Why I Never Develop Intense Feelings For Women Anymore

[GuitarGuy7]

As a teenager, I used to develop strong and intense feelings for women and would fantasize what it would be like to be with them, many nights were spent obsessing over my crushes. I would finally muster some courage to pursue my crushes and one by one, every single women who I ever fell for never felt the same way about me. Every girl who I ever talked to, I would get excited that she would finally be "the one", the girl to break the singleness curse and become my girlfriend. And every single time, I was only met with pain and disappointment. Every rejection felt like a sharp jolt of pain, and eventually it shattered whatever confidence and self-esteem I had.

 

That's why I never get crushes anymore. I can never allow myself to develop intense feelings for someone ever again because of the amount of times iv'e been hurt by women. Like Cleveland Browns fans, I never get my hopes up. Because when you get your hopes up, that's when it hurts the most.

 

I wish I had a girlfriend, someone to love, someone to have sex with but every time I put myself out in an opportunity to find it, I fail. I get rejected time and time again and it breaks me down. Whatever decision I make, every move is a losing move. I can never win.

 

The pursuit of love has made me jaded, has beaten me down, and destroyed me twice. And that's when I came to the realization that if I spent my life chasing girls, I would die a bitter old man. That I must build my foundation not on validation and approval from women, but on approval from myself.

 

I learned this year that women must never be a top priority in life because that would mean an unhappy life.

 

No, I was meant for something greater...

 

Focus on something that makes you happy, not on something that will ultimately disappoint you and break your heart...

[Chilli]

Sorry to hear that .

Don't really have an answer but before everyone starts jumping on the nice guy bandwagon just remember there's just as many women her saying all the same stuff.

Ans there's no women here talking about how great the ass@@@@ was they dated last night,matter of fact , he get's the boot.

 

Just thought l'd clear that one up first

 

Just wondering what age roughly you are, could be heaps of time yet , matter of fact from stories ya read there's always heaps of time even if your 70. so that's always encouraging.

 

But anyway, you probably just a person that meets that one , you just haven't met her yet.

Seems to be people who meet 100s and still can't find someone, and others that don't leave the house but the one time they do they do meet someone.

There's no combo from what l can see but your day is probably coming.

 

Meantime , try to enjoy life .

[Interstellar]

I noticed that about myself too. I seem to no longer develop crushes compared to when I was younger. I’m 40, I look 30, and, I feel 20. Maybe I’m just too cynical about relationships. I have no idea.

Edited January 13, 2018 by Interstellar

[carhill]

IDK, I kinda forgot about all that stuff. Perhaps age is merciful after all. Emotionally it's like it never happened. Whenever I run across little reminders, a common occurance as I move all my crap from one state to another, I think, yeah that was real but it's like another lifetime and universe ago. Doesn't matter. Some of it gives me a chuckle or two at what a dope I was.

 

IMO we grow and change and love changes with us. Not a bad ride. As more loved ones have fallen by the wayside to death, I'm thankful more and more for each day, regardless of whether there is a mate in it or not. Big world, short life.

[Maggie4]

women must never be a top priority in life because that would mean an unhappy life.

 

This is what I would tell my son as soon as he turns 15.

[SevenCity]

This is what I would tell my son as soon as he turns 15.

 

Not that I would have listened, but I wish I got this advice at that age.

[LoverOfDance]

Dude, stop nurturing feelings for ppl you don't know. This is why you end up hurt.

 

Usually when we get crushes, we don't know our crushes well. We build fantasies in our minds about them but we don't know the real them. The person you're falling for is not who they really are. You have to actually date someone, get to know them, the REAL them (flaws and all) before REAL feelings start to develop.

 

I think it is very good that you're focused on your ambitions. Maybe you are not ready for love right now but when you finally are, DATE. Don't nurture feelings for people you don't know or people you don't even know if you're compatible with or not.

 

I want you to know this - locking up your heart and throwing away the key is never the answer to any problem. Just be wiser about who you choose to give your heart to.

Edited January 13, 2018 by LoverOfDance

[FilterCoffee]

In my opinion, it’s not healthy to develop intense feelings for anything, let alone women. It’s important to have an objective view of the world so that you don’t make poor decisions and live miserably.

[CptInsano]

In my opinion, it’s not healthy to develop intense feelings for anything, let alone women. It’s important to have an objective view of the world so that you don’t make poor decisions and live miserably.

 

I thought that too, until I was around 21 years of age. It was a good friend of mine, not even a lover, who showed me that there are women in this world who cared about me in a selfless way.

 

Ever since then I allowed these feelings, and while I certainly had my ups and downs, I'm very sure the end result is positive. My life would have been much more uneventful and less exciting without.

 

But everybody is different, and not everybody handles a break-up the same.

[FilterCoffee]

I thought that too, until I was around 21 years of age. It was a good friend of mine, not even a lover, who showed me that there are women in this world who cared about me in a selfless way.

 

Ever since then I allowed these feelings, and while I certainly had my ups and downs, I'm very sure the end result is positive. My life would have been much more uneventful and less exciting without.

 

But everybody is different, and not everybody handles a break-up the same.

 

Haha I did the exact opposite. Initially I would get these intense feelings for people, for goals, for everything that was important to me and it just zapped me. Now I try not to get too high or too low. That way I’m able to think clearly and not get carried away. It might be boring to some but I like being grounded!

[clist8511]

I really, REALLY agree with you, OP.

 

I think there comes a certain time in life where, if you haven't been successful with women or you've had your heart broken one too many times, you just switch your attention to other things in life and realise that happiness is probably not going to be obtained from relationships/love.

 

I wasted my 20s and early 30s chasing women, trying to be with women who weren't interested, getting dumped again and again etc etc. I realise now that I have to find satisfaction elsewhere, and the dream I had of settling down with another person may not actually happen. It's painful to realise that, and it hurts to have to prepare for that, but hey, we don't always get the choice.

[Hoosfoos]

I could have written the OPs post word for word. I've been through the same, and therefore have the same mindset.

[Cookiesandough]

That makes sense and I am sorry

[Popsicle]

There's a reason why they call them "Crushes". Because they crush your heart.

 

I only have one type of crush anymore. The type where I have absolutely NO chance of being with that person, like a celebrity or something. If it's a person who I could have a chance with, I don't develop a "crush" per se. If I see someone I feel attracted to, I just go for it, almost immediately, instead if spending time dreaming, fantasizing and building up hopes for them from afar or as a "friend". If you go for it right away, then you will have not invested so much emotionally at that point and rejection won't hurt so bad and you can then move on. And if they say yes, then you can build your dreams together and it'll be more reality-based.

[Maggie4]

which naturally leads to the question: does playing the guitar help you get girls? I read somewhere a study was done, in which the same dude approached girls in public, and he got their phone numbers more often when he carried his guitar with him compared to when he didn't.

Edited January 14, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for clarity ~ V

[Noproblem]

Exactly!

 

Focus on Success

Focus on Wellbeing

Focus on having a good time with loved ones ( family and friends)

Focus on exercising

Focus on traveling and seeing a new world

Focus on doing stuff you never did before!

Focus on helping others!

 

 

Happiness does not equal finding true love ( I mean look at the people around you, even after marrying their one and only, it takes them a year or so and problems start to destroy their happiness)

 

 

[Cookiesandough]

disregard females, acquire currency?

[Mkn1010]

I often wonder these sort of things about myself too- whether I’m just too irreparable now to truly invest in anyone anymore. I’m pretty shut off to the idea of being intrinsically attached to another human being and doubt I ever will again - some say that it’s healthier not to (I think it’s a Buddhist teaching or something).... anyway, I’ll never love in the same naieve free-falling way that I once did. Don’t know if that’s sad or positive!

 

I’m a believer that finding lasting love is not of our choosing and the ‘lasting’ part therefore does not need to be any sort of prequisite to giving your heart. What I mean is: to love WITHOUT AGENDA, to relate merely to relate - that’s the way I want to live!

[Popsicle]

tacos are super delicious

 

My favorite food.

[joseb]

I think people are talking about two different things on this thread.

 

#1. Developing childish "crushes" on people we barely know (celebrities, people on dating apps you haven't met, someone in work who is probably married etc)

 

#2. Developing strong intense feelings as part of a loving relationship, which may lead to heartache if it doesn't work out.

 

#1 is definitely something to avoid.

But #2 will leave you feeling a bit empty. I'd rather feel the pain occasionally.

[TheFinalWord]

You are correct to not develop intense feelings early on. Even though the primal part of your brain will try to take over when you initially meet a woman, especially if she is physically attractive, it is wise to not get excited and to stop yourself if you catch yourself fantasizing. Physical traits do not tell you anything about the woman's soul (personality, quality traits, relationship potential).

 

What you are doing in those situations is giving a woman unearned trust and respect. For that matter, you really should be like this in business too. But that's another thread.

 

What you should do is allow yourself to become vulnerable as the woman shows she can be trusted and has earned respect. That will create genuine emotional connection, not an artificial connection produced by lust.

[Maggie4]

I think people are talking about two different things on this thread.

 

#1. Developing childish "crushes" on people we barely know (celebrities, people on dating apps you haven't met, someone in work who is probably married etc)

 

#2. Developing strong intense feelings as part of a loving relationship, which may lead to heartache if it doesn't work out.

 

#1 is definitely something to avoid.

But #2 will leave you feeling a bit empty. I'd rather feel the pain occasionally.

 

I may be wrong but I think the OP has not gotten far enough for #2 (loving relationship). Would be sad if prolonged struggles with #1 undermines capacity for #2.

[basil67]

which naturally leads to the question: does playing the guitar help you get girls? I read somewhere a study was done, in which the same dude approached girls in public, and he got their phone numbers more often when he carried his guitar with him compared to when he didn't.

 

I don't know the answer to this, but I know my daughter has played "Wonderwall" ironically. It carries quite a reputation for catching girls.

[LoverOfDance]

OP - TheFinalWord gives a very good point.

 

 

The point is this - GUARD YOUR HEART. Don't put it in a safe and lock it up. You'll still end up feeling empty in the end. Be wise about how you choose to share heart, when you choose to share it and who you choose to share it with.

 

These are thoughts. At the end of the day, I am a stranger on a forum and you don't have to listen to me. You are free to live your life however way you want but I hope you make the right choices.

[Mysterio]

I believe in love. I am not going to shut down. Love will come for me. Its just that I can't make it happen in the timeline in my head.

 

I see three obstcles when it comes to love. Personal circumstances= the Romantic Prospect is Married/Attached. Physical Attraction that your RP does not have for you. Personality connction in which you click to connect.

 

I think that Guitar Guy is going down the right path. I find myself less stressed by letting love come to me. All my male friends who are attached had this happen. So all this you have to go out and make it happen is nonesense.

 

On my side the only thing that I am doing is keeping fit. Staying well groomed and staying flexable. It will happen for me. Its happened in the past. Its just how its going to come about is unknown.