choochoocharles Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 my sons are adults 23 and 19. should i expect them to speak for me in any way or at least mention my name amongst family??? ugh..after 23 yrs married and connected to her family ive been totally forgotten. like i never existed at all. i was always told how much they loved me etc but i havent heard one thing from any of the in laws. im totally shocked and very disappointed that they discarded me so easily....IDK now she has bf living in the house i lived in for many years and now ive just disappeared and seems like nobody noticed or cares..its weighing on me for some reason..... Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 It would be nice if your adult children spoke up for you if you are directly attacked by the exlaws. Like, if they suddenly start talking about how you're crazy or something, your kids should say "hey, not cool" However, no, it is NOT their job (or anyone else's job) to try and make your ex-laws be friends with you if they don't want to be, nor to bring you up out of the blue and try to make their family situations be about you, who are sadly no longer part of that family. All that would do is create drama. Being expected to do that would probably make them very unhappy and uncomfortable, and it would not gain you anything. Unfortunately, most exlaw relationships do not survive the divorce. Even if the family wants to still be friends with you, your ex-spouse may DEMAND that they choose sides (many people feel that it is extremely disrespectful for their family to stay in contact with their ex) and most of the time, her family is going to choose her. It's sad, but it's just the way things go. It's probably not really anything personal against you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I really miss my former in-laws, too. I'm sure they do ask my children (teenagers) about me, but I'd never ask my kids if they do, and I doubt they'd remember to tell me if they said, "hey, tell your mom we said hello." Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Usually family sides with theirs. Nothing unusual here. Your kids are a different matter but you can't and shouldn't try and control what they do. If you haven't you should go completely no contact with her and her family. Your kids are adults so you can and should go this for yourself. Who cares what they think or do. It's you'll only path so you'd better take it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 You need to move on. Why do you care about your ex in laws? If you really want to think, then think about future in laws ! Meaning, move on and leave the past behind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author choochoocharles Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 i know. good point. ive moved except for this stupid issue... Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 Hi choochoo, just for interest's sake, what is your story? That would give a background for folks to appreciate your position better. If your wife cheated on you( which seems apparent since her BF has moved into the marital home with her) then possibly your ex in laws would be a bit shamefaced in wanting to cultivate your company knowing their daughter did you dirty. Your adult kids may just be feeling awkward about broaching this subject with their maternal grand parents and also with you. Rather than moping around, get a new and vibrant life. How old are you? How long have you been divorced? Why are you so keen to be fondly remembered by your ex in laws? Rather than living in the past move on with vigour into the future. Date new and exciting women and be seen around town with them. Let your ex and her parents see you having a good time and not shedding tears on the loss of your old married life. Let your ex wonder where this new Don Juan came along from. Why is it that she got to keep the house and you had to leave? If you got equity from her for your share then use that to make a down payment on your own new home. Better still move out of the old neighbourhood into a new one where there will be no triggers for you to worry about. Just some thoughts on your situation with the little information you've given. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
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