CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 It is a lot of people in a lot of places for 5 years. This guy has even lied on his personal linked in stating he is from and went to school where I now live. This guy is powerful because I sent his dishonest linked in to his corporate lawyer at a company I once worked with him at and they did nothing. I keep making typos so I have to edit. Did you have a mutual romantic relationship with this person while you worked together? Or was it just one-sided (your obsession with him)? Was he your superior? Link to post Share on other sites
Author igotoverit Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 Did you have a mutual romantic relationship with this person while you worked together? Or was it just one-sided (your obsession with him)? Was he your superior? It was mutual for a short time. The relationship lasted three months and because he was my superior, I left the job and this is the pathetic part. It was 5 years ago! Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 It was mutual for a short time. The relationship lasted three months and because he was my superior, I left the job and this is the pathetic part. It was 5 years ago! So, did the reporting his LinkedIn to the law department occur before or after your romantic relationship? Before or after you left the job? Link to post Share on other sites
Author igotoverit Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 It was mutual for a short time. The relationship lasted three months and because he was my superior, I left the job and this is the pathetic part. It was 5 years ago! I am getting a lot of insight from other people's posts which is why I am on here so much. Infatuation, immature perception of love etc.. it is so helpful because it all pertains to me and my obsession. Link to post Share on other sites
Author igotoverit Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 So, did the reporting his LinkedIn to the law department occur before or after your romantic relationship? Before or after you left the job? I left the job in April of 2013. The linked in accounts happened last week. When we worked together, he didn't have linked in. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 I left the job in April of 2013. The linked in accounts happened last week. When we worked together, he didn't have linked in. So you reported him just last week? Link to post Share on other sites
Author igotoverit Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 So you reported him just last week? I looked him up to find it and I end up on this site Sunday night to stop responding because I responded to what he was doing and not only did he ignore me, but he kept doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 I looked him up to find it and I end up on this site Sunday night to stop responding because I responded to what he was doing and not only did he ignore me, but he kept doing it. I hope you have deleted all your account on social media, at least for the time being. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 I looked him up to find it and I end up on this site Sunday night to stop responding because I responded to what he was doing and not only did he ignore me, but he kept doing it. Block him, and he is sure to move on. There should be no incentive for this guy and his "associates" to continue to harass you if they are not getting any attention or satisfaction from it. Surely, they have better things to do with their time... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author igotoverit Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 Block him, and he is sure to move on. There should be no incentive for this guy and his "associates" to continue to harass you if they are not getting any attention or satisfaction from it. Surely, they have better things to do with their time... That's what I needed to hear. I will block and stop respondìng and delete my accounts for 6 months or so .. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 In trying to answer the question of *why* he'd do what he's doing. What I noticed is that you've had a 5 year obsession with him. And he's been taunting you for 5 years. I'd put money on there being a link between the two things. How did your obsession manifest itself? Were you contacting him during this time? Or stalking? Did you contact anyone he was dating? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author igotoverit Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 (edited) In trying to answer the question of *why* he'd do what he's doing. What I noticed is that you've had a 5 year obsession with him. And he's been taunting you for 5 years. I'd put money on there being a link between the two things. How did your obsession manifest itself? Were you contacting him during this time? Or stalking? Did you contact anyone he was dating? No. I was being contacted and seeking it out cause it was him. I thought that he was trying to set up some sort of serendipity so I engaged and they would real me in and then hurt me, I contacted him directly and asked him to stop. I admitted to an obsession and that it wasn't healthy and he fed it is what he did. He played with it. I made no contact with anyone he was dating as I am not psycotic. I am very sensible . I told him directly to leave me alone. The obsession manifested itself after I left and regretted it. I end up on pof where his friend also had an account and admitted to it, that's when it started. That was in 2014. Edited January 12, 2018 by igotoverit Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Good afternoon, Here we apparently have someone posting in our coping forum attempting to cope with the ending of an interpersonal relationship and they pose the question of: If you knew what you were doing was hurting someone, why would you continue to do it? Please assist them in their coping and understanding of this question here. If they have threads on past breakups or dating interactions, feel free to offer topical advice or opinion within our guidelines in those threads. Thanks! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 (edited) If you knew what you were doing was hurting someone, why would you continue to do it. So back to the initial question: You keep doing it because you WANT to hurt them. The most obvious reasons to want to hurt an ex would be revenge or to make them go away. [] Edited January 13, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content retained and member moderated 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 OP, another possibility, perhaps described but not defined, is Schadenfreude, a condition where one derives satisfaction and even joy from the misfortune and/or abuse of others. One could take actions or use words, or invite others to do similar, that evoke pain in the targeted individual while the antagonist gathers positive feelings of victory and superiority. It's a psychological issue. Ever seen a young person torture animals and smile and laugh about it? Watch someone get beat up and cheer the abuser on? Yup. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 So back to the initial question: You keep doing it because you WANT to hurt them. The most obvious reasons to want to hurt an ex would be revenge or to make them go away. [] I think you misunderstand basil. She has been on the receiving end of some very unkind behavior. The bigger question is why OP continued to engage with this individual despite the terrible behavior and why she remains so "stuck" and affected by this man today... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author igotoverit Posted January 13, 2018 Author Share Posted January 13, 2018 I think you misunderstand basil. She has been on the receiving end of some very unkind behavior. The bigger question is why OP continued to engage with this individual despite the terrible behavior and why she remains so "stuck" and affected by this man today... Thanks. I didn't misunderstand basil, found advice very helpful actually. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 (edited) Thanks. I didn't misunderstand basil, found advice very helpful actually. sorry, I thought basil meant that you were hurting this individual... Just the way the response was worded. Edited January 13, 2018 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author igotoverit Posted January 13, 2018 Author Share Posted January 13, 2018 sorry, I thought basil meant that you were hurting this individual... Just the way the response was worded. I think what your saying is that my question should be directed at myself as to why I am enabling this guy or why I have enabled this guy to make my life misserable and that is a valuable question. I have an appointment with a pscychologist coming up and I may need some help determining that since it has been five years. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 (edited) No, actually... that wasn't what I was saying at all. I got it totally mixed up - sorry about that. But, I do think those are very good questions because I have wondered that myself. I'm glad you are going to see a counsellor to find the answers... It's probably the single best thing that you could do for yourself. It takes great courage to make that call and I wish you much luck in finding your answers... I will leave you with this - a favorite quote of mine. "People can never treat you badly without your permission." This man is ultimately responsible for his bad behavior. But, something inside you allowed this to behavior to continue - as you say, why you enabled this man instead of ending it and walking away. Find the answer to that, and you will have all the strength and wisdom you need to ensure that it never happens to you again! Edited January 13, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author igotoverit Posted January 13, 2018 Author Share Posted January 13, 2018 sorry, I thought basil meant that you were hurting this individual... Just the way the response was worded. I sent a very firm email stating that I will fight him in the court of law if I hear from him again and to stay out of my life. If he wants me gone, he should be happy to leave but I have reached the anger stage on this site so I'm moving .. I've been reading and the next thing I know, I am at the anger stage .. hopefully I can go from anger to over it Link to post Share on other sites
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