Ex collegue is stalking me!

[sparkles_80s]

Ok I know what people will say go to the police but I am currently gathering evidence for that, I need advice on how to deal with this situation in the meantime..

I worked with a guy and he was playing mind games with me. I did like him initially although I kept my feelings to myself because his behaviour became quite nasty. He would insult me, go too far with negging then behave nice. I felt I had to leave my job due to a combination of his behaviour and the management in general. I do not regret it I am much happier now.

But I was walking in the evening to my local shops and a black car with tinted windows was slowing down behind me. I thought it was odd then I noticed him, he opened the windows and began leering & hanging half way out of the drivers seat window. He followed me and I was stunned thinking what a strange coincidence because I live here (we live very far from each other), but then I thought isn't he supposed to be in work. Maybe it's his double.

Later on my other ex collegue who is female who doesn't get on with him at all texted me 'guess what *** wasn't in today work was great!'. Then I put two and two together IT WAS HIM.

This has now become a regular thing him driving past my block and following me. His now got another car with his friends or relatives in it, guys the same age following me too. They follow me then swap over. This is very creepy. I caught the other car parked 3 metres outside my door spying on me and they quickly drove away looking down when I stared at them. The thing is the front of my block is a drive way it leads to nowhere and it's just residential parking. So no excuse for them to be there.

I noticed this behaviour happened in the evening, so I have changed my routine and times and shop in the mornings now. This has helped so much. He is a night owl he works late shifts so I figured mornings are too early for him to stalk me.

I have had my male relative visit me too as a deterrent.

I live alone, my flat is very secure and I am a bit of a loner. I have friends but I love my own space. This might be the thing that's going to put me in a vulnerable position even more.

I do not understand why his doing this. I left on bad terms with him and we fell out but he has my number he could have called me to resolve that not resort to this nonsense.

I have never given him my address but he kept asking me when I worked there where I lived and would repeat this question in an annoying way. The only thing I can think of is his gone into the management system during his training and got my address from there.

My female friend does not know my address or have access to the system. She generally avoids him and hates him so I know I'm not being stabbed in the back.

I have no interest in him anymore I just want to move on with my life in peace.

[igotoverit]

Ok I know what people will say go to the police but I am currently gathering evidence for that, I need advice on how to deal with this situation in the meantime..

I worked with a guy and he was playing mind games with me. I did like him initially although I kept my feelings to myself because his behaviour became quite nasty. He would insult me, go too far with negging then behave nice. I felt I had to leave my job due to a combination of his behaviour and the management in general. I do not regret it I am much happier now.

But I was walking in the evening to my local shops and a black car with tinted windows was slowing down behind me. I thought it was odd then I noticed him, he opened the windows and began leering & hanging half way out of the drivers seat window. He followed me and I was stunned thinking what a strange coincidence because I live here (we live very far from each other), but then I thought isn't he supposed to be in work. Maybe it's his double.

Later on my other ex collegue who is female who doesn't get on with him at all texted me 'guess what *** wasn't in today work was great!'. Then I put two and two together IT WAS HIM.

This has now become a regular thing him driving past my block and following me. His now got another car with his friends or relatives in it, guys the same age following me too. They follow me then swap over. This is very creepy. I caught the other car parked 3 metres outside my door spying on me and they quickly drove away looking down when I stared at them. The thing is the front of my block is a drive way it leads to nowhere and it's just residential parking. So no excuse for them to be there.

I noticed this behaviour happened in the evening, so I have changed my routine and times and shop in the mornings now. This has helped so much. He is a night owl he works late shifts so I figured mornings are too early for him to stalk me.

I have had my male relative visit me too as a deterrent.

I live alone, my flat is very secure and I am a bit of a loner. I have friends but I love my own space. This might be the thing that's going to put me in a vulnerable position even more.

I do not understand why his doing this. I left on bad terms with him and we fell out but he has my number he could have called me to resolve that not resort to this nonsense.

I have never given him my address but he kept asking me when I worked there where I lived and would repeat this question in an annoying way. The only thing I can think of is his gone into the management system during his training and got my address from there.

My female friend does not know my address or have access to the system. She generally avoids him and hates him so I know I'm not being stabbed in the back.

I have no interest in him anymore I just want to move on with my life in peace.

 

If you head into the police station, and do a written report, then they should be able to give him a warning. Stocking isn't love. I learned that the hard way. Be firm and careful. If you have to sleep alone, lock all windows and doors and sleep with your phone. I have a padlock on my door and always sleep with my phone when I have to be alone.

[Fair]

He's obviously a sociopath.

 

Stalking can be very hard to prove. This is a very scary situation to be in... all I can do is encourage you to gather as much evidence as you can and reach out to people to can back you up.

[sparkles_80s]

Check out my previous question last year to gather a bit more info on the history and his character. His got a split personality

[sparkles_80s]

He's obviously a sociopath.

 

Stalking can be very hard to prove. This is a very scary situation to be in... all I can do is encourage you to gather as much evidence as you can and reach out to people to can back you up.

 

I thought that and possibly BPD or undiagnosed mental health. The thing I cannot get over is his not acting alone! ?

[igotoverit]

I thought that and possibly BPD or undiagnosed mental health. The thing I cannot get over is his not acting alone! ?

 

It's not your problem. Abusers recruit other abusers so they say. Obviously these guys have information you do not and I don't see anyone of them sharing it with you to ease your mind. I am glad you didn't like him anymore, that would have made things far more complicated. Go to the cops and make this their problem. If you see him again, maybe just ignore as I don't know your personality or theirs. I know mine so I myself would confront.

[sparkles_80s]

It's not your problem. Abusers recruit other abusers so they say. Obviously these guys have information you do not and I don't see anyone of them sharing it with you to ease your mind. I am glad you didn't like him anymore, that would have made things far more complicated. Go to the cops and make this their problem. If you see him again, maybe just ignore as I don't know your personality or theirs. I know mine so I myself would confront.

 

You're right. I got sick of being around him and decided to leave on that plus poor management practices. The environment become very toxic and I couldn't tolerate his mood swings or mind games any longer. After I left I slept better and felt relief. I thought it was all in the past then this has begun. If he was alone yes I'd feel scared still but the fact that there's others and he has a front seat passenger makes me think what the hell is going on! Who are these guys and what are their reasons? I have got my male relative involved to look out for cars and take photos if he spots anything. I'm bringing male relatives here on purpose now so I'm not alone as much

[igotoverit]

You're right. I got sick of being around him and decided to leave on that plus poor management practices. The environment become very toxic and I couldn't tolerate his mood swings or mind games any longer. After I left I slept better and felt relief. I thought it was all in the past then this has begun. If he was alone yes I'd feel scared still but the fact that there's others and he has a front seat passenger makes me think what the hell is going on! Who are these guys and what are their reasons? I have got my male relative involved to look out for cars and take photos if he spots anything. I'm bringing male relatives here on purpose now so I'm not alone as much

 

Why other people were involved and what they are doing is a good question. It is wrong what they are all doing and as to why they did it shows some insecurities, and some issues on their part because I personally would never do this to someone else, and for someone else. I was obsessed with a man who did similar and each bit of attention I received was euphoric, good or bad. Like I said, the fact you don't like this guy should make it easier to move on and ignore these loosers who need help.

[d0nnivain]

Ok I know what people will say go to the police but I am currently gathering evidence for that, I need advice on how to deal with this situation in the meantime...

 

Unless you are a trained investigator, stop trying to do the police's job for them. File your complaint & let them handle it. Do take pictures when you see the people but please don't let your desire to catch him red handed before you go to the police put you in danger. He sounds very unstable.

[Downtown]

I thought that and possibly BPD or undiagnosed mental health.

Sparkles, I agree with you that the behaviors you describe -- i.e., verbal abuse, stalking, controlling actions, temper tantrums, black-white thinking, always being "The Victim," inability to trust (irrational jealousy), and rapid flips between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing you) -- are classic warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Importantly, I'm not suggesting he exhibits full-blown BPD (only a professional can determine that). Rather, I'm suggesting he may be exhibiting moderate to strong traits of BPD.

 

If you're interested, you may want to take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Maybe's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to join the other respondents in discussing them with you. Finally, if you decide that this man exhibits strong BPD traits, please keep in mind that BPDers are unstable, have anger issues, and can flip from "splitting you white" to "splitting you black" in less than a minute. Take care, Sparkles.

[spiderowl]

Sparkles, the guy is doing is because he felt rejected by you, his ego can't take it and he is obsessed. He seems to have managed to rope in some friends who are probably not getting the whole story about what he is up to. The fact that he has done this on a day he is supposed to be at work shows what lengths he will go to. Please report him to the police.

 

Stalking is about obsession and control. Others found his behaviour intolerable too. I feel you are in danger and need to report him as soon as possible. Take every precaution to protect yourself.

[sparkles_80s]

I have got a strict routine now (no leaving home after dark etc) and male relative guests regularly here and one male relative escorts me everywhere.

It seems to have scared him off and worked. My relative is watching my flat and the cars ?

[GreenTea937]

This man is dangerous. Please contact the authorities immediately. Also tell them if something happens to you its him. Take pictures with your cell discreetly if you can. Have a copy of the newspaper that shows the date to prove what date this is happening. Record on your cell phone. Please give to authorities. He needs to be stopped.

[Noproblem]

oh wow, if you don't act fast enough; I am afraid that we will read about you in the news someday, and the sad part is gonna be, we won't know it was you so we wouldn't be able to help the police.

 

 

Just go to the police station!

 

Get a dog!

 

Change your address or live with your family for a while! or let them live with you for a while.

 

 

Better safe than becoming a statistics!

 

You know as we speak they are plotting how are they gonna abduct you and rape you, right?