Tired of partner's attention seeking ways.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Nomi, I have only one bit of advice for you. Since your relationship is not yet written in stone you have an opportunity to take a call on it and get out of it now. If you sweep your issues under the carpet they will come to haunt you down the line when,, possibly, you have solidified your relationship with your BF and got married to him. What seem minor irritations just now can turn into serious relationship dissensions later on. Respect for one's partner in a relationship is paramount. Just as trust is. If these two are missing or are diminished then the relationship is as good as dead.

 

It seems to me, and I may be wrong here, that you are minimizing your SO's grave shortcomings while maximizing his good points. It is understandable that you would want to do this because you are loyal to him. However, the very fact that you chose to come to this forum with your problem indicates that at a subliminal level you are uncomfortable with his behavioural characteristics and their underlying reasons. It is better to have loved and lost than to be so lost in love that one loses oneself. Something to think about. Decisiveness is the key here. Warm wishes.

Edited January 15, 2018 by Just a Guy

[Been]

His behaviour has become unacceptable. He goes out of his way to flirt with the FEMALES in front of you and that's just plain wrong.

He is MAKING you feel insecure and who wouldn't if someone was doing that in front of your face?

I feel that when your out with your SO they should have your undivided attention. You shouldn't have to try to gain the attention of the opposite sex for whatever reason.

And yet you tolerate it. You should call him out on it. Tell him to either knock it off or find someone else.

[NomiMalone]

An update - so I have broken up with him.

 

His general lack of empathy has made this relationship completely unworkable. In most instances throughout the relationship where I'd been upset about something in relation to him, he'd yell at me about "making a big deal out of nothing", and turn it back on me. I'd yell back that he was being unreasonable. He'd yell back, and so forth, with things getting ugly quickly. It's reached a point where it had become impossible for me to remain in the relationship.

 

Packing up my stuff alone today, I had the sudden urge to snoop. And low and behold, I came across something that indicates there's a chance he could've been unfaithful to me at the beginning of our relationship.

 

The evidence is highly inconclusive and hence I've decided not to let on to him that I've found what I did. (I'm hesitant to elaborate on this on a public forum, but to all who's commented and supported me on this thread, please feel free to PM me for the full story. I'd love to hear from you.)

 

I've also decided to let it go and not bring it up with him, because ultimately, bringing it up with him would make no difference to where we're at now - already broken up.

 

I've already ended things on very amicable terms, and would prefer for things to stay amicable, considering I know in my heart that by having left him, I've dodged a giant bullet.

 

Part of me is absolutely horrified at the thought he could've been unfaithful, but a small part of me views the finding as a blessing in disguise, the "silver lining" being that the possibility of infidelity has put a completely different spin on things. Any reconciliation is now impossible, and in time when I'm ready, I can move on without hesitation given I've been given some sort of closure (even though unexpected!)

 

Thinking back now, there were so many lies of his that I just blindly

swept under the carpet, simply attributing them to the fact that he has a bad memory and that he simply remembered things wrong.

 

But all the same, I'm absolutely devastated. He was a man who adored me, was patient and kind with me, and cuddled me to sleep every night. I cannot reconcile that with the man who could turn angry and cold, without one shred of empathy (and the man who could've maybe even cheated on me and outright lied to me).

 

Does anyone know how someone can be like that?

 

I'll be starting a thread in the Coping section mainly for myself to vent and to sort through my own emotions.

 

Thanks again to everyone who has chimed in on this thread, for all your support. Your words have meant a lot to me.