No_Go Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I agree. There are pros and cons to marriage... I guess the pros outweigh the cons but it's never usually only about 'love' or 'romance'. But most people get married in the first blush of romance before the chemicals wear off or they wouldn't do it, I'm guessing. I don't know. Like I said, there are many reasons to get married... simple survival being the chief one. I sometimes can't think of anything harder than being a single woman, myself. From ~50-70 years beople added on 'love' to the list of things that constitute marriage, but it has always been an arrangement for: 1) reproduction (first and foremost, and that's why the virginity and fidelity stuff - to ensure genes stay within the unit) 2) asset sharing 3) shared work (in the past it was near impossible to survive as a single person, single people had no choice but to append to siblings or parents families) I guess since 3) worn off as a need, people had to make up another reason to keep marriage which is still vesicle for 1) and 2). Love is a handy one, because it suggests 'choice' and we modern people love choice Nowadays I don't find it hard at all to be single. I feel completely comfortable as a single woman in terms of daily life. Of course 1) is still a pressing reason to couple... Society just can't beat biology, no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I have never cheated and have no desire to do so. I can see on an intellectual level that another woman is attractive but not cheating with her is very easy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Nowadays I don't find it hard at all to be single. I feel completely comfortable as a single woman in terms of daily life. Of course 1) is still a pressing reason to couple... Society just can't beat biology, no matter what. Well, I don't know where you're from or what kind of a job you have, but where I am but with the cost of living going up the way it is... one almost has to be in a relationship to survive nowadays. What single person can afford 1200.00 a month and up for rent? If I was to marry now, survival would be one of the chief reasons. It takes two, now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Well, I don't know where you're from or what kind of a job you have, but where I am but with the cost of living going up the way it is... one almost has to be in a relationship to survive nowadays. What single person can afford 1200.00 a month and up for rent? If I was to marry now, survival would be one of the chief reasons. It takes two, now. Crazy how expensive everything's become, huh? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Loyalty is something that i truly believe in ...in all forms of relationships.....friendship....family......partnerships.....and marriage....its always possible to be faithful and true just as its always possible to be a lying cheat..both are choices........ there will will always be temptation but if you truly love who you are with .....their well being will come first over any other ...and you will not harm them by betraying their trust in you and if it so ever was that you did betray them ...you would be honest enough to come clean and to then allow them the choice to try to repair the relationship and stay or to choose to leave......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I don't know, I've never had a problem finding loyalty. And I often see it all around me. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Well, I don't know where you're from or what kind of a job you have, but where I am but with the cost of living going up the way it is... one almost has to be in a relationship to survive nowadays. What single person can afford 1200.00 a month and up for rent? If I was to marry now, survival would be one of the chief reasons. It takes two, now. How old are you? Nothing wrong with sharing costs with roommates if you have to (I know even people in 30s and 40s do it if need be). And it is much easier to change a roommate that is not paying their share of the rent than a live in bf... Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 I sometimes can't think of anything harder than being a single woman, myself. This is an interesting concept. Thanks for speaking your truth. I think more women have this same sentiment, but just won't admit it. Although, more than not, I've been pretty much "independent", I don't always want to be. I've been engaged but it didn't work out. I would be married right now had I not left my ex-fiancé. He did lots of nice things for and with me. However, not long after we were together his tempestuous monstrous alter ego reared its ugly head. I'm pretty tough, but I refuse to put myself in a position to go "toe to toe" verbally or physically. He never put his hands on me, but my gut told me that things had the potential to become really bad. I felt my inner core struggling with the idea of staying with this man I loved for security (financial) or leaving him for stability(emotional). I feel like so many couples weather the storm for financial security or for their children... meanwhile, an insanity cake bakes... I say all that to say that yep, being a single female is difficult on many levels, i.e. No one to share life's success and challenges with, having to date and sift through the plethora of characters and hearts to find out who's sincere and who's not, etc. It gets old. Honestly, I'm tired of it. I have no problem at all meeting men. Staying with them is where my challenge lives. I'm not perfect as I have some emotional roadblocks to work through. But I don't want to just be with or marry a man just to say I'm no longer single. I'm working on being more transparent and open about what I REALLY want from men I date, when the time presents itself. But again, it takes time to build and vet the intentions of an individual. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 It's important that all parties are clear with what they want from each other. Sometimes cheating is obvious. Othertimes we see people who feel that they've been "cheated on" because their partner smiled at the dentist and "those smiles should only be for me!!!" Emotional cheating, especially, can be a slippery slope on which everything seems fine until it isn't. Being open and in full communication so you can recognise trouble points and deal with things as a united front is better than waiting around for someone to step over the line and then wailing that you've been betrayed. (This assumes, of course, that the other partner is not a manipulative scumbag intentionally misleading you so they can screw around. Those happen too, obviously.) I have freely admitted that I cheated once when it was younger and feel bad about it. What I don't usually say is that, because of technicalities, at the time I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. (To borrow a phrase, "We were on a break!") Not using that as an excuse, what I did was still wrong, it's just that it was more stupid than malicious and with hindsight of my life I really wish we'd gone through the whole fight-and-reconcile process instead of deciding that cheating = it's over forever. But then, I probably needed to grow up more first before I could really take responsibility for my own stupid actions. Anyway I guess my point is that both parties learning to be honest and trusting with each other is more important for long-term loyalty than a simple checklist of 'neither of us ever cheated, not once!'. trust has to go both ways of course, if one party is taking advantage of the other that's awful. Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 How old are you? Nothing wrong with sharing costs with roommates if you have to (I know even people in 30s and 40s do it if need be). And it is much easier to change a roommate that is not paying their share of the rent than a live in bf... I wouldn't live with a guy who was that irresponsible or immature. Nor would getting a roommate necessarily be 'easy'. You can have a lot of headache and have to sift through a lot of people with that one too... inviting strangers to live in your home? Please... See, these things only look like quick fixes to those who have never had to do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 I wouldn't live with a guy who was that irresponsible or immature. Nor would getting a roommate necessarily be 'easy'. You can have a lot of headache and have to sift through a lot of people with that one too... inviting strangers to live in your home? Please... See, these things only look like quick fixes to those who have never had to do it. Life is unfair. I'm starting to realize that some of us may never marry. Marry obviously isn't for everyone. I've seen lots of great people who remain single. Guess we're not always great when WITH someone in long term relationships. Should I have just stayed with my ex fiancé? And worked through things I wasn't quite happy with...? Who knows. It is what it is... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 I've been really burned before both my men and women. I think it comes down to ethics. (Also, you do have to be sure you're not the only one who agreed to your own rules with men.) With other women, just in casual conversation ask them if they'd ever go after a man their roommate was interested in or date a married man or apply for a job their roommate mentioned she applied for. Just ask. As long as you're not in the middle of the issue, they will probably tell you and then you know their ethics. Once a friend breaches loyalty, especially an old friend, don't give them a chance to do it again. I learned that the hard way. Once they think you'll put up with it, it's open season. Men, you have the problem of them often misrepresenting their status just to keep you (and maybe others) on the string, so it's more complicated. But once you feel betrayed or lied to, why keep hanging on? Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 I never cheated but I also did not look for that or had the opportunity. Joke: A man goes to his neighbor and says to her: I saw your husband chasing after a couple women yesterday. Woman says, so what? Man says, don't you care?! Woman says. No. I let my dog chase after cars. But even if he catches one, they still won't let him drive it. Link to post Share on other sites
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