Remystacks Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 It was always my dream to have a big beautiful family. But now, I'm hitting late thirties & haven't been in a serious relationship in years. So... now what? I feel like my life serves no purpose now, and I'm letting people down (my mom asks about grandkids every day almost) I've pretty much accepted the fact that kids are pretty much out for me.. those of you who are single .. what makes you ok with it? What do you do when couple situations arise? Like wedding invites with plus one?? I just need to know what to do now.. Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Have you tried any professional matchmaking services? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mayonnaise Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Hi there. Have you tried reading the book, "The Secret"? It's a really good book regarding matters like this. You should try it. Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Don't be so pessimistic. Just because you're in your late thirties doesn't mean you have to stay single forever. If you're sad about not having kids try adopting. Or marry someone who already has kids. Or find something else that works for you =) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I decided a long time ago if I hit 40 and was single I'd begin the adoption process (can take 2 years here for a single mum) and would try artificial insemination. This has helped when I'm single as a man can appear at any time but kids I know I want and there is only so long I'll wait. It's also helped in relationships as I know I'll get my kids so the desperation for kids hasn't been a factor in my relationships. I'd rather be a happy single mum and be open to meeting someone great in the future than marry someone I knew wasn't a good fit just because I wanted kids and time was running out. I have arranged my finances on the basis that I will be raising kids solo. For the plus one thing, I just go solo. It sucks some times when I'm getting ready but usually when I'm there it's all good. I'm now dating a single dad I'm pretty crazy about (early (early days) but who knows if that will work out. If not, I've got my life sorted. Do you want kids or is it just the pressure from everyone else that's the problem? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 (my mom asks about grandkids every day almost) I've pretty much accepted the fact that kids are pretty much out for me.. those of you who are single .. what makes you ok with it? What do you do when couple situations arise? Like wedding invites with plus one?? I just need to know what to do now.. Yikes. See, I think this why I’m glad my mom was always the one to tell me don’t get married and have kids unless you really want to. This kind of stuff coming from a parent is so damaging because we never want to let them down. Plenty of forever single people live fulfilling lives. There’s so much in this world outside of romantic relationships. It’s really all in your mindset. I’m not saying there is no societal pressure to couple up, but I can tell you firsthand that a person really happy being single can see right past that and attending a wedding alone has never bothered them one bit But if you are one of those people that needs a relationship, work on it. You are in your late 30s and you’re acting like you might as well just acquiesce and start collecting cats!!! You are young and this could be the prime of your life. You could meet the right man tomorrow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I decided a long time ago if I hit 40 and was single I'd begin the adoption process (can take 2 years here for a single mum) and would try artificial insemination. I have 3 single friends who've done artificial insemination/IVF (successfully) after 40, and at least one I can think of who adopted. All very, very happy single moms with great kids . The key is to be financially ready, so you're on the right track. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ktmiller222 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I understand what you're saying. I'm in my 30's and still single. My dream was to always get married and start a family. More time that passes and I am still single, I get a little depressed because I feel like my main goal in life won't happen. I get what people are saying about adopting/having kids on their own, but it's not what we envisioned. Sometimes I am hopeful prince charming will come but it seems like single men these days don't want to commit. It sucks. I don't even go to many weddings anymore (unless its family) because I never have a plus one and it's awkward. I hope things change for us..... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 OP, we're socialized into family being the ultimate success. That's natural since we're not grown in test tubes and raised by machines, rather are socialized in human families. While we may be bombarded with family propaganda daily, there are plenty of us who live productive, fulfilling and often planet-changing lives without that. Two which came to mind, one a man probably better known publicly lately than in his past life, is our current SecDef, James Mattis. If you watch some of his older videos, you might even catch his elderly mother in the audience. AFAIK, he never married, choosing to devote his life to the military and our nation's defense. Another is likely a woman you've never heard of, making her real breakthroughs during and after her marriage of 15 years dissolved during WW2 and remaining unmarried and childless since, focusing completely on what we came to know as computers. Her name is Grace Hopper. Watch her late in life as she describes how what we came to know as a 'computer bug' came into being. She was also a rear admiral in the Navy. There are millions of not so famous people going through life, making their contributions to the world, being loving and productive citizens of the planet, walking their own path. Sure, their genes won't be replicated or improved upon and perhaps that is a potential loss to us all but no matter; we need people who produce families just like we need people who devote their lives to other pursuits as well as those who mix the two. It's all part of living. I've been single by choice since getting divorced nearly a decade ago. Haven't dated at all. Passed up numerous opportunities. Why? Been there done that. Now it's my time. Never run out of people to love. Billions of them around. Other paths. You'll find yours. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kazen Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Have you tried a different country? You might be a normal person in your country but if you go to another country, you'll be regarded as a rarity and often times that will lead you to meeting your future spouse. I know people who did that and they are still happily married. Just a suggestion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 It’s funny how much parents influence us, mine will always tell me ‘be successful’ and I would ask what I’d im not - answer: ‘then you’d be married’ LOL. 30 years later and I can never gain the courage to introduce a guy to them because the association in my head is always is relationship = unsuccessful I had very bitter bfs as a result, they could not grasp why I’m hiding them Yikes. See, I think this why I’m glad my mom was always the one to tell me don’t get married and have kids unless you really want to. This kind of stuff coming from a parent is so damaging because we never want to let them down. Plenty of forever single people live fulfilling lives. There’s so much in this world outside of romantic relationships. It’s really all in your mindset. I’m not saying there is no societal pressure to couple up, but I can tell you firsthand that a person really happy being single can see right past that and attending a wedding alone has never bothered them one bit But if you are one of those people that needs a relationship, work on it. You are in your late 30s and you’re acting like you might as well just acquiesce and start collecting cats!!! You are young and this could be the prime of your life. You could meet the right man tomorrow Link to post Share on other sites
GuitarGuy7 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 You should try meeting and dating women from the phillippines. Iv'e heard a lot of good reviews from people trying to date in the phillipines and filipino women in general. Not to mention a lot of filipino women are family-oriented. You should consider it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzfSq_kzV8A Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Members, reading the topic title and the questions posed by the thread starter here: I've pretty much accepted the fact that kids are pretty much out for me.. those of you who are single .. what makes you ok with it? What do you do when couple situations arise? Like wedding invites with plus one?? Let's focus on this content and save the dating suggestions for members and threads where and when such suggestions are sought. This thread isn't one of those. Help the member become 'OK' with their current milieu in a 'single forever' state of mind. If the thread starter wants dating suggestions, feel free to start such a thread in our ISO (In Search Of) forum. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
igotoverit Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 What you could do, is put the time and energy into yourself and your own life. Make your space enjoyable for yourself and start to do things for you. You become okay on your own and you look at the bright side of being single. You save more money. You can travel and although this stems off topic, I find it still relevant, that people still have children plus 40 but for the time being, I would put that focus into yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I understand what you're saying. I'm in my 30's and still single. My dream was to always get married and start a family. More time that passes and I am still single, I get a little depressed because I feel like my main goal in life won't happen. I get what people are saying about adopting/having kids on their own, but it's not what we envisioned. Sometimes I am hopeful prince charming will come but it seems like single men these days don't want to commit. It sucks. I don't even go to many weddings anymore (unless its family) because I never have a plus one and it's awkward. I hope things change for us..... There is no such thing as prince charming. Why don't you just think of men that are interested in you and pick one you find least repulsive? That's what most people do anyway but they like to pretend otherwise 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I have 3 single friends who've done artificial insemination/IVF (successfully) after 40, and at least one I can think of who adopted. All very, very happy single moms with great kids . The key is to be financially ready, so you're on the right track. ^^^ I also have one friend that did the same thing. It cost her an arm and a leg, but it worked. She has a baby and seems very happy. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 at weddings? etc? there is usually somebody else solo, just is, seen it, so team up Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I have a differnt mindset this year. I would love to meet a woman and have a great romantic relationship with her. I can't force it. When I look at my life in the past. Great things have happend for me, when I don't force it. I see patterns in life. I think that for me. Women that are romantically attracted to me, just fall into my lap. Those women are closer to what I want anyways. All the women I go for. It never works out. No matter how much prep is put into it. I don't feel I am missing out. I am not going to put a head trip on myself because I don't have a current Romantic relationship. I also feel a lot of us have this misperception that we all have to be in a romantic relationship and we all have to be coupled up all the time. Singleness is not a curse. For some of us, its just the way it is. I won't allow being technically single define me in a negative way. Most of my friends that have SO right now. They had the women fall into their laps. They are not having to fend off other women that want to be with them. As I have said in other posts. I am single really because of thee following factors. I don't play the game. Most of the women are attached anyways. The woman that really likes me. She will just basically just be ga ga for me, when she sees me and try to make a connection. So why try to stress myself about it. Learning to play guitar. Enjoying my friends/family. Going to movie and music concerts is where its at for me. Romantically connecting with a woman. Only when it comes my way with out force. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I have a differnt mindset this year. I would love to meet a woman and have a great romantic relationship with her. I can't force it. When I look at my life in the past. Great things have happend for me, when I don't force it. I see patterns in life. I think that for me. Women that are romantically attracted to me, just fall into my lap. Those women are closer to what I want anyways. All the women I go for. It never works out. No matter how much prep is put into it. I don't feel I am missing out. I am not going to put a head trip on myself because I don't have a current Romantic relationship. I also feel a lot of us have this misperception that we all have to be in a romantic relationship and we all have to be coupled up all the time. Singleness is not a curse. For some of us, its just the way it is. I won't allow being technically single define me in a negative way. Most of my friends that have SO right now. They had the women fall into their laps. They are not having to fend off other women that want to be with them. As I have said in other posts. I am single really because of thee following factors. I don't play the game. Most of the women are attached anyways. The woman that really likes me. She will just basically just be ga ga for me, when she sees me and try to make a connection. So why try to stress myself about it. Learning to play guitar. Enjoying my friends/family. Going to movie and music concerts is where its at for me. Romantically connecting with a woman. Only when it comes my way with out force. Often times you lack the same feelings as the women falling in your lap. I agree though, forcing a relationship ship never works out. I’ve always found girlfriends when I wasn’t looking. Sex can be had by playing an active role though. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 You should try meeting and dating women from the phillippines. Iv'e heard a lot of good reviews from people trying to date in the phillipines and filipino women in general. Not to mention a lot of filipino women are family-oriented. You should consider it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzfSq_kzV8A I believe OP is a woman (and doesn't swing that way), based OP's past posts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 It was always my dream to have a big beautiful family. But now, I'm hitting late thirties & haven't been in a serious relationship in years. So... now what? I feel like my life serves no purpose now, and I'm letting people down (my mom asks about grandkids every day almost) I've pretty much accepted the fact that kids are pretty much out for me.. those of you who are single .. what makes you ok with it? What do you do when couple situations arise? Like wedding invites with plus one?? I just need to know what to do now.. I'm around the same age group. Same boat. My current perspective, it's just another phase of life, for single people in this age group. Single people in this age group have a different story to tell, and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think I'm okay with it. I would still like to think it's probable for me (even though the odds don't look good). What do you think of artificial insemination/IVF? If I was female I'd look into this. Because options for guys to have a biological kid is not the same; it's harder I think. I'm almost tempted to just find someone and get her pregnant. Screw the whole liking her, being "in love", and relationship thing. Cause as every year goes by, it gets slimmer and slimmer I feel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 It was always my dream to have a big beautiful family. But now, I'm hitting late thirties & haven't been in a serious relationship in years. So... now what? I feel like my life serves no purpose now, and I'm letting people down (my mom asks about grandkids every day almost) I've pretty much accepted the fact that kids are pretty much out for me.. those of you who are single .. what makes you ok with it? What do you do when couple situations arise? Like wedding invites with plus one?? I just need to know what to do now.. My take is this. I assume you have had relationships in the past? If you have that means you are capable of having one you simply need to find a person. Life always has purpose, one aspect does not define overall purpose, you may meet someone younger, it happens all the time, typically there can eb 7-8 year age gaps. The bold part I can answer, find a great friend to go with. Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 I have a differnt mindset this year. I would love to meet a woman and have a great romantic relationship with her. I can't force it. When I look at my life in the past. Great things have happend for me, when I don't force it. I see patterns in life. I think that for me. Women that are romantically attracted to me, just fall into my lap. Those women are closer to what I want anyways. All the women I go for. It never works out. No matter how much prep is put into it. I don't feel I am missing out. I am not going to put a head trip on myself because I don't have a current Romantic relationship. I also feel a lot of us have this misperception that we all have to be in a romantic relationship and we all have to be coupled up all the time. Singleness is not a curse. For some of us, its just the way it is. I won't allow being technically single define me in a negative way. Most of my friends that have SO right now. They had the women fall into their laps. They are not having to fend off other women that want to be with them. As I have said in other posts. I am single really because of thee following factors. I don't play the game. Most of the women are attached anyways. The woman that really likes me. She will just basically just be ga ga for me, when she sees me and try to make a connection. So why try to stress myself about it. Learning to play guitar. Enjoying my friends/family. Going to movie and music concerts is where its at for me. Romantically connecting with a woman. Only when it comes my way with out force. Go for it buddy!! As.for me. I believe I will try to find a new wife this year. Link to post Share on other sites
Cora Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 I’ve just come to accept that it’s not meant to be. What helps me is doing things I enjoy...hobbies of mine. Even focusing my time on finding new hobbies. Also spending time with people I love...family and friends. Realizing that life is so short. No one is promised tomorrow so enjoy your time now and the people you love while you can so you won’t have any regrets. I’ve always dreamt of being married and having a family since I was little. I adore children and want them so badly, but at 35 I am starting to give up hope. I am coming to peace with the fact that everything is as it should be and that it’s no need for me to worry or despair because if it’s meant to be it will be. Just because I’m single with no kids doesn’t mean life doesn’t go on. It’s not the end of the world no matter how much it felt like it. So whenever I start to feel sad or sorry for myself I just think of all the people who are less fortunate than me. Like those who may have a fatal disease. Those who would give anything just to live a full life or at the very least just one more day. So I am going to be grateful and enjoy life while I still have a chance. Instead of feeling bad that I didn’t get everything I wanted... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 (edited) Check out Holly Butcher on Facebook (or Google). Young lady (age 27) who recently lost her battle to cancer. She wrote a poignant letter on Facebook, and in it she mentions of growing old and wanting a family. So yeah, some of us are growing older and single and time is passing, but make the most of it you can, your life is your own story to tell. Edited January 16, 2018 by Chris2016 Link to post Share on other sites
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