How to Feel About Wife Sleeping on Co-Workers Couch After Drinking

[S2B]

Maybe she's a lightweight? Maybe "too hammered" for her is 4-5 drinks over 3-4 hours. There are a lot of variables here and a lot of people jumping to conclusions. OP obviously knows his wife and he's not jumping to all these irrational conclusions.

 

Except he doesn't know that she was actually at his house. She could have been at her bosses house and he wouldn't know, right?

 

That and the fact that she had sex with another man a few years ago and lied to the OP about for years - and then the OP rewarded her bad behavior by marrying her not long after that incident...

[Just a Guy]

Hi Iceman, you may be absolutely correct in your assumptions and the conclusions you have drawn from them. However, I believe there is a previous thread by the OP ( sorry I have'nt read it-others have) where apparently his wife( then GF) separated from him so she could have a fling with another guy and then when it was over, came back to the OP, apologized and reconciled with him and they have now been married three years. Of course all this could be an innocent episode, but given the background and the fact that things have been rocky in their relationship, other, more insidious inferences can be drawn. Some posters have drawn attention to those inferences and it is up to the OP to take note of them and make what he can of them. After all it is his wife at the center of this matter and it his relationship which is on the line should any of the unpleasant inferences be true. Just a thought. Warm wishes.

[usa1ah]

Hey all, so again thanks for the advice and thoughts on the issue.

 

A few more facts. She had invited me out earlier in the night, before being really drunk. I did also know in advance she was getting drinks with her whole department.

 

I think what she did was reckless and inconsiderate, but I am not or at least was not implying she cheated.

 

She's viewed, even though young and attractive as a mom in the office because she is always taking care of people. Her boss is the only person, just based on how often they work together I'd ever remotely suspect she could do anything with. Josh is not a name that comes up often but I have met him.

 

More details for you. She was home by seven in the morning, because she goes to volunteer every Saturday morning with children and changed then left. So an argument for her could be to not leave the car and Uber because she needed it in the morning.

 

I could be totally naive, but my biggest grievance was just putting herself in that situation

 

We have been married three years, together ten. Only one issue from a trust standpoint which ironically I posted about on here years ago and we moved past it.

 

Sorry to say this but everything above is meaningless.

 

There is a thread here where the wife (in her 40’s) went to a seminar with a female colleague (her friend) and a early 20’s intern. She got drunk and f’ed the heck out of the intern, had only met him a few times.

 

They had been married for years, never a problem between them. At times there is never a rhyme or reason for someone to cheat, it just happens. Your wife invited you to go, she probably wasn’t planning on spending the night at her coworkers apt at that time either.

 

Steep away and look at this from the out side. There is no logical reason for her to have stayed at his apartment. None

 

She could have made it home one way or another.

[b2121]

She hasn't been talking to anyone. She doesn't really text and doesn't hide her phone or anything like that.

 

For some commenting about drinking alone, she was with her company, so she wasn't alone but I understand what you mean.

 

Again, I know no one wants to accept their being cheated on, but that really was not my concern, just more that she is too trusting of other people in a situation like that and that she could have been taken advantage or worse.

 

She doesn't talk to this person outside work and is not close with him at work, unless she has somehow hidden that which I can't imagine because I know who she hangs out with, a lot of which are guys just based on the company.

[frigginlost]

My opinion?

 

She cheated.

 

Not based on her actions per se, but the actions of Josh. Everybody is leaving out one very, very, important piece. They Ubered back to his place so she could get her car. Massive, massive, red flag. Why? They both knew she was too drunk to drive.

 

Why didn't Josh have the uber driver drop her off first at home...

[b2121]

Except he doesn't know that she was actually at his house. She could have been at her bosses house and he wouldn't know, right?

 

That and the fact that she had sex with another man a few years ago and lied to the OP about for years - and then the OP rewarded her bad behavior by marrying her not long after that incident...

 

That would be more of a concern than sleeping with this guy. She just isn't close to him in anyway. I have complained before I think she makes herself to available for work and with her boss in particular who would be the only person I'd worry about.

[b2121]

My opinion?

 

She cheated.

 

Not based on her actions per se, but the actions of Josh. Everybody is leaving out one very, very, important piece. They Ubered back to his place so she could get her car. Massive, massive, red flag. Why? They both knew she was too drunk to drive.

 

Why didn't Josh have the uber driver drop her off first at home...

 

I asked the same and she agreed it looks really bad, and she understands why someone would think she cheated.

 

I showed her this thread actually, just so she understands how this looks to others and the position she has put me in.

[usa1ah]

You know her coworker is going to spread the word that she slept at his place. Wink wink.

[S2B]

She hasn't been talking to anyone. She doesn't really text and doesn't hide her phone or anything like that.

 

For some commenting about drinking alone, she was with her company, so she wasn't alone but I understand what you mean.

 

Again, I know no one wants to accept their being cheated on, but that really was not my concern, just more that she is too trusting of other people in a situation like that and that she could have been taken advantage or worse.

 

She doesn't talk to this person outside work and is not close with him at work, unless she has somehow hidden that which I can't imagine because I know who she hangs out with, a lot of which are guys just based on the company.

 

That just doesn't make sense. She was close enough to him to arrange parking at his house, taking an uber with him and sleeping there (if that's where she was).

 

I think it's you that's too trusting... after all - you stayed with her and married her even though she lied and covered up a few years ago.

[BluesPower]

Maybe it was as simple as she wasn't done partying. The clubs and bars were closed, she was having a good time, she wanted a few more drinks. Marriages don't last because you put them on short leashes. It was probably harmless.

 

Are you kidding me with this... please say that you are.

 

That short lease that you are talking about is the one where you don't allow your wife to think she can do whatever she wants, and you really don't care.

 

It is foolish.

 

What you should have done is CALL HER ON THE PHONE AND ASKED WHERE SHE WAS AND GOTTEN THE ADDRESS. And then you should have gone and picked her up. And when you got there you should have barged in and checked the reactions. Who all were there. Was it just him and her?

 

What was the reaction of you bulling your way in the door? What did the bed room look like? Then you drag her out and read her the riot act. Then you take her phone and if you find anything at all suspicious, you pack her bags when you get home and uber her butt out of your house.

 

You sir were lazy and weak. You are the kind of man whose wives have affairs on them.

 

Odds are that she is sleeping with him.

 

I know, I know... Want to bet????

[SammySammy]

Barging into someone’s house is a good way to get killed in Texas. We got guns down here. Don’t do that.

 

Find another way to deal with it. But, don’t run up in nobody’s house. You might not be walking out.

 

Don’t know where OP is, but that wouldn’t be good advice ‘round these parts.

 

Edited January 17, 2018 by MidKnightDreams

[BluesPower]

Barging into someone’s house is a good way to get killed in Texas. We got guns down here. Don’t do that.

 

Find another way to deal with it. But, don’t run up in nobody’s house. You might not be walking out.

 

Don’t know where OP is, but that wouldn’t be good advice ‘round these parts.

 

 

More that likely they should ask you in. If you had a woman in your house, married, your gonna shoot her husband????

 

I that situation, your going to jail even with the castle law. Even if you got off in the end, it would cost you a fortune. And you may not get off. I am familiar with these types of cases. If it is a known thug doing a home invasion, no problem.

 

Kill a husband looking for his wife, your are going to jail at the very least.

 

And yeah, I live in Texas, born and raised.

 

I am not saying start a fight. I'm saying assertively invite yourself in.

 

But that aside, you know as well as I do if your wife pulled something like this you would be down there unannounced in a heartbeat.

 

If it really was innocent, the situation I mean, you can cool down when you verify it. Your wife would know not to pull that crap again.

 

But this guy is just letting it go on under his nose. We both know this was a ploy to gas light him while she was screwing this guy. A grown married woman, that is not screwing around, would have used uber home, or told her husband to come get her, or not gotten too drunk in the first place.

 

Super weak.

 

And for everyone that says I am jumping to conclusions... guaranteed that if OP plays it cool, does his detective work, he will find out that she is sleeping around...

[Maraud3r]

Why would his wife have to even tell him where she was at if she wanted to do this guy? She could have made up a dozen other stories if she was hiding the fact that she was screwing this guy. Doesn't make sense to me. My guess . . she's trying to get you to think and it's probably a jealously move. She wants to see if she can get you to notice her for some reason. Perhaps she doesn't think you notice her enough, or perhaps she feels overlooked or taken for granted. I've been around women who play games and this is right out of their playbook. And before the ladies start berating me, yes . . I'm aware that guys play games as well.

I'm a huge fan of how you left out 95% of what was written, most of the circumstances surrounding this and a bunch of other things so you can come up with an explanation that makes very little sense and is even more outlandish. Given you also wrote like five responses in as many posts, all of whom could have been written as a single one, that's some dedication.

 

Why? Because giving half truths, especially if someone has a spouse as unwilling as OP to even consider such a thing is way safer. This way, when he hears something, anything really she can just brush it off and tell him she told him so. The best lies have a kernel of truth in them to give them credibility and make them hold up to scrutiny.

 

OP appears to do have some doubts, some tiny voice in the back of his head telling him something is wrong, a lingering bad feeling but he simply does not want to consider this. This isn't exactly the first time this has happened, he was here before. He appears to love this woman very much and thus is mostly seeking for reassurance and other explanations for her behaviour to calm himself.

 

 

And for everyone that says I am jumping to conclusions... guaranteed that if OP plays it cool, does his detective work, he will find out that she is sleeping around...

Thing is, nothing here fits together. People did the timeline of events and it is dodgy to an extreme degree. They've been inquiring about some points such as his wife knowing that with the kids at home he couldn't make it out when she extended her invitation.

 

OP wont do his detective work, because ultimatively OP doesn't want to know. He doesn't even want to consider this. We have another thread of his where his wife did similar things. Apparently she's runnin roughshod over him for quite some time.

 

It really feels as if giving her a free pass for such activities as long as she does not tell him might just be the easier solution at this point.

[OneLov]

OP

 

In case this has not been mentioned enough times, your wife is CHEATING ON YOU! I don't care that we only know 0.001% of your relationship, she's CHEATING! You can take that to the bank!

 

Furthermore, I don't care that cheating is not the topic of your thread and you asked a very specific question regarding the appropriateness of a wife spending the night over a co-workers house--I'm going to make this about infidelity. She's totally cheating dude. How do I know? Because she just is.

 

Sorry, but if you do not like to hear the chorus of indictments of her infidelity ad nauseam, then I suggest you start your own thread and ask a very specific question unrelated to her infidelity... oh wait:confused:

[Mr. Lucky]

Again, I know no one wants to accept their being cheated on, but that really was not my concern, just more that she is too trusting of other people in a situation like that and that she could have been taken advantage or worse.

 

We're in agreement, someone "is too trusting of other people in a situation like that". Except it's not your wife...

 

Mr. Lucky

[SammySammy]

More that likely they should ask you in. If you had a woman in your house, married, your gonna shoot her husband????

 

I that situation, your going to jail even with the castle law. Even if you got off in the end, it would cost you a fortune. And you may not get off. I am familiar with these types of cases. If it is a known thug doing a home invasion, no problem.

 

Kill a husband looking for his wife, your are going to jail at the very least.

 

And yeah, I live in Texas, born and raised.

 

I am not saying start a fight. I'm saying assertively invite yourself in.

 

But that aside, you know as well as I do if your wife pulled something like this you would be down there unannounced in a heartbeat.

 

If it really was innocent, the situation I mean, you can cool down when you verify it. Your wife would know not to pull that crap again.

 

But this guy is just letting it go on under his nose. We both know this was a ploy to gas light him while she was screwing this guy. A grown married woman, that is not screwing around, would have used uber home, or told her husband to come get her, or not gotten too drunk in the first place.

 

Super weak.

 

And for everyone that says I am jumping to conclusions... guaranteed that if OP plays it cool, does his detective work, he will find out that she is sleeping around...

 

Nah.

 

I’m different from most men. One thing I’m absolutely certain of is that I can get another woman. The only women I’d risk my life for are blood related - my daughter, mother, sisters, and maybe my nieces. A wife that decided to deceive me to be with another man? There is no way I’m breaking into another man’s house trying to prove anything. She made a choice. I’d just chalk it up to the game and move on.

 

My life is too valuable to risk it over a woman who chose to be with someone else. I’ve never been that desperate.

[DKT3]

OP

 

In case this has not been mentioned enough times, your wife is CHEATING ON YOU! I don't care that we only know 0.001% of your relationship, she's CHEATING! You can take that to the bank!

 

Furthermore, I don't care that cheating is not the topic of your thread and you asked a very specific question regarding the appropriateness of a wife spending the night over a co-workers house--I'm going to make this about infidelity. She's totally cheating dude. How do I know? Because she just is.

 

Sorry, but if you do not like to hear the chorus of indictments of her infidelity ad nauseam, then I suggest you start your own thread and ask a very specific question unrelated to her infidelity... oh wait:confused:

 

OP lead readers to a pervious thread, one in which his wife cheated and left him for the other guy. Now, he is here asking if that same woman is inappropriate in spending the night at yet another man's house. He lead this thread into cheating.

[kgcolonel]

OP, I realize we don't know you or your wife personally. I truly get that, but I have to ask, is there a reason you obviously avoid the topic of your wife potentially cheating? I am guessing that the past has put a big scar on you and this is just too difficult to address.

 

I have in the past suggested a phrase such as:

 

"Honey, I know you want me to have the utmost trust and faith in you. I also think we both agree that your decision to sleep over at the OMs house was a very poor decision and creates a lot of stress on us. I am thinking that since you're sure it was just a drunken sleepover on the sofa and no interaction occurred, I would like to have a polygraph scheduled to help give me the peace of mind that I know you want me to have. You okay with that???"

 

See what she says...if she does anything other than jump at the opportunity, there's more that what she's telling you. BTW, I would ask about more than what went on with that one guy but make it more general as in "since you've been married, have you have any sexual interaction with any other man other than your husband?" This would include the co-worker and her boss....

[Veronica73]

Really don’t understand why she wouldn’t have ubered home, or why you didn’t go pick her up.

[usa1ah]

Why would his wife have to even tell him where she was at if she wanted to do this guy? She could have made up a dozen other stories if she was hiding the fact that she was screwing this guy. Doesn't make sense to me. My guess . . she's trying to get you to think and it's probably a jealously move. She wants to see if she can get you to notice her for some reason. Perhaps she doesn't think you notice her enough, or perhaps she feels overlooked or taken for granted. I've been around women who play games and this is right out of their playbook. And before the ladies start berating me, yes . . I'm aware that guys play games as well.

 

OP already knew where she parked her car, it was at this coworkers apt.

 

If she was able to drive to a female friends place, she could drive home.

[usa1ah]

Maybe she's a lightweight? Maybe "too hammered" for her is 4-5 drinks over 3-4 hours. There are a lot of variables here and a lot of people jumping to conclusions. OP obviously knows his wife and he's not jumping to all these irrational conclusions.

 

She remembers quite a lot for being hammered drunk. She has answered everything OP has asked her.

[usa1ah]

Have you actually asked her if she did anything?

 

Why when she returned your text did she not ask you to came get her?

 

She actually stated that Josh was helping her and that she might need to crash here, why did you not respond to this?

 

Were you giving her permission by not responding?

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, from what b2121, has written in his OP and subsequent posts it is apparent that he is not overly concerned as to whether his wife is cheating or not. He is, however, very concerned that his wife looks above reproach based on the way she appears in the eyes of others. At face value she must appear chaste irrespective of whether she is actually so or not. I am basing this on his cool and unruffled reaction to some rather provocative posts by others virtually stating his wife is cheating on him. Guess the OP is reconciled to his wife sleeping around as long as she does'nt rub it in peoples faces. If that be the case then I guess all the prophets of doom on here have been wasting their time.

 

What's that saying again 'You can take a horse to water but you cannot make it drink'? Best wishes to all.