc should be optional.

 

And it just boggles my mind sideways that anyone would require their guests to pay a deposit to attend, WTF???

 

If they throw a fuss with you about you not attending laser tag, I'd ditch the entire thing.

[Mooncloud]

No, I agree with d0nnivan, you're already being a good friend by traveling there at your own expense despite being broke, being a witness, and attending the ceremony. The laser tag etc should be optional.

 

And it just boggles my mind sideways that anyone would require their guests to pay a deposit to attend, WTF???

 

If they throw a fuss with you about you not attending laser tag, I'd ditch the entire thing.

 

I'm surprised so many people find this unusual, considering I've only ever been to simple family weddings I don't know if it's the norm to expect payment for a wedding event that the couple have planned. I do see why it's crazy though. I think they just got too over-excited about doing everything at once and didn't consider the possible fallout for the guests.

 

It wouldn't bother me so much if the ceremony and venue were near the city so it would be easy for transport, but they've picked somewhere 30 miles out into the country with no train stations close enough to walk or get a cheap cab, and we're having to shuttle back and forth for half these activities on a tight schedule. I don't know what they were thinking.

 

I'm actually considering skipping the laser tag at this point but I'm going to have to tell him soon. I'll suck it up for the sake of my future sanity.

[Mooncloud]

I feel like I should add on because when I was venting to my unrelated friend about this yesterday, she reminded me that back when they first began wedding arrangements the groom asked if I would do the illustrations for their digital invites (I studied art back in college and have done it as a hobby for several years).

 

It was never actually mentioned but the assumption was I was doing it as a favour (I was honestly happy to do it) but he didn't bring it up or give me any concrete timeframe for when it needed to be done by until weeks later. One Saturday he called me while I was away at a friend's house for the weekend and told me the invites were being sent out the next day so could I get the drawings done and emailed to him Saturday night. I had none of my own equipment with me and had to use some pencils and paper my friend had lying around and spend half the weekend rushing it out and not look like utter crap, and after I finally sent it off he said he wanted to see it in colour so he could decide between the two. I didn't have my laptop with me so there was nothing I could do until I got home on Sunday night, but I stayed up late working to redo the drawing to my own standard and colour it properly so I could send it to him Monday evening.

 

After that whole ordeal was over, he then asked me if I would help with the decoration of their cake - I was less enthusiatic about this as I am not experienced in cake design whatsoever and he insisted I only needed to sketch out a few ideas to show to the cake maker. He only gave me very vague details to work with and whenever I asked him to specify, he would just say 'you're the artist you decide'. He didn't even know what style of cake they were getting so I had no frame of reference, and after he started chasing it up I decided it was stressing me out too much to be justifiable for something I'm only doing as a favour in my spare time so I backed out and felt awful for it.

 

My 3rd party friend was aware of all of this going on and one day after I made a comment about the cake design, she asked if I was getting reimbursed for any of this. I told her no and she pretty much said she suspected they were using me so they wouldn't have to pay a professional to do it, otherwise why would he be so insistent when I clearly told him I wasn't comfortable doing a cake design.

 

She said that she expected them to offer some small fee for my work or at least take a discount off my share of the expenses for the weekend, but I wasn't offered anything in return other than the honour of being their witness I suppose? (I hope they would have asked me anyway and I would've still been honoured) but, the reality is I was using my spare time out of work to help them out and not really feeling like they had much consideration of my time on top of everything else I've explained in my original post.

 

This whole ordeal has put me in two minds about my friend because it's not the first time he's shown he can have a manipulative side.

Edited January 12, 2018 by Mooncloud

[Mooncloud]

I feel like I should add on because when I was venting to my unrelated friend about this yesterday, she reminded me that back when they first began wedding arrangements the groom asked if I would do the illustrations for their digital invites (I studied art back in college and have done it as a hobby for several years).

 

It was never actually mentioned but the assumption was I was doing it as a favour (I was honestly happy to do it) but he didn't bring it up or give me any concrete timeframe for when it needed to be done by until weeks later. One Saturday he called me while I was away at a friend's house for the weekend and told me the invites were being sent out the next day so could I get the drawings done and emailed to him Saturday night. I had none of my own equipment with me and had to use some pencils and paper my friend had lying around and spend half the weekend rushing it out and not look like utter crap, and after I finally sent it off he said he wanted to see it in colour so he could decide between the two. I didn't have my laptop with me so there was nothing I could do until I got home on Sunday night, but I stayed up late working to redo the drawing to my own standard and colour it properly so I could send it to him Monday evening.

 

After that whole ordeal was over, he then asked me if I would help with the decoration of their cake - I was less enthusiatic about this as I am not experienced in cake design whatsoever and he insisted I only needed to sketch out a few ideas to show to the cake maker. He only gave me very vague details to work with and whenever I asked him to specify, he would just say 'you're the artist you decide'. He didn't even know what style of cake they were getting so I had no frame of reference, and after he started chasing it up I decided it was stressing me out too much to be justifiable for something I'm only doing for free in my spare time so I backed out and felt awful for it.

 

My 3rd party friend was aware of all of this going on and one day after I made a comment about the cake design, she asked if I was getting reimbursed for any of this. I told her no and she pretty much said she suspected they were using me so they wouldn't have to pay a professional to do it, otherwise why would he be so insistent when I clearly told him I wasn't comfortable doing a cake design.

 

She said that she expected them to offer some small fee for my work or at least take a discount off my share of the expenses for the weekend, but I wasn't offered anything in return other than the honour of being their witness I suppose? (I hope they would have asked me anyway and I would've still been honoured) but, the reality is I was using my spare time out of work to help them out and not really feeling like they had much consideration of my time on top of everything else I've explained in my original post.

 

This whole ordeal has put me in two minds about my friend because it's not the first time he's shown he can have a manipulative side.

[Els]

Yes, unfortunately your friend sounds very much like a taker and a user. He asked you to do the invites, cake, AND witnessing??? Ugh. I suppose it would be weird for him to offer payment directly, but the LEAST he could do would be to cover your expenses that weekend. And all those demands and tight deadlines??? Frankly I'm appalled that anyone would do that to a "friend".

 

I'm really concerned that you accepted all of this too. IMO with the card designs you should have said that 1 day is too little time and that he can do it himself or pay a professional if he needs it on such short notice. Ditto with the expensive weekend that you need to pay a DEPOSIT to attend... simply can't afford it.

 

You are bending backwards for someone who is taking all of this for granted.

[Mooncloud]

Yes, unfortunately your friend sounds very much like a taker and a user. He asked you to do the invites, cake, AND witnessing??? Ugh. I suppose it would be weird for him to offer payment directly, but the LEAST he could do would be to cover your expenses that weekend. And all those demands and tight deadlines??? Frankly I'm appalled that anyone would do that to a "friend".

 

I'm really concerned that you accepted all of this too. IMO with the card designs you should have said that 1 day is too little time and that he can do it himself or pay a professional if he needs it on such short notice. Ditto with the expensive weekend that you need to pay a DEPOSIT to attend... simply can't afford it.

 

You are bending backwards for someone who is taking all of this for granted.

 

You're right, I am. I hate it but I don't want to disappoint them. But I think I'm going to try to get out of whatever I can to allow myself the time to not freak out and actually still enjoy myself.

[Mooncloud]

I would suggest to her that she is overbooking the weekend and that she needs to leave plenty of free time for the guests to recharge. I don't understand why anyone does that. It's so silly. No one wants their time planned like they're in summer camp.

 

Absolutely agree, I don't think any guest has had a say in this themselves so far it's just all been decided for us. I mean sure laser tag is fun and normally I'd be super up for it, but making people get up stupidly early to do it the morning before a wedding when you still plan to have a restaurant lunch with 20+ people and then force them to rush to get showered and ready for the ceremony, who in their right mind wouldn't think that wasn't stressful?

 

I wouldn't be surprised if several people end up being as tired and grumpy as I anticipate I will be by the time we're popping the champagne.

[CC12]

During the daytime on Saturday they had planned for us all to go to a laser tag place in the city at about 9am, then go for lunch at 12 and by 2pm, be back at the dorms to get ready for the wedding ceremony at 5pm. So that allows about 3 hours for 20 people to split bathroom time, shower, get hair and make up done, hang out etc, while the bride and groom depart to get ready. Seems reasonable.

 

No, it does not seem reasonable, at all. This is the worst idea and I'm annoyed even reading about it. This schedule is not going to work. They are not going to get 20 (possibly hungover) guests to be ready on time to go do a physical activity early(ish) in the morning. Everything is going to take much longer than they think it will, especially considering all the driving it sounds like everyone will have to do. And 20 people sharing bathrooms trying to get ready for a wedding sounds like it will be a nightmare. How many bathrooms are there, anyway?

 

You sounded kind of excited about doing the laser tag, and joining in on the group activities. It's not fair of the couple to ask you to not participate in the fun things when the rest of their guests are.

 

Is there a reason you have to go to the registry office literally hours before the ceremony? Can this not be done at any point before the wedding day? Based on my own experience, the witness is a person who was present for the actual ceremony and they quickly sign a document or two stating so. This happens after the ceremony takes place. Is it different where you're from?

 

But here's what I suggest. Tell them that it seems like things might get hectic that day and that it would be easier to get this paperwork done with someone else acting as a witness. Tell them that you were honored to be asked but you're excited to join in on the activities with everyone else and that you'd prefer more time to rest and get ready before the wedding.

 

You have already gone above and beyond for your friend by doing illustrations and attempting cake design. You've already paid for the activities. You go and have fun, just like the rest of their guests.

[Mooncloud]

No, it does not seem reasonable, at all. This is the worst idea and I'm annoyed even reading about it. This schedule is not going to work. They are not going to get 20 (possibly hungover) guests to be ready on time to go do a physical activity early(ish) in the morning. Everything is going to take much longer than they think it will, especially considering all the driving it sounds like everyone will have to do. And 20 people sharing bathrooms trying to get ready for a wedding sounds like it will be a nightmare. How many bathrooms are there, anyway?

 

You sounded kind of excited about doing the laser tag, and joining in on the group activities. It's not fair of the couple to ask you to not participate in the fun things when the rest of their guests are.

 

Is there a reason you have to go to the registry office literally hours before the ceremony? Can this not be done at any point before the wedding day? Based on my own experience, the witness is a person who was present for the actual ceremony and they quickly sign a document or two stating so. This happens after the ceremony takes place. Is it different where you're from?

 

But here's what I suggest. Tell them that it seems like things might get hectic that day and that it would be easier to get this paperwork done with someone else acting as a witness. Tell them that you were honored to be asked but you're excited to join in on the activities with everyone else and that you'd prefer more time to rest and get ready before the wedding.

 

You have already gone above and beyond for your friend by doing illustrations and attempting cake design. You've already paid for the activities. You go and have fun, just like the rest of their guests.

 

When you put it like that it actually seems even crazier than I thought. I mean there are two bathrooms.. you're right it's definitely not going to work.

 

I am not sure why the timings are so weird with the registry office. When I spoke to my friend the other day he said we (him, the Bride, me and other witnesses) needed to leave right after lunch (2pm by his schedule) and drive straight there, then after that he needs to drop the bride off at the salon and all that would take long enough that the rest of us wouldn't get back to the dorms in time, hence why he's going to drop us off at the flat to get ready in 30 -45 minutes.

 

I've been thinking about what I can possibly do but even if I said I wanted to skip laser tag and lunch and stay at the dorm until they needed me at the registry office, he would still need to drive and pick me up after lunch which is unfair on them. If I was already there that would cut out an unnecessary journey and time wasted just for my benefit.

 

This is all so stressful I just don't know what to do.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Their wedding day plans sound completely unrealistic, and I am willing to bet they are going to be very late and stressed out as a result.

 

Tell your friend that you won't be going to laser tag at 9 am, non negotiable. If the lunch venue is close, find your own way there. If not, they will have to come get you to go to the registry office. Leave it up to them to figure out.

 

You have bent over backwards for them already, and it is time that they showed you some appreciation for that. Don't take on their self induced problems and poor planning. This is not worth putting yourself under so much pressure and stress.

 

Be firm and assertive that what they are asking from you is too unrealistic. You are doing them a favor, not the other way round, remember that.

 

I am speaking from experience, don't let someone else's wedding become more important than your own comfort and well being, because once the wedding is over, they aren't going to care how much you sacrificed.

 

Learn to say no.

[Els]

I am not sure why the timings are so weird with the registry office. When I spoke to my friend the other day he said we (him, the Bride, me and other witnesses) needed to leave right after lunch (2pm by his schedule) and drive straight there, then after that he needs to drop the bride off at the salon and all that would take long enough that the rest of us wouldn't get back to the dorms in time, hence why he's going to drop us off at the flat to get ready in 30 -45 minutes.

 

This is so very strange. Do you know if this is a legal requirement in your country or if the bride and groom just WANT it to be done at that time? In the 3 countries that I'm familiar with, one of them does require the witness to be present at the office, whereas the other 2 don't - there is the option for the signing to be done at the ceremony, although if you want to save money you can do the signing at the office. Regardless, in all 3 of them, the signing at the office does not have to be on the same day as the ceremony (and is usually not done on the same day).

 

Anyway, I think it's perfectly fair for him to drive and pick you up, given that you already did more than many people would for a friend's wedding, and that it was caused by his own terrible planning. Honestly, if it were me, I'd actually tell him the bolded, too.

[Mooncloud]

This is so very strange. Do you know if this is a legal requirement in your country or if the bride and groom just WANT it to be done at that time? In the 3 countries that I'm familiar with, one of them does require the witness to be present at the office, whereas the other 2 don't - there is the option for the signing to be done at the ceremony, although if you want to save money you can do the signing at the office. Regardless, in all 3 of them, the signing at the office does not have to be on the same day as the ceremony (and is usually not done on the same day).

 

Anyway, I think it's perfectly fair for him to drive and pick you up, given that you already did more than many people would for a friend's wedding, and that it was caused by his own terrible planning. Honestly, if it were me, I'd actually tell him the bolded, too.

 

Well I can't find anything on the local Government info that says the documents need to be signed on the same day as the ceremony but I guess that's what they've chosen. I'm really not sure how this all works legally. But if literally all I have to do is sign a document and then watch 3 other people sign it, I'm still unsure as to how that will take up to 1.5 hours like he says...

 

I will throw the idea out there and see what the reception is. To be honest I've not been well with the flu anyway so if I'm not 100% in 3 days' time I'll at least have a decent excuse to stay at the dorm.

[Mooncloud]

I thought I'd update everyone on how things went as the wedding happened this weekend.

 

It was as much of a disaster as expected. I didn't get out of any of it in the end and in fact ended up dealing with way more drama than necessary. Not only did I get stuck travelling up there for 12 hours instead of 8 because of traffic, but nobody told anyone that the venue had zero phone signal, so when I arrived late I couldn't call to let anyone know to pick me up. I ended up paying a cab to drive me through the pitch black countryside with no phone signal or wifi trying to find this place that I had never seen and the driver had never heard of, and when we finally found it I was basically acknowledged by the groom and left to mingle with everyone else who had been in the middle of playing a murder mystery game that I really wasn't in the mood to perform for.

 

I needed several drinks before everyone headed to bed and in the morning I decided to get up early enough to have a good long shower and get ready before leaving for laser tag at about 8, but I was exhausted and by the time we went for lunch I already felt like I needed another shower. We were in a chain restaurant with a group of 20+ people and somehow I was one of the last to be served, so I waited 45 minutes for a salad and hadn't even finished it by the time the groom was rushing me to leave. We had to drive back to his flat, I had about 10 minutes to have a shower and get my outfit on before the groom started freaking out because he couldn't find the rings. We were already late so I had to do my makeup in the car while the groom was speeding and having a panic attack, almost crashed 3 times and he pulled up and told me to run over to the hairdressers to collect the bride. She'd been crying because her flowers were the wrong colour, we're late and she thought the groom wasn't going to show up.

 

We got her in the car, pulled up to the registry office and it was closed. Me and the other witness got out to check and start looking all around for an open door or window, calling the emergency out of hours number while the bride just stormed out of the car and walked off, so the groom drove away to look for her. Meanwhile me and the other witness were just stood for about 10 minutes listening to this useless recorded message not having a clue what to do until we saw the groom yelling at us to come round the corner because we were at the back entrance and they were waiting for us all in the front.

 

In the registry office the bride was a total wreck and had been crying while the groom was just being super dismissive and not paying attention while they were conducting the interview. We get the signing ceremony done, and then head back to the venue for the fluffed up ceremony and party with all the friends and family, by which point all of us were zombies from the stress of the whole day but I had to keep fending off all these random female family members who kept barging into the toilet to gush over the bride while she was trying to fix her hair and makeup in the 5 minutes before the ceremony was due to start.

 

Only then could I relax and finally have a drink and something to eat but I was so wired I just felt sick after a while so couldn't really join in with the dancing and everything else, we had to wait until midnight for a minibus to take us back to the barn and I only saw the bride and groom for about 10 minutes on Sunday before I left to go home for another 8 hour bus ride.

 

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the bride had the rings the whole time.

[Els]

I thought I'd update everyone on how things went as the wedding happened this weekend.

 

It was as much of a disaster as expected. I didn't get out of any of it in the end and in fact ended up dealing with way more drama than necessary. Not only did I get stuck travelling up there for 12 hours instead of 8 because of traffic, but nobody told anyone that the venue had zero phone signal, so when I arrived late I couldn't call to let anyone know to pick me up. I ended up paying a cab to drive me through the pitch black countryside with no phone signal or wifi trying to find this place that I had never seen and the driver had never heard of, and when we finally found it I was basically acknowledged by the groom and left to mingle with everyone else who had been in the middle of playing a murder mystery game that I really wasn't in the mood to perform for.

 

I needed several drinks before everyone headed to bed and in the morning I decided to get up early enough to have a good long shower and get ready before leaving for laser tag at about 8, but I was exhausted and by the time we went for lunch I already felt like I needed another shower. We were in a chain restaurant with a group of 20+ people and somehow I was one of the last to be served, so I waited 45 minutes for a salad and hadn't even finished it by the time the groom was rushing me to leave. We had to drive back to his flat, I had about 10 minutes to have a shower and get my outfit on before the groom started freaking out because he couldn't find the rings. We were already late so I had to do my makeup in the car while the groom was speeding and having a panic attack, almost crashed 3 times and he pulled up and told me to run over to the hairdressers to collect the bride. She'd been crying because her flowers were the wrong colour, we're late and she thought the groom wasn't going to show up.

 

We got her in the car, pulled up to the registry office and it was closed. Me and the other witness got out to check and start looking all around for an open door or window, calling the emergency out of hours number while the bride just stormed out of the car and walked off, so the groom drove away to look for her. Meanwhile me and the other witness were just stood for about 10 minutes listening to this useless recorded message not having a clue what to do until we saw the groom yelling at us to come round the corner because we were at the back entrance and they were waiting for us all in the front.

 

In the registry office the bride was a total wreck and had been crying while the groom was just being super dismissive and not paying attention while they were conducting the interview. We get the signing ceremony done, and then head back to the venue for the fluffed up ceremony and party with all the friends and family, by which point all of us were zombies from the stress of the whole day but I had to keep fending off all these random female family members who kept barging into the toilet to gush over the bride while she was trying to fix her hair and makeup in the 5 minutes before the ceremony was due to start.

 

Only then could I relax and finally have a drink and something to eat but I was so wired I just felt sick after a while so couldn't really join in with the dancing and everything else, we had to wait until midnight for a minibus to take us back to the barn and I only saw the bride and groom for about 10 minutes on Sunday before I left to go home for another 8 hour bus ride.

 

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the bride had the rings the whole time.

 

Wow. I'm really sorry for you, but not at all for those two. They totally got what they deserved - put zero thought into something and you get zero back.

 

On the other hand... if it helps, your story is a really good lesson for those of us planning our weddings, lol. No laser tag on the morning of!

[Mooncloud]

Wow. I'm really sorry for you, but not at all for those two. They totally got what they deserved - put zero thought into something and you get zero back.

 

On the other hand... if it helps, your story is a really good lesson for those of us planning our weddings, lol. No laser tag on the morning of!

 

thanks. I could be a wedding planner after this experience!!

[Els]

thanks. I could be a wedding planner after this experience!!

 

Haha, you should get on it. You wouldn't believe how much people pay for those!