major_merrick Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I married my long-term flame just a week ago. I am selling my house, and I've moved into his house with his family and kids and all the craziness involved. I am kind of overwhelmed with it all, which is something I expected. What I didn't expect is his wedding present to me. I was kind of sad to lose the bathroom that I had built for myself at my old house. When I walked in (I had never been to the master bedroom in his house before our wedding) I found that he had totally remodeled his bathroom to match mine, with a few upgrades. Did it with his own hands and spent a lot simply as a gesture of love. How do I match this? I just kind of feel inadequate because I don't know how to respond. I grew up poor and I had to do everything for myself, so being given stuff kind of makes me feel overwhelmed. I ask him what I can do for him, and he just picks me up and tells me that being there is good enough... Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Why do you feel you have to match it?? He wanted to do something nice that would make you smile and it did. I feel "complete" when I pick the perfect gift for my girlfriend. That means I know her, I know what she likes and wants (and I did good). Now go have a GREAT life with your new husband and have fun!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Let him love you... You don't need to repay. One of his love languages is acts of service. So let him love you. Just be the best wife you can. Sometimes people feel unworthy of the love (and of gifts) that people give us. I have often felt that way, I am getting over it though. I have also had women that were overwhelmed with the way that I loved them, sexually, service (cooking or doing things for them), affection. Sometimes it irritated me when they wanted to one up me, or if it made them feel uncomfortable. I would tell them that this is me, I love you and this is the way that I love you. The ones that were ok and enjoyed being pampered, stayed the longest... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 You "repay" him with appreciation. Say thank you. Gush about what a wonderful thing he did. You are not obligated to match him dollar for dollar. There shouldn't be a score board. Congratulations on the wedding. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 I guess I feel like I have to match it somehow due to our past history. We were childhood/teenage friends and have known each other for more than half our lives. We dated and were engaged long ago, but I broke it off. I have always felt like he gave me so much, and I had so little for him in return. I think I'm starting to get what it is that he wants, though. He just wants to have me around. Ridiculously simple, so it confuses me. Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Lot's and Lot's of Sex. Good Luck.... Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 I'm so confused. I thought you were a lesbian with 2 girlfriends. Ive seen you post thread after thread about sex with your girlfriends. How are you married to a man all of a sudden? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Hi Merrick, take what he is offering you at face value. Don't over think it. Also, what Annika said. Can you elucidate? In the mean time relax and enjoy your new married life. Consider yourself one lucky woman. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 I've still got my two girlfriends, and they made the move with me. The guy I married also has two other girls. I guess this kind of arrangement is called "poly-fidelity." Thus, the big family. I have been friend with him ever since our relationship many years ago. Oddly, I have a ton of experience with women, but the whole heterosexual relationship is something I have little experience with. We got married pretty suddenly, but our relationship just couldn't be ignored any longer. So yeah...mostly lesbian, but my exception was so strong that I had to get married. My life is confusing sometimes... Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 And I thought it was an either or dynamic! Guess I've still to learn about something's in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 And I thought it was an either or dynamic! Guess I've still to learn about something's in life. For that one, check out the Kinsey Scale. Most people are actually not completely heterosexual or homosexual, but occasionally will have exceptions for the kind of person who is normally not their type. So...I've ended up marrying my exception. Years ago when we were a bit more narrow, our relationship didn't work out. With some more experience and flexibility, I think we'll be happy long-term. I just have to work out the rough spots yet... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RSCoach Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 As long as we don't understand our subconscious programming we are going to react to things in a way that may be totally inadequate or over the top or even not at all. Why do you feel the need to match what he's done for you? As a relationship coach, having help so many women, I kind of know the answer, but, please, ask yourself this question honestly and see what you come up with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 As long as we don't understand our subconscious programming we are going to react to things in a way that may be totally inadequate or over the top or even not at all. Why do you feel the need to match what he's done for you? As a relationship coach, having help so many women, I kind of know the answer, but, please, ask yourself this question honestly and see what you come up with. Well, I'm interested in your insights on this one. For me, I guess that I feel like I have to return what he's done...maybe not totally match it, but I don't want to be a leech. Nothing in life is free, after all, including love. Anything worth having takes work, (unless you steal it, and even that take some doing). I also feel like I messed things up with him years ago when we were younger, and I just don't want it to happen again. Not only did I get a second chance, but I got pretty much everything else I wanted...my girlfriends came along with me, and I get to fall in love with his other two girls as well. Since things are going so well...it makes me feel insecure. In my life, things that go well don't tend to last, so I can't take it for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
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